Day's end is wonderful.

Slowly the long grass faded into soft, silky sand, crawling up my open shoes and crunching beneath my feet. Pulling the balloon's string towards me, I pressed it against my chest protectively with one hand and bent down to kick off my shoes and tuck them under my shoulder with the other. I walked a bit further into the sandy slope, before sighing and discarding my shoes completely.
Those weren't needed.
I turned and began walking along the sand, the serene sound of the beach filling my ears. The gentle sea-spray showered me refreshingly, and the bigger drops trickled down my face like tears.
Salty droplets running down my face like tears.
That wasn't sea spray at all.

I walked up to the pier and slowly clambered onto it, lifting up one arm so the balloon could wave about freely and not get caught under the creaky wood. I stood, gazing into the calm sea, blanketed by a shimmering glow of the sunset, before continuing to walk along it. The breeze was rougher up here, it blew at my hair and blinded me momentarily, before being dragged away again by my shaking hands. I reached the end of the pier and looked below at me, at the swirling mass of water crashing into the wood, roaring in anger.
It was angry.
The sea was angry.
I wanted to let go of the balloon. I wanted to let it slip from my hands and watch it float away into the distance, before collapsing and tumbling into the water, letting it drag me under and suffocate me alive.
Tears dripping into the water, I shook my head.

Don't think like that.

I felt shameful. I'm a weak person. I was crying already.
It wasn't fair.

I looked into the darkening sky and squinted at the clouds, the fading grey clouds that drifted along the sky. 
I felt like a cloud right now.
I was free. I was away from anyone else, I was alone, I was where nobody could disturb me.
But I was in a rough state. I was with the harsh winds, being pushed and dragged, stretched and ripped apart. I was gloomy and grey, I was moving slowly.
The pain was forcing me to do so.
I watched for a few long minutes as a small cloud broke into two from the winds up high.
Was that cloud shaped like a heart?
Or was it just my imagination?
My heart had been ripped into two too many times.

I sighed and reached out my free hand to hold onto the railing of the pier.
I was afraid I would collapse with no support.
But it wasn't as if I had support in the first place.

Why can't you support me?
I dedicated my life to supporting you.
I did everything I could as a mere individual to bring you everything wonderful in the world.
I loved you wholly with all my heart.
I never broke away and stopped loving and supporting you no matter what pain you caused me.
Why can't you support me back?
Why can't you take those small steps to stop my tears?

I could feel my breath hitch with ever tear that let go and fell from my eyes. I could feel myself breaking on the inside.

It's not fair.

I broke my gaze at the clouds and turned my vision back into the distance. The sun was dragging away, it was getting darker and darker.
I could feel my heart growing darker and darker.
And soon, just like the sun, my whole life would disappear into the night.
Yet, I wasn't sure if it would return when morning came.

I gave everything I had to you. I did everything I could.
Can't you return it?

I can see you crying. I can see your tears, tears we cry together.
I can see your pain.
You had pain. You suffered.
But you're happy now. You've moved on.
Do you know what you've done to me?
Are you yet to realize my crushed life, my shattered hope, my broken faith, was caused from you?

Why...why was it me that had to suffer so much?
All the pain had already passed for everyone else.
Not me.
I still hurt.
My heart was still broken. Nothing could ever mend it.

The damage is done.
It's all over.
But it still burns my heart the same.

My grip on the railings was weakening. I could feel my knees failing me. But I stayed stable. I held myself up.
I stood strongly and held myself up.
I held myself.
Just like I held onto every shard of faith, every fragment of hope that remained for me.

I clutched the balloon, feeling it circle with the wind.
That balloon.
It was filled with energy, an everlasting energy.
I was filled with an everlasting hope.
But was it really as everlasting as it proved to be?
Soon the helium would slip from the balloon. Soon it would deflate, and be left as nothing.
Nothing.
Would the same happen to me?

My sobs grew louder and stronger. I was crying hard. My eyes were blurring. My heart felt like it would burst.

Why did you do this to me?

I was struggling to hold on. I was struggling for everything.
I wanted to speak to you. I wanted to tell you how much pain you put me through.
But those words...nobody would ever hear them.
You'd never hear me.
Nothing would ever be heard.
I spoke to the wind.

"I'm sorry."

I was sobbing. I was crying. But I forced out those shaky words, in a quiet whisper.

"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Tears cascaded down my face and dripped onto my lips. I could taste the salt. I could taste the pain.

"I'm sorry I fell in love with you."

My knees buckled. I collapsed onto the wood.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

A hand was pressed down onto the wood, with the ribbon beneath it. The balloon swayed in the wind, rocking with every scream I let out.

"I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I'm sorry that you're my whole life. I'm sorry that you mean more than the world to me. I'm sorry that I cry all these tears. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my life has been ruined. I'm sorry."

The words ripped from my throat, as I curled my fists and weeped at the floor.
It was over.
Nothing could ever put my heart together.

"You meant everything to me. You broke apart. You ruined yourselves. My heart broke when you broke. You're my life, don't you realize?!"

I could see the faces flashing through my head, faces that used to be connected. Faces that used to be joined. Faces that used to be one.
They were individual now.
Those faces had separated apart.
They weren't the same.

"Nothing will ever be the same!!!" I screamed.

I buried my face into my arms, and let my legs slide behind me. I lay face-down on the pier, the salty spray washing over me, melting into the tears that wouldn't stop flowing.

"Come back. Please. Please come back."

I cried into my hands, feeling the ribbon twirl in my hands as the balloon begged to drift away with the wind.
I wanted to let it go. I wanted to let go of the balloon, and watch it disappear like every ounce of happiness I owned.
But I couldn't.

"I won't let you leave me again."

I rolled onto my back, still crying. I gazed into the sky. It was dark. The moon was bright, the stars were bright.
Everything was bright.
Except me.
I was a dull being, basking in everything else's beauty and happiness. 
There was nothing left of me.

I raised my arm and watched the balloon float above me.
It was begging to leave.
It wanted to be let go.
It wanted to be free.

"I can't let you go. I can't let you leave me," I whispered, "not again."

But I had to.
I already knew you were gone.
You'd already left me.
You'd moved on.

I couldn't let myself clutch onto the hope that everything would be back normal again.

I cried. I sobbed.
I closed my eyes and watched the faces flash by.
I watched the snippets, the memories, the previous happy moments. The moments where you made me laugh. The moments of joy.
I watched as the past replayed itself.
The past that would never return.
I had to let you go.
I didn't want to.
But I couldn't have done anything anyway.

Was it really your fault?
Was it your fault everything went wrong?
Why did it have to go wrong?
Why did everything have to happen?
Why is it me that suffers through this?

I was sorry. Sorry for myself. Sorry for everyone else that suffered. Sorry that everything had happened.
I was sorry that I fell so deep in the pit of love for you, only to be stomped on and dragged out, bleeding and in eternal pain.

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as the breeze toyed with my hair. My breath was shaking, my whole body was shaking.
But I had to say it.
"I'm sorry."
And I let go.

My fingers lost their grip. My palms opened.
I could feel the balloon pull itself up and release from my hand.
I opened my eyes, and watched it drift away.
It drifted away. It left me.
Just like you.
More and more tears welled in my eyes and blurred my sight.
My heart was burning.
But right before my sight faded away, right before everything ended, I saw it.
The last glimpse I had before it all away.
The thing that had meant so much to me for so many years.
Something that nobody had taken notice of, but made my heart skip whenever I saw it.
Something that, deep below, meant more than the world to me.
That number. Those two digits, written onto the sapphire-blue layer of the balloon...the digits that would never, ever be complete again.




15.