(credit n love goes out to all pix, gif n video owners)

 

 

They aired Running Man tonight.

I could have died.

Why didn't the floor open up and swallow me whole that day.

They actually aired that segment when oppa laid me on the floor.

I was so embarrassed then.

And in the segment you could actually see him smiling down at me.

He must think I was such a hopeless fool.

Always having to look out for me.

Take care of me.

 

His doengseng.

His little sister.

Oh, why can't I be more athletic.

I know I'm built for it.

My height is supposed to be a plus point right.

But noooo....

I don't think anyone could be more awkward, more gangly, more useless than me that day.

Even Jihyo unni looked cute and agile.

I tried, really I did.

My brain directed my moves but my body just refused to follow.

Ottoke???

These past two months have been such a whirlwind of activities.

With the Full Blossom DATV interview, GDs and the SBS Award Show followed by the Running Man filming, the High Cut photoshoot and our Etude Contract.

And these were on top of our normal individual singing activities and overseas appearances.

SM has finally lift up the Shinee / f(x) quarantine and let us all be together again.

And it was wonderful.

 

Coming back to Running Man, it didn’t take a genius to know why the RM PDnims invited him to the show again.

But when oppa himself asked me to join him and forwarded my name to the PDnim, I told him he was crazy.

 

(flashback)

 

"Oppa, bicheso?"

"Wei? Why not. You're almost a regular on Running Man too. And you know how those oppas love you."

"Ara...but oppa... this is an Olympic Idol segment. You know what a two left feet I am."

"Naah... come on, it'll be fun. Jihyo noona is not so athletic either. Come on, Sulli-ya. I'll cover for you."

 

(end of flashback)

 

And so off to Running Man, we went.

We lost.

But we did have fun.

Then again, when has there been a time when I don't have fun with him.

And he called me cute. Twice.

 

Well, excuse me.

We idols are girls too.

Won't you like it, when the boy of your dreams call you cute? 

 

But of course he meant it figuratively.

With me in my transformer-like suit.

 

So, now I lay on my bed all alone.

Krys is sleeping over at Sicca unni's again and the others went out for coffee, right after RM finished airing.

I didn't have the heart to join them.

 

I prefer to be on my own.

Reminiscing those lovely RM moments.

 

 

We all had fun at the shoot, as well as the after filming dinner.

And then came the High Cut shoot.

After after spending a full lovely day with him after months of limited interactions post-Full Blossom, I was once again apprehensive.

So nervous my tooth ached.

What were you expecting, girl?

Another hot hugging scene?

Like the last Vogue Girl shoot?

Nope, nada.

Didn't happen.

It was a with Krystal. No less.

Krys.

Oh, her photoshoot with oppa was so hawt.

 

They made it so effortless.

They didn't touch either, but the sizzle....

Sigh.

While me...

   

"Sulli-ssi, try to look upset with Minho-ssi; like you are very angry; like you can't stand to be in the same room with him."

The photographer said.

Eh, chincha? 

I suppose I can pull off the upset jealous look with Krystal.

Which I also tried to control, so as not to show my real emotion.

But being or looking angry with him?

Oppa?

Even I am not that good an actress.

 

I was literally on Cloud 9 just being in the same room as him.

It also did not help that just mere minutes ago, he was teasing me with no end, about nothing and everything.

So, how can I act angry with him.

Oh, why can't I be more sophisticated or y when I am around him.

Like Yuri unni.

That dance!

He told me about it, but not in so many words.

The cad.

It was so hot.

I could only drop my jaw and watch.

But only for a second though, thank God.

At times, my training as an actress do help, I suppose.

When I am around him, looking at him, listening to him speak, or simply admiring him.

Sulli's poker face.

That's what they call it.

Though it hurts sometime, it's OK if it means he doesn’t know how I really feel about him.

And I think I may have perfected my craft at being a buddy to him.

When he teased me on stage at the end of SBS GD, I managed to hold my own by pushing him.

Twice.

Haa, good job, Choi Jinri!

Be the sister that he wants to you be.

Now, all I need to do is improve on my sporting skills.

Much.

I must take swimming lessons too.

My life may just depend on it, one day, for all you know.

You didn't even make the jump on RM, Sulli!

 

Cry baby.

