“You need to let me go.” I stared at her and almost laughed; let her go? She needs to let me go. Those begging pathetic eyes. That plump bottom lip of hers that begs to be bitten. That untouched body, so small and childlike. Who would want that? She was chubby, she is not the ideal of Korean beauty. I can let her go if I wanted to. Right now, I can let her go.

I want to mock her for thinking that I had feelings for her. I tormented her this last whole year of sophomore year. I went after her because she’s so much fun to make fun of. That irritated look on her face, that look that just said she was so sick of me, especially when my hands would graze her cheek and get her all flustered.

I need to let her go? Please, she’s just asking for it, asking for me to continue to torture her. To keep making her heart beat fast whenever I’m around, to keep making her laugh when I do something stupid that is not towards her, to keep bringing that radiant and slightly crooked smile on her face, to make her angry whenever I touch her in front of the guy she likes, to…

No, she needs to let me go, and there she is, staring at me, and I know behind that blank and emotionless stare that she’s just begging me to stay where I am, to show her that I’m not going anywhere. And I stay in my spot. Those perfectly sculpted eyebrows furrow together as she stares at me when I don’t walk away or say a word.

“Wufan, let me go,” now the problem is that she’s right, I can’t let her go. I can’t let go of that beautiful smile that makes me want to do a 360 in midair, I can’t let go of those shining eyes whenever I manage to make her laugh instead of angry, I can’t let go the pink of her cheeks whenever she gets so frustrated with me, I can’t let go because throughout everything I’ve done to her was only to get her attention. It’s because her attention is what I crave for like a forgotten child in a house filled with children. It’s because when she smiles that I think that I’m going to be okay in this harsh world. It’s because I’m so damn in love with her.

“El, I,” now she’s glaring at me.

“Wufan, just go!” She snaps, and I walk away, I walk far. Past my house, just until my legs feel incredibly numb and I have no idea where I am. No, I know where I am, I just, I’m confused. It was all my imagination after all. The days when we didn’t fight, the days when she would look at me and instead of scowling she would smile so genuinely and I just thought that maybe she did love me the way I love her. I guess why I did would be something she would never get passed, I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, I just wanted her, and I had no idea how to get her attention, how to make her look at me. El, Eliza. El, I don’t know what to say now.

El, please take me back. Take me back, El. El, please. Please.
 

They had the shrillest voices ever. Fans, I love them. I really do, but today is just not my day. I always remember this day and it’s always the worst day of my life. The others seem to back off, I guess the weariness and irritation is clear on my face. It’s the night of KCON, LA’s Kpop convention and we had just finished up. I’m exhausted and hungry and I just want to eat and sleep. It doesn’t help that tomorrow morning we’ll be heading off back to Hong Kong for more promotions and showcases.

I had heard that some fans from Canada flew all the way here just to watch us. I looked for her, I had a sliver of hope that maybe she would come to see me. But then, she never was one for pop music. She was always listening to rap and I remember just learning how to rap just for her. I almost laugh bitterly, it’s been years now since she decided that she had enough of me, and yet she was still on my mind. I still wanted her, she’s all that’s on my mind when I wait for her. I just want her back into my life and fix everything that I’ve done.

“Gege, they're calling us,” I look up at Tao and nod my head, slowly getting up and walking to the black van waiting for us. I could hear the fans screaming, yelling our names; I looked again. Nothing. Why would she be here? Why would she fly all the way to LA just to see me. She’s probably studying in college by now, doing what students do. She would have no time to come fly and see me.

“Wufan!” The chorus almost sounded like her, but I knew my mind was just playing tricks on me, but it didn’t help the natural reaction of me lifting my head a bit, before looking down. Stupid head, don’t mess with me, you’re just going to pi- “Dammit, Wufan, you ugly ! Look at me, I’m here!”

I stopped getting in the van, I heard one of the boys saying something in Chinese, a curse or a sound of confusion, I don’t know. And it’s something an anti-fan would say, but it just had to be her voice, that rash, harsh, “Wufan, dammit you stupid wannabe rapper!” I think my eyes were wide, and had to get away from the van to look for her; where are you?

The security guards are about to lead me away, but then I see her, those brown eyes. She looked so different, she ‘fixed’ herself up as people would say. And yes, she does look beautiful, but I preferred those slightly crooked teeth any day. I almost didn’t recognize her and our eyes finally met, her eyes were incredibly desperate, trying to get through the fans to get to me, but security wouldn’t let her through.

I push past the guards trying to keep me back and I run to her, I could hear the manager yell at me in confusion and anger, but I don’t listen, she’s here. Here. El. Guards were having a hard time keeping everyone back while I ran to her and I move past them, my arms immediately wrapping around her and hers around my neck. I quickly lift her away from the fans trying to scratch her and me, and she squeaks, just like she did when I used to poke her side because I knew she’s ticklish there. As I carried her, I noticed she was still a bit chubby, and I loved it. “Wufan,” I heard her say my name and dammit I loved it. I kept my hold on her despite knowing I had to leave, and the fans were getting more restless, they were taking pictures of us and I had forgotten who I am.

I’m not Wufan the bully, I’m Kris the idol leader of EXO-M. I’m going to get into a lot of trouble, and we’re going to lose a lot of fans if I don’t break away from her. But, I can’t. It’s been far too long. And I still love her. I never said it to her, and the fact that she’s hear, does she feel the same? And all the way from Canada? “El,” I whispered, pulling away and pressing our foreheads together, her hands were on my wrist, but she doesn’t pull away, it was like a caress.

“Please don’t tell me to leave again,” I whisper, my voice begging, “please tell me that you want me to stay,” I know I can’t stay, but I need to know that she does want and love me. I will go down on my knees if she doesn’t say it soon, I’m already feeling weak and I can’t—

“I love you,” that’s all I needed.