First Christmas
(The bad sweater that was electrocuted by Christmas lightings)

He casually leaned against the door frame of his room, arms crossed, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips. He leaned his head against the solid wood as he peeked through the tiny sliver of space between his door and its doorframe.

“Insert the hook under both the front and back loops of the 2nd chain from the hook… Wrap the yarn over the hook from the back to the front… then catch it with the hook… Ah, is this book really in Korean? What is it telling me to do?”

Perched at the foot of their bed with a book before her, his wife fretted. Her left hand frantically flipping the pages of Crochet for Dummies, flipping it to the front page, then to the last page and every page in between, hoping to get a clue from the treasure trove of seemingly undecipherable knowledge to continue on her quest to complete the pathetic single foundation chain hanging off the top of a crochet hook, awaiting it’s next command.

“What is this blasphemy…” she muttered under her breath, squinting at a particular picture and reading the captions that came along underneath it.

So YiJeong smirked and closed the door. So that’s what he was getting for Christmas.

~~

“JanDi, should I get a real tree or a fake one?” GaEul asked her best friend as they linked arms and ‘skipped’ down the street, heading towards a department store. Well, okay, JanDi was just plodding along and GaEul was doing most of the ‘skipping’.

“Get a plastic one. Then you wouldn’t have to shop like this every year,” JanDi replied monotonously.

“But nothing beats the smell of a real pine tree!” GaEul retorted. “Imagine, the smell of pine wafting through our house, greeting us when we return from work. Don’t you think that would be wonderful?”

JanDi rolled her eyes and let out a quiet sigh.

“JanDi, do you think I should get those multi-coloured Christmas lights or those simple yellow ones?” GaEul asked.

“Get the multi-coloured ones so that you don’t have to decorate much,” JanDi muttered.

“But those simple yellow ones would look so beautiful and traditional, wouldn’t they? And imagine, when the lights are all switched off, the entire living room would bask in the warm yellow glow radiating from those tiny little Christmas lights on the tree. And the bright golden star sitting atop the tree would shine so much more beautiful, like, I don’t know, like the brightest star in the sky when Jesus was born.” GaEul smiled, absorbed in her fantasy. “I should get those yellow ones right?”

JanDi rolled her eyes yet again and let out a huge loud sigh again.

“Sure…” she replied.

“JanDi, should I buy those cheaper ones or those more expensive ones?”

“Buy the more expensive ones. They tend to last longer and then you wouldn’t have to shop again next year. YiJeong-sunbae can afford it.”

“I think I should buy the cheaper ones and go for a new look next year. After all, money doesn’t come easily.”

“Why don’t you just leave it to the servants? I’m pretty sure YiJeong has enough of them.” JanDi drawled.

“JanDi!” GaEul scoffed and slapped her best friend’s arm in shock. “This is my first Christmas with YiJeong! I want to make it the most memorable! And everything is so much more pleasant when you do it yourself.”

JanDi turned away from the new bride beside her and made a face while rubbing her arm.

“If you already know what you’re going to do, why ask me…” the irritated mother of one muttered under her breath.

Without a doubt, she loved her best friend. She would go to the ends of the earth for her and back if she needed her to, and she knew GaEul would do the same too. She was furious when she found out that her best friend was in a relationship with a known playboy, but relented when she saw how happy GaEul was with him. Besides, she was still making threats to him to make sure her not-blood-related-sister was treated well. Still, there was a limit to how much nonsensical questioning she could take. One hour of it was more than her limit had allowed. If it were anyone else, she would have snapped.

“JanDi-yah, what should I get for YiJeong?” GaEul continued to chatter, unaware of her best friend’s minor irritation.

“Buy something,” JanDi replied without much heart.

“Hmm…” GaEul thought. “I think I should make him something. Don’t you think that he would be so moved by it? Oh! I know! I can knit him a sweater! Don’t you think it would be wonderful seeing him walk around Seoul in the sweater that I knitted? So romantic! And it would be such a practical present too!”

“You don’t know how to knit,” JanDi drawled.

“I can learn!” How hard can it be?” GaEul laughed, excited by her plans. JanDi scoffed. The two ladies turned round the corner, walking past the department store and headed for the nursery nearby.

“Are you going to make a huge feast too?” JanDi asked, half-jokingly, already expecting a certain reply.

“Of course!”

“Good luck with that, you inexperienced new wife,” JanDi thought.

“Cover your stomach. You’re going to get a cold,” she barked.

~~

“Okay, so we’re going to make this Christmas tree nice and pretty. You’ll take care of that side of the tree and I’ll do this side of the tree,” GaEul announced.

“Sure.” YiJeong replied.

The famed potter reached out for a glass ornament beside him, only to have his wife smack his hand away.

“What?” YiJeong snapped.

“You’re supposed to put the Christmas lights first!” GaEul retorted.

