I’M CONTENTED BEING ONE OF HIS FAN GIRLS. I CAN WATCH HIM FROM A DISTANCE. I’D STILL STAND BY HIS SIDE THOUGH I KNOW THAT I’M THE LEAST PERSON THAT HE’LL THINK HE HAS WHEN THE WORLD BETRAYS HIM. IT’S STRANGE THAT I CAN COPE UP WITH THIS KIND OF UNREQUITED LOVE. STRANGE ISN'T IT? ^_~

All of us have our own interests. Maybe you’re interested with books, coins, stamps, pet animals, stationeries and we also have our idols/singers we admire. Well, hell yeah, I AM A FAN GIRL.

          My name is Kim Yeonhee. I am a straight-A student in a popular academic school. We kill time by studying tons of stuff but for me, I’m a bit different from them. I’m a senior high school student and of course, entrance exam for colleges are my parents priority. They even enrolled me in a cram school for college entrance examinees and I’m totally against that idea.

          All my life, all did was to study, to impress my parents and to keep my pride unharmed. My parents always compare me to my younger sister. I can’t blame my dongsaeng is she’s that gifted. She’s a music prodigy. I guess we can’t get rid of favoritism. Enough with that, let’s talk about my life as a fan girl.

          I told you guys that I’m a fan girl. I AM PROUD OF IT. My parents have totally no idea because they don’t pay too much attention to me and I’m extremely careful. Eomma doesn’t worry about my room because she knew that I’m well-organized. Appa doesn’t dare to enter my room because we strictly practice privacy in our home and that’s the second in our house rules. My dongsaeng seldom goes out of her room so she also has no idea about me being a fan girl. I know that you guys are wondering how I managed to buy merchandises, albums and all sort of fan girling stuff in our home. Well, they don’t get suspicious of me because they always thought its school stuff. Uhmmm… When it comes to standees that I won from raffles, I sell them though I really wanted them so much.

          Let’s talk about my fandom. Well, I’m not an all-around KPOP fan. My ultimate fandom is EVERLASTING FRIENDS or more popularly known as E.L.F and recently I also became a fan of Infinite. I only like these two groups. Why? I don’t know, I just can’t find a reason and all I know is that I really like them. E.L.Fs are fans of the globally renowned boy group named “Super Junior.” I’ve been an avid fan of them for five years and still counting. Super Junior has 13+2 handsome, humble, y, manly, mind-blowing, cute, adorable, funny, and superbly talented boys namely the special leader Park Jungsu a.k.a Leeteuk, the diva Kim Heechul, Beijing Fried Rice Hankyung a.k.a Han Geng, the weird lead vocal with an art-like voice Kim Jongwoon a.k.a Yesung, the No.1 Korea’s Most Handsome Guy Kim Youngwoon a.k.a Kangin, Donguridongdong Shin Donghee a.k.a Shindong, the Aegyo King and the eldest among SJ’s Lee Brothers Lee Sungmin, the myeolchi and the jewel guy Lee Hyukjae a.k.a Eunhyuk, the handsome fishy prince Lee Donghae, the man of gestures Choi Siwon, the eternal maknae Kim Ryeowook, the guy who killed many fan girls and even ahjummas because of his killer smile Kim Kibum, the evil and handsome maknae Cho Kyuhyun, the fashionista Zhou Mi and cute mochi Henry. I love those 13+2 boys with all my heart. XD My ultimate bias among them is Kim Jongwoon, my Yesungie~ *(^o^)* <3 ♥___♥ :”>

Money, money, money… where art thou? I desperately need you NOW… Super Junior has released their new album and I want to buy NOW. Why is it so hard to earn and save money?!  ㅠ___ㅠ

          Sheeez! Honestly! Money is a GREAT need for a fan girl like me. Albums, merchandise, the products they endorse and concerts left and right… They’re killing my coin purse, wallet, piggy bank and my personal bank account! But when I get my hands on them, I feel extremely happy! *(^___^)*

