Nothing can describes my feelings. Yeah, I miss that namja… A namja who’s in my life a few years ago. A namja who stays with me everyday. A namja who loves me with all of his heart. A namja who loves me and accepts me as who I am. Should I go back to that time so that I would never know him? Well, it can’t be. Please, just one more time. Please, just for today, can I feel his warm hand holding my hand? Can I feel his hug until I feel his heartbeat? Can I hear him calls my name? Can I feel his breath? Smell his perfume? Can I?

#flashback

*library*

‘I’m thirsty hhh, is there anyone that could help me? I thought there are some people passing by in front of me. I don’t know all of them, from which faculty are they? Ah what the hell. If jiyoung or krystal came up and give me a drink.. I’m very thirsty’. So, I got up from my chair and put my book on the table and I go to a mini mart on my campus. I immediately headed to the fridge that contains a lot of drinks. I took a bottle of mineral water and a bottle of soda just in case if I’m thirsty again soon. And I go back to the library because I’m scared there will be some prankster who would do something bad to my work. So I went there and my books are scattered. Then, I found a blue envelope, yes, it’s my favorite color. And there’s a word saying “for Suzy“. What? My name? Who sent this letter? Is this a bloody letter that sesaeng fans usually give for their bias? OMO! No way!

I opened the letter and read it slowly

Hi! You must be doing your work right? Then, fighting! I will always support you, don’t forget to take a rest and drink a lot of vitamins ne? Jalja! Fighting Suji-ya! Kekeke~~
Happy Virus

Nuguya? Happy Virus? It makes me confused. Anyway, this isn’t the right time to figure out who is him. It’s your time to continue your assignment, Suji-ya! You must choose which parts are important for you to write, fighting!

*****

Again, I found an envelope, still in the same color.
“You seem so depressed. Wae? Tell me! Oh yeah sorry I just send this through a letter. I’m not confident to meet you. But you can text me at 086-856-439-112. I want to talk to you and I want to get closer to you, just it kekeke~ mianhae. I was close to you but don’t you realize it? Hmm. I’m going to encourage myself to meet you then, kekeke~

Happy Virus”

Hmm, should I text him? Well, maybe it’s going to be nice, just in case if I’m bored hahaha. Maybe he could be a good friend, or a good girl friend if she’s a namja? Hahaha stupid.

To: happy virus

Hi. I’m suji kekeke~ did you send that letter? And what does happy virus mean actually?

I sent it directly to him, and I immediately ask him a lot of questions. That’s me, I’m not the type of person who waste a lot of time just to say something. I’ll say what I want to say.

Drrt. Drrt. My phone’s vibrating.

From: happy virus

Hi! You’re suji? Ah gomawo for texting me! Kekeke~ yes I am kekeke~ happy virus means that if someone’s around me, they’ll always be happy because I’m a happy virus kekeke~

That night, we’re busy texting each other. And he’s a happy virus, he makes me laugh every time I read his text messages. He’s just very funny.

2 weeks make us feel close enough. He still sends me letters like usual. And he promised to see me this afternoon, at the garden in our campus. He’s one campus with me, and for some lessons, we’re in the same class. But I never found him. Well, this afternoon, I’ll meet him. I wonder how does he look like. Is he handsome? Or ugly? Ah whatever I don’t care.

‎​Drrt. Drrt. My phone’s vibrating.

From: happy virus

Suji, mianhae. I change our meeting place, 15 minutes again we’ll meet in the Kindergarten’s playground near our campus okay? I’m too shy because there are too many people in campus today. I also brought something kekeke~ once again, mianhae.

To: happy virus

Gwaenchana! And I’m also bored about meeting in the campus. Well, okay, 15 minutes again in the playground. Don’t be late okay? I’ll be waiting kekeke~

‎ ​I reply the message and immediately go to there. It takes about 8-10 minutes to walk there, it’s 1 block far from my campus, and it’s in gwang-ju area. Yes it’s gwang-ju. I arrived there and nobody’s there. I sat down at a swing, and I put my earphone. I move the swing slowly with my body, I looked at the road and the song that I listened shows that it’s been 15 minutes since I sent my last message to him. I took my phone quickly and I’m thinking about sending him a message. But then suddenly, someone touches my shoulder from my back. And I automatically turn my back. And it’s Chanyeol, my classmate in the music class.

