“I want to break up!!”

Jongin was about to sip his drink when Taemin said those words. His eyes slowly shifted from his cold drink to the pretty male in front of him. Jongin felt his jaw clenching tightly at the statement. He resented those cruel, mean words.

Taemin was always like this whenever they had a fight. Either it was in public or by phone, he would always cry dramatically and threaten to end the relationship. At first, those forbidden words were blurted out when they had their first huge fight. But lately, the statement slipped out of Taemin’s mouth easily for countless times over small matters. It was like the relationship was not even important anymore. To think that what they had had been going on since they were in high school.

Jongin wasn’t able to make any retort because anger was building in him. His gaze was fixed intently to Taemin and he could feel his fist curling automatically on his thigh. He then heard soft murmurs around them and Jongin quickly grabbed a hold of himself. They were in a restaurant that day, and it was another (usual) out-of-nothing argument. All of a sudden, Taemin just started blaming him in a high pitched voice, didn’t bother to behave properly even though they were in public and everyone was staring. The younger of the two grimaced as Taemin started to sob in front of him.

His mind immediately shifted to Sehun.

Sehun, his best friend, always wondered how the hell did Jongin put up with Taemin’s selfishness. Sure, the older male was cute and petite and attractive and all, but his attitude didn’t impress Sehun a bit. He would always snort at how Jongin eventually gave in to his boyfriend and seriously thought someone should smack his head because their relationship needed to come to an end. His best friend was suffering but yet Jongin was too stubborn to admit it.

“You’re just too scared to find someone new because you’re used to Taemin-hyung’s presence. But sticking with him isn’t the right thing to do, either. Open your eyes, Jjong.”

Sehun’s wise words suddenly echoed in Jongin’s head. His expression was still blank and his eyes were still on Taemin whose shoulders were then shaking from the tears. Some people were still staring rudely at them, probably interested in what was coming after that. After a few moments, with Taemin still sobbing and Jongin not doing anything, they started turning their heads somewhere else, away from their table.

Usually at this kind of moment, Jongin would melt because he was consumed by guilt. He would try to convince Taemin that the pretty male actually didn’t want to break up, that he was just emotionally unstable and that his words were definitely momentary. That Jongin still loved him no matter what happened. That he needed him by his side. And a lot of ‘that’s.

Taemin’s sob had gotten a bit louder and it definitely gained more attention. It was just his trademark to wail a bit dramatically—tears included—anything to make Jongin feel guilty and give in to him (and then people would think that Jongin was the for hurting such a pretty male).

But not that day.

Jongin’s anger grew bigger within him instead of guilt. He had enough. He really had enough of those ‘I hate you’s and ‘you’re the worst boyfriend’s and ‘insensitive prick’s. Those were cruel words—dammit, Sehun was right. Why didn’t he listen to his best friend?

A feeling of tiredness waved over him that made him felt he didn’t want to continue all of this anymore. He didn’t want to fight for Taemin and their future. He didn’t want to stay in this unhealthy relationship.

Taemin looked up from his hands, his eyes were wet with tears and he shot Jongin a betrayed look. But no, Jongin wouldn’t be affected.

Not anymore.

“You know what?”

Jongin managed to speak calmly even though deep inside he was the one who was hurting.

“Let’s break up.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Jongin took a deep drag of his cigarette and exhaled the smoke.

He had never felt this good before. It was like the burden to save the world was lifted off of his shoulders and he was finally able to breathe in peace. No one was there to nag and order him to do anything he didn’t like.

Jongin heard his ringtone faintly and rolled his eyes.

It had been two days since his ‘real’ break up with Taemin and his phone couldn’t stop ringing ever since. Without even have to look, he knew immediately that it would either be Sulli or Krystal. The girls seemed determined to convince him to get back together with Taemin, judging from their endless phone calls. It was a wonder how Taemin managed to coax those girls into buying his stories. Last time they had a fight and Taemin said they needed a break, Jongin made the mistake by picking up Krystal’s phonecall and he got a full lecture from her about how a man (a top, in their case) needed to behave and everything.

Jongin snorted and continued to ignore his ringing phone. He didn’t need any lecture whatsoever at the moment. The tanned skin male threw the cigarette onto the ground, stomping on it absentmindedly before lighting a new one.

Jongin fished his lighter into his pocket and waited for the bus patiently. His car was still in the workshop because the engine refused to be started the other day. Now that he thought about it, it was on the very same day he broke up with Taemin. It could be a sign about how his relationship would end (on second thought, it could be because Sehun told him the ‘check engine’ sign was on all night long when he borrowed the car and didn’t do a single damn thing about it). Jongin glanced at his watch as he took another drag. If he knew the bus would be this late, he would have taken the subway instead.

His cigarette almost came to an end and it didn’t surprise him. Jongin was a heavy smoker and he’d choose a cigarette over a meal. It was unhealthy, but Taemin had this weird addiction of nicotine smell on him whenever they made out. Said it made him manlier. It could be the first reason why Jongin had started smoking endlessly like a train. Because Taemin liked it. Taemin. The name brought a bitter memory.

The pretty, auburn haired male still lingered in Jongin’s mind. Even so, it wasn’t a feeling of longing and Jongin was certain of that. It was merely memories. Taemin was his past and nothing would ever change that. Besides, he didn’t expect to forget everything about the other male easily, afterall they had been in a relationship for years.

Jongin was lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize someone had been standing beside him. When the other person coughed somewhat violently, it snapped Jongin back to real life. He took another deep drag before flicking what was left of his cigarette into the pavement and exhaling the smoke. Jongin craned his head to see the person absentmindedly and he had never expected his heart would skip a beat.

He was welcomed by the roundest eyes he had ever seen.

Jongin was still puffing the rest of his smoke to the other male’s direction and within seconds, the latter’s face became pale and he coughed again into his hand, painfully this time. Jongin began to panic when the cough didn’t stop after a few times. The male looked very much in pain as he clutched his hand to his chest and his other hand covered his mouth.

“Are—are you alright?”, Jongin stepped closer to help but then he felt a hand pushed him away. He deadpanned at the gesture for a moment as he tried to register what happened. He pushed me. I was only trying to help and he—dammit, he pushed me. Jongin felt his anger risen. He was about to splutter indignantly when he noticed the other male reached into his bag, obviously searching for something.

Jongin’s anger clearly diminished the moment he saw the male had found his inhaler and brought it to his mouth with trembling hands. He watched how he closed his eyes, stuffing the thing into his mouth with an effort and inhaled deeply. It caught Jongin off guard and he didn’t dare to move. He only stood there, dumbfounded, silently praying that the medicine would work because the other male looked so much in pain. After a few moments of suffocating silence, the male looked slightly better and Jongin thanked whoever it was who invented inhaler. He lifted up his hand to reach the male but hesitated. He didn’t want to be pushed for the second time.

“Are you...alright now?”, Jongin carefully asked.

The male opened his eyes weakly and coughed once again. He took a moment to regain his breath and stared at Jongin sheepishly. “I’m... I’m fine. I’m sorry...for pushing you...”

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s...it’s my fault...”

“Hey. Are you guys going or not?”

Both men turned their heads to the grumpy voice. Without them knowing, the bus had arrived and the door had already opened. Jongin must have been distracted by the sight before his eyes that he didn’t notice at all. The driver gave them an annoyed look from the inside and shrugged. “I’m leaving.”

“Wait,” Jongin called and quickly climbed into the bus. He didn’t realize that the male behind him politely shaking his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m just gonna go find a taxi.”

Jongin spun around in miliseconds with his eyes widened, but then the door had closed and the bus had started moving. He almost stumbled at the sudden movement but thankfully managed to reach something to hold on to. The driver coughed in dismay at the reek of smoke and Jongin sheepishly patted his jacket as an attempt to wipe the smell (even though it didn’t do anything good). After paying for the fare, he quickly made his way to the front seat and pressed his face on the window. The male was still there, and Jongin bit his lip in concern as he saw him coughing once again. Had he known the male wasn’t going to take the bus, Jongin probably would have stayed...at least until he got a cab.

Jongin sank in his seat and pressed the back of his hand on his forehead.

It had been a while since he felt this kind of guilt.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Classes were a pain and they managed to distract Jongin from the round eyed male.

Jongin became alarmed whenever he smoked in public. He would glance around nervously, hoping no other victim would cough violently because of him and would pay extra care not to exhale the smoke (accidentally) to people (although it was really useless because the moment he inhaled the smoke, he couldn’t care less about what happened around him and it was not like he was going to meet the male again. The chance to meet the sick male was probably one in a million).

Saturday came too slow to his liking.

