§Lay's POV§

So.

With her back towards me, her weak, slender finger landed gently on the piano key. With that note in mind, the rest of her fingers followed flawlessly. She plays pretty well for this to be the only piano piece she’s ever learned. How many times has she practiced that song?

Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes and let the soothing music flow into my ears. It’s a simple song; the right hand plays a mono, moving melody while the left hand just accompanies with an elementary chord progression.

Silent night,

Holy night.

Her light, warm voice whispered out the lyrics. I used to have to plead her before she'd actually sing; despite this being her favorite song. She said she hated her voice, though I find nothing wrong with it. This song was the only reason she learned to play piano.

All is calm,

All is bright.

I remember a month ago when she found this piece in my old music collection and begged me to teach her it. She’s a quick learner, but even so, she was new to this instrument and she struggled to play. We made a promise that she would learn it within a month and perform it for me on Christmas Eve. I would always , saying how her fingers were too weak to play it right. I remember how her face would puff up in embarrassment. Though those comments only motivated her to do better.

Round yon , mother and child,

Holy infant so tender and mild.

I slowly bobbed my head to the music. I’m proud at how well she’s doing, her hard work really paid off. I think it would sound better if she added pedal work, but I guess I didn’t have time to teach her that. Her voice and the simple piano melody was all that sounded in this heavenly night.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Even by whispering, she hit the high notes perfectly. I could hear her voice starting to tremble and started to sound hoarse. She stopped to take a deep breath before delivering the final line.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

She held onto the last note and I just enjoyed the relaxing sound with my eyes closed. Bang! I was suddenly startled when a symphony of unorganized keys was pressed at the same time. I blinked open my eyes to see her, collapsed and sobbing on the piano. I could see tears stream down her puffy, red cheeks.

“Why… WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY?!” She whispered a scream to the quiet, uncaring world. Her voice trailed back to sobbing. My heart hurts seeing her this way. Without knowing it, I’m already standing behind her. I held up my hand to calm her, though I stopped when just inches away.

I can no longer hold her in my arms like before and sing her a lullaby. I can no longer see the cheerful grin dedicated only to me or the worried expression when I arrive home late. Tears rained down from my eyes blurring everything in my sight. I am not hers anymore and she’s no longer mine to love.

“Yixing! Why did you leave me…” She coughed up those words and banged her hand on the keys. I can’t resist her presence anymore. I tightly wrapped my arms around her and pressed my lips against the top of her head like back in the days. For a moment I thought I was alive again. I could smell her familiar scent under my nostrils; I could feel her milky skin under my hands. Confused, she sat up and touched the set of arms around her.

“Yixing…?” She slowly turned around, but her eyes couldn’t focus anywhere for I am invisible to her. Her hands traced up my arms to find my face. Her touch, still so warm and smooth; always leaving me unable to let go.

“Yixing…” She closed her eyes and felt my face to paint a picture in her head as if I’m really here.

“Yes…” I swallowed my tears and tried to answer, but no sound came out.

“It’s okay if you don’t answer, I can tell it’s you.” She smiled in my general direction while holding my face with her hands. I tried to answer again, but I failed.

“Oh right, Yixing ge, I’ve been practicing the song you taught me. Wanna hear?” She spoke like she always did in the past. She spoke as if I’m still here. I felt my eyes well up again.

I nodded hoping she could feel it. She smiled and patted the space beside her on the bench to invite me to sit down. When she felt my body beside her, she placed her hands on the piano and started playing, still with her eyes closed.

So la so mi. So la so fa.

She played those first notes with such care, but with her eyes closed, she still messed up.

“Ah, sorry. I’ll start again.” She apologized and smiled nervously. I want to tell her it’s okay. I want to tell her that just by having her here is fine, that I love her, and many things. But I no longer have the power to do so.

So la so re.

She messed up again and frowned at the keyboard.

“Sorry Yixing ge, give me another chance.” She turned to me and smiled. She tried again, but still failed. I can tell she’s on the verge of tears. But like always, she turned to me, smiling like nothing’s wrong, and apologized. She tried again, but this time she even started on the wrong note. She bit her lips in frustration but still refused to open her eyes. A tear rolled down my cheek feeling that I’m helpless to this woman who I swore to protect. I can’t see her suffer anymore. I reached over and place one hand into her hand.

“Yixing ge?” She flinched in surprise. My other hand did the same and my body followed. I’m now using her body.

So la so mi. So la so mi.

I started to play. The song was short and I finished soon. I just sat there, enjoying my last moments with her. I could hear her mind speak to me.

“Yixing ge. I’m sorry I can’t play this song for you myself. I tried my best to learn this for you. But I guess I, I failed...” I could feel my strength disappearing, breathing was even hard. I quickly picked up a pencil and started to write on the wooden piano. I felt my spirit slipping away from her and my world started to grow cold. I gathered whatever strength is left and wrote as fast I could.

 

I’m sorry for not being able to stay by your side until the very end like I promised you. I'm sorry I left your side. Thank you for loving me. A girl like you is everyone's dream. Though I love you, I must let go and you should too. Forget me and find someone else that can make you happy. Let that lucky man complete the job I didn't finish.

–The man who loves you forever, Zhang Yixing

I smiled for being able to finish my letter to her. I laid my eyes on her until even my thoughts fell silent.