~~~

January 2012

 

The too cold winter breeze was the first to welcome Seunghyun to this new territory that he had stepped on. It was already in the middle of January and everything was covered in white layers of snow, the gray streets, the green trees and even his own black hair, all of it was covered in white.

 

But what bothers him though was the school building that he was facing to.

 

“This can’t be the place..” he whispered to himself, eyes staring at disbelief at the huge silver plaques plastered on top of the building reading  St. Anthony’s School for the Mute and Deaf.

 

Surrounding him were its students in their gray colored uniforms covered in over sized jackets and coats running towards the school building probably desperately trying to reach their morning classes on time. Some would pass by him quietly while some would accidentally brush pass him.

 

And Seunghyun just stood in the middle of the chaos.

 

One by one he would see students of different ages sign language at one another and he felt nothing more than an outsider. The thrill he felt early quickly faded away. He wasn’t supposed to be here, he feels out of place here like he doesn’t belong. Not that the students gave him a feeling of being unwanted but because he, himself, feels conscious here. It’s like speaking was a taboo because you’d never know who’d get hurt just by knowing that you could speak. It was uncomfortable.

 

He gently ran his gloved covered fingers through his jet black hair as he looked once again for the hundredth time at the text of his friend on his cellphone, trying to see if he indeed got the address wrong. ‘Cause this just can’t be it. But the words St. Anthony’s School for the Mute and Deaf on the screen was staring back at him, haunting him that indeed he was in the right place. 

 

Seunghyun shivered as another set of cruel winter air passed by, jolting him back to focus on the task at hand.  He shouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet, there had to be an explanation to everything. Everything has reasons, right? Because somehow his stubborn mind just can’t process it. He’s in the wrong place he kept telling himself because he just knows that-

 

“Jiyong can’t be here. He just can’t.”

 

 ~~~

Flashback

January 2007

 

A fifteen year old Seunghyun locked himself from the world in his room with the lights turned off and headphones blasting rock music around his neck. Downstairs, a familiar sight was happening as his parents try to out yell each other once again. It happened almost every week now, with them bickering like little kids, each one out weighing the other with problems that they had. And Seunghyun was sick of it.

 

It was too much for him since he was the only child in the house. His sister had roomed in a dorm for college leaving him with no one to turn to in these state. Not that he didn’t have any friends, he just didn’t want anyone pitying him like he’s some abandoned kid which he probably thought he was.

 

So he turned to the internet. The internet was like a whole new universe for him with so many depths and places to be explored and he loved to get lost in them.

 

He had his computer plugged in, an internet browser open randomly opened to some social networking site, just to pass the time. Usually he would just log here and there not really talking to anyone but this time something was different, this time he had someone to rely on the other side, someone he could call a friend.

 

He opened up the chat box on the side hoping and praying that his new friend would be there. And to his luck he was.

 

You can now start the conversation.

 

TABI: JIYOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!

IBGDRGN: HYUUNG!! What’s the matter?

TABI: They’re doing it again… they’re fighting again..

IBGDRGN: What? Don’t worry, hyung. Just don’t listen to them

TABI: I am…

TABI: but..

IBGDRGN: But?

TABI:  I’m getting tired of them, Ji. 

IBGDRGN: Don’t worry.. They’ll work it out they always do remember?

TABI:  I guess 

IBGDRGN: Hyung.. Everything’s going to be okay.

TABI:  I wish you were here to tell that to me in  person. 

IBGDRGN: Me too.

IBGDRGN: If only I could.

IBGDRGN: Be there, I mean. If only I could be there.

TABI: Lol, I know what you mean Ji.

 

Weirdly enough, through their strange friendship over the internet, Seunghyun believed every word Jiyong said. They haven’t known each other that long to consider themselves as bestest of friends but still, out of everyone that Seunghyun had talked with, Jiyong was the one who really stuck with him. He was actually more close to him than any other of his real friends who lives just across the street, Jiyong was the only one who made an effort to actually spend time with Seunghyun, even if it was just over the internet.

And with that, Seunghyun appreciated him. His new friend and maybe his only true friend.

 

No one would have guessed that these small chat replies would turn into years worth of friendship.

 

 

February 2007

 

Through the course of a month they had already come to the point of sharing intimate secrets between them but it never felt awkward. Seunghyun had never regretted telling anything to Jiyong and it looked like Jiyong didn’t too. Everything was going smoothly that even when his parents would fight again, it didn’t really matter to him because Jiyong was there to accompany him. Jiyong was there to be with him.

 

Along those days and nights of nothing but communicating with each other, they had found themselves in a situation where one knows the other like the back of their hands. At one point they had even exchanged cellphone numbers and became textmates as well, but there’s just one problem though, Seunghyun had never actually seen what Jiyong looked like.

 

It might seem weird to know that they had been texting and chatting with each other for a month now without knowing each other but it wasn’t. Jiyong had made him feel safe and comfortable all the time that it kept slipping his mind.

 

Well, until Seunghyun finally came to his senses. He would have to see this Jiyong eventually and maybe now was the right time. I mean, he would rather know now that Jiyong’s a 49 year old man than find out about it years later. That would probably shock him to death.

 

But somehow, on the back of his mind, he could never picture Jiyong as a middle aged dude. Whenever he would try to imagine just a slightest bit on what Jiyong looked like, he would always come up with different versions of him, all acceptably normal looking. He’d even come to a point where Jiyong had a disgustingly green colored seaweed hair at the side of his head that fitted the imaginary boy perfectly. That was just ridiculous.

