It took a moment before I lost myself in here

It took a moment and I could not be found

Again and again and again and again I see your face in everything

It took a moment the moment it could not be found

***

Kris looks up at the sky in utter confusion. Could that be… snow?

Tao hasn’t awoken for several days, and Kris is getting sick with worry for the dark-haired boy. The dark rings around his eyes are so painfully prominent against his ghostly pale white face. Kris thinks he’s dying but still Kris carries him up the hill. His leg is almost healed now; at least this is a good sign.

But this cannot be good for Tao. Kris watches the sky as darkened clouds form around the top of the mountain, how the path in front of him seems to be clouded with pure white.

He should be happy that they’ve made it this far, and that they will both have a source of water within easy reach, however Kris still worries. Tao’s eyes are still closed.

Kris shakes away heavy thoughts as he pulls Tao up off the ground, wrapping his arm around him. Kris has little need for the pole anymore, so he pushes it to the side. He lifts Tao up, an arm around his stomach and an arm supporting his legs.

Tao unconsciously nuzzles into his chest, and Kris smiles.

Kris continues the ascent up the mountain, his legs sore. He feels like he’s going to snap in two, but he continues, if only for Tao. He has little to go back to in his world; a job working nine to five in a small office cubicle, few friends and family far away.

Kris is reminded just how lonely life was, even though he was surrounded with those closest to him.

It was empty, somehow. There was something missing.

Kris thinks that person could have been Tao all along.

He takes another step forward, but his foot hits rocky ground and he winces as he falls, off-balance. He rolls about a metre downwards, and in the process he drops Tao, who slams into the ground.

There is a groan, and Tao’s eyes flutter open. Kris drags himself up, walking across to him. He places a worried hand on the boy’s forehead, and Tao shivers, leaning into the touch.

Kris realises for the first time that Tao’s severely underdressed for the cold weather of the mountain. He was fine for one extreme, but the other… the material is too thin. Kris himself is shivering, but his thick clothes provide some relief from the chill in the air. Tao has none of this.

So Kris takes off his shirt, leaving his chest bare and his skin susceptible to the cold. He slips it over Tao’s head and pulls it down. Tao nods a weak thanks, his lips a bruised blue.

There is worry in Tao’s eyes, but Kris responds with a simple shake of the head. He leans down into the snow and drags his finger along, forming characters slowly. He hisses as the ice touches his skin, and Tao simply stares.

You’re cold, and you’ve slept for days. I need to keep you safe.

Tao breathes in heavily, picking himself up off the ground. He gives his surroundings a quick glance, and notices they’re almost to the summit of the mountain. He cannot see the light, just clouds excreting heavy snow down around them, and it’s cold. Too cold, compared to the heat from before, that his head starts to spin. Tao buckles over, but Kris is quick to catch him.

Stop, don’t exert yourself. I can carry you.

Tao shakes his head at the blonde, slinging an arm over his shoulder. He rests his head in Kris’ chest and marches on, half staggering half walking, all the while dragging Kris along with him. He presses their bodies so closely together they could be one in the same person, and it truly helps. Tao keeps the heat between their figures, and without his shirt Kris is in desperate need of heat.

The pair staggers along, breathing heavily. Tao thinks he can see the top, and he runs forward, letting go of Kris. Kris stumbles around after him, disoriented from exhaustion. Tao sees this and he runs back, taking Kris’ hand in his and walking him forward.

Tao is the first to see the light. As he and Kris finally reach the top of the path, their eyes straining over a small ledge, they see it. The tower of light that cuts through the clouds, shining up into the sky above. Tao kneels to the ground, tracing words in the snow.

We made it.

Kris gives a small, enthusiastic nod, despite his tiredness. He doesn’t know what this light has in store for them, and he thinks of the possibilities. What if he loses Tao? What if he wakes up from a dream, and this all becomes one horrible nightmare, a figment of his imagination? He sees a flower out of the corner of his eye; yellow, though so covered in snow it looks white. The petals have wilted.

Kris thinks he must look like that, withered and dying.

He might not make it after all…

When Kris falls to his knees, Tao rushes forward, his eyes filled with concern. Kris’ eyes are clouded and broken, and Tao brings his body to his, hugging him so that he can share if only a little of his warmth. It doesn’t seem good enough. Tao quickly scrawls encouragement on the ground.

We’re almost there.

