Sigh.

Alright, here we go. I internally prepare myself whilst my hand is on the knob of my locker. In fact for that very long moment of preparation I suddenly find myself mesmerized by how worn, yet shiny the surface of my locker’s door is. Then I shake myself out of that pensive trance and ready myself for the outpour that will happen once I open this.

Three,

Two,

One.

Contrary to what I have been used to doing these past few years I now don’t yelp when the flood all goes down—that I merely take a step back, making sure to maintain my usual aloof face. I eye the mess, secretly searching for any possible present from the girl whom I only, really like. Among the pile I look at, clandestinely kicking gently to see if there is one—if it was just covered by the other ones, or whatnot. Then finally, as what my insides had been telling me, I give up. Nope. Nothing. Not now, not ever.

Who am I kidding?

So I go on with my life—yeah, of course. Literally, and I start climbing up the floors of the building to go to my next class. Or, not really attend class—I just want to go on gallivanting around the campus because I feel utterly demoralized now. Before I know it, my feet had led me to the rooftop, and now here I am, facing the overview of the city on this sunny, but windy day.

I clutch my hands on the corners of the crisscross barriers of the rooftop. I take a deep breath, and start criticizing myself why am I such a sissy and couldn’t even bring myself to say a simple, “I love you” right on her face. Why am I not good enough?

Why can’t I just stop liking her?

“So gay,” I mutter, talking to myself when I realize the conclusion of my statement. Apparently I find this funny that I let out a small chuckle and that makes me feel a little better even just for a little while. The wind blows, and it greatly disturbs my hair, that I have to put it back in place. For the umpteenth time this day I heave a sigh, and then take a glance at my phone. No one even bothered to message me. Not even Jihoon. The kid he is; regardless of the fact that we’re both men, as his playful nature would push him to do, he would greet me a Happy Valentine’s and not only that—even during special holidays, especially my birthday, he would send me cheesy messages of love and humor that perfectly reflects how much of a caring dongsaeng he is. Sometimes I wonder when that guy will ever grow up.

When I look at the time, I’m a little startled when I realize I’ve been standing here at the rooftop for already half an hour. In a hurry, I quickly go back inside and tread the stairs carefully. I’m already at the third floor when unexpectedly, I meet the guy whom I certainly don’t want to see as of now.

“Oh, Yukwon-ah.” Jaehyo-hyung greets me, slight surprise evident the way his monotonic voice was raised.

“Hyung.”

“Is it your shift already?”

“I—“ it’s ten minutes from now. I’m about to answer him when, suddenly, from my peripheral vision, I see a familiar figure behind him, situated a couple of feet from us. And my heart almost drops when I see her carrying what she’s going to give hyung.

So now I am faced with a moral dilemma: stop her, or be a better person and let her go. To let her experience the imminent rejection that she was to face once she had confessed her feelings to Jaehyo-hyung. But on the other hand, to let me experience the utter rejection I would have to face once she’s done that.

What do I choose?

But then before I could think of what I think is the biggest decision of my life, the subject of my crisis starts to move. Move—away, from where I am, from where her subject of admiration is. She looks away with that look I had seen her wear the first time I had encountered her. The first time we met, the time when we still weren’t friends.

This is going to be hard, but I’ll do what I have to do.

“Excuse me,” I excuse myself hastily, and walk past Jaehhyo-hyung not even letting him utter a word to halt me. My shoulder even grazes against his accidentally. I know that hyung exclaims something maybe in wonder why I was walking away too immediately, but I let that sound blend in with the deafening sounds of nothingness, hurled into oblivion—my oblivion—because I chose not to listen.

Because all that matters now is her, her, and her alone.

I call her name, a little too aloud; maybe more than enough to disrupt the ongoing classes of my classrooms we happen to pass by. She doesn’t stop. I call her again, but this only causes her steps to be nothing if not quicker. “Hold on!” I say her name again but she just wouldn’t stop.

“You’re not getting away this time,” I mutter under my breath, behind gritted teeth, and start to jog to her direction. My jog gradually picks up pace, and then the next thing I know, I’m already running. She hears my steps getting closer to her and that makes her quicken her walk even more, but I am faster, after all, and when she’s within the vicinity of my arm I grab her wrist. “Hey!” I exclaim, simultaneously followed by a deep exhale of lethargy. “Why were you running?!”

She whines in my hold, obviously not wanting to make eye contact.

“Come on, hyung was there already! Opportunity knocks only once!” I say, half-explaining, half-reproaching. It’s funny to think that my mouth forms the exact contrary of what my mind has to say.

“I…” she bites her lower lip, still looking to one side.

Letting my hand still grip her wrist I use my other one to touch her cheek. A little too touchy, but there’s no other way to make her look at me. “Hey…” my voice becomes a tad softer, at the mere touch. “I know you’re scared. But I don’t think I’ll be a really great friend if I don’t boost your confidence.” I heave a sigh. “Tell him. Just be really honest and that’ll be the end of it.” I find my jaw almost stuttering but gladly I manage to make it stop.