 

So when Seunghyun got out of his last afternoon class, he immediately took his phone from his bag and texted Jiyong. Yes, texted, Seunghyun’s not confident enough yet to give him a call because of reasons he can’t understand.

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

Ji, we need to talk. Are you busy?

 

And of course, like always Jiyong would immediately reply.

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

Give me a few minutes, I’m still at violin lessons. (´。＿。｀)

 

Seunghyun physically faced palmed himself. Ouch. How could he forget? It was Monday today and he knows that Jiyong’s schedule was Violin lesson in the afternoon every Mnday to Wednesday. So with a pout on his face, he quickly typed in a reply while grudily walking back home.

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

, sorry I forgot. Just text me when you’re done, okay?

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun                                                                         

Sure :)

 

When he reached home Seunghyun didn’t even announced that he had arrived because what’s the point? No one’s there anyway. His parent’s weren’t at home and if ever they were they would never even bother to greet him, thinking that it’s just a waste of time. He guessed, that maybe that’s just how it is when both you’re parents are workaholics, choosing to spend most of their time in the office rather than at home.

 

It’s the main reason why he left like an old ghost in his own home. And that why he envied his sister so much, she’s out there living her life away from this jail he was supposed to call home. And if given the chance he would do the same.

 

Throwing his bag to God knows where in his room he slumped down on his bed on his stomach and buried his head on the pillow not even bothering to change clothes. It was a routine already, coming home to an empty house. All that’s left was to wait for Jiyong to text back.

 

So he waited. After an hour and 23 minutes, he finally received a text.

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

Hyunnnng! (^_^)

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

You said to wait only for a few minutes

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

I know I know.. SORRY… I had to rush back to my dorm because it’s starting to rain outside, you know my luck haha I don’t have an umbrella Y_Y

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

I told you to bring an umbrella everyday! You didn’t listen to me again….

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

SORRY AGAIN (シ_ _)シ….. anyway, what is it you want to talk about??

 

Seunghyun thought for a while on what to say, would he just tell it to him straight forwardly? Or gradually introduce the topic he wanted to talk about?

 

Oh what the heck, Seunghyun thought.

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

I was just thinking that… isn’t it weird that we haven’t seen each other? I mean, not in person but even if just thru pictures or something.. I think we’ve been friends long enough to know what each other looks like..

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

So you’re saying you want a picture of me? Haha (*^_^*)

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

Yeah.. can I? I’ll send you a picture of mine too you know..

 

He doesn’t know the exact reason yet but somehow his life started to depend on what Jiyong would reply next. He could already feel the cold sweat from anticipation. Would Jiyong look like what he thought he would? Minus the seaweed hair of course.

 

After a grueling five minutes of self torture, Jiyong replied.

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

Check your email! Already sent a picture :P

 

Immediately, Seunghyun scrambled to get off the bed and jumped right into his desk where his laptop was patiently waiting.  He can’t believe that out of all the times he would open it, fate had decided to slow down time. you fate.

 

Eventually Seunghyun was able to open his browser and log in to his email. And he didn’t even believe what he saw. Jiyong didn’t look like what he had imagined him to be, he was better. A hundred times better in fact.

 

The picture showed a side profile of Jiyong, he looked younger than his age but his features were nothing less than beautiful. He had black hair that was styled up so perfectly like it was there on a purpose. Dark think glasses covered those mesmerizing coffee colored eyes. Milky white skin all over along with those slightly chapped lips and adorable nose. A pink turtle neck covered his neck down completed with a dark colored jacket on top, making him look absolutely perfect.

 

Seunghyun narrowed his eyes, as if trying to memorize every stand of hair on Jiyong’s beautiful head. It was captivating him, those eyes that aren’t even looking at the camera or whatever it was that took this wonderful shot. Those eyes, those coffee colored eyes, just the thought of having to look directly at them sent shivers down his arms. Who would have ever thought that Jiyong would affect him this much?

 

Without realizing it, a genuine amount of time had already passed by. And still Seunghyun had his eyes glued on the screen. Until his phone rang, startling him.

 

From: Jiyong                                                      

To: Seunghyun

Heeeyyy! Don’t forget to give me your picture too!  o┤*｀□´ *├o

 

Seunghyun can’t process yet what he had seen and Jiyong was already pestering him for a picture as well, classic Jiyong always so greedy. There’s only one problem though, which picture shall he send Jiyong?

