They had made it into the apartment unscathed, not that he was expecting someone to jump up and suddenly proclaim their secret for them. Ryeowook just couldn’t fathom the way the world worked sometimes, why people couldn’t feel their doom when it was coming. Didn’t they know what a ton of crap he, Ryeowook, was about to drop into their laps? Ryeowook could feel himself starting to hyperventilate.

Without a word, Youngwoon took his hand and led him over to a vacant spot. The display of affection had made Ryeowook more fidgety but Youngwoon had only tightened his grip. Ryeowook knew he would make a horrible spy, almost smirking at the irony that that had been one of the many concepts they had promoted long ago.  He felt as if every eye in the room was tracking them.

Eventually, he made it to the tan leather loveseat and collapsed with a sigh. Well that had taken too long. Why was the apartment so damn long anyway? Wasn’t it rude making a guest walk for that long?  He felt as though they had just crossed the Sahara.

“Wookie, breathe” whispered Youngwoon to him. Ryeowook exhaled noisily.  Why was he doing this to him? Why--

“For God’s sake Ryeowook, I can literally see how much you are thinking. First and foremost we are here to see the other members. So just try to relax will you?” said Youngwoon, annoyed, finally.  Ryeowook apologized by rubbing circles onto the back of his hand, and was relieved when he felt Youngwoon relax. Ryeowook was positive things were going to hell in a hand basket very shortly but if he had  to choose who he would stride into hell with, it would be the man next to him, every time.

Eventually Ryeowook was able to loosen up, and talk to a few members, though he did not move from the couch and he didn’t move his hand from where it was clasped with Youngwoon’s in between them.  It was a loveseat, so Ryeowook didn’t think anyone would notice their closeness.

Henry wandered over to the two to say hello, leaving a very frazzled looking Zhou mi shaking his head and turning his attention to a still laughing Kyuhyun, presumably at Zhou Mi’s expense. Henry, seeing that there was no room on the loveseat sat right on the coffee table. Ryeowook shook his head internally. This boy.

Henry was wearing an oversized red windbreaker that clashed horrible with his hair, which he still liked to wear in a burnished copper color.  He still looked so bright-eyed that he even made Ryeowook feel old sometimes. For the first time since they had come he felt his heart lighten.

After a  few perfunctory inquiries into what they were up to these days, Henry pointed out their odd choice of seating with a laugh, having no idea the way his choice of small talk had caused Ryeowook’s blood to freeze momentarily. “Don’t you guys look cozy.  Could you guys have chosen a smaller seat?” teased Henry.”Don’t break him Kangin-hyung. Speaking of which how’s it living together? Dish!’ said Henry jokingly.  Chalking it up to paranoia and coincidence, after his heart stopped skipping, Ryeowook dove into the conversation. Ryeowook loved to talk about their apartment and happily filled him, passing some minutes with their back and forth. He told Henry what the interior looked like, and all about the new TV. they had bought. Ryeowook had to tug a little to get his hand out of Youngwoon’s so that he could gesture appropriately.

“It’s huge, perfect for movies, games, dramas, everything” said Ryeowook, glassy-eyed.

“Sounds wicked. Has Kyu-hyung been over? I know he prefers the computer but that flat screen sounds like it would be awesome to play games on.” Ryeowook nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah, it’s very nice. We’re happy to have it. Kyuhyun is so busy these days, it’s almost like he’s still and idol, but when he has time maybe we can all play games?” Ryeowook suggested. They made plans to have a gaming party, with Ryeowook promising to make him some kimchi ramen or something, because he couldn’t be eating well in Canada and they just couldn’t have that or his cheeks would disappear!

Ryeowook leaned back contentedly reaching for Youngwoon’s hand again before realizing his mistake and letting it come to rest awkwardly on his knee. Ryeowook didn’t dare to look at Youngwoon and so just smiled a little blandly at Henry, whose face had gone still.

Henry knew Korean men were fond of skinship after having known each other for a long time but something was weird about these two. He decided to put his ‘foreigner’ brain into gear, as he liked to call it. One did not move to a foreign country at a young age without knowing the language without picking up a few observational techniques. He was on his way to becoming a regular old Sherlock Holmes at this point.

Ryeowook was trying to hold Henry’s gaze, though in hindsight staring at him like he was afraid to blink probably made him look more suspicious, not less.  Henry leaned forward, with his chin resting on his fist, looking like he was solving a math problem that he more or less suspected the answer to. It took only one sentence to fracture all the calm Ryeowook had built up. “Does Teukie-hyung know?” Youngwoon shook his head, apparently unphased by Henry’s display of observational prowess. He didn’t think they were that obvious but gave up thinking about it. He knew Henry to be immature from time to time, but had long accepted that the kid just knew things.

“We’re going to tell him today.” said Youngwoon for the both of them. Ryeowook had fallen quiet with a squeak.

“Good luck you two,” said Henry seriously. The look did not suit his face. “Get it over with. Get it all out. When you leave…for better or for worse make sure it’s done,” he said sagely. He nodded reassuringly before getting up, promptly bumping into the coffee table before moving around it. He walked over to Zhou Mi, before whispering something in his ear. The two men excused themselves from the party shortly after. A few mumbled at their abrupt departure but went back to enjoying themselves.

“.” Was all Ryeowook said. Youngwoon, for once, did not tell him everything would be alright or to mind his language. He was frowning intensely.

“What do we have to be afraid of? This is ridiculous,” he decided. “Teukie-hyung! Leeteuk-hyung” he called to out suddenly. He waved the man over with his free hand.  Leeteuk came over happily to greet them. He had been making his rounds, a bit impatiently he was afraid, having not seen Youngwoon, or Ryeowook for that matter, in a while. 

