A/N: This was inspired by JeTi's solo debuts scheduled around the same time - a.k.a. my deathday. #iwannafly #surfwithjeti

Watch this clip of them from Pops in Seoul to refresh your memory. Strawberry and banana, cookies and cream, coffee and caramel - the foods at my funeral. Please come and bring JeTi fics to read in lieu of an eulogy.

This is far from the first time that Jessica’s had a solo performance, but it’s the first time that she’s felt so acutely alone. This is also far from the first time that she’s shared a stage with Tiffany, but it’s the first time that she’s there against Tiffany. They’re made to stand beside each other, because – of course they are. (Once upon a time, she thought that in another sense, that they were made to stand beside each other, to stand with each other. After hey, American girl! and wow, I was born in that hospital too! and look, it’s snowing again! Once upon a time.)

S.M. and Coridel had both done everything they could to prevent it, short of scheduling their debuts around each other’s, but it’s almost like it was fated. Jessica isn’t one to believe in destiny – that’s more Tiffany’s department – but it’s a little hard not to think about it when, almost two years later, against all odds, they’re on the same stage again.

Jessica is acutely aware of all the (extra) eyes and cameras on them, so she’s very careful not to look at Tiffany, but not to seem like she’s avoiding looking at her either. It’s a delicate balance, and she feels like no matter which way the scale tips, it wouldn’t be in her favour. It doesn’t help that there’s a part of her that desperately wants to look at Tiffany, a part that is warring with everything sensible and rational inside her. Sensibility and rationality are not faring well in the battle, their dull shields unable to hold against the sharp barrage of want crying look at her, look at her, when was the last time you did? When is the next time you can?

Tiffany glances at her, and it takes everything in Jessica not to stare back. But then Tiffany’s eyes move past her, continuing in their sweep of the stage, and Jessica realizes that Tiffany wasn’t looking at her after all. Tiffany hasn’t looked at her once, has only looked past her. Looked through her.

Jessica had expected this, anticipated this, but she isn’t prepared for it. She isn’t immune against it.

There are many artists moving around backstage, some that she has seen many times and others that had only recently debuted. Seeing so many new faces makes her feel—not old, exactly, but…nostalgic. It’s been so many years since she was a rookie, and yet in a way she almost feels like one again, except one worn and weighed down by time.

Jessica is so lost in her thoughts that when she comes back to the here and now, she finds herself looking into a pair of eyes that are bright but dark, soft but intense. A pair of eyes that are very familiar and yet strange to look into.

She swallows. “Tiffany.”

Tiffany smiles her idol smile. “Jessica ssi.”

Jessica can see people stilling around them, wanting to see what will happen between a member and ex-member of Girls’ Generation. Before, they were always talked about as the American duo, the Californian pair. Jessica wonders what the name is for just one person.

As expected, Tiffany is the one who breaks the silence between them.

“Congratulations on your debut,” she says, in that upfront, earnest, Tiffany way of hers. “I really liked the album. Especially Dear Diary.”

“Thank you. I—thanks. That means a lot.”

Tiffany shrugs. “I’m just telling the truth.”

“Right.” Jessica clears . “I liked your album too. The title track really suits you.”

“A lot of people have told me that. I hope so, because I want to express…me. I think that’s what a solo album should do, you know?”

“I know,” Jessica says.

Her manager gestures to her, a look on his face indicating that he thinks what she’s doing is a Very Bad Idea. Oh, she knows that already, but that doesn’t mean she can walk away from it. From Tiffany.

Tiffany glances at him. “It looks like your manager wants to talk to you.”

“I should probably go.” She doesn’t move.

“Good luck.”

Jessica’s brow furrows. “I don’t think he’s planning to lecture me.”

Tiffany laughs, and for a second, Jessica thinks she sees the same fond look in her eyes that she always has when Jessica says something that she finds particularly Jessica-ish, as she calls it. Called it. “No, I mean – for the win. Good luck.”

“Don’t you want to win?”

“Of course I do, but that doesn’t mean I can’t wish a worthy competitor good luck.”

A worthy competitor. “Thank you,” Jessica says, after a moment. “You too.”

“I definitely plan to bring home a few trophies, so – watch out.” Tiffany laughs again, but the look is absent this time, if it was there at all in the first place.

“I will.”

Jessica has been watching out ever since she found out she’ll see Tiffany again, but she still isn’t quite prepared for the sight of her.

To no one’s surprise, they’re bombarded with questions later.

“Jessica ssi. How does it feel to be onstage with Tiffany ssi again?”

Jessica glances at Tiffany, whose eyes are saying something yet giving away nothing. “It’s…a great opportunity.”

“And Tiffany ssi, how do you feel?”

“I feel—” And Tiffany doesn’t so much trail off as stop there for a moment, like that’s all she wants to say: I feel. “I feel lucky. To share the stage with such a talented singer.” Tiffany smiles, and Jessica’s heart thumps unsteadily for two beats: Ifeel Ifeel.

“Do you think we’ll ever see a duet from you two?”

Jessica looks at Tiffany out of habit, waiting for her to give an answer on all their behalves. Only, she realizes that there is no ‘all’ anymore; there is no ‘our’ anymore, only ‘my’ and ‘your.’ Even so, she expects Tiffany to speak first, because that’s Tiffany, always quick to speak, to react, to explode into action like a match held to kindling. However, Tiffany is silent and looking back at her.

“You never know what the future will hold,” Jessica says.