 

~~~

 

July 2007

 

There’s was something bothering Seunghyun as he scanned the now multiple pictures of Jiyong that he has stored on his phone. It was now safe to say that Jiyong wasn’t some 49 year old man but actually was a 14 year old kid just a year younger than him.

 

Everything seems to be going great for the two friends. Seunghyun would always be there for Jiyong and the other would do the same. It would seem like a perfect match but there’s just one little itsy bitsy problem this time though, he had never actually heard Jiyong talk.

 

Every single time he would try and call him, Jiyong would just either cancel the call or ignore it, atleast that’s what Seunghyun thought. Thinking that maybe Jiyong was just joking around, he let it go. But months had already passed and Seunghyun was now so sure that Jiyong’s doing this on purpose. And it was already getting into his nerves.

 

“I just don’t get what his problem is.” Seunghyun said out loud while walking around the mall, with his ear piece plugged in his ear. He had been calling Jiyong for the past ten minutes now and he just kept getting the same thing. Nothing. It would just ring and ring until the automated voice would tell him the maybe Jiyong was just busy at the moment.

 

“Bull!” He shouted as he heard that automated voice again, gaining a few skeptic looks for passerbys. Quickly he bowed down and apologized and hastened his steps. This is really getting to his nerves as once again he furiously typed on his phone.

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

Why won’t you answer???!??!

 

Not wanting to wait again for Jiyong to reply back, he buried his phone at his back pocket.  

 

“Uggghhh sometimes he just pisses me off.” He muttered, walking aimlessly at the mall, passing by buyers who were purposely getting out of his way.

 

“He does this every single ing time.” He muttered again, brows furrowed, his voice getting lower and lower. And just as he was about to call it a day and head home, his phone vibrate.

 

“He has time to reply yet he can’t just simply answer my calls.”

 

He took his phone and opened it a little rougher than what was supposed to be.

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

I know you’re angry… I just.. I told you already, I’m too shy to talk. (´。＿。｀)

 

Seunghyun let out a puff of breath as he tried to calm himself down. Seunghyun already knew that Jiyong won’t answer anyway, he just had to try again.

 

“But why? It just me, Ji… You know me..” Seunghyun whispered, typing back a reply, softer this time.

 

From: Seunghyun

To: Jiyong

It’s just me. How about this, just answer okay? You don’t have to talk. Just answer. I just need to know that you’re really there.

 

A couple of minutes as Seunghyun impatiently waited, his kept bumping people along the way because he had his full attention on his phone. It was actually taking Jiyong longer than usual to reply and it’s sorta bothering Seunghyun a little. Was answering the goddamn phone too much for Jiyong?

 

Just when he was about to call it off and apologize, Jiyong replied.

 

From: Jiyong

To: Seunghyun

Okay.

 

Seunghyun stopped in his tracks and stared at his phone’s screen. The word Okay kept replaying inside his head like a broken tape. Jiyong actually said yes. And in no time, Seunghyun had pressed the call button, what he’s waiting now was for Jiyong to answer on the other side.

 

And it took exactly four rings before he did.

 

“Jiyong?” He asked. He heard nothing from the other side, Seunghyun had actually put both ear pieces in his ears plus with fingers pressing them further but still nothing. Jiyong stayed true to his word, he kept quiet.

 

“Jiyong?” He asked once again. “I know you can hear me, I just.. I just wish that you’d answer. I really do want to hear you. But it okay, I understand. I’m sorry for forcing you to answer, that was wrong of me. I just.. I’ll just wait, okay? I’ll wait until you’re ready…” Then he realized something. “Well that sounded a little wrong, it sounded like I was asking you to bed.” then he laughed at himself or being both embarrassed and stupid.

 

Then he heard it. Just a few soft puffs of air indicating that Jiyong was laughing on the other side. So Seunghyun did the same, he laughed along with him.

 

“Yeah haha.. Anyway.. Uhm.. I’m wasn’t prepared for this. Uhm, I… I guess that I just want to say that I.. that I.. appreciate you? No that’s not right. Maybe I’m just saying that I want to say thank you to you. Yeah, that’s it. Just, thank you, Jiyong. I know that our thing may seem weird to others, but to me it isn’t. I don’t know.. maybe it’s because we just click, you know? So.. uhm, I.. uhm… hmmm.. Actually I’m on my way home right now so I guess I’ll just text you? So uhm… yeah, love you bye.”

 

Then Seunghyun hanged up, his heart was beating fast, what he said was the truth though he was really unprepared for that sad excuse of a call that he just made. His fingers squeezed his phone and tucked it away before anything more embarrassing could happen. But before Seunghyun could even take one more step, a thought popped into his head.

 

“Did I just said I loved Jiyong?!”

 

~~~

 

January 2008

 

A year had already passed and Jiyong still refused to talk. But Seunghyun had gotten used to it by now. It didn’t hurt that much anymore when Jiyong would reject him because at least now Jiyong had agreed that he could just call him and tell him about his day even without Jiyong saying a single word.

 

It was awkward a few months before, talking to Jiyong like he was just talking to himself but it also felt right in a weird and creepy way. Like Jiyong was his own personal walking diary, a person that he could just tell anything about, all his fears and doubts, his misfortunes, his happiness, everything. He didn’t need some crappy old journal for his thoughts, he has Jiyong for that. And he knows that Jiyong would keep all of his secrets safe and sound, he always did.

 

Nothing could have broken the beautiful day Seunghyun had, it was Sunday and he had spent the day out with his friends playing basketball and being what teenagers where, young and stupid. Then after he relaxed on the grass, arms behind his head, his ear piece plugged in, his mouth telling how his day had been with Jiyong patiently listening on the other line.

 

Everything was perfect and nothing hurt, that was until he got the dreaded news. His parent’s divorce.

 

Despite the months and months of trying to ignore that sinking feeling, the worst case scenario did happen. When he got back home, it surprised him to see both of parents sitting at the kitchen table, drowning in the sickening silence. No one moved an inch, no one turned their head in his drection but deep down Seunghyun already got the message loud and clear. No words were said as he barged into his bedroom and closed the door with so much force it rattled the thin walls.

 

Salty tears burst from his eyes as he tried desperately to hold them back in. The pain, the emotional pain that was punching every part of his body had corrupted his mind, sending him weakly falling to the floor. His knees painfully hit the too cold floor and his body crumbled. Broken, that’s what he was. He had never felt this much pain in his life, he would rather watch his parents fight every single night than not seeing even one of them at home.

