It started unbelievably stupid.

When the so-called fanservice made one pair of lips touched another. It was pure accident. But it was probably one of the truest moments they shared as a friend, a band mate, a curious couple of human being. When two sets of shocked eyes stared deep into each other, and not a word came across their minds to describe the tingling feel around their chests, it ended with them grinning like idiots with a hint of crimson on their cheeks. People could easily mistake it for a blood rush as a result from their non-stop dancing and running and jumping around. But the two knew very well, even six hours of intensive dance practice didn’t made their hearts skipped beats. This was something else. But since their packed schedule as a rising idol group ate practically all their waking hours, that feeling was soon forgotten, or better, buried inside.

It developed unbelievably disturbing.

When the news hit him harder than a lightning strike, he found himself paralyzed from head to toe. He was reading the script, memorizing lines for his upcoming drama filming while waiting for his turn to shoot. Then a soft pat landed on his shoulder. He looked up and found his manager with a fearful look on his face.

“They had an accident, we have to go.”

He felt his feet went suddenly numb. He never liked the word ‘accident’.

“Who?” he asked as he felt the cold crept up to his guts.

“Teukie, Hyuk, Donghee, and Kyuhyun.” The manager answered with a grim expression, “Kyuhyun’s condition is bad.”

And that was the second time in his life he felt his heart stopped beating for a while. Their maknae, his maknae, is hurt. He felt a sudden squeeze around his left chest and he found it hard to breath. He didn’t know how long he had sat there seemingly unconscious, by the time he remember where he was, his manager was patting his cheeks, calling out his name, trying to get his attention.

“…Siwon… Siwon… Come on! Get a hold of yourself. We need to go to the hospital now.”

When they arrived at the hospital, everyone else was there. He saw his band mates, the managers, the company bosses, their families, practically everyone in the Super Junior circle, standing and sitting side by side, hugging and crying and trying to comfort each other. He couldn’t bring his feet closer, instead he leaned on the nearest wall and grabbed his hurting chest.

He was there when some doctors went out and informed the group of people that two of the injured members were fine. Shindong and Eunhyuk suffered minor injuries and mild concussions, but they were alright and should be able to go home soon. Teuk on the other hand, was still under sedatives because he suffered from some serious cuts and scratches all over his body. But he too should be okay when he wakes up.

Siwon took a sigh of relieve, but it disappeared seconds later when he realized that they hadn’t heard about Kyuhyun. The talented Kyuhyun who went through shorter training time than anyone he knew, the unwanted Kyuhyun who brought luck and perfection to their group, the shy Kyuhyun who always stood in the background, the young Kyuhyun whom everyone envied but grew to love in the end, why must this Kyuhyun go through this?

He almost ran to the group of people when another doctor came out from the Operating Room, but his feet was glued to the floor the moment he faintly heard the doctor explained Kyuhyun’s condition. Broken ribs, pierced lung, and very small chance to survive. Siwon lost balance and slumped on the hospital floor. Would he not be able to see Kyuhyun again? Would Kyuhyun’s last memory of him be of his indifferent face? When was the last time he smiled to the maknae? And why did it matter now? Because the maknae was dying?

A wave of regret washed trough his heart. He should have been a better person, he should have cherished Kyuhyun better. And that night he made the first promise to his maknae, that if he should survive, he would be protected, he would get the love he deserves.

But the promise was broken as soon as it was made.

Siwon wanted to punch Kyuhyun’s father for being ridiculously stubborn by not letting the doctors drill Kyuhyun’s throat. Why would he prefer him to die than alive without his golden voice? But Siwon knew he should thank him instead when Kyuhyun miraculously survived the unlikely operation with his vocal cord intact, even with the 20% chance of success. The maknae was traumatized and slipping in and out of consciousness in the first few days after he woke up from comatose, but he was managing very good for someone who had been so close to death.

Yet Siwon never found the strength to face the maknae in his weak state. He hid behind his supposed super-cramped schedule as an excuse not to visit the maknae in the hospital when the truth is, he sneaked in to see the maknae whenever he had time just to watch him sleep or joke with the other members or go through the hard time in his post-traumatic therapy.

He was caught by Kyuhyun’s mother one time, when he was crying by Kyuhyun’s hospital room door, breathing Kyuhyun’s name over and over again. Kyuhyun was writhing in his sleep and he couldn’t bring himself to be by the maknae’s side. It hurts too much. And he started to be confused of what he feels towards the hurting boy. But whatever it was, it’s stronger that anything he ever felt in his life.

Arms s around his trembling body and he surrendered to the motherly touch. The petite woman let him cry on her shoulder, occasionally running her soft hand through his growing hair. He cried harder when she whispered in his ear.

“Thank you for loving our Kyuhyun.” She said.

And that exact moment he realized. He loves the maknae.

It became unbelievably inevitable.

When the maknae tilted his head down, fighting the urge to cry over a careless and embarrassing confession, Siwon found himself smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. He couldn’t believe his maknae was holding the same feeling for him. He had long known of his cursed love for the maknae. How could he not realize when the first thing he thought of in the morning was the maknae, and the last thing he remembered before falling asleep was also the maknae?

