He was tired. Not physically but mentally. He was so tired - and sad. He was tired of being sad. Sad of being tired. It was a never ending circle. If only he could escape, but any kind of positive thought seemed to be totally overpowered by the reverse. The bright side was invisible to him whenever he felt like this, which was often. He was tired of that as well.

If only he had the strength to overcome this feeling; to force himself up and do something. Anything, like socializing or going outside. Instead, he locked himself up in his apartment. More likely, his bedroom. He would just lay in bed, pity himself for being a failure, and worry about the future. Constantly.

No wonder he was tired. Negative thoughts drain you completely. Unfortunately, it takes strength and discipline from only you to get out of it. It's like an every Monday morning. You don't want to get up. You had the wonderful joy of resting as long as you wanted for just two whole days, instead of getting up and make something out of the day. The thought of being forced to work; you'd rather force yourself to sleep an entire week away. But you must wake up, you must move your body towards your destination. The pessimistic attitude towards it is either a fuelled irritation, which turns you into a monster of destruction, or a wimpy depression, with the feeling that your feet are like heavy stones.

However, it's fine to rest in the weekend, but for the sake of comparison; Kyuhyun had a constant feeling of a Monday morning, though it was Thursday.

He had called his boss and declared himself sick for about an hour ago, which had been quite a struggle. It had been difficult to be brave enough, call and then lie. Yet he had done it after all, as the need for staying home had become too big.

Now, all there was left to do, was to lay in bed and stare the ceiling to death. For he wasn't sick. Just tired - just mentally. Everything became impossible to him. Hopefully he would be able to just sleep the day away.

But the catch is that you can't sleep when you're too worried. Yet it was better to stay in bed; it was much more preferable to hide, than go to work.

I'm safe here in my apartment. There's no one here to judge me or expect things from me. Here, I can relax and be my disappointing self. I'm so tired of constant play pretend.

Kyuhyun could easily point out flaw after flaw on his own being. He despised himself; he hated the way he was. He would always try to be someone else.

He did try to analyze what his problem was, but it always ended in vain. It always ended with him becoming disappointed for not being able to change instantly.     

It was not the first time he'd stayed at home only to sulk over this misery that was his being.

It was rather obvious to him why he always chose to stay at home; here he could hide his stupid self. He could spare others from becoming disappointed in him for not being perfect like them. At home it was like time stood still, yet he knew that the world outside of these walls was moving forward. Fast. Too fast. Time was going, but it was so easy to ignore the common fact when you were all by yourself. Protected in your small nest.

But suddenly his cell phone rang, which made Kyuhyun jump in horror.

What? Who could this be? Who would call me? And at this hour? Is it my boss? Does he want me to go to work? Didn't he believe that I was sick? But it may not be him. He's probably busy. What if it's a stupid salesman wanting me to buy their magazine or newspaper or something. I could just say 'no' then, but what if he continues to try and fool me into something? Wait, what if it's just my mother - but why would she call me? Is she sick? Is she hurt? But I can't take the phone now. It has rang for so long. I was in the bathroom taking a shower. Or I was in the kitchen cooking. Or I was listening to music. Or I was sleeping. Wait, I was probably at work; to a meeting or something.  

Whoever you are, send me a SMS instead!

As his cell phone fell silent, he turned to look at it with a troubled look. He could just have looked on the display to identify the caller. He did want to know who it had been. However, the phone was not on his night stand, and Kyuhyun was lying too comfortably - too safe - in his bed. His cell phone was connected to the socket for charging, which was in the other end of the room. A place too far away at the moment.

He closed his eyes and took in the silence. It was both comforting yet frightening at the same time. The silence was something he was used to, but it seemed to scream at him constantly that something was not right.

Only a minute later he received said SMS from who knows. 

His curiosity got the better of him and he rose from his warm nest. He wasn't too anxious this time; a call required you to talk, to think immediately, to decide before you had thought things through. A text message was what it was. You could react any way you wanted to the message. You could think of how to reply, so it would be to the satisfaction of both the receiver and yourself.

Kyuhyun looked at the display. It was a SMS from his good friend and colleague, Donghae. It had also been him who'd called.

So much worry for nothing.

He opened the text message and started reading:

>>Kyuhyun! Boss told us that you were sick today, but I know that you're not you sneaky hypocrite. How can you leave me here for an entire day filled with boredom? Anyway, I have a friend who's in need of your help. His name is Siwon. I gave him your address. It will only take a few minutes, then he'll leave again. Look at it as your punishment for letting me down. Donghae.<<

Why you selfish...