 

He crawled his way towards his desk, hands shakily opening his laptop. He needed someone to hold him, someone to tell him that everything’s going to be okay, he needed protection and comfort. He needed Jiyong.

 

“Please be online. Please be online. Please be online.” He chanted under his breath while waiting for the internet browser to load.

 

And with his luck, Jiyong was there.

 

TABI: Jiyong

IBGDRGN: Hyung?

TABI: It happened

IBGDRGN: What happened?? Are you okay?

TABI: No I’m not

IBGDRGN: What is it???

TABI: My parents filed for a divorce

TABI: It’s over, Ji

TABI:

TABI:

TABI:

TABI:

TABI:

 

Droplet of tears fell on the keyboard as Seunghyun broke down once again, his finger still pressed on the enter button sending blank messages. His chest tightened and he choked for air. Loud sobs and pathetic whimpers came from his mouth, his eyes were swelling yet the tears just kept coming out. He has no control over it anymore, his body was welcoming the pain.

 

An unfamiliar sound beeped from his laptop causing him to look up and through those tear stained eyes he saw something that he wasn’t familiar with.

 

IBGDRGN has requested for a video conference.

 

Without saying a single word, Seunghyun stared back the sentence in front of him, consciously dragging the cursor and clicking accept.

 

The screen changed and he was met with a very concerned looking Jiyong. Seunghyun’s eyes widened as his tears momentarily stopped, Jiyong was in front of him. His breath hitched as he surveyed the young boy showed on the screen, staring right back at him. Jiyong had his head titled a little to the side, his face showed kindness and concern at the same time. Seunghyun could see clearly how caring and gentle Jiyong’s eyes were mixed his sadness and hurt because he looked like he was trying not to cry as well.

 

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun whispered and he saw Jiyong showed a ghost of a smile in return.

 

Seunghyun continued to stare as Jiyong moved, he moved his hands to either side of his head, motioning Seunghyun to put on some head phones. And Seunghyun obeyed of course.

 

Within reach, Seunghyun took his overly used headphones, plugged the wire on the laptop and snuggly placed the headphones on his head while he still sniffed and coughed. The sadness was still there of course, he could still feel it in his chest just waiting or the right time to burst again.

 

Once done, Jiyong moved again, this time it was him who reached out and took something out of the screen.

 

His violin.

 

Through the headset he could hear things moving in time with the way Jiyong moved on the screen. And in no time Seunghyun had found himself staring in awe as Jiyong played the violin.

 

Jiyong had his eyes closed, his cheeks tainted with a faint color red while the violin rest between his chin and neck. His thin fingers gently pressing on the hard strings while one hand was gently sliding the bow creating sweet music that Seunghyun never thought could be so.. beautiful.

 

The moment Jiyong started playing the violin, controlling it, professional telling it what to do, Seunghyun couldn’t do anything but stop and stare. Seunghyun wasn’t familiar with the song but that didn’t matter, what mattered was how Jiyong was calming him down in his own way.

 

All his problems just seemed to float away, hell, he himself felt like he was floating. The soft and melodious sound of the violin seeped through his ears spreading warmth throughout his body. It was like Jiyong was actually there with him, hugging him and giving him the care and comfort that he needed. His Jiyong was there. And he was telling him that he understands and that he cares for him.

 

Slowly, Seunghyun’s heartbeat steadied into a normal rhythm, the painful tightened feeling on his chest was gradually lessening relaxing the frightened and scared boy. The sweet sound of the violin had corrupted his mind and entered his thoughts prying him from further sadness and disappointment life may bring.

 

Without even knowing, Seunghyun had found himself relaxed and peaceful like everything truly was going to be okay. He had his body slumped down on his chair, head lolling backwards, body slightly swaying to the magical sounds from Jiyong’s violin. And he could feel every bit of his body being relieved of the stress that had entered a few minutes ago.

 

When eventually the music stopped playing, Seunghyun slowly lifted his head up and faced the now smiling Jiyong. And in turn he smiled too. The tears had stopped flowing along the way together with it the loneliness and depression that he had just a few minutes ago. He could now breathe right with no difficulty at all. His Jiyong had taken all the bad things away and replaced them with new good ones.

 

This was the moment Seunghyun decided to never let Jiyong go, that Jiyong was his life saver, his friend. No one could ever compare to him, not even close. All his past, present and future friends would have to make a run for their money to be able to catch up to just how special Jiyong was to him.

 

Because even with just a simple smile from the boy could make all his monsters disappear.

