Cost of Confidence

Description

Himchan doesn't know how to deal with himself.

Warning; mentions of eating disorders

Foreword

 

       It was only a couple of pounds, but to Himchan, it’s was the weight of the world. He couldn’t lose his visual spot to Daehyun, and if he were to wear a mesh shirt, he needed a stomach as flat as Yongguk’s . He turned sideways in the mirror and pinched at his stomach, frowning in discontent as the skin raised and snapped back into a small pouch. He eyed the toothbrush that was in the holder and felt himself grow cold. Fear pricked at his spine as a shaky hand went to go and grip it. He pulled it up and flipped it so the bristle side was away from his mouth. He took a step towards the toilet and sat with his legs crossed against the wall. There’s sweat on his forehead already and he hasn’t even brought the toothbrush to his mouth. Himchan scooted closer to the edge.

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Comments

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BLOOP2530 #1
Chapter 1: holy this fic qq
what was that
asdfghjkl; i actully really like this piece though omg the way you write T^T
scarecrowscreams #2
Chapter 1: Holy ing that was intense
toshiba19 #3
Chapter 1: wtf he went to jail????
Babyz_ #4
Chapter 1: I liked it ^^
kaylove #5
Chapter 1: I actually liked this a lot.

It touched a raw nerve of mine because I used to have an eating disorder in my teenage years. Feeling valued and loved was too important and when nobody could or would give it, it gets too depressing that it suffocates and clouds the mind, shaping it into a one-tracked mind focused only on gaining that illusory control over weight loss and body image.

Poor Himchan (in here).. in some ways, I think it *might* resonate with real life Himchan's life. He's always wanting to lose weight and fearing to be fat like his chubby days in pre-teen years. It's sad, really. He has turned out fine. His dancing practices and performances are so taxing that he would just lose weight without even trying. Though it wasn't expressed or reported, I can sense that weight is his weak point. He needs to feel accepted and pretty. Even his excessive obsession over his own good looks appears to be a facade to me. I don't know him personally - sadly U_U - but I can sense that there's something amiss when he smiles that dazzling grin and project a devil may care attitude while proudly declaring his beauty that can't be fully captured on screen. There must be a problem somewhere.

Why am I writing so much sh1t on this? Because I feels some vague connection to Himchan when I see that side of him. And your fic just touched this sensitive part of my personal experience while recalling my memory of a sensitive past of Himchan (real or not, it doesn't matter). It's a beautiful piece, this one. The one-shot could've been longer for better sustenance of the emotions in the plot. THat's just my own preference. :)
Lastly, love your writing.
mybabylove #6
Chapter 1: This was beautifully written. The ending totally shocked me but I loved it just as much... I loved how Jongup cared so much for Himchan regardless of everything that happened.
kimchanhim #7
Chapter 1: Wow this fic just made me think that I'm not alone whenever I think Himchan is dieting too much. You wrote it beautifully author-nim~
jaemoticon #8
Chapter 1: wow...that is...i never have a thing for self harm but yes,it was deep n beautiful ;;; Himchan only freed of his mind n thoughts of the ugly him,the overweight him n actions of harming himself n all when Jongup came n rescued him..by some ways that made Himchan gain confidence,finally,but the cost was big n law had to come in between..idek if Jongup had sth for Himchan but he lost many things to Himchan so he had to pay back-it make sense,but also the fact i dont want to happen *also wae i feel like kicking Dae here lol*
thinking of "Everything is beautiful" of Jae n Sunhwa while reafing,despite this is angst...;; orz anw fighting!!!
KingLru #9
Chapter 1: Holy mother of....this was amazing! The ending, oh my god. There are just no words to describe this!
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