Filled with wrath he went to the kitchen to fetch himself a cup of coffee. He needed something warm to calm his nerves, yet make him energetic - Which should make him desirable. Something that would make him an instant happy being. Something that would pull out his creative and funny character.  

As he waited for the water to boil he dressed himself. He made sure of that whoever this Siwon would be, he wouldn't be dissatisfied of what he saw. He would be stunned at how down to Earth Kyuhyun looked like, how carefree and standard he was. He then fixed his hair so it looked messy in a natural way; not too messy so he looked like someone who had just woken up.

It was his everyday routine: to make the imperfections perfect.

If his personality failed, he could always cover it up by looking perfect. 

Shortly after the water was ready. He made himself his cup of coffee and moved into the living room, where he placed himself comfortably in the couch. There he would sit until Siwon came by.

Technically it was the same as being in bed and stare at the ceiling. He still felt tired and drained out. On top of that he could now add ridiculously nervous.

He didn't know this Siwon who was about to approach him. Would Siwon prefer a lively, humorous and smart Kyuhyun, or a silent, intelligent and wise Kyuhyun? He could be calm and cool, or bright and breezy - you name it!

At least being himself - just be - wouldn't be enough. It would be disappointing, a failure, embarrassing, boring and unacceptable, that was for sure.

He had to seduce Siwon with his persona. Entertain. Satisfy. No matter who he would turn out to be.

As Kyuhyun now had made himself a complete mess by his absurd thoughts, he texted Donghae in deep desperation. Perhaps the latter could give him a hint of what he was to expect. Nonetheless when to expect it.

 >>Who is this Siwon?<<

>>Just a friend I've known for a couple of years. We're not close, but he's nice.<<

>>Why have you never told me about him?<<

>>Kyu, you sound like a suspicious wife! Get a grip of yourself. Siwon and I talk rarely because he's from another town.<<

>>I just wonder who will invade my home - and when?!<<

>>A friendly Siwon! Now!<<

Someone knocked on the door.

What? No. No! Why is he coming now? I don't know who he is? How am I to behave? What did mother always tell you, Kyu? S-smile? Yes! Just smile. Smile and wave. I probably shouldn't wave. That would be weird. Now, get up!

Kyuhyun approached the door and looked through its peephole. As if it would make a difference. He didn't know how Siwon looked like.

Outside stood a handsome looking man, with dark hair and a gentle face. His clothes were quite casual as far as Kyuhyun could make out from the narrow sight he had.

He doesn't look too terrifying.

He opened the door with lips curled up into his well known, gracious smile, which masked his anxiety wholly. Surely this Siwon wouldn't discover his fragile state of mind.

"Hi." Kyuhyun found himself say shyly. Too shyly. Like a mere child would. It might have been because of this faultless looking man in front of him.

He also noticed that he had been holding his breath, which had made his greeting sound rather weary. However his smile was still there, though it must've been quite difficult to see from Siwon's perspective because Kyuhyun unconsciously lowered his head in shame.

"Hi, I'm Siwon. You must be Kyuhyun?" Kyuhyun only nodded at that and the taller man continued. "Donghae gave me your address. I'm in need of your help it seems. I really hope you have the time, as it would mean a lot to me." Siwon gave a dimple smile.

Kyuhyun invited Siwon into his home, made him a cup of coffee, and seated them in the couch.

As Siwon spoke of his problem, Kyuhyun tried to analyze his personality: Siwon did seem friendly indeed. Very outgoing, yet humble. Fresh, clean, pure. He was probably talented at something. Definitely a physical sport, like football, tennis or basketball. Was probably very popular, and therefore a master at socializing. He might be rich, according to his clothes. Kyuhyun noticed the branded good on the man's dark blue shirt. He must have a girlfriend without a doubt, or else girls are in all probability swarming around him constantly.

Such people scared him, yet at the same time fascinated him deeply.

How could it be any different? The man was a Greek God! A God in common clothes, who was here on Earth to experience some melancholy and simple years of the human life. How Kyuhyun wished to be adored like he did Siwon.

But Kyuhyun knew his keywords of weakness: Stubborn, unemotionally, sarcastic, rebellious and aloof. Nothing to praise or love. He needed to change them, or at least to cover them up. He didn't want people to be disenchanted by his bad traits. He wanted people to see the good traits, whatever they were. Whatever he could create. It was not a question of who he was, for he didn't know. It was a question of who he could become. People always strike to improve themselves, and that was what Kyuhyun thought he did as well.