Jongin forgot to set off his alarm clock because he didn’t have any class on Saturday this semester. He grunted angrily at himself and did something to silence the poor clock (Jongin was pretty sure he half slammed it onto the wall) and wished for nothing else but sleep. Unfortunately, his Saturday was disturbed early in the morning. The moment his phone rang, Jongin had picked up without looking at who was calling, but if it was Sulli or Krystal he would gladly throw another thing onto the wall. Sehun’s panicked voice woke him up completely.

“Jong—Jongin—“

“Sehun-ah?” Jongin felt alarmed at his best friend’s tone and his sleepiness vanished. “What’s wrong?”

“Luhan—he—he—“

“Calm down,” Jongin cut his best friend’s stuttering as he sat up on the bed. Without Sehun finishing his sentence, he knew something must be wrong. He just hoped it wasn’t anything serious. “Where are you? I’m gonna come over soon.”

It took Sehun almost ten seconds to utter the name of a hospital and Jongin deadpanned for a moment. A hospital? It sounded urgent and serious but he decided to take a quick shower before leaving. The hospital wasn’t really that far from his apartment, but without a car, it felt like hours to get there (especially because he wanted to be there soon for Sehun). When Jongin had arrived, he was greeted by a very calm Sehun who looked completely different on the phone. Some of Luhan’s soccer friends were standing in front of the room and they didn’t look worried at all.

“Hey,” Jongin jabbed Sehun’s side and frowned. “Is everything alright?”

Sehun turned to him blankly. “Jongin-ah... I’m really sorry.”

“What? What happened?”

“Luhan...he got kicked on the stomach while playing soccer,” Sehun rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “He then couldn’t stop throwing up. I thought—I seriously thought he was pregnant or something when Yixing-gege called.”

Jongin blinked. Sehun looked apologetic and dropped his eyes to the ceramic tiles. He looked awfully uncomfortable and embarassed at his own words. Jongin sighed in exasperation before stepping closer and wrapping an arm around his best friend’s shoulder. “Oh dear God, Sehun. You’re clearly panicked over nothing, idiot. And even though if he’s really pregnant, I believe you would do what you have to do and be a great father.”

Sehun didn’t look any better. “Th...thank you. That’s...really comforting, Jongin-ah.”

Jongin snickered in amusement. He ruffled Sehun’s hair playfully and earned a groan from the latter. “So, is Luhan going to be hospitalized or something?”

“Well, he stopped vomitting... I really hope it’s not necessary. He told me he just wanted to go home...”

“Okay,” Jongin nodded understandingly. “Well no matter what, you need to stay. He needs you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sehun pressed his lips into a thin line before facing Jongin and his expression softened. “I’m really sorry, Jongin-ah. I mean, I know you really hate it whenever someone disturbs your Saturday morning—or any other morning, for that matters. I was exaggerating. I was clearly panic for nothing...”

“Come on, Sehun-ah, you’re not. It’s really natural to be panic. And Luhan’s my best friend’s boyfriend afterall,” Jongin said earnestly. “If something happens to him, I’d be worried sick too.”

Sehun beamed at him gratefully and touched Jongin’s arm. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

The door was opened and Minseok appeared by the doorway. He gestured the younger male to come inside because Luhan clearly needed him.

Sehun nodded as he turned around. “I guess I gotta go. Oh, listen. I know I haven’t talked to you about this and now may not be the best time, but... I heard about your relationship and I just wanna say... Congratulations.”

Jongin chuckled. “It really is not the best time.”

“I just want you to know that I’m really proud of you, Jongin-ah. I know I’m supposed to say ‘sorry to hear that’ but nah. I’m really proud of you.”

Jongin only grinned and said nothing more. He knew Sehun was going to be the first person to be extremely happy about his break up. When Sehun disappeared into Luhan’s room, Jongin stick around for a little longer, meeting the rest of Luhan’s soccer team and had a chat. The doctor finally stepped outside the room and everyone almost rushed in to Luhan’s side. It turned out that Luhan needed to be hospitalized for a day—two days max, the pretty Chinese male’s body was dehydrated enough from the lack of liquid. Jongin cringed when he saw the nurse injected the IV needle into Luhan’s vein. He wasn’t really a fan of needles and all those sharp things.

When everything was settled and Luhan was sleeping peacefully, Jongin decided that he also needed his (beauty) sleep and excused himself to go home. He promised Sehun he would be back later, preferably bringing him lunch or dinner. Sehun nodded at him gratefully and gave him a hug. Jongin waved everyone goodbye and left. His throat felt a bit strange and it was then that he realized he hadn’t had a smoke since he woke up that morning. Jongin reached to his pocket and sighed in relief. Luckily he always brought a spare box of cigarettes in his jeans.

Jongin searched his other pocket for a lighter and stopped walking. The hospital smelled of alcohol and medicine and his face scrunched up in distaste. He was never fond of hospital. Jongin finally found the lighter in his jeans’ pocket and lifted up his face. He almost choked when a familiar person passed by.

“Hey,” Jongin called out rudely without thinking. The male kept on walking. He didn’t seem to realize that it was being addressed to him, so Jongin took the liberty to grab his arm. “Excuse me—“

The male seemed startled at the rude gesture as he turned around. Jongin was once again, greeted by those round, beautiful big eyes. His hunch was right, it really was the same person from the other day. But this time, those pretty black orbs were filled with genuine confusion. Unlike last time, he didn’t yank himself away from Jongin’s touch (moreover push him) and his face had more color. The taller between the two felt his heart thumping and he wondered if he needed an inhaler too because he felt like he was suffocated.

“Ah.”

A knowing look descended upon his pretty face and he quickly took a step back, but Jongin was too stubborn to let go. The grip tightened on his wrist and the male’s cheeks visibily reddened at the simple act. It disappeared as soon as it came when he suddenly coughed into his free hand.

“You’re still coughing,” Jongin blurted without thinking.

“Yeah,” the male sheepishly responded after he stopped coughing. “Um...”

“Are you—are you here to see a doctor?”

The question just slipped up and Jongin wondered if his self control had been damaged.

The male reluctantly nodded. “Just for a regular check up...”

“But you’re okay?”

He stared at Jongin for a long moment and his eyes softened as he nodded again. “I’m okay.”

“That’s...wonderful. Oh. I’m here for my friend. His boyfriend got sick and needed to be hospitalized because it turned out that...”, Jongin trailed off and mentally smacked himself. What the hell was he doing? They didn’t even know each other that much and he started telling him everything. It was not like the male in front of him asked what the hell was he doing in the hospital, anyway. “Uh...well...I mean...”

The male’s lips curved upward into a sincere smile. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope your friend will get better soon.”

Jongin thought other than his self control, his eyes were also damaged because the smile was so blinding. “...Jongin.”

“Jongin...? Oh, your friend’s name?”

“No, mine. Kim Jongin. And yours...?”

Smooth, Jongin, real smooth, he grimly thought and wanted the earth to just open up and swallow him whole. Where was his manner? He was being very rude. Not forgetting to mention that it was a really, really lame pickup line.

The male looked slightly surprised and watched unblinkingly at him. He then broke their stare and looked down. Jongin’s hand was still on his arm. Even though he should feel disturbed because of the personal space invasion, but the touch on his arm felt warm.

Jongin noticed this and reluctantly let go of his arm, but his hand didn’t go very far. It was as if he was ready to grip the other male’s wrist again—just in case he took another step back. The other male’s eyes stayed downcast and Jongin felt maybe he shouldn’t force it. He was about to apologize for any inconvenience when the male opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo,” he replied softly.

Jongin’s inside churned with a jolt and nervousness soon consumed the urge to smoke.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Do Kyungsoo was probably the reason why Kim Jongin (unintentionally) had become a stalker.

And Sehun had a part along the way (because he was the one who unintentionally made Jongin go to the hospital).

Jongin stared at his phone screen blankly. It was spooky enough for him to grab Kyungsoo’s small arm and becoming even spookier when he had blurted out, ‘Do you text?’ His expression must have been somewhere between scary and hopeful because Kyungsoo only froze on his track for a whole minute. Jongin almost gave up but then Kyungsoo slowly nodded and came to realize what Jongin had meant.

Even he wasn’t that bold to Taemin before.

Jongin never had any dating slash flirting experiences with anyone else before (other than with Taemin). So he wasn’t sure if he should wait or he should not wait (to text first). Jongin wanted to ask his best friend for advice, but Sehun was probably too tired with everything that happened with Luhan that they hadn’t talked to each other lately.

There was his other friends, though. Junmyeon was probably the most reliable when it came to this kind of things. The pretty male suddenly flashed in his mind because the male definitely had a (healthy) relationship—according to Sehun—with Kris. Jongin could ask Junmyeon—or Kris, for that matter—for advices, but...what if they made fun of him? Jongin wasn’t ready and he shook his head hard at the thought. In the end, the tanned skin male only sent a text to Sehun, casually asking him to give him a call when he was free.

