Everything that has been happening had taken its toll on me. I did not know what to make of the events. I did not know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Nothing seems to be going according to plan- if there ever was a plan. Everything was off timing. Starting from that night at the hospital.

“Would you please tell me what happened?” I begged Donghae to speak. He was shaking and sobbing and none of it were doing any good to me. I can only fear and with fear comes assumptions and my assumptions should probably be left at that.

I asked Jay to help me bring Donghae to the bed. To see him in this state pains me greatly.

“Just...Just please. Never let go... Please...” he murmured against my hair.

I vaguely hear Jay excuse himself. I took Donghae’s face in my hands and faced him directly to me. It was the first time that I had seen such raw emotions from him. He was normally so composed and jolly. It was heart-breaking seeing him break down.

“Hey hey. I’m not going anywhere. I'm never letting go.”

“It's just that, Dad...Seeing him like that... the bruises...his head... that tube... and mom and hyung...” I let him cry silently for a while as he cradled me in his lap. I can sense him trying to keep his emotions in place. We were so happy just hours ago, and here were are now; surrounded by dread, grief and uncertainty. “A clogged vein, they said. A complication from the surgery because of my father’s hypertension. A complication?! They go into surgery for hours only to tell us he has to go again because of a complication?! A tube to the brain. A ing tube to my father’s brain.”

I couldn’t tell him that everything’s going to be alright. Because it may not be alright. It might not be what we prayed for fervently.

“What if he doesn’t make it? Brain surgeries are risky, dangerous. What if he dies? What if he dies Yoona? What if he dies?” I let him cry while I held him, the only thing that I could do at the moment.

After a while, he looked up at me, his eyes small and his cheeks pink that I almost chuckled and cried at the same time. It was such a rare sight and I want it to disappear altogether. I kissed him lightly on his forehead, then his lids and his nose, stopping briefly before planting my lips on his. “We’ll get through this... Together...” I whispered, more to myself than to him. Something I knew was truer than anything anyone can say.

Uncle, thank heavens, got through the operation without any other complications. However, three days after and he hasn’t woken up yet. Father as well. A week after and neither was awake. And now, two weeks after the accident and there still aren’t any progress.

The doctors kept on telling us that both would be alright. I didn’t believe them. If they were going to be alright, they would have woken up by now. I asked the nurses about it and they told me that it differs between patients. Sometimes the body needs more time to recover. Other bodies, need more time than the usual. And nobody can really be sure when they will wake...or if they will.

It was during this time that I had wanted to just break down. The nightmares had been coming more often, the sleepless nights even more. But I knew that I can’t. I shouldn’t. Aunt Taeyeon was always crying. You’d hear her cry silently at night, begging Uncle to wake up. Mother was stronger. She’d reprimand Dad every day and every night, scolding him for leaving her to deal with the business. She hated it as much as I did but she was more knowledgeable than me and my brother needed help. After every business call, she’d reproach him for making her do something she did not want to do. But I know that she cries and begs for him to wake up every night.

“Taeyeon, you have to eat.” My mom was at Uncle’s room persuading Aunt Taeyeon to go home. She had been there since the first night. “I won’t pester you with going home anymore. But at least eat.”

“I can’t eat Tiffany. Not with him like this.”

“He wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

“I’d like for him to tell me that himself.” And I knew my mom could not do anything but hug her best friend and pray with her.

Our families are going through rough times. And it’s not only me that is in pain. I knew I needed to be strong like my mom.

I drove slowly to Donghae’s condo that night. He had been closed off lately. This started about a day after the second operation. And it was already a week and a half after. He wouldn’t talk to us. He’d bury himself in work every minute of every day. At night, I’d feel him climbing the bed next to me. He’d put his arms around me and hug me tightly. And I wouldn’t sleep until I felt him relax, fast asleep and snoring lightly. But this night, I vowed to change that.

“Hey babe,” I said as I entered the unit.

“It’s late,” he said from the chair. He had a drink in his hand. It was obvious that he was waiting for me. I knew he would.

“I know. I’m sorry. I had to drive mom home.” It was a lie. But I knew that this was the only time I’d get to talk to him. “Have you been waiting for long?”

“Hmmm.” He finished his drink in one gulp and stood. He walked over to me and pulled me in his arms. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“Talk to me.” I kissed him lightly on the lips and touched his cheeks.

“I am talking to you.”

“Donghae...Please...”

“What’s there to talk about? Everything is just bad news. It’s either no news or bad news.” He let go of me and walked to the bar, he took the whiskey bottle and poured himself another drink.

“So? Talk to me about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t need to want it. But you know you need it.”

