Disband.

One simple word, but could kill 5 hearts at the same time. The light turn off immediately, it didn’t even ask my permission. My heart just do what it wants, not hearing my level headed mind.

Anger and hatred. Two feelings mixed, uncomprehend with whatever-things-in-my-mind that I eager to tell them. It’s boiling. Makes my natural beast comes up to the surface but what could I say and do?

5? What 5 when 2 left by 3. What 5 if we couldn’t stay together? What 5… when we couldn’t make it through as 5 now. Sound sarcastic and hopeless, yes but hey this is the fact. Me and Hyung couldn’t blame anyone, we didn’t know what we supposed to do to make it all back, we never thought this could happen with us. What people call legend story, it happened in real life and I hate the fact that my group experienced it too.

 ‘I never thought we would end like this.’ Yunho hyung’s words tainted my brain. I couldn’t take it off whenever his unbelievable expression shows up from my eyes like a ghost’s face that haunted me. I knew it’s not just him or me who getting hurt, down and loose self confidence but everyone knows and mostly 5 of us knows that it’s him who take the most responsible. Society, other artists which it senior and junior inside or outside of our management, and importantly fans and family are all people who directed their eyes toward us and of course the leader.

No matter how hurt I feel, he’s the most hurt and blamed with all problem that came to the surface. He took the most responsibility for all what happened with the members, he managed all relation between us and management then keep it safe and fine, he took the dorm relative made it in a good shape try not to break any rule and attended almost all the meeting. No complains, no whining, no tears. Is he a robot? Did he forget that he is a human too? Did he forget how to cry?

And just with this one big and most humiliated problem, he got down. He drawn in to the deepest black hole I’ve ever seen as we life together though he’s the strongest one between us. In an early morning or any time he likes, he took time to jogging, whatever in his mind he worried me a lot. He spend almost a day out there without disguise, without contacting me where the hell his position. He didn’t even think I worried about him in dorm. And for the next day he let himself to do it again.

He wanted me to see him that he is okay, it’s all under control but he didn’t realize that he is in a pretty rough shape. He lost some weight; he became worse day by day for 2 years. We and fans knew he is the type of a person didn’t like to drink too much; he has his own tolerance toward the alcohol and beer or even sake if we had a celebration in Japan. But since that worse thing that could happen in any group happened to us, drink was his habit. Every night, no, not every night if I could stop him. At that time, I was grateful I’m in the same dorm with him and I’m in the same room with him too. My eyes could watch him intensively, my hands would take care of him and my presence helped him in many ways.

I was grateful that I’m staying with him. I might wrong to have this feelings grow even more than it should be. I'm a sinner, yes. I won't care with it whenever I could see that happy smile that I miss a lot these past 2 years. I like him, more than as a maknae in group.

"Hyung! Where have you been? Manager have been searching for you and you didn’t inform me.’"

 

Silent wrapped the leader’s mouth. He didn’t say anything since his weak foot stepped into their sharing dorm. Their new secret dorm since all issues spread out and fans anger directed to them.

 

"Hyung!"

 

Changmin called him once again before he carefully looking around outside their door to make sure no one following the older. Creepy fans could do anything they want toward them and it’s one of those threats sent to both Changmin & Yunho.

 

Yunho slumped his tired body down to the couch where they could spend almost all day just to watch new movie so they could prevent their dangerous mind about the sadness and pain which comes continuously. "Yunho-hyung…" his voice softened as he walked closer to Yunho. He can saw the emptiness inside those perfect hazel eyes that could be in fire everytime they went on stage but not anymore for this 2 years hiatus.

 

"Changmin-ah… I decided." The younger one frowning his black full eyebrows, confused with what his hyung means with his sentence. "Decided what?’"he asked; demanding a good one answer.

 

Yunho turn to hisside where Changmin still standing waiting for his respond. He took of his cap which decorated by sweats from jogging. "Let’s make a comeback. Two of us, you and me as a duo. Let them know how strong TVXQ is."

And that day when everything we have that sink below the dirty mud comes out to the surface again. It’s clean, shining, and full of hope though it’s not complete anymore like old time but yeah, what hyung said is true. We can’t keep drowning in sadness everyday. We can’t just sit and waiting for something unnecessary. We can’t let the rest of fans that still waiting and keep their faith to this one precious name down and forget how to say it. And I can’t stand seeing hyung blaming himself, drunk and thinking that he is failed as a leader. No, he is not failed at all. Group means each person get one high responsibility in their hand so disband means all members failed; include me and them. No one blamed for this and hyung still considering this as a rough path we had to take before we go to a smooth road toward a nice beach house. That’s it and I want to believe that fully without any intrude.

Now, I just have him and so does he. I want to put my concentration full to raise TVXQ back to the highest place where it should stand from the start and to take a good care of him. Jung Yunho, my leader-hyung. I put my highest hope on you, bet everything to proclaim that TVXQ still alive. I know you won't  go breaking my heart.

~Chapter I~

Hy, my first attempt to write a fic. such a good mood I am when I read your comments.

I'm a male so I didn't know if the way I write is not your style or not good enough to touch your heart.

I'm apologize coz my english is not good.

I'll try to be closest to the real events and condition but it's a fiction anyway.

don't take whatever in this fic seriously happened to them and don't think that this is their real feelings.

I don't want to fire a fool war.

Cock_tail thanks to you ^^