The Light's Love for the Phoenix

Description

This is my first BaekYeol fanfic...

Actually, this is my first fanfic ever!!!

We all know that Chanyeol will always acknowledge Baekhyun but I just wanted to share my own love triangle view...

Hope I, too, will be acknowledged! :D

I also hope it all turn out well as I want it to be...

>.<

(btw, main and background images not mine...)

Foreword

Baekhyun and Chanyeol have been in the same group, Exo-K, for a year already and they've grown close to each other, and they've also been sharing a room in their dorm. Baekhyun, being the younger one, was so bukkeuleowo (*shy) to admit that he has already fallen in love with his hyung. What he doesn't know is that Chanyeol feels the same for him.

When Exo-M, their other da lao (*big brothers), came for a visit in their dorm, Chanyeol started spending time with the other group's duizhang (team leader), Wu Fan (a.k.a. Kris). Baekhyun felt a pang of jelousy, but he had no choice. If his hyung is happy, then he'll have to be happy, even though he as actually hurt.

Chanyeol felt like it was time to convey his true feelings to the Light-giver, so he turned to Kris for help. Will his confession be acknowledged, or will he just be turned down?

 

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Comments

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dyvatasya #1
Chapter 2: Good author! I like it :) The picture you put in the middle of the story does make me more understand, kkk ~ i'm agree to DevilsPetal for number 2 and 6 ^ ^
DevilsPetal #2
Chapter 1: I hope I will not devastate you with my comment :(
But I've got a few things to say.

1. I would stay in 1 language only (exeptions are didi, gege, oppa, hyung or something like that)

2. It's easier to read if you leave all the writing in the same size.

3. Pictures in the text are distracting. Rather put them on top or at the end.

4. Descriptions of people should go like pictures either on top or the end.

5. The green color is - in my opinion - totally random. I would refrain from that.

6. Emotions like -_- or T_T do not belong into the text. Describe it with words.

7. Author notes/comments in the middle are the same as descriptions or pictures.

8. *...* is for roleplay. If you want to show that someone is doing something or where it takes place, just write it out :).

Well I think... thats it so far. I hope I wasn't to harsh on you.

I don't mean to hurt you, it's just advice, ok? =)

Now to something positive! XD

Your grammar is really not bad, I've seen much worse grammatic structure on this side.

If you consider my critic, I am sure you will be a good writer :).

Greets DevilsPetal
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