Tiffany gives a nod, her smile light and her gaze heavy. Jessica doesn’t let herself meet it, lest that she can’t escape it.

There is an alcove beside a supply closet that Jessica found many years ago and liked to go when she needed to take a breather backstage. It’s been so long since she’s been there, but her legs still know the way and her eyes still seek a familiar figure, the one who stumbled upon this place with her and had shared it with her once upon a time. Of course, Jessica knows that she won’t be there, which is probably for the best, but she can’t help how her eyes scan over the place, only to land on—

“Tiffany.” Her name leaves Jessica’s lips as half breath.

That dark head turns, and then she’s looking into those fathomless eyes again. “Je—” Tiffany cuts off abruptly. “What are you doing here?”

“I…I always came here, before.”

“Before,” Tiffany repeats, her voice worn and weighed down.

Jessica swallows. “Do you – do you still—”

“—come here?” Tiffany is silent for a moment. “Sometimes. I haven’t for a while. It’s not…the way it was before.”

This time, Jessica is the one who echoes, “Before.”

“Jessica ssi—”

“Don’t call me that.” The words scratch on their way out.

Tiffany’s brow furrows. “It’s your name, isn’t it?”

“It…” What could Jessica say to that? Of course it’s her name, it’s everyone’s name for her, but it’s not Tiffany’s name for her. Or at least, it wasn’t. “Yes. It’s my name.”

Tiffany looks at her with that idol smile that makes something inside Jessica twist. She has seen Tiffany give that smile so many times: to cameras, to interviewers, to fans, but not to her. Never to her.

“Well, Jessica ssi. I guess I’ll see you on MusicBank tomorrow.”

“If I run into you,” Jessica says with a weak chuckle.

“I’m sure they’re going to put us together again,” Tiffany says wryly. Jessica carefully keeps her expression blank at the words.

“Do you remember when we were talking to Isak unnie on Pops in Seoul?” Jessica can’t stop herself from asking. “And she asked us—”

“—who we’d most want to be in a duo with?” Tiffany finishes. “I remember.”

Jessica bites her lip. “Were you lying back then?”

Tiffany gives her a soft but sharp look. “Were you?”

Jessica mutely shakes her head.

“I meant what I said,” Tiffany says quietly. “About…cookies and cream. Strawberry and banana. I meant it.”

Jessica gives a half-snort of a laugh, even as something twinges inside her, like she had pulled a muscle. Maybe the one behind her ribs. “You and your food analogies.”

“Well…even the one duet we did have was about food. Or drinks. Close enough.”

The one duet we did have. Back when they were ‘we’ instead of ‘me’ and ‘you.’

“It was a sweet song, wasn’t it?” Jessica asks, and she means, it was a good time, wasn’t it?

“It was,” Tiffany agrees. “Maybe we’ll sing together sometime again.”

“I’d like that.” Jessica’s mouth starts to move upward.

“You never know what the future will hold, right Jessica ssi?”

The smile leaves her face before it comes fully into existence. They had caramel coffee once, and the sweetness of the caramel has worn off, leaving only bitter coffee grounds behind. Jessica doesn’t know why she’s so surprised by the aftertaste.

“I’ll see you at MusicBank,” Tiffany says, so politely distant that Jessica can only manage a nod in reply. She expects Tiffany to leave then, but Tiffany doesn’t take a single step away from her, doesn’t even take a single glance away from her.

Jessica walks away instead, her body somehow carrying her forward even as her heart pulls her behind. She makes it a few strides before Tiffany’s voice makes her freeze in her tracks.

“Jessi.”

Jessica doesn’t allow herself to turn back. “What?”

“I…I meant what I said to Isak unnie.” Tiffany’s voice is small, vulnerable. “I still mean it now.”

“We don’t have a now, Tiffany ssi. We only have a before. Had a before.”

“What about an after?”

Jessica closes her eyes. Her lashes feel wet. “Tiffany ssi,” she means to say, but somehow, “Steph” comes out.

“Jessi,” Tiffany says again, even softer, her tongue curling around the name only she ever uses. Used—uses. Still uses. It’s a relief not to have to think of everything in the past tense. “You asked us to fly with you, right? You can’t leave me in the sky alone.”

Jessica turns around, and sees that Tiffany hasn’t moved at all, is still staring at her like she’s lost the ability to blink. Or like she’s afraid to, in case Jessica will disappear if she does.

“Like I can leave you alone,” Jessica says, squeezing the words past something barb-lined in . “Do you even know how to use a parachute?”

“I can’t say I do,” Tiffany says. “I guess I’ll just have to fall onto you.”

Jessica does laugh this time, and it hurts a little, but clears with the sound. Something else clears inside her too, like she had an ache that she didn’t notice until it disappeared.

Tiffany grins. “Will you catch me if I do?”

Jessica opens her arms in reply, and then Tiffany is in them, soft and warm and familiar even after all this time, fitting there just like she used to, like she’s meant to. Maybe they are made to stand together after all.

“Steph.”

Tiffany lifts her head from where it’s tucked against Jessica’s shoulder. Her grin softens into a smile, and this, this isn’t Tiffany’s idol smile. This is Tiffany’s real smile. This is Stephanie’s smile. “Yeah, Jessi?”

“Yes,” Jessica says, even though she had already answered without words. Before, there was no need for them to say everything to hear them. Now, maybe things haven’t changed as much as she thought they have. After…well, perhaps they can have one. “I will.”