He didn't see himself as a marionette driven by what he thought others expected him to be like. He didn't think he was bending his own personality too much in order to fit in. He wasn't trying to please others, he was trying to develop himself into someone worth loving and respect. It was crucial for him to be accepted; valued; acknowledged.

He believed he could make people love him, if he just knew what they wanted. He could be anything, as long as it would give him compassion in the end.

"I'll look at it on my laptop. It shouldn't take long." Kyuhyun said and received the CD from Siwon.

While Kyuhyun started his laptop, Siwon observed the living room from his seat in the couch:

The walls were a dark gray, filled with pictures of people, who Siwon assumed to be Kyuhyun's friends and family. Among the faces he saw Donghae, smiling widely with his arms around Kyuhyun. They appeared to be a few years younger, than their now twenty four years. Perhaps seventeen or eighteen? Siwon assumed Kyuhyun to be of the same age as Donghae. He also assumed him to be one who treasured his friends and treated them like family. It made Siwon quite comfortable by that thought.

The room was cleaned. The light wooden floor was without any dust. However, he did notice an overfilled trashcan next to the working desk. Not that he blamed the younger. Siwon could only relate, and was surprised by how neat everything was. He, on the other hand, was quite the reverse. He tended to ignore the mess he made. Not a good trait, but it wasn't like he wouldn't change that one day - perchance .

There was also a black shelve with books, such as biographies of different artists, comic books and crime novels. Kyuhyun appeared to be a guy with many different interests, to be open minded and humorous.

Siwon gazed shortly at Kyuhyun, who was deeply concentrated on the laptop. Kyuhyun didn't reflect the same spirit as his living room did. Surely they had just met, and Siwon shouldn't judge the younger for maybe having a bad day. The brunette looked tired and strained. Siwon hoped profoundly that he wasn't a bother in any way. He continued to look around.  

Furthermore there was another similar shelve, containing DVDs and video games. A lot of wires and controllers. Kyuhyun was probably a fan of cinema, like Siwon, which made him curious to get to know the latter. Especially when he noticed the complete collection of his favourite series. Sweet Jesus! Siwon didn't know of anyone who liked that series as well. It was amazing!

"So, Kyuhyun... I see we have a shared interest in series."

Kyuhyun was surprised by Siwon's sudden sociability towards him.

Why does he want to talk to me? I haven't impressed him in any way. I've been nothing more than boring; a failure. Does he think the silence is too awkward? Does he feel forced to talk to me? If he knew my real personality, he would be disappointed for sure. Maybe even scared. What should I do? Does he really like the series, or is he making it up?

Even though Kyuhyun couldn't believe that a great man like Siwon could possibly be into the same things as him, a dim firework exploded in his stomach, demanding him to find out if someone was to love him for who he was.

"You like blood as well?" Stupid, stupid, stupid! Kyuhyun hit himself mentally. He had suddenly seemed too eager, too obsessed and too weird just by one sentence.

He was taken aback when the almighty Siwon giggled kindly. Was the other accepting him, even though he was weird?

"The series contains a lot of blood, but it doesn't bother me. I don't know if it's because it adds to its dramatic and terrifying concept."

They continued to talk about the series; what they liked and disliked, their thoughts of the plot, their favourite scenes and characters. It slowly turned into a relaxing conversation that showed a mutual interest and opinion in music, materials and perception of the world and life.

Kyuhyun learned that Siwon wasn't as much of a Greek God as he looked like. He wasn't good at any sport, so he just went to the gym a few times a week. He did have a few friends that were close to him, so he didn't have the need to expand his social circle too much. He wasn't rich, but had gotten the branded shirt by his parents last year, who lived in this town. He had been studying in another town for three years, but he missed home. He didn't have a girlfriend either, and disliked people that were too clingy.

But he was indeed friendly, outgoing and humble.

Kyuhyun had never felt so alive by a mere conversation. Siwon showed an interest in him, and valued his opinion. He didn't have to bend in order to fit to Siwon. His own personality bloomed naturally as they kept on talking. Most of the time it seemed as there was more than a united understanding; it was shockingly telepathic.

