Taemin stared at the patterns of sunlight filtering through the leaves.  He is on his back on the small wooden dock by the lake where his cousin, Minho, brought him.  They came out here for a swim and are now resting with their beers.  His cousin’s voice is droning on in the background but his mind is too far away.

He snapped out of his reverie when he realized Minho is no longer talking.  When he turned to him, his cousin was observing him in silence.

“I’m sorry for spacing out,” he said with a long sigh.

Minho slapped his thigh and smiled.  “It’s alright, I understand.”  He took a swig of his beer and was momentarily thoughtful.

The brief silence made Taemin uncomfortable.  He thought he had somehow offended Minho.  He got up to a sitting position and searched his mind for something to say.

“What’s his name?” Minho asked suddenly.

He frowned at his cousin questioningly.

“Your boyfriend.  What’s his name?”

Taemin shifted his gaze warily to the lake.  “He wasn’t even my boyfriend.”  Yet, he wanted to add but thought against it.  “Onew,” he said softly, looking back timidly at his cousin.  “He’s a senior.  He works as a tutor on his spare time and that’s how I met him.  He… was very thoughtful.  He took good care of me, especially at school when I was bullied.  He became like a safety blanket for me, someone I relied on constantly.  I…  I guess I fell for that…  I can’t tell when exactly I started having feelings for him but, he…  I guess he felt the same and…”

Man, this is so hard to talk about, he thought, scratching on an imaginary itch on his brow.  Why am I even talking about this?

Still, he found himself saying, “Mom came home early one night.  It was totally unexpected.  She usually never comes home before 9pm…  Anyway, she found us in my room and she freaked out.  She went ballistic and just like that, she decided to pull me out of school and exiled me here!”  Tears were blurring his vision by the time he finished his story.  He averted his eyes from Minho, surprised by his own overwhelming emotions. 

It must be the beer.

They were silent again for a stretch of time.  Taemin was both embarrassed and relieved by his revelation.  He never talked about what happened, or how he felt about what happened, since his mother sent him to Daegu.  Minho is the only relative closest to his age, which is why he was “assigned” to help Taemin out in his assimilation into this new environment he was cruelly dumped in.  Minho doesn’t say much really, but Taemin found him a good listener and that is comforting.  His soft brown eyes are always understanding and without judgment.  Taemin’s defenses are slowly being melted away by Minho’s quiet acceptance.

“I met a beautiful boy when I was eleven,” Minho’s deep voice broke the silence. 

Minho took another draught of his beer as Taemin waited for him to continue speaking.

“I was immediately fascinated,” Minho continued, smiling warmly at Taemin.  “As in googly-eyed, tongue-tied, sweaty palms, weak knees kind of fascinated.”  They both laughed at this.  “I have always been quiet and it takes me a long time to befriend anyone.  But with him, it was different.  He likes to talk incessantly and he didn’t mind that I prefer to listen,” he paused to smirk at Taemin.

“He was so much older than me so I learned a lot from him.  I guess, in a way, it’s like he raised me himself.”

Taemin moved to face Minho, content to be the listener this time.

“We started sleeping together when I was fourteen.  Before that, being gay never crossed my mind.  I’ve always thought of myself as normal.”

Taemin’s mouth made a soundless Ah…  He never thought Minho was gay, with him being so athletic and manly in every way.

“Even at that age, I knew instinctively that a boy being with another boy is not acceptable – so I saw him secretly.  I rushed to his house after school everyday and stayed late until it’s almost bedtime.  Mother thought I was with my best friend all those times I stayed out late.  Until she ran into Jonghyun at a store in town one Saturday morning and my cover got blown.  I didn’t know that she had one of our cousins follow me the next time I went out.  I went swimming with my lover here in the lake and Dongwoon saw us doing the nasty,” he smiled shyly at Taemin.

“No…”

“Yes!  Can you imagine how embarrassing that is?”

“Then what happened?”

Minho’s face turned pensive, all humor erased from his features.  “Well Mom did like what your Mom did.  They’re siblings after all.  She took me out of school and sent me to live with my paternal Grandmother in Busan.  They thought sending me away from him would cure me of being gay,” he chuckled bitterly.

“What happened to your boyfriend?” Taemin interjected.

“He left town after I did,” Minho said, eyes looking far out into the lake.

“But now you’re back here in Daegu.  I thought you’d finish college in Busan.”

Minho stretched out his long legs and leaned back on his hands.  “Well, about six months ago, Grandma walked in on me and my boyfriend in bed.  We weren’t even doing anything, we were asleep.  But then, you know how old people are.  Like my Mom, she freaked.  I was afraid she’d have a heart attack or something.  So anyway, I got exiled again, this time back to Daegu.  I think by now, my parents have come to terms with the fact that I’m never gonna give them grandchildren.”

Taemin was laughing at the end of Minho’s story, but the deeper implication of Minho’s story was not lost to him.

“I’m sorry,” he told his cousin sincerely.

Minho smiled warmly at him.  “Don’t worry about it.  It’s done and over with,” he told Taemin, ruffling his hair.  “I just can’t get over the fact that it happened to me twice!  How stupid am I?”

They both laughed at this.

“I guess it runs in the family,” Taemin said somberly.  Minho laughed even louder, not sure if Taemin was trying to be funny or just stating a fact.

They finished their beers and went for another swim.  The sky was turning red when they finally decided to head home.  As they gathered their trash, Taemin suddenly said, “Wait, you said we have another cousin.”

“Oh, Dongwoon.  We were of the same age and grew up together.”

“How come I never met him?”

Minho stilled momentarily and Taemin couldn’t read his expression. 

“He disappeared,” Minho said, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“He just…  didn’t come home one day.  Up to this day, we don’t know where he went or why.   But Aunt SuHyun likes to blame me for his disappearance.”

Taemin is instantly reminded of why they were in this swimming excursion in the first place. 

The whole family had gathered at Minho’s house, which actually used to be their departed Grandmother’s house, to commemorate the second anniversary of her death.  It was a little after lunch when Aunt SuHyun arrived with her own family.  The moment she saw Minho, she kept staring daggers at him, disregarding the fact that their host is Minho’s mother.

“Unnie,” Minho’s mother had pleaded gently at her, trying her best to prevent another embarrassing scene in front of their relatives.

Aunt SuHyun glared at her sister with such contempt that Taemin was reminded of an evil witch.

“I’m sorry, Ji-Hee, but I hate seeing your murderer son’s face!”

Minho’s mother was scandalized and would have answered back, if not for Minho’s father intervening.  He pulled his wife away from her sister, while the other relatives tried to control Aunt SuHyun.  Taemin saw his uncle talking to his wife in a low voice, most likely reasoning with her about arguing with her sister who, Taemin was later told, had become a little cuckoo since her son disappeared.

In the end, to keep the peace in the house for their departed Grandma’s sake, Minho was asked to not show his face.  Minho retreated to his room in anger.  Fifteen minutes later, Taemin saw him leaving in haste.  Taemin ran after him and that is how they ended up in this lake.

“Why does she blame you for what happened?” Taemin asked.

“She said Dongwoon came to her in a dream and told her that I killed him.”  Minho’s face is dark with unreadable emotion.

Taemin absorbed all this information and was about to ask another question when Minho’s phone rang.  He eyed Taemin apologetically and walked a little way off so that Taemin is unable to hear his conversation.