 

~~~

 

September 2011

 

Three years had passed since then, his parent’s got divorced and his dad went on to have his own family. But no one really regretted the decision, Seunghyun could see in front of his own eyes how his mother’s sweet laughter returned and his father’s smile whenever he would come to visit. It turned up that a divorce was the best thing for the both of them.

 

For Seunghyun however, a few bits had changed. He graduated from highschool with average grades and was able to enroll in a decent college pursuing his dreams to be a world renowned author some day, exploring the world and taking in new challenges. It was difficult at first, trying to fit in this new environment called college, transitioning himself to be a college student instead of a high school one.

 

But he made it through of course. He started losing weight and eating healthy along the way as well, his skin glowed and his voice deepened even more. His once blemished face was now smooth and blemish free giving time to highlight his prominent cheekbones and those dimples that appear whenever he smiles. His once shy and introverted personality turned into a confident and active one as he busied himself with school work and various university organizations.

 

Sooner or later, he found himself surrounded with all the riches a college student would die to have, countless good friends and admirers. Yet none of this would have even happened without Jiyong cheering him on from the sidelines.

 

His Jiyong would always be there, every single day whenever Seunghyun felt tired and lifeless. Jiyong would be his source of light and inspiration whenever he had momentarily lost the will to write. Jiyong was his personally cheerleader no matter how ridiculous that sounded, pushing him on to strive to be a better man and person. Jiyong was his own brand of ecstasy, making his life more worth living.

 

Yet some things still remained the same, Jiyong still refused to talk.

 

Seunghyun had gotten used to it, really he did this time and he never questioned it anymore. It can be difficult at times especially when Seunghyun needed him the most but somehow Jiyong always makes a way to make it up to him, may it be through another award winning violin pieces or by simply just texting ‘I’m sorry’ every time.

 

Now that Seunghyun was entering his last semester for the year he felt that something was still missing. From everything that was given to him, from the fame to the high standard grades, something still boggles his mind. And of course, it always had something to do with Jiyong.

 

Seunghyun was sitting alone in the library one Tuesday night doing some research about great philosophers when a wild thought came to mind.

 

“What if….”

 

He ungraciously dropped the old hard bound book on the table, causing a loud thump. Some students who were up late doing some late night homework in the surrounding tables was startled but didn’t gave it much thought because, well because it’s Seunghyun. And everybody loves Seunghyun.

 

He fished his cellular phone from his pockets and quickly called Youngbae. Now, Youngbae was one of his real friends he met during the first year orientation where they were crumpled in an auditorium together with all the other nervous first years just like him, and miraculously he gain one friend throughout that ruckus. And that was Youngbae, unfortunately though they were on different paths to take. Youngbae enrolled in the Information Technology courses which took place just on the building across the Literature building. But they remained close friends ever since.

 

“Hyyeeellow?” A hyper Youngbae answered the phone.

“Bae!”

“Yo, what’s up Seung?”

“I need a favor..”

“Hmmm… that depends, what do I get in return for doing this favor of yours?”

 

Seunghyun just chuckled.

 

“Come on, Bae…” pouted Seunghyun.

“HAHA fine fine.. I’m just messing with you. So.. what is it?”

“Uhm… okay here’s the thing. You know Jiyong right?”

“The guy you can’t stop talking about? Yes, I know him very well.”

“Really funny, Bae….” Seunghyun sarcastically said, rolling his eyes as well.

“Okay okay sorry.. I’m serious now.. What about Jiyong?” Youngbae asked.

“Well.. I was just wondering if you could maybe track him down…. For me…”

“Track him down…….. Am I hearing this right? You’re asking me to track him down online? Like to know where he lives and ?”

“..Yeah….”

 

There was a long awkward pause before Youngbae replied again.

 

“Just get me his IP Address and I’m on it. You owe me big time, Choi Seunghyun!”

And with that the call ended.

 

~~~

 

End of Flashback

 

January 2012

 

Through many more months Seunghyun had somehow miraculously again gained Jiyong’s trust enough for him to give him his IP Address with no questions asked. It was a long shot from the beginning but through days, weeks and months of up and persuasions Seunghyun finally got it. And the moment he did he immediately texted it to Youngbae.

 

And Youngbae delivered of course, in a matter of a few minutes Seunghyun finally got a reply of a place. But it wasn’t something he was prepared for.

 

And that leads us to where Seunghyun was at the present time, still gawking at the school building for the mute and the deaf. The cold winter morning seemed to be colder than usual with his new discovery, making Seunghyun shiver once again for the hundredth time all ready.

 

Happiness or sadness, he wasn’t sure which was he was feeling right now. Or maybe it was confusion? Yes, confusion was a better word to describe it. But at the back of his head, a small voice was saying ‘So what?’. So what if Jiyong’s here? So what if what he’s thinking was true?

 

“Do you need help?”

 

A tap on the shoulder brought him back, he looked to his right to find a young man a few years younger than him he guessed judging from the cute teenage face. But what shocked Seunghyun was how the boy had asked him, his voice was different, it sounded like it wasn’t fully there, like the words where having problems of forming. And plus, he had a weird electronic looking thing on his left ear.

 

The young boy stared back in confusion and thought that maybe Seunghyun can’t understand him so he sign languaged him.

 

‘Do you need help? Are you a new student?’

 

Not understanding what the boy just signed, Seunghyun quickly found his voice.

 

“I… ah.. I’m sorry, I don’t understand sign language..” He nervously replied, not wanting to offend the boy at any way.

 

But the boy just laughed a little and smile at him in return.

 

“I said “Do you need help?”. You look lost.” He asked again, smiling and with that voice but he doesn’t seemed to be bothered by it.

 

“Uhm… yeah.. yeah.. Actually I’m just.. I’m just looking for someone. But I’m not even sure if I’m at the right place.. This is St. Anthony’s School for the Mute and Deaf, right?” Seunghyun asked, he just needed one more proof that he’s at the right place because he just can’t seem to get a hold it.

 

“Yes.” The boy replied, showing Seunghyun his ID that was hanging from his neck.

 

Seunghyun eyed it carefully and truth be told, right there in his very eyes were the school’s name.