‎​”What are you doing here?” I asked him. “To meet you” he answer innocently. “So, you’re the one who sends me a letter and texts me?” I asked him again. “Yes, that’s right” he said. “Ahjinjja? Are you lying?” I looked into his eyes. “Nope, it’s not a lie” he replies it with a smile. But I see it from his eyes, I mean, he’s just so sincere. So what’s this? A happy virus? Hmm. He takes my hand and lead me to go to the building that has been empty. “Suji-ya, can you stand and look there?” He says while his hand’s pointing to a black material hanging on the top of the roof of the building. “Okay” I answer softly. He runs toward the black banner, and stand underneath it while holding a rope.

“Stay there okay, hana, dul, set!” He pulls the rope and…. There’s a black banner showing and I start to read it. “Saranghaeyo, Bae Suji. I love you, from Park Chanyeol. Please check your phone now” I immediately check it and my phone’s vibrating. A private number calls me and I pick it up. “Yeoboseyo?” I ask curiously. “Ne, listen to me. I want to talk to you and this is very important. Listen carefully” he said. “Ne“.

‎​”First, mianhae I’ve made you confused. I don’t know what should I do, sending a letter was like the only way. But I’ve liked you since we’re in high school. Don’t you realize it? We’re in the same class at high school, and I just want to say I love you Bae Suji, would you be my girlfriend?” My head stuck on his last sentence. I was amazed to see his efforts, and also he’s the namja that I liked in high school. Those times, I could only watch him from far away. And when I graduated I decided to forget him. “I will. And there’s one thing for you to know, I also liked you in high school. I know you’re from class XII-F and you joined the basketball team, right? I always watched you from far away kekeke” I answered softly.
*****
*sweet moment*

“My baby, happy birthday!” He said while he brought a tart with that 21 candles on the top of the cake. “Make a wish, dear” he said. I closed my eyes and “hufff” I blew those candles. “What are you wishing for?” He asked. “I wanted people who are next to me will be smart enough and not being babo anymore. I want them to stay next to me until the end of my life” I answered innocently. “Ya! What kind of wish was that. I was smart, I even done the quiz today” he said. “Really? But you never win in the music quiz when you’re facing me babo! Hahaha” I said while I pinched his nose. “Ya! You, errr” said him.

—-
‎ ​I lay on the bench in my campus park. Pretty quiet, yes because there were no activities on my campus. But why many students went here? I’m bored, and the campus was really really boring. Suddenly, someone came and lay down next to me. “What are you thinking about suji-ya?” He asked me slowly. “Me? Nothing” I said. “Nothing? You know your nose become longer when you’re lying” he jokes. I laugh because of his words, “ya! I’m not lying” I answered joking.

‎​”I think people are looking at me now” he said. He puts his arms around me and it turns my cheeks into red. Then he faces the sky. “I love you. What kind of magic did you use? I only think of you hmm. Are you a magician? Or maybe a witch? Hahaha. Saranghaeyo Bae Suji“. “Nado saranghaeyo Park Chanyeol” I saw his sweetest smile ever.

—-
‎ ​I’m having my dinner with chanyeol today. We’re having a candle light dinner, exactly. He’s very romantic. A violinist who worked at the restaurant came into us and played us some love songs. Then I just realized that chanyeol stands right next to me and called me, “suji-ya“, I turned my face and I looked at him. “Well, I love you with all of my heart and no one could ever change that. So, will you be my wife?” He said while taking out a blue box and opened it. There’s a gold ring with a diamond. “This isn’t a dream, right?” I stupidly asked him. “No” he answered it sweetly. “Yes I will, I really really will” I said crying. Well, yeah happy tears. He smiled and put the ring into my finger and wiped away my tears with his hands. He kissed my forehead, “uljima, I don’t want you to cry” as he returned to his seat. I can’t say anything. I’m really happy. Really, really happy.

#flashback end

‎​I miss you, Park Chanyeol. Where’s that namja who always makes me smile? Where’s that namja who’s always makes me laugh? Where’s that namja who’s always makes my day full of laughter? Where’s that namja’s spirit that always makes me want to start my day? Where’s that namja who’s always stays with me through my hard times? Are all those words could still be spoken by those lips? Those lips which always makes me smile, laugh, and mad for silly things? Those lips who says love. Am I still able to have those hands that usually hugs me, holds my hand and wipes away my tears? Can I? I guess not.

‎​”Park Chanyeol, wake up!!! Jebal….” I cried loudly. Jiyoung and Krystal keep pushing his body as he awakened from his long hibernation. “Jebal!!! Ireona!!! Park Chanyeol!!!!!! Say that you’re still here!!! Take care of me and stay with me…. Jebal….” I said while I still cried.