Youngwoon got up from the loveseat suddenly, hauling Ryeowook after him. Ryeowook clawed at their still joined hands, and then settled for just hiding them behind Kangin

“We’re telling him here?” hissed Ryeowook hysterically into Kangin’s ear. Ryeowook glanced around at all of his band members, who were still chatting away happily. He saw Leetuek’s smile falter at their odd behavior, but he greeted them cheerily anyway

“Of course not,” answered Kangin, barely above a whisper, just as Leeteuk reached them. Kangin cleared his throat and spoke just as Leeteuk was opening his mouth, wanting to get this over with once and for all. He tended to be a bit blunt when he had made his mind up about something. “Hey, Jungsoo-hyung, could we talk to you for a second?”  Ryeowook admired the way his voice didn’t falter.

Leeteuk looked them up and down, deciding that they were being rather odd. “Of course, whatever you guys need,” he said reverting into leader mode. “Is something the matter?” He crossed his arms, though his tone stayed light. He looked like their Umma once more, ready to listen, but also to discipline them if they had done something stupid.

“No, nothing’s wrong, we do have something to tell you though.”

~*~

“Say that again?” said Leeteuk. The smile he had come to greet them with hadn’t left his face and frankly it was terrifying. They had said it, the actual moment taking only a few moments, though Ryeowook had thought about this for years. Surprisingly, Ryeowook had found his courage in the end and had been the first to whisper the words he repeated now.

“We’re together. We’ve been dating ever since…. Ever since the last show.” said Ryeowook.

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Leeteuk coldly. He was staring at Ryeowook though Wookie knew the words weren’t meant for him.  Youngwoon sighed and tried to put a hand on Leetuek’s shoulder, which he shook off. They started murmuring angrily back and forth but Ryeowook missed the next few words.

Ryeowook was taking mental inventory of all the mistakes they had made until then. Bravery was good, idiocy less so. They should have insisted that they move this to a private room, though Leeteuk had told them to speak comfortably. Wanting to believe it perhaps, Ryeowook spoke up. On that account, it also probably would have been good for Youngwoon to just talk to Leeteuk alone about whatever was unresolved between them.  Ryeowook was being completely ignored, for the moment. Maybe, Leeteuk could handle this, the lying, but it was clear that Leeteuk was crumbling. In his place stood the angry and humiliated Park Jungsoo, who, as he had expected, had feelings for his boyfriend that he had been nursing for god knows how long.

He was ripped from his thoughts by yelling

“ HOW DARE YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME?” screamed Jungsoo. His shoulders were heaving, and he himself looked agitated, as though the outburst had been torn from his chest quite against his will.

 Youngwoon looked a little apprehensive for the first time, and Ryeowook understood why.

Apparently they had been standing there a while. The music had stopped, someone having gotten up to shut it off. All the members were looking at them, though some more than others seemed to have inkling as to what the three men could be talking about. Sungmin and Heechul were muttering, wondering what idiotic thing Kangin had done now.

They had, as adolescent boys and young men with stressful careers fought many times. Punches had been thrown, and tables flipped. A few teeth even shaken loose and skin torn. But for those who cared to look close enough, this was different. Leeteuk was just staring Kangin down, looking at him as though Kangin had put a knife through his chest.

“Jungsoo, please don’t be like this. We were going to tell you earlier, but there was never a good time. We started dating after we retired--” Shindong in his breath dramatically and was shushed by the others—“and just wanted a chance to come down from everything.” Leeteuk did not respond.

“Please, Hyung?” prompted Kangin.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Ryeowook saw Kibum, one of the ones who looked slightly less lost, put his face in his palm. Youngwoon was trying to be gentle but he was basically telling Jungsoo that he only asking his permission as a leader, not as a man.  

“I waited for you.” said Jungsoo flatly, his expression dark. Except for the flat quality of his voice, it almost seemed like the two were having a normal conversation. “When you screwed up, when you went to the army,” he continued in the same mild tone, “I waited for you. I let you cry when you said that life was too hard on you. Listened to you, forgave you when you said that you would be better. You promised that you would come back better—“

“To the team , hyung not—“ Youngwoon trailed of desperately.

“Me. I see,”  finished Leeteuk in clipped tones. “Not me, it was never me.” His head turned towards Ryeowook for the first time. He could barely hold the older man’s gaze. Not that he particularly wanted to, and it was rude to stare, but his eyes, which had gone dark, were him in . The pair said nothing, as Leeteuk evaluated him, judged him. It was strange. Leeteuk wasn’t trying to turn him to dust, per se. He just seemed to be at a complete loss as to how it had come to this. How he had been beaten by Ryeowook.

He went to look away. Ryeowook, finding his courage all over the place today, because really, could this be any more of a mess said, “Hyung, don’t blame Youngwoon-hyung…” he pleaded. Youngwoon shushed him with a hand on his arm. Leeteuk hissed.

There was a very long silence in which no one dared to breathe.  It was like being in an exam room or library. Everyone was trying so hard to be quiet that the silence was ringing.

Eyes were averted until suddenly Leeteuk spoke and all eyes were on them again.  “Did you know?” asked Leeteuk. Youngwoon rubbed his face miserably. “Hyung,” he said lowly, though it was not possible for him to speak any lower so as to prevent the others form hearing. “You asked me once. We were drunk, and I said no. I thought you wanted to forget. You said it was an accident!” said Youngwoon.

“Did. You. Know.” Bit out Leeteuk. Youngwoon hesitated and then nodded once. Ryeowook looked up surprised. That was it then.

Ryeowook saw Leeteuk’s fist clench before Youngwoon did,. His mouth had gone dry so rather than yell, he stepped between them and got a fist to the nose for his trouble.

Kangin let out an ungodly roar—no one touched Ryeowook damnit—that  was soon drowned out by Jungsoo’s.