And you wonder why he prefers sportier and ier ladies to you.

I suddenly feel so sad, just thinking about it.

I remember again when the High Cut photographer tried to coax me into the mood that he wanted.

And when he failed, he asked.

"Sulli-ssi, are you in love?"

Eh?

Snap.

Am I too obvious?

I try not to be.

But he's not really helping.

Lately, he's always invading my personal space.

Always appearing out of nowhere to be beside me.

Always keeping me company whenever he could.

Babying me around.

Not that I'm complaining.

Ok, I confess - I think I'm in love

Or even I'm not, I am dangerously close to.

With him.

Sigh.

Would you blame me?

I think I can seriously nominate myself as the president of the Flamin Minho's saesang fan club.

Awesome, handsome, sweet, strong, talented, charismatic, cute ... the nouns and adjectives are endless.

I'm sorry oppa.

I know you only look at me as a doengseng.

You said it many many ... many times.

But I really can't help but to fall for you.

Hard.

It's been for quite a while actually.

Even before the drama.

But don't worry.

I won't let anybody know.

Not even you.

I'll keep it in me.

Especially when we are publicly together.

I won't jeapordise your career.

I love you too much.

Gasp.

Did I use the L word?

Arrghhh.

Mianhe again. 

Ahh chincha.

I should just sleep on it, really.

Ani, no oppa!

Please don't come into my dreams again.

To tease me.

Taunt me.

Torment me.

Sigh.

And it didn't help that I kissed him that night.

Kyaa...!

Seriously, I don't know what evils possessed me.

It was quite harmless really.

Just a quick peck on the cheek when he sent me home.

As kiss good night and for a prosperous New Year.

We all went to supper with Hyung Woo after the Drama Awards.

All in high spirits, not having being around each other since the drama.

We watched fireworks from the cafe window together. 

Him standing behind me.

Enveloping me with his warmth without actually touching me.

He had his jacket off, leaving him with just the white shirt, open collared, ala Kang Tae Joon at the the coffee making scene.

My senses were on the overload.

And I could only pray no one heard the deafening beat of my heart.

I think I shivered then.

But not from the cold.

He thought I was.

Cos the overcoat he lent me was draped over one of the chairs.

Hence, he came closer behind me, to lend his warmth yet again.

Like the caring oppa that he is.

Kyaaa....

 

But I don't him to be just an oppa to me.

I want him to be The Oppa.

But I suppose it'll never happen.

At least not in this lifetime.

At least not to me.

Me, who is lacking in every sense, where he is concerned.

That's what the Shawols are saying.

They say I'm lazy.

Not good enough for their idol.

Well, there are those who do actually want us to be together, I suppose.

Well, my dear Minsullians.

I'll let you in a little secret.

It's you and I, both.

 

Sigh.

Come on Jinri.

Hwaithing, hwaithing!

You're better than this!

Ring ring ring.

I jumped.

"Yeoboseayo."

"Neh, oppa. No, I'm not asleep yet."

"Neh, I saw it."

"Yes, it was pretty funny. Especially Kwanghee oppa."

I smiled.

He does that to me.

"Ani, not tired. Just relaxing."

"No, others have all gone out."

"Eh?"

I sat up.

"You want to come over?"

"Now?"

"For a drink?"

"Oh. Ok."

"Ani. It's ok, I can make you some, you don’t have to bring any with you."

"Starbucks? Peppermint Mocha? Oh, ok."

"Neh, see you in a short while then."

I jumped.

My hair.

Should I take a shower first?

My teeth? Should I brush it again?

The apartment. I need to put it in order.

Where are the others?

Oh, that's right. They went out to the café downstairs.

It'll be just me? Here? Alone? With oppa later?

Omo?

Sigh.

I give up.

I like him, ok.

Ani, I love him.

Always have and probably always will.

But I will love him silently.

Protect him from afar.

Make him smile whenever he is down.

And be with him whenever he needs company.

So that the Flamers will continue to love and support him too.

In the mean time, I will work towards becoming a better person.

Stronger.

So he will be proud of me.

His little deongseng.

Hoping that one day, he will realise how much I truly cherish him.

Hoping that one day, I will have the courage to say this ...

My Sunbae Oppa - your doengseng is in love with you.

 

~ The End ~