It’s not that like my idol doesn’t notice his fans, it’s just that sometimes he wants to escape the fact that he’s an idol…

          After having my extra classes at the cram school, I never forget and fail to visit Yesung oppa’s café though it’s far. I don’t mind the extra one hour and a half of going home late just to grab the chance to see Yesung oppa. One time, it was raining and I was completely drenched because I forgot my umbrella. I tried to dry myself as far as I can before entering the café. Yesung oppa was at the counter. He looked so extremely handsome though he’s tired and sleepy, yet he’s serving to a bunch of fan girls. It was my turn and I ordered a cup of Americano. He just wore a blank face and it was the first time that he didn’t smile and won’t meet my eyes. Is he fed up of seeing fan girls in every day and night of his life? I do understand him by why do I feel my eyes burning. It stings! After he handed me my change, I ran outside the café and waited at the bus stop. I suddenly realized, I was crying earlier. Crap! What was I thinking?! I was crying in front of him because he wore that poker face on me?! Double crap! I’m so stupid! Err! Eotteoke?! That was extremely embarrassing! I pulled my hair out of frustration. How can I act like that in front of Yesung oppa?! Aish~!

“I’m totally nuts! Babo! Babo! Babo! AIsh~!” I shouted. Good thing I was alone at the bus stop.

          Wait, I thought I’m alone here… why is it that someone’s laughing behind me?? Oh my God, am I hallucinating?! Wait… that laugh…. that laugh… I knew that laugh… That familiar laugh belongs to… I turned around and I dropped the cup of Americano that I was holding.

“You poor little thing, why are you soaking wet?” he smiled.

          He just called me ‘poor little thing’? Sungmin oppa called me a ‘poor little thing’?  Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!!! *(^o^)* I mentally slapped myself. No! No! I really did slap myself because my cheek feels stingy. I’m not dreaming… It’s really Sungmin oppa!

He pouted, “You’ll get sick dear… Tsk…Tsk… Omo~ the bus has arrived. Hop in.”

          I did what he told me, I sat on the left side and he sat on the right side. We’re the only ones inside the bus given the driver ahjussi.

“You’re not the typical fan girl who squeals when they see their idol. I wish most of the fan girls are like you, you can hold your emotions very well.” Sungmin oppa broke the silence and he laughed.

          Kyaaaaaaaaaaa~!!! I hope I won’t explode here. Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!!! :”>

“Uhmmm… because I’m not a fan girl.” Triple crap! Why did I tell a lie?!

“Jeongmal? Miss, you’re not a good liar.” He chuckled, “I saw you coming out from Yesung hyung’s café and you slapped yourself when you saw me. You sure you’re not a fan girl?”

          I covered my face because of embarrassment.  Damn it! I wish I’ll disappear at this instant!

He sat beside me, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you miss.”

I kept on gesturing ‘no’ as an answer. I can’t speak. I think my face is as red as tomatoes. I’m sure I won’t get a decent sleep when I get home. >////<

Never expect things to happen. It’s better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed…

          I’m home alone. Oh yeah! I locked myself in my room, got my iPod touch and sang all I want. I grew tired and I decided to watch a concert DVD I recently bought from Japan through an online store. I got my lightstick, banner and my Yesung towel ready. I was screaming on top of my lungs as my “One True Pair” (by the way my OTP is YeWook :D) walked hand-in-hand while singing. Then here comes Siwon the Horse… NO! NO! DON’T HUG MY YESUNGIE!!! STAY AWAY FROM YESUNGIE YOU HORSIE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! MY POOR RYEONGGU WAS BEING SNATCHED BY THE EVIL MAKNAE!! ANDWAE!!! CUTE SUNGMINNIE SITTING ON THE CORNER ALONE… AWWWWW~ YA TEUKIE!!! STAY AWAY FROM HYUKIE! OH MY GOODNESS MY POOR FISHY PRINCE WONDERING ALONE LIKE A LOST CHILD ON THE STAGE… KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!! :”>

          There’s no such thing as “ONE” in “ONE TRUE PAIR” so don’t expect they’ll be loyal to each other. XD

Proving happiness isn’t seen on how many times I laughed, but it’s finding that sensible reason every time I smile…

          I told you guys that I’m a discreet fan girl. Also my cousin is a discreet fan girl. Our classmates would never think that we’re avid fans of Super Junior because they think it’s stupid. I mean they think that we would never do such crazy stuff. THEY’RE COMPLETELY WRONG.