Tao picks up Kris, dragging him towards the light. If this is the way back home, then he’ll gladly take it. If it isn’t, it doesn’t matter anyway. But Tao is not leaving Kris behind. He is resolute and certain of this fact. He takes Kris in his arms and he uses a frozen hand to tilt Kris’ chin up. Then, he presses their lips together as he leans backwards, the pair falling into the light.

























“T…Tao?” Kris chokes out, surprised at the brokenness of his voice. He doesn’t sound like himself anymore.

“Kris!”

Kris tries to get up out of the hospital bed, but he’s stuck, his body refusing him. He squints his eyes open, and Yixing rushes forward, giving him a curious look.

“What happened to you, Kris?” he asks. Kris has nothing to say to his best friend, instead he repeats a single name over and over, like a mantra.

“Tao.”

Yixing picks up on this soon enough, running a surprised hand through his hair.

“You mean the other boy that came in at the same time as you? The one with panda eyes? He’s in the room next door, but he’s sleeping I think. I had a talk to his mother, she seems nice.” Yixing gushes, reaching over to lift the bed’s inclination, receiving a hiss from the tall blonde.

Once Kris is well enough propped up, Yixing hands him a tray of hospital food, playing with it using Kris’ chopsticks.

“You should eat something, Wufan.”

Kris nods, his hands shaky as he takes the chopsticks from Yixing. Yixing shakes his head at him, stealing them back from his hands and using them to feed the blonde himself.

“I told you not to call me Wufan,” Kris manages in a raspy voice.

“Yeah, yeah. Call you Kris.” Yixing responds with a tone of annoyance.

“Are you going to tell me what happened? You disappeared for a week and no one could find you at all, and then you show up in this hospital without a shirt in the middle of winter. Are you an idiot Kris? And what were you even doing in China in the first place, I thought you had moved to work in Korea?”

Kris looks thoughtfully up at Yixing, his brain slow to process this revelation.

“I was only gone a week?”

For Kris, his time in that strange land felt like weeks, months, years even.

“Yes, your mother flew in from Canada, but I think she’s at a hotel now. She was a little jet lagged.”

“My mother’s here?”

“Yeah,” Yixing nods, as if it’s to be expected.

“Tao,” Kris repeats the name, “Huang Zitao. Is he alright?”

“Yeah,” Yixing says.

“I can head next door and check for you. You both had mild hypothermia. But seems everything’s alright now,” with this he raises an eyebrow.

“Care to explain why your shirt came to be wrapped around the panda boy?”

“Don’t call him that!” Kris snaps. His eyebrows crease, and he apologizes to Yixing seconds later.

“Sorry, I just… we’ve been through a lot together. You probably wouldn’t believe me.”

“Probably not,” Yixing agrees.

“But you feel something for him, don’t you?” Yixing continues, his lips tilting upwards to form a smile.

“I can’t help but have this feeling. You know I’ve always been perceptive about these things.”

Kris nods. Of course, Yixing has always been the one to read the situation best. Even through school, Yixing knew what to say and when to say it, and loads of times he’d helped Kris out of sticky situations. Yixing has always been able to tell how a conversation will unfold with a simple glance over body language, and the look of someone’s eyes.

“Yixing… I’m in love with him,” Kris explains softly.

“There was something about that place, and something about him. I didn’t care for myself out there, I only cared for him. He saved my life, and I saved his. I think we’re tied.”

Kris has a distant look in his eyes, as if he’s recalling past events vividly. Yixing sighs, hearing a quick intake of breath from behind him. He turns to see the boy that Kris is talking about stands by the door, eyes wide in surprise.

“K…Kris…” he whispers.

The sound of his name on foreign lips snaps Kris out of his stupor, and he looks up, bedazzled. He stares at Tao, his cheeks reddening in surprise. Tao walks past Yixing, ignoring his presence. Kris ignores him too as he wraps his arms around Tao, until he’s buried himself in Tao’s neck. Tao lets out a chuckle, and Kris thinks his insides are melting; the coldness from before thawing, until there’s only warmth.

“You’re OK,” Tao says.

“I was so worried.”

Kris nods.

“I was worried too. But… we made it, Tao. We made it.”

Kris blinks a few times, his eyes becoming heavy with sleep. Tao makes no moves to leave, instead he climbs into the bed beside Kris, wrapping the blanket around them both. Yixing silently exits the room, turning the light off behind him, a small smile gracing his features.

***