“Okay, fine, fine,” he relented. He picked up one end of the yellow string of lights and hauled it straight at the tree.

“YiJeong!” GaEul barked.

“What now?” YiJeong sniped.

“You have to hang it off the branches like this for it to be pretty!” GaEul countered as she crossed over to his side of the tree and began making amends.

YiJeong let out a little laugh of exasperation.

“Ah! No! YiJeong ah!” GaEul snipped as she whacked her husband’s hand away. So YiJeong merely handed the glass ornament to his wife and backed off, already used to the way she had to make every single thing right.

“You have to hang it off the branches of the tree like this… and like this…” GaEul nagged while YiJeong only half-listened, happy to leave the decorating to her. He simply stood behind her and watched her every move, eyeing the mess of boxes and decorations on the ground. He followed her move around the tree, ready to catch her if she ever tripped over something and fell.

“YiJeong ah, pass me that little Santa Claus figurine,” GaEul pointed to a box, her attention still focused on placing the yellow Christmas lights just right.

YiJeong stretched out to grab the little man when he heard his wife suddenly yelp.

“My sauce!!” she screamed as she scampered off to the kitchen.

“GaEul, be careful!” he hollered after her.

“Argh! My sauce bubbled over!”

YiJeong rushed into his kitchen and pulled her away from the stove. He grabbed a pan and plopped it over the pot that was spilling wave after wave of brown sauce down its sides. He then turned the fire off.

“My sauce,” GaEul said, eyes almost watering.

“It’s still edible, darling,” YiJeong reassured her.

“Oh, I still have to cook the steaks!” GaEul exclaimed, cupping her face in her hands, her mind whirling from all that she wanted to do and had not done.

“What? Why are you cooking steaks when we already have a huge turkey?”

“We should have a big feast, you know, it’s Christmas!”

“GaEul, it’s just the two of us.”

“What two? Three!”

“Yes, okay, fine, three.”

“Oh no! I still have to make the soup! My fresh mushroom soup!”

“GaEul, I’m fine with canned soup.”

“No, no, no, no, it’s our first Christmas! We must have the best food!”

“I don’t need the best food. I eat it every day!”

“YiJeong, it’s my first Christmas as your wife, I want it to be the best!”

“But-”

“No buts, I will make the soup. Give me an hour.”

“An hour? GaEul it’s already 9pm! Just give me anything to eat. And the turkey’s already done too!”

“I don’t know, I don’t know!”

“GaEul darling, come on. I know you want the best Christmas. Just leave this to me, okay.”

“You can cook?”

“Yes, I can cook. Now go make that tree beautiful.”

So YiJeong picked a can of soup off the shelves and proceeded to empty it into a pot. He added some water into the blender and switched it on, wanting its noise more than its use. He shielded the can from his wife, hoping to leave her thinking that he was making her fresh mushroom soup.

Peace dawned upon the house again, with only soft carols wafting through the speakers. So YiJeong stirred the bubbling soup, when a sharp shriek suddenly ripped through the silence.

“What?” YiJeong asked, panicking.

“I broke a glass ball!” GaEul complained, on the verge of wailing.

“Wow, the tree looks magnificent,” YiJeong complemented.

“What do you mean by magnificent? That! And that! And that, that, that,” GaEul pointed. “They’re not in harmony with each other!”

“Darling, it’s enough,” YiJeong hugged his wife. “C’mon, let’s have some dinner.”

YiJeong calmly sat his wife down at their dining table, giving her a pat on the shoulders. GaEul watched him disappear into the kitchen, a wave of angry self disappointment coursed through her being, and tears streamed down her cheeks. She wiped them away and sniffed. Her tree, her dinner; none of it was perfect! After all that planning and effort! How useless was she!

Like magic, a dinner was placed before her, with the turkey taking up a huge part of the table. However, GaEul burst into tears again the moment she realised that it was not covering every inch of the table like she had imagined, and she cried even more upon looking at the soup.

“GaEul, seriously,” YiJeong laughed, as he wiped away her tears.

“Oppa, what is this! You said you would make me fresh mushroom soup!” GaEul sobbed.

“Hey, I never said that. I only said to leave this to me. See, and now we have turkey, mushroom soup and brown sauce to go along with that!”

“No! My salad, and steak and desert! And eggnog and pasta!” GaEul wailed. “My perfect Christmas! Gone!”

YiJeong smiled, amused at her dramatics. Somehow, it made her seem cuter.

“Hey, GaEul, aren’t you going to give me my Christmas present?” YiJeong asked, hoping to turn her attention away from her ‘failed’ dinner.

GaEul immediately stopped crying. She perked up, remembering that she had one last surprise for him.

“Oh! I’ll get it!” she smiled and sniffed, like a child.

YiJeong cupped his face in one hand and rested his elbow on the table. He smiled to see her go into their room and he shook his head. He then walked towards the Christmas tree that stood before their room and began to clear up the shards of broken glass from the ornament she broke earlier.

