Empty. Worthless. Lifeless.

This is how Wufan feels right now, as he stands in front of his lover’s tombstone. He feels the silent torture his heart is doing to his soul as it breaks apart and tears itself into pieces. The whole process is almost driving Wufan into madness. He wouldn’t even wonder why later on his friends would submit him into an asylum.

He has come here, expecting to cry, to grieve for his loss, and to replay all the memories he has that involve Zhang Yixing. However, a mixture of strong anguish and frustration at his own helplessness has already taken over him he couldn’t feel anything more than that.

What was the last thing he said to Yixing?

What did Yixing wear the last time they went to a date?

Where was it that they last went to?

And, what’s killing Wufan and driving him crazy is the next question.

What was the last thing they did together?

Wufan bends down on his knees and gently places the bouquet of red tulips he has bought at Yixing’s favourite flower shop at the base of the granite headstone.

In the loving memory of

ZHANG YI XING

Born on October 7, 1991

Died on September 21, 2015

"MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE IS MY LIFE."

Twenty-four in total.

If Yixing had still been alive, Wufan would have...

Wufan bites his lower lip, hard enough that he could taste the tang of his own blood. But he did not mind. All he could do right now is to clench and unclench his fist, undecided if he should punch the ground or if he should just stay still.

He has told Yixing over and over again, when he was still alive and even until now, the words everyone would die to hear from the person they love most.

*             *             *

Wufan and Yixing have gone into another date. This time, it’s Yixing who planned the entire thing. He has chosen his most favourite park. He has successfully coerced Wufan into wearing a unicorn mascot and walking around the park, taking pictures with children and their parents.

“Screw your part-time job, Zhang Yixing!” Wufan shouted at him the moment the older man removed the heavy head of the costume.

Yixing pouts at Wufan, knowing fully well that it’s the best he could do to pacify Wufan’s anger. Of course, Wufan is weak to whatever aegyo Yixing tries to throw at him.

Wufan gulps. “Just so you know, I’m never doing this again. Ever!”

Yixing takes a step closer to Wufan, then gently slides his hands across Wufan’s cheeks. “You’re all sweaty,” he begins, and then whispers seductively against Wufan’s ear, “…and incredibly hot.”

Wufan flinches at the sudden advance, but later finds himself wrapping his strong arms around Yixing’s waist. He bends down to kiss the younger male, when Yixing pushes himself against Wufan’s chest and takes a step back. Wufan looks at him, bewilderment completely written on his face.

Yixing smiles at him playfully.

“Afternoon’s gonna be over soon and we still haven’t ridden a couple bike,” Yixing says coyly, a twinkle in his eyes.

Wufan lets out a breath and rakes his slender fingers through his honey-colored hair. Yixing slightly gapes at his gesture, and Wufan takes extreme delight at the effect he has on the younger male. Then, he leans closer to Yixing’s face, close enough that the tips of their noses are slightly touching and until Wufan is sure he could feel Yixing’s ragged breath beneath that inviting stare he is giving him.

“You know you shouldn’t make me wait,” Wufan’s voice comes out as husky, his tone almost the same when someone says, Let’s make love.

Yixing’s face turns bright red. Clearly flustered and at a loss for words. Wufan turns around to walk away from Yixing. He wonders if Yixing’s wits have escaped him again. He can be too forgetful, too forgetful that he forgets even the most trivial things in the world.

God, he has to change his clothes now or he’s gonna die before he could even take Yixing’s lush lips into his.

When he emerges from the restroom, now wearing a white tank top beneath a button-down shirt and trousers, Wufan sees Yixing leaning against an old tree as he supports the couple bike with an arm. He hastily runs to his lover’s side and gives him a peck on the cheek.

Yixing blushes furiously again. He’s still not used to being kissed. Meaning, the couple hasn’t even kissed properly. Wufan chuckles sweetly, but he stops shortly when he realizes that Yixing is avoiding his gaze. He frowns and asks Yixing what’s wrong. Yixing cutely points a finger at Wufan’s chest, making the older man look down and stare at his own chest.

Oh.

His pecs and his…s.

They’re sticking out.

Wufan smiles slyly and take Yixing’s hand to his chest. The younger male flinches again, to which Wufan reacts, “Hey, you should get used to touching my god-like body. How can I make love with you if you’re like this?”

“S-S-So soooooon?”

Wufan feels himself being stepped upon by hundreds of feet in a stampede. “What do you mean sooooon? We’ve been a couple for three months now!”

“I-I’m sorry, Wufan. You know you’re my very first, and…I don’t think I can do it.”

“Have some faith in me.”

Yixing nods his head. “So, are we riding this or not?”

They ride the couple bike together, Wufan making Yixing take the front seat. They pedal in synchrony. They laugh like there’s no tomorrow waiting for them. They feel the chilly afternoon breeze kiss their skin. Even the soft rippling water of the ponds and the ducks and the birds are celebrating their love with them.

When they become tired, they decide to rest and lie down on the grass. They stare at the beautiful sky above them and argue at the different shapes the clouds are randomly forming. They have swatted each other’s hands, pinched each other’s cheeks, and tickled each other’s sides.

“I love you,” Wufan blurts out, taking Yixing’s hand in his and looking at him directly in the eye. “I love you, Zhang Yixing. I would love only you for the rest of my life. And even if the world turns against us, I will never leave your side. I’ll always be here protecting you, loving you until your very last breath.”

“As long as you don’t die first,” Yixing tells him.

Wufan flicks a finger on Yixing’s forehead. Yixing sits up straight and darts shooting daggers at Wufan. If only cold stares could kill. But Yixing knows better. Wufan just smiles at him, and unexpectedly, Wufan pulls him down back to the grass, caging him beneath his bigger body.

Yixing tries to push him away, but of course, Wufan is stronger and heavier.

“You’re so silly, Yixing,” Wufan starts. “Wherever you go, I will be. And you should do the same.”

And it’s not how Yixing has expected his first kiss to come. Wufan has locked their lips, and to Yixing’s sheer pleasure, the kiss turns out to be gentle and smooth and full of Wufan’s love. Later, he finds himself to be brushing against the other’s lips, his fingers pulling at Wufan’s hair and running across the older’s arms, back, and chest, each gesture becoming more lustrous than the previous one. Their kiss has deepened and two of them start craving for more and more and…more.

**To be continued**