Minseok screamed. They were all used to it, so nobody ever bothered to tell him to be quiet any more.

The painful screams he let out at night was something they had all grown accustomed to after having him on the institute for several months.

Nobody asked him why he screamed, though. Nobody even knew how and why he had ended in such an awful state of mind. Being shot would have been more merciful than living with his condition.

He was lonely, too. The sunny days he would spend looking out the window and talking with ghosts. The rainy days he would spend in his cell of a room, letting out even more dreadful screams.

And the cloudy days he would spend in silence, until someone disturbed him and then the screams would come again.

“What have you been up to lately?” Luhan asked, looking at Minseok with his round eyes from the other side of the table.

“Nothing has changed. I just keep waiting for you to come back.”

“Don't run around looking for me. I'll be the one to come looking for you, all right?”

All right.

Honestly, Minseok didn't understand why he couldn't go outside and look for Luhan. He was getting tired of waiting for him to suddenly appear, then to just disappear again. And truth was, he had actually tried to escape a couple of times when he was first placed in the institute. He had tried climbing outside his window at night, but he had eventually been caught, leading to him screaming until his lungs couldn't bear it any longer.

But Luhan didn't need to know.

“Have you been eating well?” Luhan asked, his hair shining against the sunshine.

It was a fine spring day, the flowers had started to bloom, and most of the patients preferred to spend the hot days outside. Only a few people passed by, and nobody seemed to try to make some contact with the pair. Minseok was grateful for that.

“Hey, you little punk! I asked you a question. Are you daydreaming again?”

“...Sorry, what was your question?”

Luhan sighed, and before repeating his question he looked outside. His skin was so pale it looked almost transparent.

“I was wondering if you have been eating well. You know you have to take care of your body, right?”

“Right.”

Minseok spent a great deal of time waiting for Luhan. He also spent a lot of time thinking about Luhan and the good old summer days by the pool in the backyard.

He longed for those days, those sweet memories which faded away bit by bit. Minseok didn't want to forget, so he often tried re – creating past happenings over and over in his mind.

Some days the loneliness was almost insufferable, so Minseok would replay Luhan's words in his mind until he fell asleep. Luhan always used to tell him to remember that the angels were looking out for him, so he didn't have to be afraid of anything, it was only a matter of closing his eyes and fall to sleep.

“Can't you bring me some Chinese food the next time you come to visit?” This time it was Minseok who talked first.

Luhan looked a little taken aback. Minseok didn't know if it was because of the question or because he actually asked something.

“You know I can't cook.”

“...Ah, sorry. I forgot.”

Minseok didn't understand why, but little by little, he would forget more and more memories, pieces of his life and who he used to be, and about Luhan.

Or rather than saying he was forgetting Luhan, he was forgetting about Luhan's being. What made Luhan smile in the morning and cry at night. The high school friends Luhan always talked about, what were their names? Yixing and Zitao and there was one more, but Minseok couldn't remember.

That drove him crazy. Previously he had been good at this, he would hold Luhan tightly in his arms and comfort him when he missed his home. And then he would start talking about Luhan's friends and family, the people that Minseok knew even though he never had met them.

“Sing for me.” Minseok pleaded. Hearing Luhan's angelic voice was always soothing.

“Is there a song you have in mind?”

Minseok nodded his head, and requested that one song Luhan used to sing every night, he didn't know the title. Luhan paused for a second, as if he was trying to recall the lyrics, and then he sang:

“Sangsangdo motal mankeum bokjaphan i sesangi
Yeorigo chakhan geudael museopge mandeulgetjyo
Gwaenchanhayo naega ape seolgeyo*”
 

But now Minseok was forgetting. It felt as if he unwillingly was falling into a deep slumber. He couldn't get up, he couldn't get a grasp of things. He didn't know what was going on around him. He couldn't remember what had happened. Why he was there and why Luhan was so distant to him.

And when Minseok didn't know what to do, he screamed.

Luhan was eyeing him as he sat on his normal spot on the other side of the table. Minseok knew Luhan was mad at him for making a riot at night. He knew Luhan was upset.

“I heard the nurses talking, Minseok. You haven't been a good boy.”

