denial; daehyun/youngjae, jongup-centric, 504w

jongup just wants to watch tv. he just wishes youngjae and daehyun would leave him alone.

"hey, jongup. do you know that we're a big ship right now?" youngjae asks jongup one day during their daily rerun of ninja warrior. jongup is taking down strategies to finish the course in less than 30 seconds and youngjae is talking about ships. jongup isn't into seafaring, please.

"ummm…what?" jongup mumbles distractedly around the mouthful of popcorn he's munching. oh damn it, that was close. go makoto-san! ganbatte!

"i say, we…as in we…," youngjae gestures to himself and to jongup back and forth, "the 'youngup' couple," (exaggerated quoting hand gesture), "is a big ship among the babyz. i know. i stalked their tweets. and honestly these girls need to calm down. how can they describe how they want to do daehyun in such vivid details!"

"oh really? i ship daejae though," jongup mumbles again, eyes set on the running figure on the tv screen. this guy is so gonna make it to the final stage. you go makoto coco!

"how why i've told you there's absolutely nothing between us! i swear we're just best buddies! i mean we're sure close and stuff but i just love him in the most heteroual way ever and we have everything in common and oh my gosh jongup stop trying to act nonchalant i hate you i hate you i hate you!" youngjae flails about on the couch and jongup has to increase the volume of the tv to hear the voice of the commentator. jongup doesn't get it why youngjae has to scream. he's not deaf.

"why are you so defensive? i just said i ship daejae, that's all," jongup asks, this time looking straight at youngjae's face.

"ohhh…ahhh…nothing…hahaha…it’s nothing…lol." youngjae is already beetroot red in the face. jongup adds youngjae into his list as another possible obstacle in his way to become the next ninja warrior.

"did you just say lol? out loud?" jongup asks. years of practice has rendered him indifference to his hyungs' antics.

"yeah. why? it's a very groovy word you know. ha ha ha…" youngjae is sweating profusely right now and jongup thinks he looks like a hamster in heat.

"groovy? seriously hyung?" how could you miss that jump? even himchan-hyung can do that! (to makoto-san).

"hi guys! whatcha doin'?" daehyun suddenly saunters into the room from the direction of the kitchen, carrying a large jar of tootsie rolls. he probably nicked it from yongguk's secret (not) stash of sugary things. daehyun has never been really courteous when it involves food.

youngjae jumps at daehyun's voice and dives into the couch but he  bumps his head on jongup's bony kneecap instead. he doubles over in pain and quickly rolls onto the floor.

"yeah, daehyun hyung. youngjae hyung is totally homo for you," jongup says absent-mindedly, rubbing his sore knee.

daehyun goes very red in the face and promptly chokes himself on a tootsie roll. he pretends not to see jongup's judging face and youngjae rolling around on the floor.

jongup looks at his two hyungs and rolls his eyes. ultra gay.

beautiful in white; yongguk/jieun, jieun-centric, 447w

she's just scared. hyosung gives her some advice.

"i can't do this," jieun whines into her sweaty palms. she stomps her high-heeled feet repeatedly on the floor and sighs. ugh.

"i just can't do this." she sighs again. she really can't. she hopes hyosung would stop swirling the champagne and might actually listen to her.

"oh, what are you talking about?" twirl. swirl. twirl. "of course you can." a twirl and a sip.

"you don't understand," jieun starts (again). "what if this is not the right decision? what if what if what if this is the biggest mistake of my life? i'm not prepared for this!" she mock cries and promptly tries to rip her long veil off. luckily sunhwa gets there faster than jieun half-attempting fingers and salvages the veil in time.

"what if he doesn't love me? what if we fight and he decides he wants to leave me and be a hitch-hiking hobo in america?" jieun rants on feverishly before anyone can say anything. "what if he's secretly gay and i'm just gonna be a cover-up wife?"

"gosh, just look at his pictures in your phone, jieun. you'll be ready in no time," hana comments offhandedly while fixing her bridesmaid tiara. jieun had insisted for all of them to wear tiaras instead of just her because jieun is jieun. and people don't say no to jieun.

"i've looked–eh, how did you know? don't say you snooped around my phone, jung hana!" jieun screams almost hysterically and makes a run to strangle hana. meanwhile, she has managed to crease the front layer of his white gown in the frenzy. sunhwa runs to her again to avoid her from committing further damage.

"jieun," hyosung calls softly from where she's sitting. "jieun, you can do this. there is nothing to be afraid of. yongguk loves you. trust me." she looks straight into jieun's eyes and jieun gulps. she looks sincere. jieun has no choice but to believe her.

and jieun suddenly knows that hyosung's right. i can do this.

"maybe you guys would fight. and hate each other sometimes. and love each other again the next day. and get sick and maybe leave. but just so you know, you guys love each other enough to keep coming around. each time. i know you will." jieun looks like she's about to burst into tears and she gets up to hug hyosung.

"unni, that was…nice. i can't believe you have this side of you. thank you." she tightens her hold around hyosung and whispers again a soft thank you.

when youngjae comes saying 'it's time' at the door, hyosung gives a little reassuring squeeze on jieun's arm and she knows she's going to be fine.

a different kind of love; youngjae/jongup, 227w

everyone loves differently. everyone including jongup.

tires.

guns. 

fights.

clicking heels of expensive shoes and ashes of cigars flicked to the floor.

youngjae is already tired of everything. kill me kill me kill me. now.

"i can't. please, hyung. i can't." jongup's hand trembles at youngjae's temple. the coldness of the metal in his palms feels like little pinpricks stabbing into his skin. jongup can't.

"it's okay, jongup, i'll help you. it's okay," youngjae coos, almost soothingly to jongup. carefully, he guides jongup's trembling hands and he pulls it towards his head, right where there's a slight dent of scar, the remnant of his past that he doesn't want to remember.

their suits ruffle when they touch, a slight disturbance to the quiet night. jongup feels like bursting out and screaming to the sky. he wants to cry and tear off into the night. but he's too afraid. he might ruin the moment.

and after all, youngjae looks so happy. his eyes are glowing from promises of no more yesterdays. no more pain. no more tomorrows which are only rerun episodes of today. youngjae is happy. he's actually smiling, and jongup has to put a hand on his heart because it hurts so bad, he can almost hear it breaks.

and all jongup wants is to make youngjae happy.

he closes his eyes. and releases the trigger. he loves youngjae way too much.