I felt my gut clenched. It was too overwhelming. As soon as I got into that situation, I wanted to get out of it. I needed to move and bring myself as far away as I can but my body was reluctant; my feet stayed rooted to the ground yet contrasts with my trembling legs. I could feel sweat forming on my forehead and on my palms. These icy-cold hands of restraint yet being on the edge of wanting to confess and let him know of my feelings- I froze for a good 2 minutes.

I have been doing so for four years; looking at him from afar. Instead of my own safety, I was cautious about his. I always had my eyes fixed on his figure and every time I do so, I longed for him to embrace my presence and I could feel my want to confess to him stuck in my throat as if I was choked.

He was always switching and I adhered to the flow of his emotions. At one point we would take glances and even stared eye to eye at each other but in another, we would inch away from contact as much as we could and refrained from being in the same place at the same time. There was a period of time where he would stand directly behind me- a small step back would have me stepping on his whole foot, to which he never flinched but with me ending the whole scenario off with a supposedly delicate apology, hurrying away. I have to admit I blushed at such instances. But in another, he would tragically hurt my feelings deeply by slamming windows in my face, shutting me out from his view and his life.

I am infatuated with him, yet we had never spoken to each other. It was ridiculous. I tried getting rid of this feeling but it was etched too deeply in me as if it was meant to be. It was one way or another. Either I cut him out of my life and make myself believe that he was nothing more than an ordinary human or I confess to him. The former was rather impossible for the emotions I had for him had embedded themselves so deeply within my confused self. Thus, final decisions were made and the latter was chosen. It was now or never for this would be the last time we would meet each other.

However, I was afraid of what is to come. I fear that whatever that is about to happen will not be what I pictured. Will whatever between us get worse or will it remain the same. Nevertheless, I cannot back out now. I had to take the risk even if the result was not I had imagined it to be. I was hopeful that I could at least eliminate a fear from my fear-list and feel better after letting my emotions out. I clenched my fists and cleared my throat. In my head, a voice spoke: here goes.

I trembled on my thoughts and tripped over my words. My semi-conscious mind took over and neither can I remember or figure out what I just said. I looked at him in hopes that he caught whatever I spoke and that whatever I said made the least bit sense. Minutes flew by but they seem as though they took awhile to prepare for their flight. Everything was on slow mode and it felt as though the focus was on us. His gaze fell on me, penetrating through my soul and I jerked slightly at the foreign feeling. His eyes glistened but I was hesitant on regarding it as a good sign. His response meant the world to me but waiting for it was like waiting for rain in this drought. I waited and I am still waiting.