Siwon could easily swear that the blush decorating the maknae’s cheeks was probably the most beautiful thing he ever witnessed. And to have Kyuhyun standing there in front of him with such an adorable shyness, telling him that he loves him, Siwon couldn’t find the strength, or the will, to hold himself from launching an excited hug towards the skinny boy.

Falling in love was inevitable; being in love was easy, staying in love, though, almost drove them to the brink of insanity.

It grew unbelievably difficult.

Love was never a simple thing when so many eyes were watching over you. People would notice how Siwon’s eyes were soft and sometime’s lustful when he stared at the maknae. And they might notice how Kyuhyun would be a fox around the other members but be a kitten around Siwon. So they had to be careful not to make it too obvious.

And with the increasing of their popularity, keeping in love was becoming harder and harder to do. They could no longer go to places without the company of the other members to cover for them. They were growing distant with their individual schedules that were keeping them apart. But the biggest blow was when they were being opposed by their family.

Kyuhyun’s family was prepared. Perhaps his mother had always known there would come the day when Siwon would join the family. And having almost lost him once, they have learned to cherish Kyuhyun and loved him for who really is. Siwon’s family, on the other hand, wasn’t as accepting.

Siwon and Kyuhyun knew something like that was going to happen sooner or later. They would face the wrath of his father and probably the society if they knew about them. But knowing it would happen doesn’t really make it less painful when it happens. Moreover because Siwon was miles away filming his drama in China and Kyuhyun was alone facing Siwon’s father’s wrath about their unnatural love.

Kyuhyun was prepared to defend their love if Siwon’s father wanted them to break up. But no, he was challenging Kyuhyun to stay and watch as Siwon’s career and life being ruined by their stubborn and childish behavior. When that happens, he would like to see if Kyuhyun and Siwon could still be in love.

It corrupted Kyuhyun. And gradually, he regretted of having fallen in love with Choi Siwon. He shouldn’t have destroyed Siwon like this. And with a sobbing mess, he told Siwon over the phone that he wanted to call their whole relationship off.

It ended unbelievably sad.

They had gone through a lot to have finally come to term with themselves and who they love. Siwon had begged Kyuhyun to hold on and wait for him while he tried to make it work between them. But Kyuhyun wasn’t capable of giving such promise if it could only lead them to more tears and heartaches. He had to be the strong one and set thing straight. So that one night he told Siwon goodbye.

Good thing that Siwon’s father had power. He had the company made Siwon and Kyuhyun go to different jobs and were almost never put in the same schedule anymore. Siwon was hardly a Super Junior member anymore. But they should know that it would not work. When it comes to love, there’s no such thing as walking away.

No matter how days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, Siwon would always shed some tears and felt like he was breathless whenever he saw Kyuhyun’s face of heard Kyuhyun’s voice. Like the time he felt scared of losing Kyuhyun in the accident years ago, he’s scared of losing him now. And for the first time in his life, he regretted of being himself.

“…Won… Siwonnie…”

Siwon opened his eyes and found someone knelt before him.

“Why are you crying?”

Siwon raised his hands to cup the face in front of him. Kyuhyun, his hair was turning grey, there were soft wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, but he was still as beautiful as ever. Siwon kissed his forehead and smiled at him.

“Nothing, just looking at some old pictures and remembered the hard times we had gone through.”

Kyuhyun patted Siwon’s cheeks with his long fingers.

“We passed quite alright, didn’t we?” Kyuhyun asked with a smile, “We survived the hardest part, right?”

Siwon nodded and smiled again. His dimples got deeper with age.

“Now dry your eyes!” Kyuhyun instructed, “Minho and Suho is almost here. They’re bringing the kids over for weekend.”

Siwon’s eyes turned bright at the sentence.

“Ah! My grandkids!” He squealed, “Thank you for bringing Minho and Suho into our lives, Baby. Even though they’re not our flesh and bones, but they are meant to complete our family.”

Kyuhyun smiled. He thought of the day he brought little Minho and Suho from the orphanage. But that was another story for another time, because the bell had rang and he hurried to the door, with Siwon tailing close behind. And as soon as the door swung open, pairs of hands were wrapped around the two old men. And Siwon thought, this was the life he was striving for, for happiness with Kyuhyun and their own family.

“Happy anniversary, Paws!” Three little kids shouted and laughed, the oldest two, a boy and a girl, were Minho’s, and the youngest boy with pale complexion very much like Kyuhyun was Suho’s.

Siwon stared at Kyuhyun with a clear admiration, realizing that he had forgotten about their wedding anniversary again, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes though not without a faint blush on his cheeks.

“We have the most celebrated anniversary date in the world, and you still keeps forgetting?! You’re unbelievable!” Kyuhyun snorted.

“Well, you’re clever for picking out the Valentine’s Day as our wedding date, but for me every day is Valentine’s Day, or better, Kyuhyun’s Day! That’s why I keep forgetting!” Siwon defended.

“Tsk…. Cheesy!”

“But you love me.”

“Not as much as you love me!”

“You’re right. I love you more.”

Minho, Suho and their pretty wives giggled at their parents’ childish act. Some things would never change.

Siwon kissed Kyuhyun on the lips and four adults and three kids made the same grossed face at the same time.

“Eeeewwww… Get a room!!”

~*~

“Although we’ve had regrets in our lives, I’m happy that we found a way back to each other arms. Because this is where I belong, in between your warm hug and lovely smiles.”