Finale.
[One-Shot] Last Obsession.
JIYONG P.O.V
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I hid behind the wall a clutch my fists together. I watched as he embraced you. I was tearing up inside. I wanted badly to interfere with your life, break the both of you apart…but I couldn’t. My love and longing for you. It’s ugly. It’s a disgrace. It doesn’t fit to be called love. It’s a monster. It’s a drug that’s been intoxicating my brain. I can’t think straight. I’ve turned from a normal being to someone who stalks you and follow you everywhere. I feel pain every time. Whether or not you are smiling, I’m going crazy from this pain. If only I could hold you once.
Oppa, saranghae.
It wasn’t meant for me. How pathetic of me. Those words, they were never meant for me. I’m just another one everyone else would call a sasaeng fan if you were an idol. You weren’t. So I’m just another stalker. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t even know of my existence in this pathetic world. Please…rid me of this feeling. I wish you were my lover for just a moment…
---
You’re crying in the corner by yourself again. Why? I heard you broke up with that guy you said you loved. He doesn’t deserve your tears…So why are you crying? Why are you crying over the break up? I can do so much better than him! I would treasure you. Yet I can’t bring myself to show up in your life. I’m afraid of myself…like you would be afraid of me, when you know who I am. Somewhere in my head, I beg, breaking all my sanity apart. Please, please, please I pray. Us, us, us, us together, together.
---
You’ve been single for awhile now…is it my cue to enter your life now? Is it finally my turn to love you? To send you home every night, to send those thugs who have uncanny thoughts of you flying? To let you know how it feels like to be loved. To give you the best. I’ll enter your life as a stranger… for now. I’ll love you silently. And slowly, find a way to enter your heart…
---
The more I see you smile, the more I see your downfall, the more I interact with you. Every second I’m with you. My humanity is slipping away from me. I’m insane. It’s your fault. It’s my fault. I can’t think straight anymore. Please…leave me. Before I do something I’ll regret. Please…leave me. So I can go back to watching over you in the shadows. I don’t want to be recognized. I don’t want you to see me in this state. I want you to see me in the state I was, before my love for you made me this way. Because I love her so much my greed keeps growing. I want you for myself. You by yourself. Don’t run, don’t escape
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Time passes and it’s been years since I’ve seen you... So what? It seems my pleas have worked; you’ve been leaving me behind. I want to watch over you once more, I can’t bear the thought of leaving you vulnerable to the harsh society full of monsters far worse than me. Yet…I’d lose my mind and put you through torture if I was there in the shadows. I’d bring you insecurity. I won’t be able to light up your face. I hated the thought of losing the right to confess my feelings to you. The chance is handed to others. I know they wouldn’t cherish this. I knew it from the bottom of my heart I would be the only one for you. That wasn’t how it was for you though. To you, it was anyone but me.
All I do is call your name in front of you. In place of a friend; I’m nothing to you. I couldn’t stand meeting as friends, no. That’s why I’m happy you left me, I’d be able to skip the torture. I’m going crazy. No I grow crazier. The more I meet you. I’m back to following you everywhere you go. I’m a hopeless case now. I’m heads over heels for you…or even more than that. I’m longing to be someone I can never be. I’m longing to be in a place where I can never stay in. The more I see you, from behind the concrete walls in this cold city. My heart is beating, steadily, warm, for you.
My head gets fuzzy, my heart is confused, I don’t know what I’ll do either. It won’t be long till I lose all my sanity, my own train of thoughts. My love is turning into something worse. I hope it doesn’t turn me into a monster. My heart is sending wrong signals to my brain lately. A part of it is telling me to push you against a wall, scream and shout at you, expressing what I’ve been going through all this time, let the rage take over and… another part of me wants to stay where I am, staying in the shadows and fending everything that might bring harm to you. Be your unaccredited hero.
Eyes that can’t lie, the dream last night that was like a nightmare. My love has grown too far, for I cannot stay sane at the thought of you anymore. I was the one bringing harm to you. I’m dangerous. I can’t even stay near you anymore. I dreamt, I dreamt that I was ripping you apart, no… the blood you shed. The dream was like a painful memory I etched into my brain by myself, yet it seemed so real.
I love it when you look only at me like this, say “dear”.
I heard him say that to you. He isn’t the one for you. I want to walk up and intervene, expose his true nature, he wants to own you, to possess you. It’s not love. It’s not love. Yet I know, my love would bring far worse upon you. I chose to walk away. I’m the worst you could ever imagine. I’ll walk through the exit, out of your life. I’ll leave this once and for all. I’ll leave this obsession.
Everyone is looking at me disgusted. Why? Although I’m now down in hell for the sins I’ve committed, killing all those thugs who gave me a vibe that they were after you. Killing all those who broke your fragile heart ; those who played with your feelings. I’m a murderer. I’m a sinner. It’s your fault. You made me fall in love with you. How much I wanted to say I hate you for turning me into a monster like this. But the only words that can come out are I love you. They look at me in disgust. Why? Is it wrong to protect my loved one? They throw at me hurtful curses that hit me like invisible blades. Please… I beg of you all to stop. It’s my obsession, don’t curse me.