He fell asleep while waiting for Sehun’s phone call that night.

It was already ten in the morning on a bright, beautiful cloudy Sunday when Jongin cracked his eyes open. He quickly grabbed his phone to see if there was any reply and pouted in disappointment. Jongin didn’t want to bother Sehun but he knew that he couldn’t take it anymore if he had to wait. His heartbeat dramatically increased as he composed a new text with his hands trembling. Jongin had almost sent a text full of incoherent sentences but luckily his sane mind won. He deleted it all and replaced it with a simple,

Good morning, Kyungsoo-yah. What are you doing?

It wasn’t exactly simple. Simpe should’ve just been ‘good morning’ or ‘what are you doing’ or ‘how are you’ but Jongin realized he couldn’t take it back (he groaned as he realized he should’ve just picked ‘how are you’ instead).

Jongin yelped like a girl when the delivery report came in and threw his phone to the end of the bed. He nervously buried his head on the pillow, his heart thumping loudly against his ribcage. He felt like a girl who had just fallen in love for the first time, all nervous and everything about a single guy. Except that he wasn’t a girl. And make that a hot guy. Although the term ‘hot’ probably didn’t suit Kyungsoo. Cute and adorable were more like it.

A few seconds had passed and he fought hard to prevent himself to reach for his phone and texted Kyungsoo a new one. Half an hour later, his phone beeped as a new text came. Jongin had to brace himself to look at the sender first because it could be Sehun and almost broke into tears when it was Kyungsoo. He double checked it. Yes, it was really Kyungsoo.

Good morning. I’m omw to the hospital.

Jongin spent a moment to digest ‘omw’ and then his mouth formed a small ‘oh’ of understanding. “His text is cute,” he mumbled to himself and then it hit him. The word hospital caused his brain to send panic waves throughout his body and Jongin did everything in a record time—showering and dressing—before going to the hospital.

Is something wrong? Does his inhaler not working? Does his condition get worse again?

Jongin couldn’t stop thinking about the possibilities because Kyungsoo had just went there for general check up the previous day and he told him he was fine. A lot of things ran through his mind and he felt concerned. When Jongin had arrived at the said place, he immediately ran to the spot where they met yesterday and looked around. The round eyed male was nowhere to be found. Jongin’s resolve began to waver as he facepalmed.

What is wrong with you?? His mind shouted at him. You rushed to a hospital just because some random guy—wait no, it’s Kyungsoo—texted you back, telling you that he was on his way here?? What are you doing? He’s not even your boyfriend!!

But he’s not some random guy. Jongin shook his head blatantly, clearly arguing with his inner self. He’s...he’s not my boyfriend, but I want to know him. I want to know him better. Like, his favorite color. Like, his shoe sizes. Like, what he usually does do in his spare time. Things like that.

There is really something wrong with you, Kim Jongin.

I know...hey, I’m yourself!!

Jongin let out a weird sound.

“Umma, what is he doing?”, a girl stared at Jongin in confusion as she passed by with her mother. Her small fingers tightened around her mother’s and observed the male with her small eyes.

Jongin was torn apart between strangling himself to death or making a phone call. He then glanced at the curious girl offhandedly and she shrieked in fear.

“Umma, he stares at me!”

Her mother covered her daughter’s mouth and bowed slightly at Jongin before dragging her away to a safe distance.

Jongin groaned in frustration. He felt like yanking his hair, and would definitely start in the next moment if a soft voice hadn’t stopped him from doing so.

“Jongin...ah?”

Jongin’s phone slid off of his hand and it fell with a loud thud onto the floor. Kyungsoo stared in horror at the poor phone which scattered away from Jongin’s feet and quickly bent down to retrieve it. Jongin could only stare at Kyungsoo dumbly and was still unable to move when the phone was being shoved into his hand.

“Jongin-ah? Are you alright?”

I’m just so terribly happy to see you, Jongin mentally cried. And I’m glad you’re alright.

“Jongin-ah...”, Kyungsoo waved his hand in front of the taller male to grab his attention.

“Y—yes,” Jongin squeaked. Of all times, it just had to be then that he was caught off guard for not being manly.

“Um... What are you doing here?”

“Oh. You know. My boyfriend—I mean, my best friend’s boyfriend, yes, my best friend’s, okay? I’m currently single—not that you asked,” Jongin scratched his head and laughed awkwardly (and his phone gracefully fell again onto the floor. This time, Kyungsoo did nothing). He really wanted to strangle his own self at the moment. “I just—I was on my way to visit him.”

He crossed his fingers behind his back, hoping that Kyungsoo would buy the story. When Kyungsoo didn’t say anything, Jongin took it as an opportunity to seize his poor phone back and tucked it safely into his pocket.

“I see,” Kyungsoo fractured the calm between them. “Your friend... I really hope he’ll get well soon. Being hospitalized .”

“Yeah...”

Both of them fell into an awkward silence. Jongin gazed at the pattern of his shoes (even though it was patternless) and thought of another subject to talk about. Kyungsoo shifted slightly and adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder, clearly showing his intention to go home.

“Well then...”

“Are you alright?”

Kyungsoo blinked. Jongin was being so straightforward that it startled Kyungsoo at most times. And his questions were filled with genuine concern. He had a feeling that if he didn’t give Jongin a straight answer, the latter would keep on asking and nagging to no end. No one had ever done that to him before, and it was new to Kyungsoo. “...yes...?”

Jongin only frowned. His lips were pursed, clearly demanding for another answer.

Kyungsoo sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair. “I think I accidentally ate something that contained peanut...it triggered the cough.”

“You can’t eat peanut?”

A head shake.

“How about shrimp?”

“Shrimp...?”

“Are you allergic to shrimp?”

“Oh? No. Are you allergic?”

“No. Definitely no. But there’s—there’s just this—this good seafood restaurant downtown—my friend owns it—and I wondered if you would want to go sometimes...”

There. Jongin had finally said it. He felt his face burning with embarassment because it was, honestly, so lame and embarassing. At that moment, Jongin thought he probably really should have waited for Sehun’s reply or really asked Kris’ opinion in person. He felt his heartbeat quickened and his mouth became dry at Kyungsoo’s shocked expression. His round eyes couldn’t get any wider from the shock and Jongin felt like digging a hole and die.

“Jongin-ah—“

“I—“, Jongin abruptly said. He wasn’t ready for an answer that wasn’t ‘yes’. “I promise you I’ll reserve the non smoking area.”

“Jongin-ah,” Kyungsoo sternly said and this time, Jongin looked up to meet his eyes. He didn’t like the look Kyungsoo gave him and the tall male could hear the sound of his heart breaking silently. “That’s very sweet of you but...we’ve...we’ve just...met.”

Jongin went blank at the statement and his mind ran twenty lines to counter. He opened his mouth to say something defensive like ‘but we’ve met a week ago! ...or so’ or ‘I know we’ve just met but I really want this to work and I think dinner would be a good start’ but in the end, he said nothing. Jongin closed his mouth with a defeated sigh. Kyungsoo didn’t want to rush. It was clear.

“I know. I’m... I’m sorry. Can you...can you at least please think about it?”

Kyungsoo’s gaze softened as he smiled. The smile got Jongin to think that it would worth the wait.

“I will, Jongin-ah.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

After a week, Jongin finally had the nerve to pick up and told those (annoying) girls that no, he was not interested in getting back together again with Taemin. He even emphasized never ever ever loudly, perfectly copying lyrics in a song. Although he kind of wanted to know, what exactly did Taemin tell them so they were so determined to make them kiss and make up? (He had a feeling it must be something dramatic).

His phone stopped ringing. But it didn’t stop buzzing.

Because texting Kyungsoo had become a (one sided) routinity.

It was a little late when Jongin had come to realize that he was truly a (or maybe just Kyungsoo’s) fanboy. He waited with his heart beating wildly for a reply and nervously grabbing his phone the split second it vibrated. Although Kyungsoo didn’t reply as fast as him, but at least he texted back and it was more than enough for Jongin. If Kyungsoo sometimes (or most of the times) needed ten to fifteen minutes to reply (sometimes an hour), Jongin only needed ten seconds.

Was it too much?

He wanted to ask someone’s opinion on this but he didn’t really have the courage to. When Sehun did finally call, Jongin couldn’t say anything and he just switched the topic to how was Luhan doing.

Jongin knew (or at least, that was what he had been telling himself) that Kyungsoo didn’t entirely reject him. The male just asked for some time to think—and he did promise he would give a thought about it. And Jongin had agreed. But as the days passed by in a breeze and turned into another week, he was starting to feel worried. The real question was, for how long did Kyungsoo want to think about it? A week? A month?

...forever?