After a few hours of endless talking, delightful laughter and fascinating discussions, Siwon had to leave, although he was rather hesitant about it. He promised to call Kyuhyun soon. They had to meet again. Neither of them had ever met someone with such an individuality as complementary as theirs. 

When the door closed after Siwon, Kyuhyun burst out into laughter of pure joy and success. He laughed and couldn't stop smiling widely. Even the thought of how crazy he looked from the outside perspective made him grin. He felt he could accept his craziness when with Siwon. He could embrace it, for the latter had told him that he was original - not odd. 

He beamed with excitement. He had to talk to someone, anyone.

No, not anyone. I should text Donghae. I should thank him for introducing me to Siwon.

>>Donghae. You're my best friend!<<

>>Then why did you leave me with our stupid boss?! Wait... Why are you so happy?<<

>>Come out with me and eat!<<

>>I can't. My girl and I are going to see a movie tonight. Sorry. Thanks for the invitation though. Are you okay?<<

>>How can you pick her over me?! I was there first! Whatever. Yes, I'm fine, in fact, I've never been better. I feel extraordinary!<<

>>Siwon is a handsome man, right?<<

>>What?!<<

>>Muhahaha!!!<<

Well, this was indeed out of the ordinary. Kyuhyun couldn't decide whether to feel offended or impressed. Had he been tricked by Donghae? In the end he chose to be thankful.

>>You watch movies with her all the time. Come on, Hae! I give food! I know that free food is your favourite.<<

>>Free?! Okay, I'll talk with her. Just give me a moment.<<

Half an hour passed before Kyuhyun heard from Donghae again.

>>It better be something extravagant! She really wanted me to watch 'Pretty Woman'.<<

So they meet at a fine restaurant; not too expensive, yet not too low-priced. Kyuhyun could tell that his shorter friend was very pleased with the choice of settlement, especially when he skimmed through the menu.

You and your stomach, Hae.

He held Donghae dearly, as he was his only friend, whom he could be himself with. They accepted each other's differences, and focused on those things they had in common. Food was one of them. It had kept their friendship solid and secure. However, Kyuhyun had always needed to be loved by someone who shared his interests more. Siwon did, and Kyuhyun couldn't comprehend that this was happening to him. He had only been talking to the man for three hours, yet he already felt like they were soul mates.

I can't let him go. I need him to like me. I have turned 180 degrees just by talking to him; from negative to positive. If life shall be worth living, then I must make sure that Siwon find me interesting enough to stay with me; to yearn for; to love.

Kyuhyun knew he sounded selfish, but for once he didn't care.

Their dinner was served, and Kyuhyun was determined to make Donghae eat every single, pricey piece on his plate.

"Hae, I have to ask you: what did you hint at by saying that Siwon is indeed handsome?"

Donghae snickered as he eyed his old friend with new energy. But his eyes showed concern despite his enthusiastic nature: "Look, I know you've been down a lot lately. I could definitely feel your melancholy being all the time. It made me wonder what was wrong, because at times I felt as if you forced yourself to seem happy. Usually you're such a witty person, but it's not a sin to be down sometimes, Kyu.

However, I didn't dare to ask you of what was wrong; you can be quite moody sometimes. So I tried to figure it out by myself. I came to the conclusion that you perhaps needed someone to be with; someone to be more than your friend. I mean, you and I are best friends, but I know that having someone who means more to you than dear life; someone who gets you and such. It's crucial, especially if you're a master of isolation, which you are!"

Donghae drank some of his wine to moist his throat. Kyuhyun was speechless meanwhile. Some of the things Donghae said hurt, but most of the things were moving, and only to be appreciated. He knew that Donghae was speaking the truth, and so, he let him finish his speech.

"Kyu, I didn't know if you were into men or not. I don't know if Siwon is into men or not. But I thought it would be interesting to see if anything could happen between you two. Siwon has complained about how lonesome he is. He is considering moving to our town, because his parents live here. I thought 'what can possibly go wrong'? So... When I said Siwon is handsome, I meant that he was just something for you, right?"

"Hae! You talk too much!" Kyuhyun smiled assuring to his closest friend. He felt that everything was going to be a lot better from now on. Sure he could be entertaining enough to Siwon - he hoped so.     

The next day Kyuhyun went to work with his head held high. On Saturday Siwon came over, where they watched some episodes and talked of everything and nothing. The next week went by quickly as he went to work every day with a positive attitude. He felt more worthy than ever. Worthy for what, he didn't know exactly. Life perhaps? To be accepted? He definitely felt safe and secure, knowing that there was someone like him in the world. Someone who cherished him for who he was.