‎​#flashback

Chanyeol takes me to the playground where he first asked me for my love. “Do you remember this place?” He said while holding my hand. “Yes I remember“, I smile. “How can I forget? I’ll never forget it. It’s the most beautiful memory I’ve ever had. With you, for the rest of my life. The person who I love the most, Park Chanyeol.” I said and I kissed him on his lips.

‎​”Baby, I’ll be going to seoul for 2 days to pick up a guitar that I ordered 2 months ago” he said. “Can I go with you? Jebal”

‎​”No, I’ll just go there for one day and the day after tomorrow I’ll be back, ne?” He said. “I also want to go there” answer me pouting. “Mianhae, just wait for me here, arraseo? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay in your heart. I’ll stay there forever, ne?” He hugged me and kissed my forehead. “Ya! I will miss you so much”

*********
“Baby, you’re in gwang-ju already?” I asked. “Yes, I’m heading to your house now” he said on the phone.

“BRAKKKK!”

“Ya! Chanyeol what was that?” There’s no answer… “Ya!!!! Park Chanyeol!!!!!” Still, there’s no answer. Soon, I run out of my house towards the street. I saw a lot of people standing around a person. And I recognized that a black car was destroyed. I run inside of the crowd and chanyeol was there. His body is covered with blood and I suddenly hugged him really tight. I put him on my lap and hug him. I cried loudly.

‎​”Ya.. Park chanyeol… Wake up…” I said sobbing. “You need to be strong...” The sound of ambulance sirens and the sound of police’s car came.

‎​“The ambulance’s here, you need to endure the pain, arra?” I asked him crying. Chanyeol smiled and wiped my tears.

“Uljima.. Don’t cry. I don’t want to see you crying because of me. Don’t be sad, I’ll always be there for you, arraseo? I love you” he said, while wiping the tears from my eyes. “Arraseo, I love park chanyeol” I sobbed. Soon, the ambulans and police arrived and I accompany chanyeol in car until the emergency room.

Now the UGD already crowded. They already there,  and I just sit in floor while crying waiting the news from the doctor. Half hour pass the doctor go out and bring the news about chanyeol and im standing in front of the doctor and waiting he said that chanyeol still alive. “mianhae, we already do our best. God have another way for him. He cannot be save” all of my hope gone. I slip down again to floor and crying harder. I lost someone whom I used to loved. I love my Park Chanyeol

#flashback end

I cant hold my weight again, untuill I sit in the ground while see the hole closed. As soon as you left me? As soon as you go from my side? As soon as I must live without you I lost my love. I lost someone whom I used to love Park Chanyeol. I love my Happy Virus. I lost your laugh, smiles, and the words that you love me I will never hear again. None never playing me beautiful songs with his angel voice. No more hand who warmly hug me, wipe my tears, and protect me. No more kiss for me. No morelaughter that make me never get bored to hear. No more my park chanyeol. I sat down and looking the tombstone with name Park Chanyeol.

I will never forget you, you’re always in my heart, forever.

Someone came up to me and it’s chanyeol’s dad. “This guitar was found in his car when the accident happened. Only this thing left, I think this is for you” “ne abeoji, kamsahamnida” “suji-ya, don’t be sad anymore, arraseo?” “Ne abeoji” I answered.

I picked the guitar up. It’s just a regular guitar. And there’s a words in back of the guitar it. “Happy 5 years anniversary Bae Suzy. I love you!” I’m surprised. There’s a letter inside the guitar, I read it slowly.

‎​”Hi! You’d read the letter after receiving this guitar kekeke~

I love you bae suji. Neomu neomu neomu saranghae!

You know I’ve prepared this guitar for you.

You said you want to learn on how to play a guitar, right?

I gave you this guitar and please remember me whenever you play this guitar, ne?

I’m tired to sing for you everyday. Later when you could play the guitar, would you sing for me? Kekeke~

treat the guitar like you’re taking care of me.

Love this guitar as much as you love me, remember that I’ll always be with you.

If you miss me, just play this guitar and I’ll definitely listen to it.

I love you! Once again, happy anniversary Bae suji! Kekeke~

Sincerely,

Park Chanyeol ♡

I sobbed. “Saranghaeyo park chanyeol” I said it quietly. ‘Nado saranghaeyo’ I heard his voice among the wind. Is this a dream? Tell me that you’re always stay beside me, park chanyeol. I love you. So much.