“YiJeong-oppa!” GaEul bounded out of her room, holding up a rather misshaped woolly thing and YiJeong had to bite back his laughter.

“Wow, GaEul, you made a sweater for me?” he exclaimed, pretending to be surprised.

“How is it?” GaEul asked expectantly.

“It’s… interesting,” YiJeong replied, hoping to choose a word that wouldn’t hurt her.

“Does it fit?” GaEul asked, excitedly, pushing the sweater towards him.

YiJeong took the unique present and wore it over, assuming he had the orientation right. He poked his head out of one hole and poked his right hand over another. He then tried to find that third and last one to push his left hand through to no avail.

“Oh no!” GaEul began to cry again. “I forgot to make a hole for your left hand!”

“GaEul, GaEul,” YiJeong put his right hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. “Anyways, like this, I’ll be so, very sure that my left hand will be warm all winter!”

GaEul cried anyway.

“My perfect Christmas…” she sobbed.

And all of a sudden, the lights went out, engulfing them in darkness, except for a warm amber glow that began to grow into a strong flame shining from a very unexpected source.

So YiJeong suddenly felt an intense heat at the small of his back and he beat it.

“YIJEONG YOU’RE ON FIRE!” GaEul screamed.

“WHAT?!”

YiJeong tried to rip the sweater away from him, then rolled on the floor, hoping to beat the fire out when a warm thick liquid suddenly splashed on him, and he stopped as a sizzle crackled through the silence.

“Oh my goodness, oppa!” GaEul eked out, touching him everywhere, making sure he was not hurt.

YiJeong dipped his fingers in some of the liquid that saved him from a certain doom and smelled it before laughing out loud, realising that it was the canned soup that GaEul was being so indignant over.

“GaEul, I’m fine,” YiJeong simply wiped the tears off his wife’s face, only to smear it with canned mushroom soup. GaEul cried uncontrollably, from shock and relief. YiJeong kissed her on the forehead before asking for a moment as he went to the fuse box to turn the lights on.

Like a miracle, the lights came back on, except for the only ones that were responsible for the mishap.

As GaEul realised the cause of the fire, she wailed even louder.

“I should have listened to JanDi and got those more expensive ones! Those stupid, stupid Christmas lights!”

YiJeong burst into uncontrollable laughter. He reached for the hard, burnt portion of the wool sweater she had made for him. Thankfully, the sweater was not formfitting and that there was quite a huge space between his body and the sweater. He had not gotten burnt very much. Then he laughed some more at how ridiculously the fire must have started. Really! Anyone would have laughed.

Christmas lights spark a sweater on fire.

He chuckled again as he thought of it. And he chuckled some more at how ridiculous GaEul was being.

He pulled his sweater off and then made his way to his wailing wife. He hugged her tight, and patted her arm, wiping her tears and the mushroom soup away with his almost clean shirt.

“I ruined Christmas!” GaEul sobbed. “The tree, the dinner and even your present!”

YiJeong just hugged her, not saying a word, understanding her disappointment but he was also pleased by her efforts, loving that it was because she was thinking of him. The whole episode only made him love her more.

As her wails became soft whimpers and sniffs, YiJeong finally spoke. “Darling, you didn’t ruin Christmas,” he started.

“Liar.”

“Seriously, GaEul, you just gave me the best Christmas ever,” he whispered.

“Liar.”

“Seriously! I get to spend Christmas with you, and the best Christmas present ever is growing right here, healthily and happily. Thanks for being with me, GaEul,” YiJeong sighed and kissed the top of his wife’s head as he patted the bulge that was the tummy of his very pregnant wife’s.

GaEul sniffed and held on to her husband’s arm even tighter as she caressed her tummy, comforted by it. And then she laughed.

“I was being ridiculous, wasn’t I?” she asked her husband, her eyes twinkling again, just the way he liked it.

“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t warned…”

~~

To YiJeong Sunbae,

You made her pregnant; you deal with her mood swings. If you make her sad, I’ll kick you all the way to Mars. Merry Christmas YiJeong-sunbae.

Signed, Geum JanDi.

PS: Beware of those Christmas lights. I TOLD her not to buy those shoddy looking things but she just won’t listen! And this is all your fault!

PPS: I still can’t believe that you guys had a shotgun wedding. OK, maybe I would believe that from you, but I would be crazy to believe that from GaEul. What spell did you put her under?

~~

Yah, So YiJeong,

Merry Christmas. JanDi made me send this email.

From the only Awesome leader of the totally Awesome ShinHwa group, also known as the best person in F4.

PS: JanDi wants to warn you about GaEul’s plans for a “Perfect Christmas”. Also, from my humble experience, it’s not going to go well. Beware of tears. Especially given sis-in-law’s fragile condition.

PPS: JanDi kicked me after reading this!! Words. I will have some with that woman!