          Sometimes, I got caught smiling while looking at my phone. There are times that I unconsciously giggle because I was reading a YeWook FanFic while were having out Math Class and because of that, as a punishment, I got extra homeworks. =___= I laugh when I hear fish, monkey, bunny, giraffe, raccoon, Cinderella, Peter Pan, horse, fried rice, turtles, and mocha because they are somewhat related to SJ. Then my classmates would shot the “Is-Kim-Yeonhee-really-laughing-please-slap-me-if-I’m-only-dreaming” look. Well, I can’t blame them. They always thought that I’m the serious type but in fact, I’m the opposite. :D

          It’s just that fact, the fact that Super Junior is one of my reasons why I smile and laugh. I don’t care if they find it nonsense but it’s my choice, not theirs.

Nobody’s stupid, it’s just that sometimes I chose to be stupid for me to feel a little bit of what they call “Happiness” …

          I’m busy talking here and my effin’ phone won’t stop ringing. Aish~!

“What do you want Han Seryeong?!”

          Uhmmm… by the way, Han Seryeong is my cousin. She’s also an E.L.F and a proud Ryeosomnia.

“Get your out of your room and we’ll watch the comeback stage of SyuJu at Music Bank! Ppali! Don’t tell me you forgot!? Oh for heaven’s sake Kim Yeonhee-”

          I hung up already. I roamed around my room to get my fan girling props, my phone, and my Yesung banner. I hurriedly ran downstairs and I didn’t notice that I wore heels instead of my sneakers.

“Where are you going young lady?”

“Eomma! I have classes at cram school! I totally forgot! I’ll go now!”

          Crossing my fingers, I rode the bus. Crap! Why do I feel so tired already and my feet hurts. Double crap! Traffic jam…. Err!!! I have no choice… if I don’t run, I’ll be late. I step out of the bus. I started running then I tripped over something and I didn’t have time to know what the hell that thing is. And why on earth am I wearing these stupid heels?! Oh right! I thought I was wearing my sneakers. Crap for the nth time!!! I continued running barefooted while my hands are holding a shoe each.

          I just got there in time. After watching the pre-recording, we ate ice cream while walking towards the bus stop.

“I’ll do the same thing you did earlier Yeonhee-ah.” Seryeong said and she started laughing.

“Shut up! At least we’re happy.”

          I’m stupid, yeah. So what? XD

The worst thing that your idol can do is to make you fall for him with no intentions of catching you….

          Seryeong and I just finished the watching the pre-recording of Super Junior’s stage for Inkigayo. As we exited the building, we’re still giggling and squealing not giving attention to people who were looking at us. While we’re on the way to Seryeong’s house, I was surfing the net on my phone then I found this forum at allkpop.

SUPER JUNIOR’S YESUNG AND T-ARA’S JIYEON ARE DATING?

          I was busy cursing those people who spread that rumor but suddenly…

“MALDO ANDWAE! ANDWAE! HOW CAN THEY DATE?! HOW ABOUT MY POOR RYEOWOOKI?!!” Seryeong said through gritted teeth.

“And you don’t care if I’m heartbroken?!” I raised an eyebrow.

“Ryeowookie’s first!”

“How dare you?! Whatever! Let me get a grip first. Let’s check that stupid forum once we get into your room. Let’s no cause a scene here.”

          AFTER TWO HOURS…

“Ssshhh… Hush… Calm down Yeonhee-ah… Uljima oh?” Seryeong handed me the second box of tissue.

“How can I stop crying?! That girl… that girl…”

“Uljima~ Look what you’ve done! I’m starting to cry! My poor Ryeowookie!” Seryeong got herself a tissue too.”