Kyuhyun couldn't help it but imagine their possible future together. He knew it was ridiculous to dream about it. It was risky. Things weren't certain to be as he planned, but he forgot to consider other possible turns of this relationship, as he got blinded by love.

He didn't think he was delusional. A month passed and he began to see Siwon every other day. He could only feel that there was something more than just a mere friendship. But how could he find out if Siwon was into him?

How could he not be? Kyuhyun made sure to be interesting every time they met. He planned different topics for conversation beforehand if something was to fail. He made himself look attractive, so that he would be pleasant enough to look at. He praised Siwon constantly for being so nice, friendly, fascinating.

One day Siwon called and asked if he could come over. It was Friday and Donghae was with his girlfriend. Kyuhyun had nothing to do. He would probably have cancelled any event anyway if he could be with Siwon instead. Therefore said man would arrive around six to eat.

Kyuhyun did his usual routine: clean the apartment, clean himself and clean his spirit. He looked perfect in the mirror; the reflection showed a very attractive and desirable, young man. His jeans were tight to show off his y legs and well formed . His dress shirt revealed his collar bones, which made him feel seductive. He knew his neck was elegant and remarkable, and therefore felt confident when showing it. All in all he looked stunning from the outside. What more could one possibly ask for?

As always he had written a note with different things he wanted to talk about with Siwon; like the newest episode and to be or not to be.

They could go on forever. It was important with a note, because Kyuhyun feared that he would forget otherwise. Then there would be silence, which meant that he would be a failure. He was scared by the thought of displeasing Siwon.   

Siwon and him had so much in common. He couldn't let him go - unless Siwon demanded it directly. But that was not to happen. Why wouldn't he stay with him? Why wouldn't he want take things further?

For some reason Kyuhyun felt something tighten in his stomach. He couldn't point out why he suddenly felt so nervous. It was extremely unnecessary and profusely annoying. However, he was convinced that once Siwon would arrive and Kyuhyun would have made him laugh a few times, the uncomfortable feeling would disappear.

"Hi Kyu." Siwon greeted as he stepped into the apartment and took off his shoes and jacket. He did smile at Kyuhyun, though it was only shortly.

"Hi Won. Had a nice day?" Kyuhyun connected his hands behind his back to rub his fingers unconsciously.

"Yes, indeed-indeed." Siwon said as they went to the kitchen, where Kyuhyun had brought some good take away food.

Siwon seated himself at the small table. He was oddly silent tonight. Normally Siwon liked to go through his day. He always told Kyuhyun if something funny, weird or sad had happened. Even if nothing had happened he was always able to talk about it.

It looked like Kyuhyun would have to work a little extra tonight. As he laid the table he desperately thought about what to talk about. Of course the list of possible topics was endless he dared say. But he didn't want to seem weird, which he would if he just came up with a totally random topic. No, he had to think of something that would fit in casually. Would it be too selfish to talk about how his own day had been? Normally he would tell about his day right after Siwon, because the latter always asked about it.

"Donghae got stuck in the elevator door today." He said while smiling as he repeated the scenario in his memory.

However, his smile faded immediately when he saw that Siwon's expression hadn't changed a bit.

Wrong topic, Kyuhyun! Why are you so selfish? Why are you always a failure? Quick, find something else to talk about.

"Elevators are scary, don't you think? Yet very useful. I think I would die without elevators." He eyed Siwon again, who just nodded to Kyuhyun's words. It looked like his mind was somewhere else. That likely thought hurt Kyuhyun more than he wanted it to. Wasn't he funny enough?

"You know, without elevators I would die, because I'm in such a bad shape." He laughed nervously as he placed the food between them and poured them some beers. Neither of them were picky when it came to food and drinks, nor was it a claim for it to be extravagant all the time. This was a simple night with take away food and beers. Quite lazily in fact.

But perhaps Siwon is sad about that I haven't made it more luxurious. It may be too simple. I haven't even bought desert! I'm so dense! He must be disappointed. He doesn't even look. Please Siwon, don't make me believe that I've failed you.