“I told you-“

“I’ll start then. This morning, I had to attend that awful business class. There was this new guy in my class. It was the first time he attended and he sat right next to me. We had about 50 seats in that room, the class had about 6 students and this guy sat right next to my chair.” My business classes were special classes. I had a few classmates, most of whom only needed the class to earn extra units or to get more experience. “He introduced himself and I had no choice but to respond. I didn’t mind at first. But then he talked. And talked. And talked some more. By the end of class, I didn’t know what the professor was talking about! Good thing I asked Jonghyun to take notes for me.” I giggled, remembering WooHyun. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Yoona.”

“Donghae. I told you my story. Now tell me one. Please.” I approached him and laid my head on his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat.

“Well...” and he proceeded to tell me something about stocks and employment and all those things. I didn’t understand it much. But I got him to talk. That’s what’s important.

Since that night, it had become a ritual for us. We’d tell stories, just like what we did before the incident. It had been going so well. Until a few nights after.

I went home to find him drinking again. I approached him and he immediately pulled me to his lap and buried his face on my shoulder.

“Hey. Bad day?” I asked, caressing his hair softly. I felt his shaking. “Hey hey. What’s wrong?”

“It’s dad.”

“What? What happened to Uncle?” But he remained silent. For a few minutes, neither of us said anything. “Hae please. Talk to me.”

“I talked to his doctors when I came to visit. It’s almost two weeks since the accident but neither had woken up yet.”

“The nurses said these things need time.”

“Well how much time do they need?!” It was a while since I have heard him raise his voice and it got me surprised. “I’m fed up with all the waiting. It’s all we ever do!”

“I know baby. I know. We’d get through this,” I cooed.

“Nobody can answer me. I asked them what are the chances that Dad lives normally after this. Nobody had an answer.  I asked them when will he wake up. Nobody could tell me.

“Donghae, they don’t know themselves.”

“That’s it, you see? Nobody is sure. Nobody knows. Nobody can tell me if my father is ever going to wake!  All this money in the world and none could do much to wake my father up. No matter how much money we have... No matter how much I give them, they still couldn’t tell me when he’ll wake up!”

Everyday was a trial for us. We waited and waited and waited. We’d wake up to check if either of them had opened their eyes or at least moved a finger. But nothing happened. Two and a half weeks after and we were still waiting.

They held the press conference during this time. Geun Suk and Dong Wook wanted it to be temporary. But Mom and Aunt Taeyeon did not want Dad and Uncle to go back to the office again after it. And so everything was made permanent and companies were distributed. I was in charge of a few myself. Oppa told me he’d take care of everything for me until after my business courses.

It was hard. All my life I had been modelling. I had taken Architecture in college. I knew nothing about business. I told my father about this a few years ago, when I told him that I did not want to pursue business after college. He told me that I had to learn it sometime because he wasn’t going to live forever and my brother couldn’t do it alone. I told him it would probably take 20 years before they needed me in the company. I didn’t anticipate it to be this early...and under these circumstances. It had been a few days since then. I started with the business courses and was under the guidance of my father’s advisor when life decided to play another trick.

“Hey Oppa, I need your help with something-”

“I need to do this now. There’s no other time!” Donghae’s voice resounded as I opened the door to my brother’s office. There was him, my brother and Dong Wook in what looks like a very intense conversation.

“Uh, what’s going on here?” I closed the door behind me and approached the three.

“Nothing.” My brother replied. “What’s the problem?”

“Not important.” I approached Donghae. “What do you need to do?”

He wouldn’t answer me. I looked around at the two, waiting for an answer. “Well, we’re not telling her this,” Dong Wook said from his seat. He stood up and walked to the door. “We’re going. You deal with this. Maybe she can talk some sense to you.” Geun Suk followed him out, leaving the two of us alone.

“Well?” I asked Donghae again.

“YOU’RE GOING TO THE WHAT?!”

“Yoona, you have to hear me out.”

“Hear you out?! Do you even hear what you’re saying?!”

“Yoona, I’m saying-“

“You’re running away, aren’t you?”

“I’m not running away-“

“You’re being utterly stupid,”

“It’s not stupid-“

“Not stupid?! NOT STUPID?! What then is your definition of intelligent, huh?”

“I have no choice.”

“You have! You always have a choice. And clearly, you’ve chosen a stupid one!”

“Hey, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” I let the angry tears flow. I couldn’t take one second of holding it in anymore. “You can’t. You can’t do this to me. Not now.” I cried. I felt my knees giving in and crumpled to the floor.

“Baby,” he kneeled and took me to his arms. “You have to listen to me.”

“No no no. You can’t. You just can’t. You can’t go to the army now. Not now. Please. Don’t leave me. Not now.”

I apologize for this entry. It's my draft-unedited and all that. But I'm losing my internet connection and falling slowly under the rock once again (I found out that Stephen King with Nora Roberts in between are the best kinds of rockmates. I really can't do much about it). And I know you guys would hate me if I don't get this out there (especially leaving you hanging like that. Hah! You thought somebody died, eh?). I'd edit it sometime, I guess, so please forgive my mistakes for now.

Tell me what you think lovely readers. LOL (lots of love). XOXO