Now what happened to confessing to her?

“Give him those chocolates and let the speech follow,” I recommend, having even the nerve to insult myself with a feigned smile.

In a slow-motioned, agonizing, excruciatingly long moment her eyes move, slowly channeling their attention to mine.

Her eyes are glistening with fear. With worry. With so much affection.

I feel sorry for myself because these aren’t for me.

Finally, I lose the strength of holding on to her—the movement is somewhat involuntary, because my figurative weakening inside whenever this pain would be addressed has now come to its literal, visible, physical aspect of surfacing. My hands slack down, and she’s now free from my shackles—I’ve let go of her, not only literally, but also metaphorically. “Go,” I mutter, before my throat completely tightens to choke me.

But the next thing she does surprises me.

I don’t know if I’ve gone completely mad because of this heartbreak that I’m already imagining things, but here’s how it happens: swifter than any movement, she passes the box of chocolates to me, even slamming it to my chest, that I let out this small “oomf!” and it’s in my hands. Then it takes—I don’t know—two, one, or maybe just a half of a second? But certainly, after she’s force-given me the box of chocolates she takes a step back, clenches her fists at her sides, and, for the first time ever, I hear her yell. Not just any exclamation, but—

“YOU’RE THE ONE I LIKE, YUKWON-SSI!”

And then dashes off with the speed of light out of my sight.

And as how all boys would react when shocked, I just stand there staring blankly into space, chocolate box in hand, feeling like my soul’s just separated itself from my body.

Mind-blown.

My eyes are wide with genuine surprise as my head is hung low, not knowing what I should feel, what I should say, just to jolt me up from this.

Is this even happening? All these months, I thought it was Jaehyo-hyung! Kim Yukwon, you are one, BIG moron. The times we’ve had floods my memories like a movie in fast-forward—that’s when I see. That’s when it all makes sense. All those blushes, the embarrassments, her asking questions about my insights on things. She wanted to get to know me. She was interested in what I thought. She was worried about me, cared for me like a friend when in fact that was an insult—a mockery to what she had felt towards me.

The same, exact sensation to what I had felt towards her all this time.

How could I have been so blind?

After those thoughts reel into my mind for good three seconds after her walk out, a flood—no, a tidal wave of bliss washes over me, and it feels like I’m taking a bath under a waterfall of happiness that this felicity overtakes me—and it makes me want to rejoice but first—I have to tell her that I feel the same way too.

“I…” my face feels ticklish and warm when the corners of my lips start to turn upward, and I turn on one heel, now ready to follow her.

She likes me too.

“Yaaaa!” after yodeling out her name I pick up the pace, now already jogging. She flinches a little upon the sound of my voice, and I know she’s scared, but I have to catch up with her.

She likes me too.

Oh my goodness I don’t know I’m so happy I could die. I see her there, just three feet away from me, the girl whom I love—there she is. “H-hey!” I couldn’t help it. I laugh, after calling her name. My limbs start to lose their strength because of the laughter, but I will myself to go on, and also thinking that she would misinterpret this laugh and would rather hurt her feelings.

She likes me too.

I’m inching close, really close to her but she’s so shrewd, that she takes a turn to the left and then I realize it: I’m taking the old route. We’re in the third floor. She’s going to the—

“Ya!” I halt, just in time to put my foot in the gap of the door and its frame. I push it open but surprisingly, her push is strong too. “Open up!”

“I’m sorry! Please! Get away from me—I really don’t want you seeing my face right now Yukwon-ssi!” she cries, and by cry I mean literally cry because that’s immediately followed by a sniff.

“No! I need to talk to you!” I push but her strength rivals mine.

“I’m sorry!” it’s followed by mewling.

“It’s not that—“ I heave a sigh of exasperation, “Aish,” and with my final ounce of strength I push the door, now successfully opening it. She tumbles back and immediately covers her face and recoils as soon as she sees my face.

Ah, this is scary. I’ve never seen her sob. Ever. I take a few, cautious steps towards her, and put my hand on her shoulder which makes her jerk. “Um…” say something, Yukwon! Say something! ANYTHING! “I…” I look down. “I was surprised,” I state blankly, apparently the only thing I could say right now. “You know…”

“Please don’t say it! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” she shields her face with her arms and takes steps back.

And all I could do is just look at her while she’s in that state, because she thinks she’s made a fool of herself, liking a man who was just the exact opposite of her. The smile creeps back to my face and slowly, slowly, slowly…my knee bends; slowly, slowly…

“Hey, look at me,” I say in a cheerful voice, posing manfully.

She then removes her cover, but slowly, and opens her eyes, one after the other.