Kyuhyun tried to talk more about his bad shape as they ate. Right after that he asked Siwon about his day. Finally, talk he did, but in such a brief manner. It wasn't that Siwon was not kind enough to ask Kyuhyun about things as well, but he couldn't help it but feel that Siwon was absent. Why? He had done everything to make Siwon happy enough. They had so much in common. They had the same humour. They liked the same things. Their perception was often the same. Furthermore, whenever there was something they didn't agree on, they always accepted each other's differences. In fact, they cherished them! So why was Siwon like this? What had Kyuhyun done wrong?

The more he thought about it, the more frustrated he got. In the end he just fell silent.

He was tired. Not physically but mentally. He was so tired - and sad. He was tired of being sad. Sad of being tired. It was a never ending circle. If only he could escape, but any kind of positive thought seemed to be totally overpowered by the reverse. The bright side was invisible to him whenever he felt like this, which for only a  month ago had been often. He had been tired of that as well.

They sat on the couch with the television lightening the dim room. It was dark outside, even though it was only a little past seven. It was the cold January month after all. There was nothing better than being inside in a warm couch, with a blanket and - well, Kyuhyun would say hot chocolate, but he had a beer instead. Actually, this was his third beer. He kept on sipping because the silence was killing him otherwise. It would have been perfect if Siwon had been his own talkative self, but he wasn't! He was so silent. Absent. Sad? Sad because of how sub-standard Kyuhyun was? He didn't know, but that was his suspicion.

The dinner had been inexpensive, yes. He wasn't rich, unfortunately. He would admit that he might had gotten a zit or two, but that couldn't be it. Could it? No. Probably not. Hopefully not. Siwon wasn't superficial, he knew that. But he did like anything beautiful, right? Kyuhyun confused himself greatly and shook his head in perplexity.

He gazed a Siwon, which coursed him to yelp in shock. Siwon was observing him from the other end of the small couch.

"W-what's wrong?" Kyuhyun uttered and took a sip of his beer.

"I was about to ask you the same." Siwon looked worried and let his head rest in his hand. "You seem... Out of the ordinary."

Kyuhyun couldn't believe what he heard. He seemed out of the ordinary?

"H-how?" He asked perplexed. If he only knew how he was out of the ordinary, he could do something about it.

It almost looked like Siwon pitied him for a reason. His stare showed concern, puzzlement and something more Kyuhyun couldn't put a word on.

"I'm not sure... Tense maybe? Sad? Nervous? Is everything alright?"

Kyuhyun couldn't figure out whether Siwon spoke of concern or of boredom. He didn't dare to choose any of them. He was suddenly frozen in place. Words got stuck in his throat; he didn't even know what to say. But he wanted to say something.

What was going on? From his perspective Siwon had been the one out of the ordinary! He didn't know why, but it seemed that anything he tried to do to please him was all in vain. And now Siwon asked him if he was alright? Claimed that he was out of the ordinary? Kyuhyun had only tried to satisfy Siwon; to make everything comfortable. Worst of all they had only been together for a little more than an hour. He was already exhausted from thinking and thinking about how to make Siwon happy.

Now the opposite was happening. Would Siwon leave him? Was their friendship over? Did that mean they would never become more?

Kyuhyun was hurt. It felt like his heart had been ripped apart. He felt tears well up in his eyes as he felt more weak and idiotic than ever in his life.

"Kyu?"

The worst thing was that he was exposed to the only one who shouldn't see him like this. He was supposed to be perfect. Flawless, but instead he had been marked as to be out of the ordinary.

Why couldn't he do anything right?!

"Kyu!"

"What?!" He yelled as tears started to flow down of his flustered cheeks. He hadn't meant to yell, and he only realized this, when Siwon didn't speak.

Once again the silence filled the room. The only thing that could be heard was Kyuhyun's unstable breathing, which made him cringe with embarrassment.

He still wanted to say something. He didn't know what exactly, but words started to flow out of his mouth, as he locked his teary eyes with Siwon's that were just as teary.

"S-sorry. Please don't hate me." Kyuhyun said. He was so embarrassed by himself, but dared to glance at Siwon nonetheless. 

"Why would I hate you?" Siwon spoke with a wondering and careful voice. He knew Kyuhyun looked down upon himself. It wasn't difficult to see through Kyuhyun's way of speaking and acting.

Siwon was always praised by Kyuhyun, and he felt the jealousy and insecurity from the latter. It was so obvious, yet Kyuhyun seemed to think that he hid it very well. However, tonight Kyuhyun seemed to be aware of something. Something that made him spill out the truth without thinking much about it. It was like a desperate call for help.