 

“Uhm… Seungri? It that right?” Seunghyun consciously asked, reading the boy’s name from his ID.

 

“Yes, that’s me.” Seungri said proudly as he put his ID back inside his jacket.

 

“Okay.. uhm, do you mind? Like I said, I’m looking for someone but I don’t know if he’s a student, a teacher or something..” Seunghyun inquired, he sounded really dumb asking help from a teenager but he really needed to.

 

“What’s his name?” Seungri asked, tilting his said to the side a little.

 

“..Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong..”

 

In an instance, Seungri perked up, grinning from both ear to ear.

 

“Oh I know him! He’s really awesome and popular too.”

 

“So you do know him? Uhm… if you don’t mind.. can you take me to where he is?”

 

“Sure, no problem” Seungri said, adjusting that weird thing on his ear a little.

 

“Follow me.”

 

Seunghyun followed Suengri towards the building, copying whenever Seungri would greet and bow at the people passing by. From the looks of it, Seungri was a good kid and everyone knew him. He led him across the hallway passing by classroom filled with highschool students going on with their classes.

 

Everything amused and stunned the curious Seunghyun from how ‘normal’ the classes were taught to how amazing a poster was plastered on the wall, covered in dots instead of letters. Some of the students as well as most of the teachers had one of those electronic things in their ear which Seungri later explained as hearing aids. Seunghyun had to mentally face palm himself for even asking but like always Seungri didn’t mind and continued to half tour Seunghyun and half lead him to Jiyong.

 

Jiyong.

 

There was a trill in the way Seunghyun was anticipating his first time meeting Jiyong but at the same time it was completely terrifying. He can’t even think of the possible outcomes of their first meeting simply because he just didn’t know, this school was proof enough that Jiyong was hiding something from him. And he knows that there are more secrets that needed to be unveiled.

 

After a few strides, they entered a connecting bridge that separated two buildings.

 

“This is the college building, the one that he walked in was for highschoolers and below.” Seungri explained as he swiped his ID on the electronic lock, opening the double doors.

 

“Wow.” Seunghyun sighed, he never realized how big the campus was with only one building visible from where he stood outside. There was actually another building connected behind it.

 

This time Seunghyun really felt embarrassed and awkward as he walked through the hallway. Seeing a highschooler in uniform tugging a twenty year old man along a hallway full of college students in the same age was not a pretty sight. But thank heavens that Seungri was well known and liked by everybody so they didn’t mind them.

 

Riding the elevator up to the fourth floor, Seunghyun was finally able to breathe noticing that there weren’t a lot of students at this floor.

 

“This is the Performing Arts floor. Most of the student’s classes are in the afternoon leaving the morning for students to practice on their own.” Seungri explained, reading the question in Seunghyun’s mind.

 

“Oh.” Was all he could say.

 

As they walked further down one hallway, a familiar melody caught Seungyun’s ears causing him to stop in his tracks. It was the sound of a familiar violin, oh so familiar to Seunghyun. How could it not when he had heard this instrument being played every time he needed someone to comfort him, to accompany him in his times of sorrow. Whether it was when he cried when he flunked his first exam, when his journal got soaked in the rain or when he missed his family, this sweet sound of the violin would always sooth him down, calm his heart and clear his mind just like always.

 

Seungri turned around to find what was wrong but all he saw was the stunned face of Seunghyun.

 

“Sounds beautiful, right?” Seungri said. “Jiyong hyung, always makes the best music.”

 

Seungri smiled at him then led him to the last room at the end of the hallway. From here you could now perfectly hear the sound of the violin flowing and echoing around the room creating such beautiful sweet sounds that could warm the coldest of hearts. The door to the room was half open with a little space to peek in but not too big that you could see the entire room.

 

They stopped right in front and Seungri turned to him.

 

“Jiyong hyung is playing inside. Would you like me to call him out?” Seungri whispered but Seunghyun immediately shook his head.

 

He didn’t want to ruin Jiyong’s practice time, that would be too awkward and plus, he wanted to listen more.

 

“No, it’s okay. Thank you, Seungri.” Seunghyun whispered, ruffling the dark hair of the young boy.

 

“No problem. Plus, helping you helped me skipped history class this morning. I hate that class.” Seungri chuckled one last time before he turned back and left Seunghyun not without saying goodbye of course.

 

After the boy left, Seunghyun just stood there for a good whole ten minutes trying to decipher what the hell he should do. Should he just enter and say ‘Hey Jiyong, it’s me Seunghyun’ then everything would be okay? No. And if what bothering his mind was true then he’s not in the right state to just simply walk over to Jiyong and casually introduce himself.

 

With one deep breath, Seunghyun pulled all the confidence he could get and slowly opened the ajar door, revealing the room that had hidden his Jiyong from him. The room looked familiar though like Seunghyun had seen it before even though hasn’t been here before.  The light blue colored walls looked lighter mixed with the rays of sunlight seeping through the closed glass window. One wall was covered in a whiteboard, with a few musical notes written on it. The chairs and tables of the classroom was aligned at one side leaving a huge space in the middle all the way to the front of the classroom.

 

But none of that really sparked an interest in Seunghyun’s eyes because the moment he stepped in his eyes landed on one person and one person alone.

 

Jiyong.                                                                 

 

In front of him in the flesh was Jiyong, wearing a long cotton white sleeved shirt and skinny black jeans, so simple yet utterly gorgeous. He had his head bent a little, with eyes closed in pure concentration just like how Seunghyun remembered it through the laptop screen whenever Jiyong would play for him.              

