The first sign that something is wrong is when Exo-M arrives back in Korea.

They find Jongin on the floor, knees to his chest. His teeth are green and there are avocado skins everywhere. The tablecloth is stained red with ketchup and some is still on the boy’s fingers as he it off. He doesn’t even look up when they enter.

The situation isn’t even that funny, it’s ing weird. Why is Jongin only eating avocados? Where did they come from? Why is he on the floor like a dog? Why did he spill the ketchup? Is he foaming at the mouth?

The M team can only stand there with their jaws wide open, welcoming many lucky flies into their gorgeous mouths.

Suddenly, Do Kyungsoo comes out of his room and walks in.

“JONGIN! THOSE WERE FOR THE SALAD TONIGHT! WHAT THE HELL?!”

But the tan boy looks up with tears in his eyes and lets out a “LU HAN!!” for protection.

Lu Han has always cared for the maknae line the most, and no one dared to stand in his way.

“KYUNGSOO! What is the matter with you? This is all your fault! If you had fed him today this wouldn’t have happened, you know. Honestly you are the most irresponsible person I have ever met-“ and Lu Han goes on in a rant even breaking off and shouting in Mandarin when Korean is not sufficient enough.

Kris is glad Lu Han doesn’t know German or everyone would wet their pants.

Jongin runs to his room crying his eyes out and Lu Han and Suho follow, everyone else feels the awkwardness in the room. Thankfully, Xiumin slips on an avocado skin and the laughter distracts everyone else.

~

“Kyungsoo…” Tao mutters lowly.

The vocalist is currently enjoying a bag of chips in the kitchen and doesn’t feel in the mood for social interaction, “My God, you too? First it was Lu Han, then it was Baekhyun-“

“I’m not here to yell at you!”

“Oh, then what is it?” His wide eyes get wider and the widening puts the panda on edge.

“Um well, I was talking to Jongdae hyung-“

“This should be good,” he sits down and gives Tao his full attention.

“-and we were discussing what happened earlier. He says that was really out of, um out of the ordinary,” his Korean stumbles just a bit, “and Jongin should see a doctor.”

Crap.

“I don’t think he’s sick, Tao. I share a room with him. He’s perfectly healthy.”

“But the symptoms ge, the symptoms!” Tao looks around and sees Jongdae, and ushers him to join the conversation.

“Kyungsoo don’t you find it the least bit odd that Jongin is moody, hungry, and carries his tummy so protectively?”

“No,” Kyungsoo blinks.

 “Really? Can’t you think of other people who suffer from these symptoms?”

“Not really.”

Jongdae feels like hitting his head against the table.

“We think Jongin is pregnant Kyungsoo.”

The K vocalist looks at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing, “Oh my gosh, good one Jongdae. Ha ha ha!”

As he rises up out of his chair, his body hits the ground with a loud thud starting the other Exo members.

~

When he comes to, Kyungsoo remembers everything from the previous day and takes in this new information. The glass of water on the nightstand helps but it tastes like .

Now he thinks, who could have gotten the poor dancer pregnant? That must have been why his dongsaeng complained about his back at the showcase. Wait- was he pregnant then? What kind of human is pregnant for a year?

Kyungsoo blinked rapidly, doing the math, if the showcase was in April, and it was presently January, then…JONGIN WAS DUE SOMETIME SOON!!

Unless…

If Jongin’s tummy was still so small, then why did he hold it like that? What could be on there?

A pouch?

Ok…Kyungsoo has just learned that Kim Jongin was possibly a marsupial.

And also Jongin was the bottom of the relationship. What.

Taking the initiative, Kyungsoo tip-toes out of his room to investigate further. In the living room Lu Han and Tao cuddling in the carpet, the elder cooing the panda like a baby. He looks towards the other sofa and Jongin is not the least bit bothered. Ok, Lu Han is not the father. He continues with his observations.

Tao seems too innocent for anything relating to .

