The sky is dark, really dark and Kyuhyun wonders what is he doing here? He looks around, taking in the  surroundings – men talking to each other with hushed voices, men comforting their wives, hugging and kissing their children.

War is no fun.

Kyuhyun feels a shiver going down his spine. He desperately looks for one face, the only face he should see now, but he just can’t find it. However, suddenly Kyuhyun feels a hand on his shoulder and it seems so heavy he’s glad he didn’t collapse. Turning around on his heel Kyuhyun lands in his sister’s open arms. It’s warm and familiar and he thinks why why why?

Cho Kyuhyun, an orphan, Cho Ahra’s brother, 17 of age, with poor health, is going to defend his country.

“Be careful Kyuhyun” she whispers in his ear. “Promise me”

 He only manages to nod his head, tickling her neck with soft brown strands of his hair.

“Siwon” he hears her saying softly and Kyuhyun lets go of his sister, turning his head to the sound of low murmur.

“Ahra-noona… Kyuhyun-ah” the tall boy says with a small but sad smile tugging on his lips.

Siwon’s and Kyuhyun’s eyes meet only for a second but it makes Kyuhyun feel somehow happy inside. The thought that Siwon-hyung will be there with him… he won’t be alone.

He shakes his head, trying to not to think about it.

“Siwon-ah” his sister says softly. “Can I talk with you for a moment?”

They leave Kyuhyun right where he’s standing. The people around him don’t pay him attention, saying goodbyes and some of them even crying. The air is filled with sorrow and something dark. Just for a second, Kyuhyun feels like he’s choking. It’ll be worse. The sight of people dying, blood, screams… it’s all in his head. He’ll see it for sure. But now he’s trying to focus on Siwon and his sister. Standing there. Closely. Talking.

Choi Siwon. He was total opposite of Cho Kyuhyun. Even if both of them were rather tall, Siwon was also well built, strong and brave… Everything a good warrior should be.

And everything Kyuhyun is not.

~

The first night away from home is cold and full of stars.

Their squad stops near a forest. They don’t have a roof above their heads, they don’t even have tents. They lie on the cold ground with arms folded under their heads instead of a pillow.

Kyuhyun thinks and thinks because he’s not able to sleep, hears some fifteen years old kid crying silently not so far away from him. He just tries not to listen as it makes him cry himself but it’s hard. Kyuhyun coughs. And then he coughs again.

No, no, no… just not that.

Then, suddenly, he feels something is being draped around him and Kyuhyun immediately opens his eyes. He sees dark, soft eyes looking at him with hint of worry. The blanket that Siwon threw over him is warm and big and Kyuhyun just wants to nestle himself in it. He looks at the older boy instead, wants to say something, thank him but the only thing that leaves his throat is another cough.

Siwon’s brows furrow at the sight and he leans down a little more to tuck Kyuhyun tighter with the blanket he brought. The younger boy shivers slightly, trying not to think why he does. Is it the cold ground he lays on? The scent that cold wind carried with itself and currently is tickling Kyuhyun’s sensitive nose?

He coughs again.

“Are you sick?” Siwon asks.

Probably, his mind screams, like I always am. I want to go home. Take me home.

“No” he answers after a second of hesitation. “I’m alright. It’s the dirt. I had to breathe it in by accident”

He knows that Siwon doesn’t believe him by the look on his face. But it’s better, to lie right now, to make it last longer…

“You should lie down too” Kyuhyun whispers, trying not to sound like cares. So much.

Siwon hesitates just for a moment.

“I can’t” he says. “I have to go back to my night shift. Just few more hours and I’ll be back”

Kyuhyun’s heart clenches. He knows exactly why the fear increases in him so much. He have to be prepared that one day he could not see him. So Kyuhyun looks at him, at his face, his thick brows, his sharp nose, thin lips and square jaw. He takes in everything he can…

He is sure Siwon knows his insecurities. The older man reaches out his hand, laying it on top of Kyuhyun’s head, caressing it slowly, gently.

“Be brave, Kyuhyun-ah” he says quietly and with these words he disappears in the night, not coming back before the sun rose up.

~

It continues like this for five days.

Every night Kyuhyun would lie down somewhere under a tree, or in a tent if they were staying for longer time, and Siwon… Siwon would come to him for a moment, or two, sit down beside him, draping the same warm blanket around his shaking from coughing shoulders. Sometimes they talk about their homes, about Ahra, about sun and fields and happy times. It feels like it was so long ago…

It continues like this for five days.

In those five days there wasn’t a single one night when Siwon would stay with Kyuhyun for more than this one or two moments.

~

When Siwon finally stays with him, Kyuhyun knows they’re close to their destination. He doesn’t care for other men around them. He just looks at Siwon, lying there with him, under the huge tree. They lay close, facing each other, whispering in hushed voices.

There is a moment when Siwon is looking at Kyuhyun, and it looks like he is listening to the younger boy, but his eyes have this happy yet pained glint. Kyuhyun tries to push away this weird sensation in his stomach but when he feels Siwon’s hand on his cheek, he realizes he can’t fight with it.

Now, it’s their lives – cold ground instead of the bed, stars above their heads instead of the roof, the embrace and soft kisses instead of home.

But, Kyuhyun thinks, trying not to cough, this home feels safe.

~

They find their enemy the next day, the battle flaring up minute by minute.

It is how he imagined it. Men lying on the ground with wounds, some of them dead, some of them still alive, struggling with the horrible pain. Kyuhyun looks at it with tight jaw, trying to survive, even though the knot in his lungs and throat eats him from the inside. He was not prepared for the fight like he should be, he just does what he thinks is right.

He knows he has no chance. Not with his poor condition. He knows he will die sooner or later.

That’s why he tries to push himself through the mass of bodies, fighting around him, looking for Siwon. He sees him, not so far away from him, and runs forward.

His heart beats madly and the only thing he can think now is please please no not him.

He blocks the tall, buff man from shoving the blade in Siwon’s chest with his own body, feeling hot blood making its way up his throat.

~

He didn’t see Siwon wrath, Siwon’s black eyes, the strength Siwon attacked the man with. He couldn’t feel his large hands on his cheeks, neither he could feel hot tears dripping onto his cold face.

At least Kyuhyun’s lips were still warm, Siwon noted.

~

Siwon took his body, when the battle died, not even joining the cheerful voices of his companions but making his way to the tree where they spend their last night.

He dig the grave with his own hands, placed Kyuhyun’s fragile body in it, not wanting to bury it back. He sat there for an hour only looking at his face. His tears didn’t make anything better, that’s why he covered the grave with soil and took some big stone, spending all night on engraving Kyuhyun’s name on it with a pocket knife.

CHO KYUHYUN

People say that he fought bravely and died protecting his country.

But Kyuhyun knows he lived, fought and died for his love.