At the end of the week, Jongin’s car was finally done and he inwardly threw confettis. He gladly picked his ‘fake’ boyfriend at the workshop and even thought of giving it a nickname (“D.O would be nice”, he mumbled). At least the car managed to distract his thoughts from Kyungsoo (although it worked just for a day, ten hours to be exact, because Jongin found himself longing to text Kyungsoo again at night).

Another week had passed in the blink of an eye.

Jongin couldn’t hide the fact anymore that he wanted to meet Kyungsoo. It didn’t have to be a date though, they could just go out as friends, they could be anything Kyungsoo wanted to. Anything was fine as long as he got to meet the pretty male.

When Sehun suddenly called him to ask him a favor of taking Luhan to the hospital, Jongin agreed. He told him that Luhan’s doctor just wanted to check on his condition and Sehun really couldn’t make it. So Jongin got ready before picking Luhan and driving him to the said hospital.

Luhan threw him a disdain look when Jongin told him he was going to be outside instead of accompanying him into the doctor’s room (it was supposed to be Sehun afterall and not him). Jongin took the opportunity to wander around the same place he accidentally met Kyungsoo twice weeks ago. He took a seat and his fingers hovered above his touch screen before typing something. When Jongin finally pressed ‘send’, he sighed and leaned his back against the chair.

Jongin heard his delivery report chiming in his phone and another beep. He frowned at the unusually fast reply, but it was probably just Luhan. Jongin brought his phone to his face and realized that the beeping sound didn’t come from his phone.

Kyungsoo had stopped walking. He maintained a safe distance between them and cleared his throat to catch his attention.

Jongin was truly surprised. “Ky—Kyungsoo-yah?”

Kyungsoo didn’t even look surprised anymore. “I never know you’re that fond of the hospital,” Kyungsoo joked with a smile. He made no move to step closer and Jongin respected his wish.

“I’m just taking Luhan. Sehun couldn’t make it.” Kyungsoo stared at him questioningly and Jongin quickly explained. “Sehun’s my best friend. Luhan’s his boyfriend.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo breathed. He tapped a finger absentmindedly against his chest. His eyes never left Jongin and it seemed like he was lost in his thoughts. “You...don’t reek smoke today.”

“I—I haven’t smoked since morning,” Jongin replied and blinked. He did? He did.

Kyungsoo raised his brows in amazement. “That’s...good. I mean, it’s healthy. You reeked of smoke badly the first time we met, remember? We were waiting for the bus. And I had to go to the doctor the next day because of you.” He chuckled lightly.

Jongin visibly bit his bottom lip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I didn’t even know why I chose to take the bus that day.”

Funny, Jongin thought. Me too.

Kyungsoo played with the strap of his bag on his shoulder. He was probably going to say that he was leaving, but Jongin didn’t want the meeting to end just yet.

“Have you given a thought about it?”

“About what...?”

“About the seafood restaurant,” Jongin casually shrugged. “Or, if you don’t like seafood, we can go someplace else. We can drink coffee. Or, if you don’t drink coffee, we can switch to another place.”

Jongin didn’t care anymore if he sounded terribly stupid. He wanted to have a date with this adorable male in front of him. What else should he do to let Kyungsoo know that he was dead serious? Or was two weeks of time not enough? Should he wait for another week before asking (again)?

Kyungsoo’s expression was unreadable and Jongin honestly wasn’t ready for another ‘let me think about it’. “If I say no...”

“If you say no, I will understand but I will keep on texting you.”

“If I say yes, will you stop texting me?”

Jongin looked taken aback and his expression turned into horror. “...I can’t text you anymore?”

The corner of Kyungsoo’s eyes crinkled as he laughed. “Oh my, Jongin-ah... You really are something...”

Jongin wanted to retort but he was a bit caught in the moment with the sound of Kyungsoo’s beautiful laugh. The latter finally stopped laughing after a while and shook his head in amusement.

“So...”

“Hm?”

“Is that a yes?”, Jongin looked worried.

Kyungsoo pouted a bit before shyly nodding. “...okay.”

“Okay?”

“...yes, okay.”

“Okay, I can’t text you anymore, or okay, I’ll go with you?”

Another heartwarming laugh. “The second one, Jongin-ah.”

Jongin blinked as he tracked back what he was saying. “I’ll go with...holy , you’ll go with me???”

“You changed your mind already?”

“No!! I mean, I...”, Jongin trailed off and he had to take a deep breath. “I promise you, I’ll  be sure to reserve the non-smoking area.”

Kyungsoo’s smile widened. “That’s really thoughtful of you. Thank you.”

“So, uh...how about I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven? I’ll ask for your address later?”

“Okay.”

The conversation was left at that and Kyungsoo waved his hand at him before leaving.

Jongin was speechless.

He was really speechles.

Screaming seemed to be the most effective thing to do to let out everything, but he was still in the hospital and the nurses would definitely throw something at him if he did. So when Kyungsoo finally disappeared from his peripheral vision, he did a silent air with his fist and felt somewhat proud with himself.

When Jongin finally moved his to go back to check on Sehun’s boyfriend, he was greeted with a solemn, teasing stare from Luhan.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Jongin really did reserved the non-smoking area.

He whined panickly into the phone when Minseok told him that the non-smoking tables were already reserved for tomorrow, but the smoking area still got a few vacant tables. He begged shamelessly as he muttered ‘Kyungsoo can’t stand the smoke’ and ‘this dinner is really important to me’ to Minseok, who only laughed loudly in response.

‘So his name is Kyungsoo,’ Minseok coolly said and Jongin realized that it was a trap. He decided to just shrug it off as long as he could reserve the table he wanted and kick the older male’s later. Much, much later.

It turned out that Kyungsoo’s apartment wasn’t far from the hospital, it was located just a few blocks away. Jongin had no difficulties finding it as he drove to the said address. However, he had a sudden difficulty of breathing when he was about to knock on the other male’s door. Jongin closed his eyes and braved himself for what was coming. He lifted up his hand to knock and a few moments later, Kyungsoo opened the door with a kind smile.

When Jongin saw that smile of his, he knew that everything would turn out great.

They finally reached the restaurant after twenty minutes. Their conversation was light and decent in the car and the taller of the two couldn’t wait to talk more.

Minseok wiggled his eyebrows when the elder spotted him with Kyungsoo trailing behind him, but too bad Jongin decided to ignore him like he didn’t even existed (“That brat, I won’t give him discount then,” Minseok grunted in annoyance). The waiter brought them to the reserved table and Kyungsoo looked around in awe as he took his seat.

“This place is nice,” Kyungsoo commented and it brought a grin to Jongin’s face.

“I’m glad you like it,” he replied. “Suho-hyung owns it.”

“Suho? As in...Suho, a guardian?”

“Ah. It’s only his nickname. His real name is Junmyeon.”

“Oh,” Kyungsoo looked thoughtful even though his eyes were on the menu. “A guardian. It sounds...nice.”

Jongin lifted his head to stare at him but Kyungsoo didn’t notice his eyes. A moment later, Jongdae came to their table with a pen and a note. Jongin wasn’t too fond of his smile but just like he did with Minseok, he pretended not knowing the male.

“Hello, Jongin-ah. Ready to order?”

Kyungsoo smiled at Jongdae while Jongin pretended he didn’t hear anything. Jongdae recommended some of the few main dishes to Kyungsoo and the male decided to follow his suggestion. Jongin ordered the usual and Jongdae gave him a knowing look. When Jongdae had left, both Jongin and Kyungsoo stayed silent.

It was awkward at first, but then the comfort followed.

Jongin couldn’t tear his eyes off of the male in front of him. Kyungsoo was good looking. Too good looking, in fact. He noticed a few pair of eyes turned to Kyungsoo the moment they walked into the restaurant. Jongin sighed loudly and Kyungsoo frowned at him questioningly. He only grinned as a response and unabashedly continue to observe the pretty male’s face.

Kyungsoo was definitely different than Taemin.

Jongin shifted his eyes from Kyungsoo to the napkin beside his glass and pressed his lips into a thin line.

They were still consumed by silence when a woman passed by their table and her scent drifted everywhere.

Either she had accidentally sprayed half of the bottle to her body or her perfume was just awfully nauseating. Kyungsoo made the mistake of healing (it was unavoidable) and within seconds his face went pale. Jongin became panicked when he realized his expression—it was the same one with the one he had the first time they met—and leaned forward to grab Kyungsoo’s bag but the latter was faster. He quickly reached for his inhaler and drew a deep breath from the small thing.

Jongin anxiously bit his bottom lip and waited somewhat impatiently.

A moment later, Kyungsoo’s expression went back to usual and he coughed slightly.

“Are you feeling better?”, Jongin asked softly.

Kyungsoo shyly nodded and looked into the younger male’s eyes hesitantly. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no...it’s...it’s nothing to be sorry about,” Jongin frowned. “Is it always that bad...?”