“I couldn’t think of another way to call your attention…” I swallow awkwardly, realizing how bold this pose would seem to her.

She gasps, eyeing the figure of me kneeling on one knee in incredulity.

“Yukwon-ssi—“

“—stop!!!” I make a halting gesture at her. “Let me talk first,”

She zips shut.

I clear my throat. Here goes nothing. “I…well, honestly…I feel pretty stupid saying this but—yeah, so…yeah. aish,” I ruffle my hair. “Don’t think I’m just saying this because you confessed to me or I’m taking advantage of your feelings or I feel pity for you but—ugh, I like you—yeah—you—way before you even liked me. Even back to the time when you still liked Jaehyo-hyung. And I thought I was going to lose you today because I thought you were going to confess to him, and—hey—did I say that I was surprised? I was. I’ve always thought I don’t deserve you because you’re too good to be mine, and I don’t know what good I must have done that you like me back now—ugh, I don’t know but I like you—wait. I love you. Because you were the only one that ever understood me and you—are just perfect and beautiful. Because you are you, the girl I like, I love—whatever; but all I know that if I don’t tell you these things today I will lose you forever. I’m probably not even making any sense now but here—“ I say in one breath, finalized by a big sigh at the end as I spread my arms wide. “I, Kim Yukwon, am in love with you.”

She stops.

Stops breathing, functioning—because she just looks at me with those widened eyes behind those huge, thick-rimmed glasses. Her lips are slightly parted.

I heave another sigh, but wasting no second to blink. “I could really use a reaction now,”

That’s what brings her back to reality. She blinks, several times, maybe still trying to process all the gibberish I’ve just spoken. Her hand then clamps , and her eyes are shiny—are those tears? And groggily, she takes a few steps towards me and breaks down at my front—kneeling to level her gaze with mine. “Y-Yukwon-ssi…” both of her hands are on now. “I—“

“I know, I know,” I pant the words, partly out of laughter; at how foolish we are to let this thing delay.

She abruptly engulfs me in an embrace, and then restarts sobbing once her head’s on my shoulder. “I…” she hics.

“D-don’t cry!” I laugh, though I myself feel lachrymose now. “Come on! You’re making me feel like I’m a criminal!”

“I—Yukwon-ssi! I’m very sorry—“ she hiccoughs. “I’m so sorry! I can’t help it—I’m so sorry!”

I draw her out and hold her by the shoulders. “Seriously, stop crying and stop apologizing!” I giggle.

She smiles through her tears, but her hiccoughs are incessant. “I thought you—“

And so I silence her with the best method I could think of. With my hands on her cheeks and my lips on hers, she widens her eyes in evident surprise. I think my insides are going to melt now. finally, after a good second, I break the kiss, and look at her straight in the eyes.  “Stop crying, really,”

She bites her lower lip.

“We feel the same way. That’s all that matters. do you understand?”

Tears start to form in her eyes again, but she smiles, and nods in comprehension.

“Good.” I smile again. “Because I don’t want the girl I love crying,”

She laughs, her tears now ceasing to fall, “Pretty mushy there, Yukwon-ssi,” she teases.

“And about that,” I correct. “Try to address me with oppa now, considering I’m your boyfriend,”

She immediately turns beet red from her neck to the roots of her hair. “I…”

“Come on, say it; practice makes perfect,” I chuckle.

“I..uh…Yukwon-op..”

Just then, the bell rings across the campus, signaling the end of the period, and, ostensibly, it’s her next class. Oh, how long all of this took!

“I-uh…” she shyly says. “I must—“

“—I know,” I grin, bold enough to hold her hand and help her up. “Come on; let me walk you to your classroom. Let’s have our first march as a couple together,”

She looks away with a flush, biting her lip. I tug her gently with me, and, together, we walk out of the room.

“Thanks, op…pa...” she says very faintly, barely audible to the ears.

“You’re welcome,” I squeeze her hand with love, as we walk, side by side, slowly, luxuriously.

I turn my head to look at it; the wide, worn surface of what should be its door, suddenly feeling nostalgic when I recall the first time I was to open that. The place where my worst punishment resided, but at the same time where my best blessing had come from. Where a story started and ended—only to make way for another, sweeter one.  

That place shall forever be memorable.

The third floor closet.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OHHH

that's a wrap-up, everyone! smile_addict-ssi , how was it? I hope you liked it! and to everyone: thank you for reading! and even for future readers I would like to thank you too ~

ah finally it's over. I have chapter tests this 11th and periodical exams next week. aigoo good thing I had ended this before studying  ksajfhsjadfhd NOW I CAN FINALLY STUDY HUUUUUU /celebrates solo

excuse all the errors btw. Other things might have escaped while I was proofreading.

and sorry for being such a liar -___-

okay okay at least tell me what you think before you leave kkkkkk

thank you everyone! more blessings! goodbye ! :D

-b