The words that came out of Luhan's mouth pierced through Minseok's heart like a pointy dagger. Minseok tried speaking but Luhan cut him off. “I also heard you have previously tried to escape. Are you crazy?! Do you want to die? Is that it? Who knows what could happen to you if you tried climbing down from the second floor – I mean... You could fall and die!” Luhan exclaimed.

Minseok was stiffly sitting on his chair, there were tears in the corners of his eyes which he wouldn't allow to drop. The words are you crazy played again and again in his mind. It had hurt. He just wanted to scream. Then Luhan spoke again.

“...Don't you care about my feelings? How do you think I would feel if you fell down – only because of me! Don't you care about how I would ing feel?! Don't you love m-”

“I do love you!” Minseok cried.

Pause.

Minseok looked around, the room was filled with patients and nurses who had been thrilled with different activities, but were now all looking shocked at Minseok. A nurse came carefully over to Minseok's side, took him by the arm and pulled him up.

“I think we should take you to your room so you can rest, Minseok.” She said.

Minseok, who had lost all of his energy with the last scream, just let the nurses push him out of the room. Before leaving, though, he stole a glance towards where he and Luhan had been sitting, the table was now empty.

That night, Minseok dreamt of Luhan. He dreamt of the flowery meadow at spring where the pair would often go to pick all kinds of flowers and plants and berries, and then he dreamt of a silent plane at night, there were some turbulences, and it was dark. Then the plane suddenly crashed. Among the ashes, Minseok could see all the people who had died, all with burns and twisted limbs, but Minseok couldn't find the person he was looking for. He didn't know who it was, but he knew he was looking for someone. He searched and searched, and the more unfamiliar corpses were found, the more desperate he became.

In the end, he remembered who he was looking for, but he didn't find him.

Luhan! Was the last thing he screamed before he woke up.

Luhan was already at their table when Minseok arrived at the living room. Seeing that it was Luhan who had been waiting for him this time, and not the other way around, made his stomach twitch in uncomfortable ways.

As he approached the table, he could see that Luhan looked paler than usual, a tired expression imprinted on his face and dark circles marked under his eyes.

Minseok silently sat down on his usual spot, waiting for Luhan to say something. When he didn't, Minseok spoke.

“I dreamt with you last night.”

No response. Minseok thought the other boy still was mad at him for answering so rudely yesterday.

He continued. “We were in the meadow we used to go to in spring. Do you remember it? We used to travel all the way to the countryside whenever we could, and we would paint each others' faces in a berry-fight.” Minseok chuckled at the memory. Luhan was still quietly looking at him, or rather past him, it seemed.

“But then I had a nightmare...” Minseok went on. “You were in a plane, and the plane crashed. It was scary.” He mumbled. “It reminds me of something, though. But I can't remember what... When was the last time you went to China, Luhan?” Minseok asked, but he wasn't sure who he was asking.

“Wasn't it for about nine months ago? It was spring... I was waiting for you to come home, but you never arrived, I think. Why can't I remember you coming back? Why can't I remember anything..?”

“Who are you talking to?” Minseok looked up, a nurse he had never seen before was smiling at him with a kind expression in her eyes.

“Are you new here?” Minseok asked slowly.

“Is it that obvious?” The nurse smiled embarrassed. “Were you talking with someone?” She then asked again.

“I was talking with my friend.”

The nurse giggled. “You must have pretty sharp eyes, 'cause I can't see anyone.”

Hearing those words, Minseok looked at where Luhan was sitting – or where Luhan was supposed to be sitting.

He only found an empty seat and all of his memories.

He remembered following Luhan to the airport, he remembered having kissed him goodbye and waving to him before he was completely out of sight. He remembered the lonely drive back home, and the comfort he found in thinking that when Luhan came back, they would travel to the countryside. He remembered the dreadful news about the plane crash and the support from Jongdae and Kyungsoo.

He also remembered Luhan never returned.

--

*The world is more complicated than you can imagine

And it probably scare you since you’re gentle and nice
It’s okay, I will stand by your side

To everyone who reads this story, thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

I hope you liked this story, and if you did, perhaps you could leave som feedback? (:

/just re-read the story and fixed some mistakes, uguuu