A soft brush on my shoulder gave me shivers as I passed by. I darted my eyes away and proceeded on, not bothering to look back at her. I will just pretend. She wasn't Jieun, but a stranger. Just a stranger.

 

Unfortunately, she didn't help me believe that. She tapped on my shoulder, calling with her soft angelic voice, “Yoseob Oppa.” She was oozing with warmth, but I felt an icy shiver run up my spine. I cleared my throat and used all of my willpower to walk away, trying to hold on to my collapsing heart that still threatened to shatter.

 

This scene didn't just happen today. It happened once, or twice -no- three times already, and I acted the same. Before I would've thought of it as fate, or destiny.

 

That was before, but this isn't the past. Those three times we walked by each other, those three times we would just go our separate ways, those were the three times I missed her. Lee Jieun, the girl that shined brighter than the sun whether it was day or night, the one with the beautiful yet powerful vocals, the one I fell in love with. Sadly.

 

I was her best friend, and that's all she saw me as. I never knew that before, but I would've never known if she didn't tell me about him. I would've kept that smile on my face if she wasn't already taken.

 

All I saw were tears when she came to my mind. My heart would beat so fast that it would hurt. My blood would run cold whenever her hand would accidentally brush upon mine.

 

Was this what love was supposed to feel like? If it was, then I despise this feeling so much. What was the point in me falling in love, if she can never be mine?

 

I tried to convince myself that it wasn't love before and avoided her whenever and wherever. It didn't matter whether our dressing rooms were next to each other, whether we had to stay with each other while our managers talked, or even if we were assigned to perform a duet together; If she was near, I would avoid. I tried my best to empty out my mind of anything that might make me remember the girl that shined so brightly.

 

I tried. I tried so hard. And what do I get? Failure.

 

What happened to me then? What did I become? I became a complete coward, wanting to see her so bad. I wanted her so much that even all of Hyunseung's food couldn't rid me of my desire. I wanted -no- needed her so bad.

 

I knew that it didn't matter whether I wanted or needed her though, because she already had someone else. I would've fought for her if it was anyone else, but that wasn't the case. My lover's boyfriend just had to be my best friend.

 

Wooyoung.

 

I cared for them too much to even think about breaking them off. I never could look at them with any hatred, just melancholy. I just wished for their happiness and went on my way to avoid the couple as much as possible.

 

That didn't mean that I didn't feel like they both took everything for me. They took it all: my heart, my soul, my happiness, my love, and even my smile. Everything I've ever dreamed of, my best friend and his companion had it all.

So I let those tears drop down my face once I was sure that she was out of range from noticing. She probably went back to him to spend the small amount of time they would be able to have with each other until she goes to perform on stage. My heart fell heavy at the scene of Wooyoung letting Jieun snuggle up to his chest and breathing in her vanilla scent, Jieun whispering sweet nothings to him as they both let warmth take over each other.

 

I felt my hand going up to touch my chest, feeling empty. Why did you touch my heart, Jieunie?

 

I let myself silently cry to myself as I heard the announcer call her to go perform onstage and kept my eyes only on the brightly shining star who smiled genuinely at the camera. She was really beautiful.

 

I need you... I want you... I love you....

 

 

Feels so bad.