"Because I yelled..." Kyuhyun kept rubbing his hands as he felt like he wasn't in the right place.

Siwon's eyes narrowed in an attempt to discover the meaning of Kyuhyun's words. "Well, you did look frustrated." He said carefully.  

"I'm sorry." Kyuhyun said with his eyes gazing at his beer on the table.

"Why?!" Siwon was almost tempted to lean forward and shake the latter into some sense. However, he figured that such an abrupt move would only scare Kyuhyun - or at least be misinterpreted. Therefore he stayed at the other end of the small couch, looking as calm as possible.  

Kyuhyun frowned as he thought of his answer. It was rather complicated, yet so simple at the same time. As he deeply begged for Siwon not to leave him, he spoke: "I'm not good enough for you."

"What are you talking about? Not good enough for me? I'm not asking anything of you." If Siwon would ask anything of Kyuhyun it would be to relax and just be himself.

"Well, you should... I've destroyed this evening completely."

The words made Siwon even more confused. "What are you talking about? No, you haven't! I was just worried if anything was wrong? I've been a little out of myself lately, which is something I apologize for." He felt bad for making Kyuhyun so upset by his behaviour.

"That's fine..."

"Vice versa..."

They locked eyes and only silence followed. It wasn't too uncomfortable this time, as Kyuhyun pondered over the last words: vice versa. It meant that Kyuhyun was allowed to have faults as well as Siwon.

Kyuhyun could understand that he indeed had thought too much about the whole situation. If only he could teach himself to accept the fact that he was just as worthy as everybody else. However, he knew that it would not be easy, but the peaceful gaze from Siwon made him relax more. It really looked like the latter wanted to be there, but there was definitely something on his mind.

"I'm sorry about... The silence?" Kyuhyun uttered, as he thought the situation to be rather embarrassing.

Siwon smiled at this, for he could understand Kyuhyun. "Silence can be rather nice..."

"But when you're together you're meant to talk..." Kyuhyun said hesitantly. Somewhere he knew that he was wrong. Furthermore, somewhere he also knew that he was good enough, but it was so well hidden from his own sensibility.

Siwon offered a heart warming laugh. "Not necessarily, Kyu. Don't you think silence sometimes can be nice in the right company?"

Again, Kyuhyun frowned as he had to ponder about Siwon's words.

Silence can be nice, I'll admit that. I just don't want to disappoint you, Siwon. However, if you're okay with the silence, then I guess I can be too. As long as you stay.   

Siwon took the initiative and began explaining himself. "I've been so quiet because... There was something I wanted to tell you. Something that frustrates me deeply."

You better not say that you leave me now. Not after you've made me think that everything might be alright.

"I have enjoyed the evening so far, despite my worries."

What worries? Please tell me, Siwon. Maybe I can help you somehow.

"Kyu?" Siwon caught the other's full attention by leaning towards him with caring eyes and his affectionate dimple smile.

"Yes?" It was almost impossible for Kyuhyun to be brave enough to look into Siwon's eyes.

Siwon's lips curled up into a confident smile. "I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. No one can be perfect. However, that doesn't mean we should be punished. I like you when you're being yourself. I find you funny, kind, loving and honest. If you're up to it..." He gulped before he continued. "... I would like to start dating you." He then awaited the answer from the latter, but watchfully took Kyuhyun's hand in his to show his sincerity.

Kyuhyun was taken aback. As he slowly consumed each and every word of what Siwon had just said, he started to smile bigger than he'd ever done before in his life.

They weren't perfect, yet they could form something perfect together. Love is perfect no matter in what form it is shown.

Kyuhyun knew this now, and he felt more ready than ever to start changing his view of himself and the world around him. With Siwon's help he felt stronger than ever, and he couldn't help it, but lean into Siwon's arms. He heard Siwon's weary exhale - it was clear that the taller man had been nervous as well.

Kyuhyun embraced the silence that followed. It spoke the truth; that Kyuhyun was happy with Siwon, and Siwon was happy with Kyuhyun. Their actions spoke more than their words, and so, together they would meet the future in their perfect way of being.

Regardless, Kyuhyun felt welcomed, safe and more relaxed than ever in Siwon's arms, as the taller man tightened the embrace slightly.

It was enough just to be.


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A/N: So, this was a lot of fun to write! I hope to create more stories in the future, I have lots of ideas >:3  

I want to thank Lilviscious for giving me pointers and motivating me ^^ Thank you-thank you!  

Bye~