Kyungsoo smiled sheepishly. “Only from smokes and perfumes. Cold weather too, sometimes. Oh, and dusts. And iced drinks. And...oh dear God, they are a lot.”

Suddenly Jongdae was back by their table with their food and it got the tanned skin male to raise his brows. Jongdae had never become a waiter. He was pretty sure he only took their order in the first place because he was curious of Kyungsoo. Jongin’s eyes went to the counter where Minseok watched with interest and he almost snorted.

“Enjoy your meal,” Jongdae winked at Jongin before strutting away with an empty tray.

Jongin rolled his eyes and grabbed his dining utensils.

Kyungsoo watched as Jongdae walked back to Minseok’s place and smiled at the view. Minseok noticed his gaze and waved slightly. “Are they your friends?”

“Don’t know them,” Jongin muttered and sighed. “I’m sorry if you feel bothered.”

“No, they look...nice,” Kyungsoo pondered and glanced over his shoulder once again. It was probably not the right time because Minseok and Jongdae looked like they were about to kiss. Kyungsoo quickly turned his attention back to the food. “Have a nice meal, Jongin-ah.”

Jongin smiled back. “Have a nice meal.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Their night nearly came to an end as Jongin drove back to Kyungsoo’s apartment in silence.

Was this how the dinner supposed to go? Jongin wasn’t sure. Was it even a bad thing? Did Kyungsoo hate the food? Did Kyungsoo hate him? He didn’t have a clue.

“So...peanut,” Jongin started and mentally facepalmed. Someone should really teach him how to establish a decent conversation. “It triggers your cough. And cough will trigger your asthma.”

“Exactly.”

“So, uh... Is there any other food that you’re allergic to?”

Kyungsoo turned to look at Jongin. “Why do you ask?”

Jongin nervously swallowed. “...just in case if I want to take you out again.”

There was a pause. “There will be next time?”

Jongin had to shut his eyes for a second. “...there won’t?”

He heard Kyungsoo sighing and his hands became cold. “Jongin-ah, you’re still young. I’m sure there are a lot of wonderful guys out there who would love to hang out with you. People that are...healthy.”

“But—“

“I’ll only just be a burden to you, Jongin-ah. I mean, the dinner was nice, and you were so kind to take me out tonight. The first time might be okay, but I’m sure you’re not gonna like the second one and so on. I will not blame you. I just—I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I don’t—I don’t understand—“

“You don’t have to. But I’m doing this for your sake.”

Jongin couldn’t find the right words to retort. His head was spinning at the rejection—it was a rejection, right? He hadn’t asked him out and yet Kyungsoo had already told him that there wasn’t going to be next time. He felt his heart broke to pieces (again), but this time it was a bit too painful.

The rest of the trip was painfully silent.

Jongin’s lips trembled when the other male thanked him for everything before sliding off of the car.

He wasn’t even able to say goodbye.

But maybe, it was mostly because Jongin didn’t want to.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Another week had passed and Jongin hadn’t recovered from the thing called ‘brokenhearted’.

He paused at the thought and brought a hand to his chest. Brokenhearted. Why did he even feel that way? What kind of feeling did he have toward Kyungsoo? They had only known each other for less than a month and Kyungsoo was already able to break his heart? Compared to his previous relationship with Taemin, one month was nothing. He had several years and not in a single day, he had felt this way before.

Jongin accepted Sehun’s invitation of hanging out that night as he got up from his bed. Hopefully meeting everyone would somehow distract his mind from Kyungsoo and his big, beautiful shaped eyes. And his perfectly combed hair. And his pink, lush lips.

He certainly jumped too soon to conclusion. Because obviously, Jongin was wrong.

He felt more miserable when he witnessed Luhan was on Sehun’s lap and Kris’ arm wrapped protectively around Junmyeon’s shoulder. Their intimate public displays of affection got Jongin to cry inwardly because they somehow reminded him of Kyungsoo—because he wanted to do those things with him, too. Kris’ fond stare at Junmyeon (clearly admiring his beautiful face) reminded Jongin of his stare of Kyungsoo’s big, beautiful shaped eyes. And his perfectly combed hair. And his pink, lush lips.

Jongin was more silent that night. Junmyeon had been staring at Jongin worriedly and slowly, everyone seemed to realize that their friend’s condition was slightly different than usual. Beer and cigarettes didn’t help to put his mind at ease as he endlessly took a long drag from one stick to another. Junmyeon cringed at the amount of cigarettes he consumed at such a short time and decided to snatch the box before it was too late. Jongin slapped the elder’s hand by instinct and Kris quickly gave him a death glare. He squirmed in his seat but didn’t apologize. Junmyeon was trying to take the cigarettes away, afterall. No one was allowed to do that.

“What is wrong with you?”, Junmyeon let Kris rubbing his slapped hand affectionately. “We know you love to smoke, but...this is different. Are you alright?”

Jongin only stared at Junmyeon blankly. He took another drag calmly and exhaled the smoke, causing Luhan to cough.

“I thought—I thought you’re going to bring the guy we met at the hospital,” Luhan said between his cough. “You guys look great together.”

Jongin turned his head to Luhan lifelessly. He planned on not commenting, but then he caught Zitao staring at him in awe.

“You got yourself a new boyfriend? ...and here I thought you’d never stop crawling to Taemin’s feet.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jongin replied harshly and his chest tightened. Why did it feel so painful for him to say those words?

“You should bring him along next time,” Sehun added. “Introduce him to us.”

Jongin grimaced as he put off his cigarette on the ashtray. The place was so full of smoke and the smell of hard liquor hung in the air. Kyungsoo wasn’t going to last in a minute in a place like this. He gulped the beer down his throat until it was empty and shivered from the rushing sensation to his head. “I’m going.”

“So soon?”, Junmyeon looked even more worried. “Can you even drive?”

“I’m not drunk, hyung,” Jongin rolled his eyes and stood up. “See you all later.”

“Be careful, Jongin-ah.”

He got to his car and waited for a moment to let the headache go away before driving. Jongin pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He was snapped back to reality when all of a sudden, his window was knocked and Jongin looked up to see Zitao waving his hand. He rolled the window down and Zitao handed him his phone.

“You left it.”

“Ah. Thank you, Tao.”

Zitao nodded and his lips. “I’m sorry...if something I said offended you.”

“What?”

“I mean, the one about Tae—”

“Oh,” Jongin quickly cut his sentence. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter anymore.” He wished his friends would stop mentioning the name, but it couldn’t be helped. Their relationship had been going on for so long.

The Chinese male stared at him blankly. “...so you really found someone new?”

Jongin sighed. “...sort of.” He did find someone new. He just wasn’t in a relationship with Kyungsoo.

“That’s good,” Zitao said and he wryly smiled at Jongin. “I mean, it’s good for you to finally able to move on. I don’t think I’ll ever be as strong as you.” His tone was bitter and Jongin knew, that he was talking about his undying love for Kris. “If he’s worth it, you definitely should fight for him, Jongin-ah.”

Jongin deadpanned.

“Be careful on your way home,” Zitao waved his hand at him once again and turned around to walk away from the car.

Kyungsoo’s shy smile flashed in Jongin’s mind and he quickly started the engine. Zitao’s words bounced in his mind as he sped his way to Kyungsoo’s apartment. He didn’t know what was going to happen or what he was going to tell him, but as Jongin stumbled his way on the stairs, he only knew that he wanted to see Kyungsoo and that the male was worth it and his smile was worth it and his presence was worth it—everything was so damn worth it.

His knock on Kyungsoo’s door was probably loud and a bit impatient. Jongin realized at the last minute that his whole body was reeking of smoke and worse, alcohol. He totally forgot about Kyungsoo’s asthma. As soon as the door was opened, he warned the other male immediately.

“Step back and cover your nose,” Jongin said and Kyungsoo obeyed in confusion. The latter took a step back and then another step farther.

“Jongin-ah?”, Kyungsoo’s voice was muffled beneath his palm.

“Do you have any spare towel? I’ll go get a shower.”

Kyungsoo looked even more confused. “...here?”

Jongin’s voice became quieter. “...I can’t take a shower here?”

Kyungsoo blinked before gesturing him to come inside. Jongin stepped in and closed the door behind him as he watched Kyungsoo disappeared into one of the rooms. He took off of his shoes before catching the towel Kyungsoo threw at him from a safe distance. The latter’s face scrunched up at Jongin and pointed the direction to the bathroom.

“Wait. Did you even bring any change of clothes?”

Jongin looked down at his clothes. Kyungsoo was right. Even if he did take a shower, his clothes would still reek. Now that, Jongin hadn’t thought about. “...no.”