 

The melody continued to freely flow from those strings of the dark colored violin enchanting Seunghyun’s ears. Seungri was right, Jiyong always did play so beautifully and gracefully like no one could even come close to him. When playing, Seunghyun could always see how Jiyong could get lost in his little care free world. The moment he would close his eyes and open just his ears, Seunghyun knows that Jiyong’s gone to that world, but he doesn’t panic because Jiyong takes him with him all the time. That’s one of the reasons why he loves Jiyong.

 

Wait. He loves Jiyong?

 

The realization hit him like a speeding train, his legs grew weak and his back hit the open door behind him causing it to hit the door frame loudly.

 

Seunghyun tried to lessen the impact by turning around  saving himself by trying to catch the door but it was too late.

 

The quick noise of the door shutting caught the attention of the violinist and as fast as it came silence enveloped the whole room. The music of the violin stop and only the deafening silence remained. it was so loud that it echoed and magnified itself across the whole room.

 

Seunghyun stopped whatever it was he was doing, his throat dried up, his heart quickening under the confines of his chest. This was not the way he wanted Jiyong to know that he’s here. His back was towards the room, towards Jiyong and it’s not making it any better. A single trail of sweat dripped from his forehead, totally aware that Jiyong’s looking straight at him. The silence couldn’t keep the sounds of his nervous heart from his ears, and it was deafening him.

 

An audible gulp was heard when Seunghyun swallowed his fears and eventually decided to just face whatever that’s going to happen head on. Despite the painful and embarrassing awkward situation, his stomach lurched at the mere thought that he’s going to see Jiyong. He’s going to meet him. Finally.

 

Together with a few labored breathing Seunghyun closed his eyes and turned around.

 

“Jiyong..”

 

Seunghyun can’t even fathom how magnificent and more beautiful Jiyong looked in person when he opened his eyes. Somehow the heaven and the stars aligned themselves and made this moment much more special, much more memorable. The temperature dropped to a point that it was both cold and hot, just perfect for their flushing skin. Clouds covered the harsh rays of the sun enveloping them with a warm and soft glow of light. The building around them grew silent, giving the two a chance to bask in each other’s appearance, to drown in each other.

 

“Jiyong, it’s me. Seunghyun.. ”  

 

Watching Jiyong was proving harder to do, Jiyong’s face stayed confused and puzzled for the first few seconds, then slowly and gradually it changed into shock. With his eyes widened and mouth slightly opened, Seunghyun swallowed his confidence and took a step forward.

 

On impulse, Jiyong took a step back.

 

“Jiyong?” Seunghyun softly asked, worried at the frantic look on Jiyong’s eyes. Seunghyun doesn’t know what’s happening, does Jiyong not know who he is?

 

“It’s me.” Seunghyun took one step again and yet Jiyong did it again, he took a step back.

 

Seunghyun continued to advance forward slowly and carefully not wanting Jiyong to run away even though he was. The back of Jiyong hit the tables behind him, cornering him with nowhere else to run.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me that you study here?” Seunghyun softly said again, standing a few inches in front of Jiyong.

 

The man in front of him dropped his head in what looked like shame and immediately Seunghyun felt guilty for making him feel like that.

 

“No, don’t. I’m not mad.” Seunghyun reached forward with his hand and caressed Jiyong’s arm in turn making him jerk from his touch

 

“I just.. I wish I’ve known. Look at me, Jiyong.”

 

Jiyong shook his head, still staring straight at the floor, yet Seunghyun could feel how nervous the man was. Despite that though, Seunghyun just couldn’t resist himself.

 

The arm that was holding on to Jiyong’s arm tightened its grip and pulled the younger man towards him and he immediately enveloping him in a warm and justified embrace. With the other much smaller than him, Seunghyun buried his face unto those jet black hair, masking himself in the scent of the man he didn’t even realized that he longed for. Even though Jiyong’s arms stayed at his side like dead weights, Seunghyun’s ones where enough to squeeze them together.

 

“It’s so good to finally see you, Jiyong. You don’t know how much I wanted to see you. I just….” Seunghyun stopped when he felt cold wet tears on his chest, he quickly pulled Jiyong’s face up to face him and it broke his heart. Jiyong’s beautiful coffee colored eyes were filled with salty tears, spilling on the side of his face. His nose was red from the crying and Seunghyun could hear his jaggered breathing.

 

“Ji.. Jiyong, why are you crying? Are you okay? Tell me what’s wrong.. ” Seunghyun muttered, wiping the tears on his Jiyong’s face with his thumb.

 

But Jiyong just shook his head from his grasp and bowed his head down again. Seunghyun could not only hear but he could feel down to his bone how Jiyong’s crying intensified. And it worried him.

 

“Jiyong please, tell me what’s wrong.” Seunghyun slightly shook him with his arms on the young man’s shoulder, warmly caressing him.

 

But Jiyong just continued to cry, shaking his head violently, hiding his face from Seunghyun. And with that Seunghyun just knew. He just knew. An avalanche of memories came crashing down, every questions and doubts he had were answered in an instant. This was the reason why Jiyong refuses to answer his calls. This was the reason why Jiyong would just opt to listening. This was the reason why Jiyong didn’t want him to call in the first place. It’s because he just can’t.

 

“..You… You can’t..”

