chapter 1

"Sungyeol?" The door to his room was left ajar. I pushed it lightly with my index finger and peeked into the room. He was siting on the edge of his bed, looking down at his hands that he had covered with the blue sweater I got for him. He squeezed his hands together, changing his direction towards me.

I knew he was smiling. But if you could just look into his eyes, there was no happiness in them. I started looking carefully at his hands, or say wrists, and he seemed to have noticed that.

"I'm just cold." Breathing out, I knew that was a lie too. I didn't really know what to do, but I walked towards him and placed his head on my chest, hugging him.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He pushed his head against my chest, somehow telling me that he would not answer. I took a step back and he was still looking down. My hands moved without my control and I grabbed onto his left hand.

He finally looked up, into my eyes. Weirdly, he was not refraining me. He just kept looking at me. I slowly pulled his sleeve up, waiting for him to talk or do something, but he did not. I stared at the arm's length full of cuts, my grip on his hand loosened. Maybe he thought I had seen enough, he started covering up the scars with the sleeve. However, I stopped him. I knelt down and touched his cheeks.

"Sungyeol, you know you can always confide in me." I said sadly, as I caressed his face. He didn't say anything, but he made it seem like he tried so hard to make his face look as if he really wanted to, that his eyes watered. I didn't like how he would always resort into cutting himself, why couldn't he remember that I love him when he wants to cut himself? That I do care about him.

I rolled the sleeve back up and lightly touched his scars. He was biting his lips, maybe close to tearing. I kissed the scars on his arm, near to crying myself.

He hugged onto me and pulled me down to the floor with him. His back was touching the fluffy fake "polar bear fur" rug, while I rested my head on his chest. I just layed there and listened to his heartbeat. I closed my eyes, just cause his heart was beating, doesn't mean that he's alive.

He was hurt the whole time, but he didn't say anything. I wish he was better at telling people how he really feels. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed, he seemed so peaceful and relaxed. However, I always hear him cry to sleep at night, it's like he wants to sleep away the sadness of today, to sleep until he feels better. His arms around me tightened a little...

Heat was building up in my body and I opened my eyes. The sunlight was blinding. Sungyeol was nowhere near me.

"Sungyeol?" I half shouted as I sat up on the bedroom floor, leaning my back on his bed frame. He came into the room and sat down in front of me. We sat there for maybe, half an hour. He took his hands out of his pullover pocket and played with my fingers. He squeezed my left hand softly and with his other hand, he took something out of his pocket and placed it in my hand.

I looked at the shiny objects in my hand, they were his best friends. I remembered when I didn't know him, he would laugh at me when I look at them with frightened eyes, telling me what sharp tongues they had.

And now, he's willing to hand them over. I knew he had many more hidden at places I don't know, it's addictive and it might be difficult, but I'm glad he's going to try and I'm going to help him.

He's crying. No, he doesn't need therapy. I didn't say anything, he needed a hug. I just dropped the blades and hugged him so hard.