“Oh dear God, you’re helpless,” Kyungsoo sighed and disappeared into the room again. Luckily there was still his old roommate’s clothes, somewhere. Since Chanyeol was also slim and tall like Jongin, they would definitely fit him. When he finally found Chanyeol’s old pair of tee and sweatpants, Kyungsoo put them in front of the bathroom. Jongin was nowhere to be found and he heard the water running. The younger male must be inside.

He went to the kitchen to make two cups of hot chocolate. Kyungsoo stirred the hot liquid absentmindedly with a spoon and his gaze drifted to the clock on the wall. It wasn’t very late, but it was also unusual for someone to visit at this hour. Kyungsoo waited patiently until Jongin finished showering. He could hear the sound of a door being closed and light footsteps prancing toward him. He turned around and almost lost his balance as Jongin stumbled forward to him, pulling him into a tight hug.

Kyungsoo felt his heartbeat quickened. Jongin smelled fresh and he could feel the water dripping from his wet hair onto his shoulder. Kyungsoo could inhale the lingering scent of cigarette but strangely, it didn’t affect him. Jongin’s arms around him were comforting.

Like a guardian.

“Why didn’t you give me a chance?”

Jongin muttered those words softly, almost painfully.

“It’s not fair...”

Kyungsoo felt their bodies pressed closer and as much as he wanted to push the other male away, he didn’t. He found his right hand flew to Jongin’s side unconsciously. “Jongin-ah... I just didn’t want you to be—“

“Disappointed?”

“—burdened,” Kyungsoo finished his sentence and Jongin pulled away abruptly.

Jongin’s stare was judging and his eyes were filled with protest. “Burdened?”

Kyungsoo sighed and looked down at their feet. Jongin’s hands stayed on his shoulders and they felt cold. “You saw me. I can’t really go to public places...it’s sad, really. I’m just afraid...if there’s a place you want to go to but I can’t because it will affect my health...no matter how much I want to...” He shook his head and took a deep breath. “Jongin-ah, why did you even come here?”

Jongin looked away. “My friends. They were asking about you.”

“Your friends...?”

“Yeah. They wanted me to introduce you to them. Especially Luhan.”

“Wait,” Kyungsoo held up his hands defensively. “We’re not in a relationship...”

“I know,” Jongin whispered and buried his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “But I’m really trying to make it happen. Can’t you see it?”

It was like Kyungsoo’s heart was pierced with a thousand needles because it hurt. It hurt a lot to hear Jongin saying those words because he knew. He knew from the very start what the taller male had wanted yet he was too scared to let it happen. Kyungsoo stifled a sob as he felt Jongin’s arms were snaking around his waist to pull him closer.

“Please give me a chance,” Jongin whispered almost desperately. “Please.”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes as his face was met with Jongin’s broad shoulder. “I...”

“Please. You won’t know until I try.”

It was like Jongin refused to let go until Kyungsoo said yes. Kyungsoo felt his breath became a bit ragged and his heartbeat continued to increase rapidly. He felt scared. He felt truly scared. Kyungsoo wasn’t ready for a relationship because he knew he’d just be a burden to anyone. And this time, maybe to Jongin.

Jongin almost sighed in defeat as he realized Kyungsoo wasn’t going to give him answer anytime soon. The room was quiet, and the only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat. Jongin loosened his grip around Kyungsoo’s waist to let him go, but then Kyungsoo leaned closer to him and he heard him whispering.

“...okay.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Jongin couldn’t describe what he felt because it was too overwhelming.

He wasn’t sure of their relationship, were they really dating or not, or did Kyungsoo mean ‘okay’ as in ‘okay, I give you a chance but we’re not exclusive yet’ or ‘okay, I give you a chance and now we’re dating’. Either way, Jongin was happy because Kyungsoo had decided to give him a chance and it was enough for him.

They had never really went out and Jongin started to spend his spare times in Kyungsoo’s apartment. The latter seemed uncomfortable at first with Jongin invading his personal space, but as it developed from days to weeks, he had gotten used to it.

Jongin couldn’t find the perfect word to describe Kyungsoo. Flawless might be the closest word. Everything about Kyungsoo had never failed to amaze him.

The male was attached to his laptop most of the times. It was later that Jongin found out that he took homeschooling and everything study related was sent into his emails. Despite his health, Kyungsoo turned out to be a very multitalented and a dilligent person. He was smart and Jongin was quite surprised when he knew the older of the two could cook (by the time he found out about Kyungsoo’s age, it was already awkward to use ‘hyung’ so he just stick to ‘Kyungsoo-yah’). Jongin also noticed that he stopped eating junk food and was beginning to long for Kyungsoo’s homecooking instead.

They didn’t remember when exactly Jongin started bringing his laptop to Kyungsoo’s apartment to work on his assignments. They didn’t remember when Jongin brought some of his spare clothes to change into, just because. They didn’t remember since when Jongin had spent most of his times in Kyungsoo’s apartment instead of with his friends.

It became a topic at one dinner.

“You know,” Kyungsoo said. “You could hang out with your friends if you want to.”

“Hm? They’re busy.”

“Busy doing...what?”

Jongin didn’t answer until he gulped the spaghetti down his throat. “Let’s see. Minseok and Jongdae are always working. Sehun and Zitao are currently studying for exams—which is what I’m doing too, right now.” He added the last part because Kyungsoo was frowning at him. “Luhan doesn’t disturb Sehun whenever exam is near. Kris is probably stalking Junmyeon because he’s possessive and protective of his boyfriend just like that and Junmyeon-hyung, he’ll probably just go to the restaurant to maintain everything. Did I tell you that Yixing is a wonderful dancer? His studio is going to held a performance and I’m pretty sure he’s practicing really hard as we speak.”

Kyungsoo spaced out for a second before nodding. “I see...”

“Is something wrong?”

“N—no, it’s just that...you have a lot of friends.”

Jongin grinned. “They’re your friends, too, you know. They’re really excited to meet you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So I’m just gonna arrange a meeting to introduce you to all of them, alright?”

“Al—alright.”

Jongin blinked at how easy it was. He thought Kyungsoo was going to decline the offer because they weren’t in a relationship or something but no, he said alright. Jongin bit back a happy smile. “Kyungsoo-yah. Can I ask you something?”

Kyungsoo hesitated before nodding for the second time. “Sure.”

“Your old roommate—where is he now?”

Jongin couldn’t say that he wasn’t jealous because Kyungsoo’s face brightened. He regretted asking immediately. But then again, he wanted to know everything about Kyungsoo. Including his friends and exes, if there were any.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo poked his food playfully with his fork. “He’s with Baekhyun now.” He put the fork aside and grabbed his glass to drink. “I’m very happy for him.”

“Baekhyun is...his boyfriend?”

Kyungsoo finished gulping and nodding in enthusiasm. “I believe it was love at first sight! Chanyeol was taking me to the hospital that day when he bumped into Baekhyun. They were awkward and all and Baekhyun thought I was his boyfriend—“ the man paused to laugh. “—but they finally hit it off.”

Even though Kyungsoo looked happy, but there was a hint of sadness displayed in his orbs and Jongin hated it. He waited and carefully spoke. “And...?”

“There’s no ‘and’,” Kyungsoo slightly frowned. “Oh. Maybe...‘and then they live happily ever after?’ Because they are now.” He grabbed his fork again to continue eating, but the intense stare from Jongin stopped him. Kyungsoo glanced up to him and swallowed. Why was it so hard to lie through Jongin?

“And...?”

Kyungsoo his lips nervously. “There’s really no ‘and’, Jongin-ah.”

“But?” Jongin continued stubbornly.

Kyungsoo stared at him and wondered how Jongin could read him easily like he was some sort of transparent paper. “But...Chanyeol almost didn’t get together with Baekhyun. Because of me. Because he said...he wouldn’t be able to leave me alone.”

Jongin merely nodded as if to encourage Kyungsoo to continue. It was probably what the other male had been keeping inside and he just wanted him to share.

“It’s pathetic, right? But then I made the right decision to convince him to move in with Baekhyun. It was lonely at first, because Chanyeol was hyper and loud and brought a smile to everyone. This apartment was never quiet. He was never quiet,” he chuckled and gazed at Jongin. No words were said, but Jongin could tell that he was almost pleading. Kyungsoo was asking him to not abandon him. Because he was scared and he was alone and he was lonely and he needed someone. Kyungsoo had never said those words aloud, but Jongin knew. Jongin just knew.

The tanned skin male’s lips curved into a small smile and nodded.

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“The nod...”

Jongin shrugged. “I just found out that hospital’s not that bad actually.”

Kyungsoo stared contemplatively. “And why is that?”

“It got Chanyeol to meet his Baekhyun.”

Jongin reached forward to put his hand on Kyungsoo’s.

“And it got us to meet again.”

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

It was probably a month after Kyungsoo had said ‘okay’ that Jongin realized his bad habit had disappeared.

