"Stop," Jung Pilgyo said. It took all his might to keep his voice from shaking "You're mad, Eric. Go see a psychiatrist." He forced himself to push past him.

            Hyesung felt himself being turned around to face him once more. Their eyes met again and he wanted nothing more than to keep staring... Only if time would stop... Only if fate wasn't so cruel...

            "Look, Jung Pilgyo. I told myself that I wasn't going to think about you today," Eric carried on firmly. Hyesung almost laughed since he did the same exact thing. Everyday, every moment. "But I did. Constantly. All this time, I kept myself in check for the sake of Shinhwa but the way things are going, I'm going to end up jeopardizing everything I've ever worked for anyway. I don't know what's going on but all I know is that there's something incredible between us and I won't be able to do anything before we sort it all out."

           Suddenly, Eric grabbed his hands and Hyesung wanted to cry. This just wasn't fair. He had kept quiet about his emotions for so many agonizing years. He had even gone to see a psychiatrist himself. Everything had been going so well and there had even been signs of recovery from whatever "illness" he had attracted. He had stopped centering his whole life around Eric; he had stopped torturing himself everyday by replaying in his mind what could only remain a fantasy. He had been almost free from losing his sanity over what could be between them. But what could be wasn't going to be. Ever. Whatever Eric said now wasn't going to change that. Not now, not ever.

            "Pilgyo, let's run away," Eric whispered desperately. At his words, Hyesung felt his soul shatter into tiny fragments. "Let's go somewhere no one else can find us. We can go where we don't have to hide behind fake identities and clear out our honest feelings there."

            Stop! Hyesung shouted anxiously in his head. This couldn't be happening. This had to be part of his imagination; he had dreamt of this very moment on his own countless of times. Running away with Eric. Being hidden from all those critical eyes. Enjoying life with the one person he longed for most.

            But some dreams were meant to remain as dreams, he told himself and managed to pull himself together.

           He forced his arms to push him back with all the strength he could muster up. Seeing Eric stumble backwards, Hyesung knew he was doing the right thing. Not what he desired, not what his heart told him to do. But the right thing, what was right for Shinhwa. And what was right for the world to see.

          "I don't have time for this, Eric. I'm going home," he spat at him. Goodbye, Eric, he thought, knowing he was going to bury this memory deep down inside him forever. Goodbye, Eric who could've loved and been loved by me. "Tell the others that I won't make it to dinner tonight."

            He didn't dare turn back as he walked to his car. No matter how much his heart ached to go back to him, he pressed on, convincing himself that he had made the right choice. But the walk to his car seemed endless, his footsteps getting heavier as he got farther and farther away from his best friend.

            Jung Pilgyo, do what's best for Shin Hyesung. Eric's just confused but you know better.

            After what seemed like a century, Hyesung finally got into his car and slammed his hand on the wheel.

            "Damn it, Eric!" he yelled and let hot tears run down his face.

            Then suddenly his phone rang and the name Minwoo lighted up his LED screen.

            He tried to compose himself before answering. "Hey," he said, his voice cracking a little.

            "Where the hell are you?" Minwoo interrogated in an annoyed voice. "Are you with Eric?"

            "I saw Eric outside but I think he was going back in," he replied.

            "Wait, are you crying?"

            "Uh, why would I be crying?"

            "I don't know. Are you?"

            Hyesung faked a laugh. "Obviously not. I'm just a bit tired. I'm gonna go home and rest."

            "What?! You're missing out on us, too?" Minwoo complained. "Fine, you loser. I'm going to get drunk and complain to everyone what an you are!"

            "You go do that, Minbong."

            "Jerk! Whatever, recover fast for your concert!"

            "Haha, thanks," There was a click on the other line and Hyesung hung up the phone.

          Wiping his face with the back of his hand, he ignited the car and pulled out. As he sped out of the parking lot, he couldn't help but notice Eric still standing where he had left him.

          Just drive on. He won't stand there forever, he told himself as he passed him. But he continued to watch him through his rearview mirror until he couldn't see him anymore.

            Goodbye, his thoughts called out one last time as a tear trickled down his cheek.

***

            "!" shouted Eric as he punched the wall of an empty hallway leading back to s. Why did he have to pull such an impulsive stunt?

            Then keep hiding it. Hyesung's words still jabbed at him like needles dipped in poison. Of course, that was the right thing to do. All he had to do was keep it cool and just be content with being friends with Hyesung. But after the little scene he had made in the parking lot, he didn't even know if friendship was possible anymore.

          Why did he do it? What made him confess such an impossible thing like that? He wasn't even sure of how he felt... He just knew that Hyesung was constantly on his mind, completely possessing his heart. But that was no valid reason to go chasing after him to tell him that the two of them should run away together... How did Hyesung think of him now? How could he ever see his face again?

          And he was mad. Crazy. Insane. Otherwise, he wouldn't have done what he just did. Hyesung was right. Shin Hyesung was always right. Shin Hyesung was always taking the moral path that benefitted the group Shinhwa. But Eric had secretly hoped that Jung Pilgyo might be different.

          Please, God, he prayed silently, closing his eyes. Please let me stop thinking about him. I don't know what's going on, but please let it stop happening to me. Before I hurt Pilgyo even more. Please, Lord. If one person didn't deserve such torment, it would be him. Whatever this is... let it stop.

          Even as he prayed, doubt filled his heart, too aware of his overpowering emotions. But he was in front of the entrance to the film site now where s were waiting for him. It was time to once again mask himself and become the charismatic leader of Shinhwa. This had been his choice. No, rather, Shinhwa was his destiny, a gift fate had given him. He wasn't going to let his madness cause harm to his beloved friends. At least not now...

           Let's do this, he told himself as he walked in. Offstage, he would have to become an even more impressive actor if he had any hope of fooling those who had been his closest friends for over fourteen years.