“Wait… Why are we crying anyway?! It’s just on a forum!”

“Yeah, why are we killing ourselves because of that ridiculous rumor being talked about in a forum?!”

I felt like tears were still burning my eyes, “But her ringback tone is ‘It Has To Be You’! If I get my hands on her, she’ll be dead meat! No… No… Yesungie oppa won’t want a violent and a war-freak girl… Eotteoke?”

“SERIOUSLY, LET’S STOP THIS NONSENSE!” Seryeong stood up and got her cute purple trash bin from the corner of the room.

“I can’t! I WANT TO CRY ALL NIGHT!”

“Did it ever cross your mind that Yesungie oppa hates girls with eyeliner? Well, that never goes on stage or in a filming schedule without her eyeliner.”

          Yeah, Yesungie oppa doesn’t like girls with eyeliner that’s why I never used those. That one made me calm down a bit.

“Remember that he also said that don’t believe those endless rumors unless it came from him or from the other SJ members.” She started to pick up the pieces of used tissue scattered on the floor.

          Seryeong’s right. I should stop crying over this stupid issue. If ever Yesungie oppa will find out that I cried because of that forum, he won’t even care and that’s a sad fact. Yesungie oppa won’t catch me no matter how deep I fell.

Staring at my idol while he’s with another girl is like I’ve been looking at the sun without wearing sunglasses… IT FXCKIN’ HURTS MY EYES!!!

          Two o’clock in the morning… I just finished reviewing my Physics, Literature and Advanced Trigonometry lessons for my chapter tests on Monday. Though I’m too sleepy and tired, I my laptop. I have to watch the fancams from the recent SMTOWN concert.

          My spirits were lifting up when Super Junior roamed around the stage. My dearest boys~ Our EunHae and KyuWook were fooling around. Sungmin and Yesungie were walking side by side then Jessica and Tiffany got Yesungie and left left Sungminie alone. Err! Those girls! I really don’t like them! As the song number goes, those two flirts never left Yesung’s side! I was so annoyed; I shut it down and rolled myself on my blanket to get some sleep.

The fact that I can’t kiss my elbow is enough to make me realize that some things seem to be close, yet they are beyond my reach…

          Here at my aunt’s wedding reception. My aunt got married to a Japanese business man and their wedding was held here in Tokyo. And Super Junior is going to hold a concert in the next five hours but we have to go up to Hokkaido for our family vacation. Err!! Why is it my schedule always has to be this complicated?! >_______<

The hardest part of being a fan girl is when I already have someone inside my heart, but my mind looks for another…

          I LOVE MY BIAS… I REALLY LOVE MY BIAS… I REALLY LOVE KIM JONGWOON… MY ULTIMATE IS NO OTHER THAN KIM JONGWOON A.K.A YESUNG! BUT WHY THE HELL AM I GETTING ATTRACTED TO CHO KYUHYUN?! EVERYDAY GETTING IER-HOTTER-MORE HANDSOME-MORE CHARISMATIC-CUTER-EXTREMELY SEDUCTIVE CHO FXCKIN’ KYUHYUN RUINS MY BIAS LIST LIKE A REAL BOSS! INSTEAD OF BUYING LOTS OF YESUNG MERCHANDISE, I ALSO BUY KYUHYUN MERCHANDISE THOUGH I RESTRAIN MYSELF.INSTEAD OF WATCHING PURELY YESUNG-FOCUSED FANCAMS, I ALWAYS WATCH GET TO WATCH KYUHYUN-FOCUSED FANCAMS TOO. HE’S REALLY MESSING MY MIND BUT I’M DEFINITELY SURE, I SWEAR, HE CAN’T INVADE MY TURTLE-LOVING AND WEIRD YESUNGIE’S SPACE IN MY HEART.

It’s funny how my idol can hurt me so much yet, I still love him with all my heart. Sometimes, I must hold back my feelings not because I’m afraid of falling for him but because he has been meant for DREAMING, not HAVING.