Slowly, but surely, he changed in a good way.

Kyungsoo had changed Jongin’s life. He wasn’t sure if it was the right term to describe it because Kyungsoo didn’t have any intention to change him but he did. Jongin started to be picky about food. He stuffed more vegetables and fruits down his throat instead of junk food. He started to maintain his sleep, at least eight hours a day and drank lots of water. Jongin started to order soda or juices whenever he hang out with his friends and Junmyeon gave him a pleased look. The changing was constant and Zitao just had to ask him if he had turned vegan and Jongin guffawed at the question.

But what was even more obvious was that Jongin had reduced his smoking.

His friends were really glad at him—especially at the smoking part. Although it needed progress, but Jongin showed his determination and significancy at quitting. Junmyeon stopped giving him horror looks now that he hadn’t smoke anymore. Sehun also grinned and patting him on the shoulder, feeling proud of Jongin and his (healthy) life now. He faintly heard Luhan muttering something like ‘we really need to be introduced to this Kyungsoo guy.’

Jongin was in Kyungsoo’s living room that night with his laptop on and textbooks scattered everywhere on the table. His professor just wouldn’t stop giving his class assignments even though they were already sophomores. Right now, Jongin just wanted to slam his head against the thick textbooks and doze off. Screw assignments. He could always copy Sehun’s later.

Kyungsoo had stepped out of his bedroom and blinked at the amount of works Jongin had.

“Jongin-ah?”

His name being mentioned distracted him a lot as Jongin scribbled down almost furiously on a piece of paper. No, he couldn’t copy Sehun’s later. He needed to get this done. Why did he take civil engineering as a major again in the first place? Oh, right. Because that ex of his had said something about ‘engineers are hot’ when they were still in the high school.

Kyungsoo slid beside Jongin and propped his elbow for support on the table. Jongin only hummed as an answer. The taller of the two looked so busy and Kyungsoo didn’t want to be a bother. It was different than his homeschooled tasks, but maybe it was just because he didn’t take civil engineering—he knew that he was weak at everything math-related. Kyungsoo patted Jongin on his back and was about to leave to make dinner, but then his eyes spotted a small can on the table and couldn’t help but asked in curiosity.

“Jongin-ah...what’s this?”

Jongin’s eyes followed Kyungsoo’s gaze and went back to the piece of paper beneath his hands. “Chewing gum.”

Kyungsoo squinted his eyes to take a good look. “...for smoker?”

“I quit smoking.”

It seemed to be a surprise to Kyungsoo as he turned to stare at Jongin. “You—you quit? Since...since when?”

“This past month,” Jongin crinkled his nose in distaste and scratched his head in frustration. He didn’t seem able to solve the problem. “It took me quite a while until I was able to replace the nicotine addiction with chewing gum—oh dear, I think I’m gonna have to call Sehun for this question...”

Kyungsoo gaped. So the reason why Jongin didn’t reek of smoke anymore lately was because he really quit? He thought the male just didn’t smoke in front of him regarding his health. Kyungsoo had never expected Jongin to quit. It was certainly a hard thing to do.

Jongin’s frown deepened and he failed to notice Kyungsoo’s fond expression on him. He felt the latter shifted in his seat. Jongin thought he was going to stand up and walk away, but Kyungsoo leaned closer to him and brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead. Jongin turned to him with a dumb expression plastered on his face.

“You need a break,” Kyungsoo whispered.

And Kyungsoo brought his lips to cover Jongin’s.

The kiss was naive and innocent. It was simple, it was just a moment where a pair of lips met with another pair of lips, but to Jongin, it was magnificent. Butterflies were dancing, the stars were sparkling and those imaginary fairies were chuckling.

Kyungsoo was the first to break the kiss, but he didn’t pull away. Their lips were hovering against each other, and Jongin could feel Kyungsoo’s warm breath on his. He swallowed and Kyungsoo slowly pulled away, but didn’t make it very far because Jongin had snatched his wrist.

“Wow,” Jongin breathed dreamily. “I do need that.”

Kyungsoo raised his brows and Jongin hastily added,

“I mean the break. I do need a break.”

Kyungsoo chuckled and this time, he really pulled away from the taller male. “I’ll fix you something to eat.”

“Okay.”

Jongin could only nodded dumbly as Kyungsoo gave him another shy smile and went to the kitchen. His whole body went numb like someone had just casted a spell on him. Jongin’s eyes dropped to the table at his assignment and he felt refreshed. The questions looked like a piece of cake and the cloud hovering his mind slowly dissipated. Everything became clear.

He reached for his pen and flipped it playfully between his fingers. In precisely fifteen hours, he would have to hand his assignment to his professor and the taste of Kyungsoo’s soft lips still lingered and it successfully broke all of his concentration.

Jongin closed his textbooks and stood up. He aimed straight to the kitchen, didn’t really care at the fact that his task needed to be done if he wanted to have a good score that semester. The smell of onions drifted right through his nostrils as Jongin reached out Kyungsoo’s shoulders and turned him around.

The shorter of the two could only gasp when Jongin held him firmly and kissed him. Kyungsoo stiffened for a fraction of second before relaxing in Jongin’s arms and fluttered his eyes closed. Jongin’s free hand went to turn off the stove before going back to cup Kyungsoo’s cheek.

Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s fingers clutching the end of his shirt and he pulled him closer, away from the hot frying pan.

He was definitely going to get used to it.

A break that involved kissing Kyungsoo.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

They had never say it out loud, but their relationship was now official.

Kyungsoo was starting to let Jongin drove him everywhere. They were beginning to do some shopping together and took turns in doing the dishes.

It was a surprise when Jongin brought Kyungsoo along to Yixing’s dance performance. He figured the place was somewhat safe and no one was allowed to smoke in the room, so his boyfriend—yes, boyfriend—wouldn’t get his asthma attack. His friends welcomed Kyungsoo warmly and a huge grin was plastered on Jongin’s face. Their reactions toward Kyungsoo and their previous reactions toward his ex was completely different. Kyungsoo’s shy smile managed to capture their hearts. Sehun nudged Jongin’s ribs because personally, he thought Kyungsoo was definitely prettier and Luhan beamed at him. Junmyeon gave him his angelic smile when they noticed Kyungsoo stick closer to Jongin all the time, with his fingers hooked with the taller male’s.

When they made love, Jongin had to remind himself that he couldn’t be so rough or fast, no matter how much he wanted to. Kyungsoo’s moans of his name was driving him insane. Everytime Jongin’s pace increased accidentally, he would be panicked because Kyungsoo looked like he was out of breath, judging from the way his chest moved. And then he would go slower and whispered soothing words into Kyungsoo’s ear. When Kyungsoo’s breath went back to almost normal, he would kiss him again, slowly, patiently, lovingly, to let him know that he would never hurt him. Jongin didn’t want the older male to be admitted to the hospital just because he couldn’t get a hold of his damn junior.

He didn’t know since when Kyungsoo’s health had become his first priority.

There were times when Kyungsoo woke up due to his sudden asthma attack in the middle of the night and Jongin would be awake, too. He would try to comfort him even thought most of the times it didn’t do good. Whenever Kyungsoo had trouble breathing, sometimes his inhaler didn’t help at all because he couldn’t even use it with the endless coughing. Jongin felt painful at the sound of Kyungsoo’s hitched breath and at times like these, there was nothing he could do except staying beside him, holding his hands, wiping the sweats off of his forehead.

At times like these, Kyungsoo would feebly mutter that it was okay for Jongin to go away. That he would understand, and that he wouldn’t blame him, because he knew that maybe it was better that way.

Jongin was almost desperate to knock some sense into Kyungsoo to make him understand that he would never leave, but his boyfriend always smiled at him softly and told him that even if it wasn’t then, he would still forgive him.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

The tanned skin male left with difficulties that morning.

Kyungsoo’s condition was a bit dropping—he felt terrible because it seemed like it was caused by their third rounds of lovemaking on the previous. Jongin couldn’t help it. Kyungsoo was so beautiful and his moans and his touches and his kisses were addicting. Although the bigger reason was because Jongin ran out of words to tell Kyungsoo that he would never leave him and thought that action spoke louder than words.

“Hi.”

Jongin didn’t look up from his book. Even without him looking, he knew from the voice that it was Taemin. He almost chose to ignore the male, but something in him whispered ‘Kyungsoo wouldn’t want you to be like that’, so Jongin took a deep breath and smiled. His smile was close to fake, but it was still a smile anyway. “Hi.”

Taemin didn’t smile back. “You’ve changed.”

“Really?”, Jongin muttered noncommitally, clearly uninterested in whatever topic Taemin tried to bring.

Taemin deliberately sat across Jongin and frowned at the title of the book his ex boyfriend was reading. Asthma and how to prevent it. He cleared his throat. “I don’t like to see you like this.”