Mr. Byun resides in the kitchen with Yixing where they are preparing dinner for the night. As a Ke$ha songs comes on, Baekhyun swings his booty and sings along with his high voice. Baekhyun is a bottom, there is no doubt in Kyungsoo’s mind about that. Yixing worships the kid, he wouldn’t do anything like impregnate him!

Chanyeol is at the kitchen table with Kris, photoshopping Exo’s faces onto videos and posting them online as jokes to the other members. He sees Jongin’s face plastered onto a Honey boo boo clip and backs away slowly. Nope, Jongin and Chanyeol clash too much. And Kris has the biggest man crush on the happy virus that they sleep in the same bed now. He shudders as he thinks about it.

Jongdae is too much of a tease. He  reads fanfiction and annoys everybody else with stories of alternate lives but once fanservice comes into question he flees like he’s being chased by Zubats.

Xiumin and Jongin aren’t necessarily close. They share the same group of friends but Kyungsoo doubts that the friendship would progress quickly if Lu Han or Sehun weren’t in the picture. Nope, would just be awkward.

Suho has a “secret” girlfriend who he won’t tell anyone about, but the guesses are it’s Luna or Sulli. Kyungsoo hopes it’s Sulli or he owes Sehun $20.

Wait…SEHUN!

Yes, Kyungsoo concludes, it has to be him!

He opens the door to Suho’s and Sehun’s shared room and crawls quickly to the other guy who is currently browsing the #sehun tag on tumblr. When he reaches the younger’s leg, he looks up with his wide scary eyes and pokes him.

“What do you want, peasant?” he doesn’t bring his attention away from the computer.

“I was wondering if you got Jongin pregnant.”

“Nope.”

Ok then.

“Alright, bye.”

He crawls away because Sehun would whine immensely if a peasant like Kyungsoo dared to walk around freely in his room.

~

Ok, so the father hasn’t been found. Could Jongin himself be the father? Like Sadako tried to be in The Ring?

Nah.

Wait a minute…

Kyungsoo suddenly remembers the time he walked in on Jongin in the shower. That night he had a very promiscuous dream…

Did he get a marsupial pregnant just by dreaming about him?

.

Kyungsoo runs back into the living room and takes the dancer’s hands.

“Kim Jongin, I hereby pledge to be the best father I can be to our baby.”

The look of pure horror arises from the other’s face, “Hyung? Are you ok?”

“Yes, I’m fine thanks for asking. But YOU, we will get you on a special diet so the baby can be healthy. When you give birth, it needs to have strong arms so it can climb into your pouch.”

Jongin is left speechless and his jaw hangs open.

“And I don’t care if you are part kangaroo, we will get through this together, and maybe in the future we can produce more babies and give hope to millions of people across the world. Not only is it alright to be gay, but it is also ok to be in love with a separate species and impregnate them!”

Jongin looks like he is about to cry, and a shrill “LU HAN!” leaves his throat even though the man is right next to them, with a sadistic smile on his face.

“Who is impregnating whom?” Kyungsoo hears before he feels a sharp blow to the head.

The dancer uses this as an escape and runs to the bathroom. Kris comes out with a sad expression on his face and says to himself, “We really need to get some Pepto Bismol for that kid.”

“What?” Kyungsoo whimpers as he rubs his head.

“Kai has diarrhea, didn’t you know? He hasn’t been feeling good  lately, and all that avocado didn’t help like it was supposed to,” Chanyeol fills in reattaching himself to Kris’ hip.

 “So Jongin isn’t pregnant?”

There is an awkward silence and then a silent “No,” from someone.

“Oh…”

“Men can’t get pregnant, Kyungsoo,” Lu Han explains slowly.

“But I thought Jongin was a marsupial.”

Jongdae walks past the group to fetch the TV remote muttering “Idiot,” and turning on a Korean drama, where he is once again surprised the female lead once again ends up with the .

And Kyungsoo is sad because the thought of a marsupial baby sounded really fun to him.

____

I want to say I don’t ship Kaisoo. I don’t even like it. My friends do so I was all “eh I’ll make one super super sad and the other a ed up misunderstanding.”

Hope this turned out well!