Listen: 12:51 (Twelve Fifty One)

 

Today is another sad day.

A day without him.

Yes him, your ex.

MyungSoo. Kim MyungSoo.

Eversince he left you, your world crashed. The world full of colors, love, harmony were gone. It turned into a gloomy, sad, colorless, cruel, harsh world.

MyungSoo was your all. He meant everything to you.

But he left a big scar on your heart. It cannot be repair by anyone...

You sighed and went to take a shower.

You dressed into this.

You thought it wasn't worth living. All the people left you. The one whom you are closed with. Everyone walked out in your life...

You can't believe it... Also MyungSoo did.

The promise he did, he broke it.

"I promise to never leave you like everyone did. I'll treasure and cherish you. I promise."

You believed in it. You thought you are living a happy life with a happy ending...

Everything crashed.

When you broke up. The last words he said are:

"Stupid. Promises are meant to be broken. You actually believed in me. No one's going to love you."

Unknowingly, your tears flowed like a river.

You quickly wiped the tears that are formed. You laughed to yourself, crazily and with bitterness.

"You're such a pabo... You actually believed him. He is just playing with you. He doesn't mean it. He walked out like the rest did."

You went out from your apartment. You breathed in the fresh air.

"Why did you left a big impact on me... I wished you just didn't toyed with me. You left such a big scar..." You mumbled.

You walked like a zombie. Lifelessly and was zoning out.

You walked inside Tim Hortons which is near your aparment.

 

You ordered a hot beverage and baked goods.

You sat down on a table, far away.

While munching the goods, you spotted a couple being lovey-dovey.

A stray of tear fell down luckily though, no one saw it. You wiped it away.

You were thinking of the memory of you and MyungSoo being lovey-dovey when you're still together.

Hugging each other.

Holding hands.

Pecking the cheeks.

Saying sweet things.

Going to places together, and such.

"After what you did to me, why can't I hate you, MyungSoo? Why is God unfair? Why can't he give me a happy life that all people wanted?" You mumbled.

You walked out of the cafe after eating and drinking.

You went to places where you and MyungSoo spent the time together.

You bit your lips as memories flooded on your mind. Tears wanting to slip out, but you looked up the sky, forcing it to go back and stop it.

"Why did I went here? If I knew it will leave more scars?" You mumbled.

"Indeed, I'm such a pabo..." You chuckled, full of bitterness and sadness.

Even though you thought of that, you still continued walking. Time flies so fast as you continued to visit the places you've went with him.

Lastly, you went to the park where he confessed to you.

It is a place where the both of you confessed and got together.

It's also a place where the both of you broke up.

Harsh words flooded on your mind just thinking of the 'break up' moment.

"Stupid, I don't love you..."

"You actually believed me. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"No one will love you. Even if one did, they'll walk out from your life."

"You know what? I don't understand what I've seen in you."

"You're ugly, fat, disgusting, poor ."

"Let's break up."

"I didn't and don't love you. I hate you. You bring such a bad luck on my life."

You got closer to the area he confessed to you.

However you heard giggles and laughs.

You hid behind the tree.

"Another couple, I guess?" You mumbled softly to yourself.

"Oppa! You said you confessed to a girl here."

A girl says.

"Yes. But nevermind her. She's an ugly girl unlike you. I don't know what I saw in her."

This voice... Its familiar.

Tears started to form in my eyes. I covered my mouth to stop me from sobbing.

"Chinca, Oppa? You'll only love me?"

"Yes, darling. I love you and no one can separate us. You're pretty, cute, nice, and many good compliments while her is the complete opposite."

I heard him smirk.

Tears flowed down like a river, as expected.

So he was saying the truth when we broke up.

I'm the complete opposite.

No one will love me.

He don't know what he have seen on me.

"I love you, Oppa~"

"I love you more, baby. Trust me, I don't love her, I only toyed her."

"That's good to know, Oppa."

You peeked on them.

Tears are still flowing.

Next thing you know is...

Them, making out.

 

It ing hurts.

You placed your hand on your chest, clutching on your dress.

Now, I know.

I was not on his heart. It has no space for me. I didn't mean anything to him.

It clearly shows and indeed, I'm a pabo.

You ran all the way to your apartment.

After making sure you locked the door, you fully let the tears out.

You went to your bedroom, you closed the door, sliding down on the door.

Clutching your chest, you sobbed.

Memories of you and MyungSoo were played on your mind.

And MyungSoo and his new girlfriend kissing, laughing, giggling, holding hands, saying sweet things, reassuring he has no other girls.

"I hate you, MyungSoo." You muttered.

Even though you keep on saying that and forcing yourself to hate him, other part of you still loves him even though he has done something terrible.

You gathered yourself to go to the mirror.

You looked at yourself, eyeing yourself up and down.

"I look terrible. So ugly..." You said.

"Now I know why he said it... I'm really ugly and that no one will come to my life." You muttered.

"Why do I have to live a life like this? Why can't I be a girl who has his prince and have a happy life? Maybe he's right... I bring a bad luck." You cried.

"The girlfriend of MyungSoo is so pretty." You forced yourself to smile. You pictured the girl whom he called 'girlfriend'.

(Son Na Eun. APINK Member.)

You turned off the light, and went to your bed. You opened the lampshade.

You cannot sleep because you're still crying over him.

He doesn't love me, he'll never will.

I'm not pretty, unlike her girlfriend whose flowing with beauty.

He only used me like a toy.

A toy who caught his eyes, but got bored so he threw it away, finding a new and pretty one.

I'm a pabo who thought he loved me.

Indeed, I'm stupid like what he said.

 

I looked at the clock. 12:51.

It's 12:51 but I'm on the bed, thinking of you.

I always thought my feelings for you are gone, but no it wasn't.

It was all a thought.

 

 

"MyungSoo-ssi... Thank you for waking me up. Thank you for making me realize I'm not worth it. That, no one will love me. Even if one did, he'll walk out from my life like you and the rest did. I know you didn't love me, and I thanked you for making me realize it and being honest to me, even though it was harsh. I know I'm not pretty like her, and I'm such a bad luck or a disgrace to you... I enjoyed being with you and feeling your love, even though I now know its fake. I enjoyed the years being with you, thank you. I hope you live a happy life with the girl you really love... The girl you will never toy with.

Thank you for everything..."

 

It's 12:51 and the moon shines so bright

but I gotta dry these tears tonight.

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