 

With that Jiyong started to make a run for it, he pushed Seunghyun aside with his shaky thin arms and tried to run out the door but Seunghyun had a firm grip on him.

 

“Don’t, Ji. Don’t run away. Not when I finally got to see you. It’s just.. I wish you told me, I would have understood...“

 

The older man pulled Jiyong back into his arms, capturing him in a tight embrace once again tempting to never let go. So what if Jiyong can’t talk? Jiyong is still Jiyong and will always will be. It doesn’t matter if he can’t speak, Seunghyun thought, it only make him more unique, one of a kind, special. To be able to affect him in a way no one had ever had, to be there for him even though he’s not really there. To be able to touch his heart and accept his failures through mere short sentenced texts and chats. To be able to catch him when he fell, to be able to make him fall in love.

 

It’s now or never, Seunghyun thought. And he chose now.

 

“I love you, Jiyong.”

 

With that time stood still, the couple once again fell into complete silence as Jiyong stopped squirming and trying to run away. He just stood there, under Seunghyun’s strong arms who was hoping that Jiyong would feel the same way, would return his feelings, would love him just as much.

 

Slowly Seunghyun could feel Jiyong’s small hand make its way between them, up his upper body and find itself on his chest, just above his heart. Chills ran through Seunghyun’s body and all he could hear was the sound of his own heart, beating away making him embarrass knowing that Jiyong could feel it.

 

Seunghyun started to feel nervous because those seconds of silence turned into minutes, with them wrapped together. Seunghyun could feel Jiyong trying to calm down, trying to stop the tears and Seunghyun wanted nothing than to help him but he’s frozen. The extent of what he just did dwelled upon him, coating him with both anticipation and regret. Filling his mind with thoughts of ‘What If..’

 

What if Jiyong didn’t feel the same?

What if this was the wrong time?

What if Jiyong doesn’t love him back?

 

But none of that didn’t matter because the younger man looked up and greeted Seunghyun with one of his smiles that Seunghyun had memorizes and engraved in his mind from the moment Jiyong first smiled at him through the computer screen. And it’s good to say that seeing it in person was a hundred times better or maybe even more.

 

“It’s true.” Seunghyun continued, staring down at those coffee painted eyes. One of his hands s their way to Jiyong’s face, cupping those tear stained cheeks while the other stayed wrapped around the small frame. All thoughts of doubt disappearing as once.

 

“I have never been so captivated by anyone, let alone a man who I‘ve seen only through the screen on my laptop, a man that I’ve only known and grown to love through his girlish texts..” Jiyong let out a sound similar to laughter, even though it was just air. “and limited chat replies.“ chuckled Seunghyun.

 

“A man who’s the most caring person, most considerate, most patient.. Most everything. Not even those who are physically around me can ever compare to you, Jiyong. Not a single one. They could all try though but they’ll only fail in the end because I only have my eyes on you.”

 

The hand that was on Jiyong’s cheek trailed down and caught the other’s hand that was resting on his heart, intertwining them.

 

“So don’t cry anymore, okay? I don’t ever want to see you cry like that unless it’s from sheer happiness. Don’t ever doubt yourself, don’t ever let this disability bring you down because I know that there’s someone out there that had looked at you from a different perspective, from a different angle. Someone who doesn’t doubt you, someone who trusts you with all their heart. Someone who had loved you since the every beginning.”

 

Seunghyun pulled away their intertwined fingers from his chest and pressed them back on his chest, above his heart.

 

“That someone is me.”

 

What happened next Seunghyun can’t even explain because in an instance he found himself lips locked with the young man in front of him. The younger man wrapped his arms around Seunghyun’s neck, bringing the man down by force, Seunghyun never thought he possessed. Seunghyun however stayed stunned for a good three seconds until his body started moving on their own, his arms wrapped themselves around the young man’s waist. Adrenaline pumped through his veins as he half carried Jiyong settling him down on the table behind them.

 

Both participants now responded to the kiss as Seunghyun got over with the initial shock. Positioning himself between Jiyong’s legs, he tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss making it last longer that what has to be. He could feel Jiyong opening his mouth a little more, given him the opportunity to dart his tongue in and when he did he heard Jiyong let out a satisfied moan. They stayed like that, tasting each other, familiarizing themselves as they make up for lost time.

 

Eventually the two broke up, Seunghyun leaning his forehead unto Jiyong’s as he huffed, trying to catch his breath. And he chuckled seeing Jiyong doing the same.

 

With their both arms intertwined against each other on the table on either side of Jiyong, Seunghyun closed his eyes regaining the energy that was taken by that intense kiss.

 

“So just to be sure,” Seunghyun breathe out, smiling. “You love me too right? I mean, not in a friendly way but… but you know.. more like in a lover kind of way…” Seunghyun mumbled, his senses not really working by this time.

 

Jiyong chuckled in return with no sound again. But that didn’t matter really. With shaky hands, he pulled Seunghyun's face in front of his again and stared right into his eyes, right into his pure soul. Clear as day, Seunghyun could see the same amount of longing, desire and desperation in Jiyong’s eyes, proving to him that Jiyong was sincere and so sure of what he was doing. There’s no going back now, they had already pass the point of no return.

 

So even without a voice, Jiyong mouthed the words and Seunghyun heard them loud and clear.

 

I love you too.

 

~~~

Not really sure where this fic was going when I first started it...

but at least I finished it.

I hope ya'll liked it :).

Happy New Year, everyone :) ~ trixie