It caught Jongin’s attention as he too, frowned at the statement. “...excuse me?”

“You’ve...you’ve changed. And I hate it. You rarely hang out with your friends anymore because your time is reserved to...to him,” Taemin dryly said like it was some kind of disease. “You’ve changed, Jongin.”

“What...are you trying to say?”

“That if it were me, I’d never want you to change. I’d always love you for what you are.”

Jongin’s anger risen and he slammed his book closed. “You have no right to say that, Taemin.”

“I do, because I’ve been your boyfriend for years and you are not being yourself!”, Taemin shouted back with his teary eyes. Jongin couldn’t tell anymore if the act was fake or it was real. “So what, he’s sick? He’s so damn sick and that’s the reason he’s been chaining you down, and you can’t go away because you feel burdened and—“

Burdened.

“Shut the up.”

Taemin stopped talking and visibly tensed. “...you never cursed before...”

“Oh, I do now, if you keep on being like this,” Jongin said dangerously with his teeth gritted. “You know what, Taemin? Years of being in a relationship with you, not in a single day I’ve ever felt happy. You made me feel worthless. You humiliated me with all your drama tears and fake stories to your friends. But it’s different now. I feel happy. I feel very happy to be with him, because he’s worth it. He had never asked me anything. I changed, Taemin, because I wanted to. I wanted to change for his sake.”

Taemin’s eyes were glistening and Jongin didn’t care if he would wail loudly to gain everyone’s attention. He just had enough.

“And just for your information,” Jongin coldly said. “I feel burdened when I’m with you.”

“Jongin, please—“

He then gathered his things and shoved them angrily into his bag. Taemin only looked at him sadly and Jongin was about to storm out of the canteen, he was definitely outraged. He abruptly stopped because he suddenly saw Kyungsoo in front of him and his boyfriend’s color was drained from his face. His rage was clearly replaced with concern as his eyes widened and quickly reached toward him. “Kyungsoo-yah? What are you—how did you get here?”

Kyungsoo looked breathless and his eyes were at Taemin. “I’m—I’m sorry—“

“Don’t be,” Jongin worriedly pulled Kyungsoo closer. “Are you alright?”

Kyungsoo weakly sobbed. “No, I...I don’t feel so good, and I’m scared. I want to go to the hospital, but I don’t want to be alone...I thought I was just gonna wait until your class was over—“ He gasped painfully and Jongin quickly shushed him. “I’m sorry—I should’ve just went by myself instead of coming here—“

“Kyungsoo-yah,” Jongin said sternly as he wiped the tears away. “Calm down. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “No, I don’t want to be a burden to you—“

Jongin ran out of ideas on how to calm his boyfriend, so he silenced him with a kiss. Kyungsoo felt his whole body weakened at the meeting of their lips and collapsed in Jongin’s arms. The taller male then took the chance to drag Kyungsoo away with him to the car.

Kyungsoo let himself be dragged by Jongin and tightened his grip on the taller male’s arm. He had witnessed his boyfriend’s argument with someone who seemed to be his ex and Kyungsoo heard each sentence loud and clear. Jongin’s ex was pretty and perfect and healthy, he was definitely different than him. And those words...those words he said were totally right, no matter how cruel they were.

Jongin couldn’t leave because Kyungsoo was sick and he was chaining him down.

Kyungsoo felt everything spinning and crumbling as he felt a hurtful stab in his chest and it affected his head. It was so unbearable painful and Kyungsoo couldn’t breathe.

Jongin’s name was the last thing he cried before everything went black.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo opened his eyes to find his hand was being gripped tightly by someone.

He weakly blinked his eyes and turned to his right. Kyungsoo saw Jongin sleeping on a chair, with his face buried in his arms on the bed. The position definitely wasn’t comfortable and Kyungsoo felt a pang in his heart. He tried to move, but his body was still very weak and his head was heavy. Kyungsoo tried to pull his hand away, but Jongin’s grip was tight.

The movement caused Jongin to stir in his sleep and lifted his head up. It took him seconds before his eyes widening at the realization that Kyungsoo was awake. “Baby, you’re awake.”

Baby.

“Um,” Kyungsoo fought the urge to blush at the nickname and nodded tiredly. “How long have I...”

“A couple of hours,” Jongin replied and winced as he straightened up in his seat. “Damn.” Clearly he was talking about the sleeping position. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Kyungsoo said. “You should’ve just go home and sleep. I’ll be alright.”

“If it was me, what would you do, Kyungsoo-yah?”

Kyungsoo blinked. “Me...?”

“If it was me, would you go home and leave me here all alone?”

“I—well, definitely not—“

“Do you understand why I stay?”

Kyungsoo opened his mouth and closed it back. “...yes...”

“Anyway, I got scolded by your doctor. Although I have to say that the next time you come here for another general checkup, I’m coming with you. You didn’t tell me Doctor Yunho was hot. Did he ever do inappropriate things to you?”

“...Jongin-ah, he’s married and he’s been my doctor ever since I was born.”

Jongin clicked his tongue vehemently. “Still.”

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Why did he scold you?”

“He told me you cannot get tired,” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “And last night we were... God, his question was so straightforward, I felt so embarassed.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God,” Kyungsoo wailed and dragged a hand down his face. “Oh my God, I don’t even have the courage to face him again.”

“He’ll come in the morning, you’re gonna have to live with it and admit that yes, we did did it.”

Kyungsoo whimpered dramatically and peeked at Jongin from under his delicate fingers. “But it was nice.”

“It was nice? It was great. I was great.”

“Very great that I have to be hospitalized?”

Jongin groaned and facepalmed. “I know. I’m sorry. And it was nice for me, too.” He sighed and leaned forward to kiss Kyungsoo’s forehead. “I’m sorry. I won’t make you exhausted anymore. Dammit, Kyungsoo, I was really scared when they tried to pump those oxygens into you...I thought I was gonna lose you. That’s why I’ll... I’ll hold back.”

Kyungsoo was stunned as Jongin ruffled his hair affectionately. Jongin gave him a calming smile and Kyungsoo didn’t have the heart to look at his boyfriend in the eyes. He dropped his gaze to the white blanket sadly. “I’m sorry, Jongin-ah...”

Jongin almost felt exhausted because he knew what was coming. “Kyungsoo.”

“I’m really a burden...”

“It’s not true.”

“Your...ex was right...”

“Don’t listen to him, he talked all the time.”

“I’m gonna spend my whole life going back and forth to the hospital,” Kyungsoo grimly said in a low voice. “I can’t do a lot of things that will make you happy. I can’t go to the club with you. I can’t run with you in the morning. I can’t...accompany you to public places because there’s always a possibility that someone will smoke and now you’re willing to hold back just because you’re afraid of my health and what if—“

“Kyungsoo, stop it.”

“But...”, Kyungsoo started to sob. “It’s the truth, Jongin-ah. Your ex was right. I’m only chaining you down. That’s why I’ve always told you that it’s okay for you to walk away. You’re still young, Jongin-ah. You can be with anyone you like.”

“I like you. I want to be with you.”

“But I’m just gonna be a problem to you. And if...if one day, I ever collapse again and you’re not there... I don’t want you to blame yourself and feel guilty because you’re not responsible for anything that happen to me.”

“I can live with it. I can try.”

“But—“

“Would this be enough to let me take care of you?”

Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and slid a ring into his finger.

Kyungsoo choked as he looked down. “J—Jongin-ah?”

Jongin gave Kyungsoo a sincere look and brought the latter’s hand to his lips. “I’ve had this since months ago. But I was not really convinced about our relationship until...until we kissed and it was then that I knew what we had was real. This, Kyungsoo-yah,” he said seriously and tilted Kyungsoo’s chin with a finger. “I have a reason to stay and this proves everything. I have a reason to—no, I want to stay. You’re not a burden. You’re my responsibility.”

Kyungsoo almost couldn’t bear Jongin’s expression. He wanted to deny Jongin’s argument by saying no and everything but how could he? Deep down inside, Kyungsoo knew that he loved Jongin more than anything and he didn’t wish for the male to leave. His eyes were b with tears, but they both knew that it was tears of happiness.

“Jongin-ah, I’m scared...”, Kyungsoo whispered. Scared that you’d leave me one day.

“Don’t be,” Jongin whispered back. Because you’re definitely worth it.

“I’ll never leave you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes shifted unconsciously to the similar ring that curled on Jongin’s finger. He smiled affectionately at the view and brought a hand to touch his own ring.

Couple rings.

He had seen it in the movies that usually on symbolical ring like this, something was usually carved on the inner side. So Kyungsoo took it off slowly and narrowed his eyes to take a closer look.

Something was definitely written on it.

It said,

Jongin—your guardian.

Kyungsoo felt like crying.