---
I hid behind the wall a clutch my fists together. I watched as he embraced you. I was tearing up inside. I wanted badly to interfere with your life, break the both of you apart…but I couldn’t. My love and longing for you. It’s ugly. It’s a disgrace. It doesn’t fit to be called love. It’s a monster. It’s a drug that’s been intoxicating my brain. I can’t think straight. I’ve turned from a normal being to someone who stalks you and follow you everywhere. I feel pain every time. Whether or not you are smiling, I’m going crazy from this pain. If only I could hold you once.
Oppa, saranghae.
It wasn’t meant for me. How pathetic of me. Those words, they were never meant for me. I’m just another one everyone else would call a sasaeng fan if you were an idol. You weren’t. So I’m just another stalker. I’m in love with someone who doesn’t even know of my existence in this pathetic world. Please…rid me of this feeling. I wish you were my lover for just a moment…
---
You’re crying in the corner by yourself again. Why? I heard you broke up with that guy you said you loved. He doesn’t deserve your tears…So why are you crying? Why are you crying over the break up? I can do so much better than him! I would treasure you. Yet I can’t bring myself to show up in your life. I’m afraid of myself…like you would be afraid of me, when you know who I am. Somewhere in my head, I beg, breaking all my sanity apart. Please, please, please I pray. Us, us, us, us together, together.
---
You’ve been single for awhile now…is it my cue to enter your life now? Is it finally my turn to love you? To send you home every night, to send those thugs who have uncanny thoughts of you flying? To let you know how it feels like to be loved. To give you the best. I’ll enter your life as a stranger… for now. I’ll love you silently. And slowly, find a way to enter your heart…
---
The more I see you smile, the more I see your downfall, the more I interact with you. Every second I’m with you. My humanity is slipping away from me. I’m insane. It’s your fault. It’s my fault. I can’t think straight anymore. Please…leave me. Before I do something I’ll regret. Please…leave me. So I can go back to watching over you in the shadows. I don’t want to be recognized. I don’t want you to see me in this state. I want you to see me in the state I was, before my love for you made me this way. Because I love her so much my greed keeps growing. I want you for myself. You by yourself. Don’t run, don’t escape
---
Time passes and it’s been years since I’ve seen you... So what? It seems my pleas have worked; you’ve been leaving me behind. I want to watch over you once more, I can’t bear the thought of leaving you vulnerable to the harsh society full of monsters far worse than me. Yet…I’d lose my mind and put you through torture if I was there in the shadows. I’d bring you insecurity. I won’t be able to light up your face. I hated the thought of losing the right to confess my feelings to you. The chance is handed to others. I know they wouldn’t cherish this. I knew it from the bottom of my heart I would be the only one for you. That wasn’t how it was for you though. To you, it was anyone but me.
All I do is call your name in front of you. In place of a friend; I’m nothing to you. I couldn’t stand meeting as friends, no. That’s why I’m happy you left me, I’d be able to skip the torture. I’m going crazy. No I grow crazier. The more I meet you. I’m back to following you everywhere you go. I’m a hopeless case now. I’m heads over heels for you…or even more than that. I’m longing to be someone I can never be. I’m longing to be in a place where I can never stay in. The more I see you, from behind the concrete walls in this cold city. My heart is beating, steadily, warm, for you.
My head gets fuzzy, my heart is confused, I don’t know what I’ll do either. It won’t be long till I lose all my sanity, my own train of thoughts. My love is turning into something worse. I hope it doesn’t turn me into a monster. My heart is sending wrong signals to my brain lately. A part of it is telling me to push you against a wall, scream and shout at you, expressing what I’ve been going through all this time, let the rage take over and… another part of me wants to stay where I am, staying in the shadows and fending everything that might bring harm to you. Be your unaccredited hero.
Eyes that can’t lie, the dream last night that was like a nightmare. My love has grown too far, for I cannot stay sane at the thought of you anymore. I was the one bringing harm to you. I’m dangerous. I can’t even stay near you anymore. I dreamt, I dreamt that I was ripping you apart, no… the blood you shed. The dream was like a painful memory I etched into my brain by myself, yet it seemed so real.
I love it when you look only at me like this, say “dear”.
I heard him say that to you. He isn’t the one for you. I want to walk up and intervene, expose his true nature, he wants to own you, to possess you. It’s not love. It’s not love. Yet I know, my love would bring far worse upon you. I chose to walk away. I’m the worst you could ever imagine. I’ll walk through the exit, out of your life. I’ll leave this once and for all. I’ll leave this obsession.
Everyone is looking at me disgusted. Why? Although I’m now down in hell for the sins I’ve committed, killing all those thugs who gave me a vibe that they were after you. Killing all those who broke your fragile heart ; those who played with your feelings. I’m a murderer. I’m a sinner. It’s your fault. You made me fall in love with you. How much I wanted to say I hate you for turning me into a monster like this. But the only words that can come out are I love you. They look at me in disgust. Why? Is it wrong to protect my loved one? They throw at me hurtful curses that hit me like invisible blades. Please… I beg of you all to stop. It’s my obsession, don’t curse me.
A/N: So...how did it go? Did you guys die along the way? Anyway, it was just a spark of inspiration, I'm still working on the second chapter of 'Trial Boyfriend' Let's hope you readers have survived so far as to read this A/N~ Mianhae for killing Ji! (and making him kill people)
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