(Excerpt)

It was the day when we were free of training. Practicing almost 12 hours a day, we had the last day of the week all to ourselves. The members would either visit their families, or choose to sleep the day off. I would have chosen to stay in to catch up on all of my lost sleep if it wasn’t for Luhan and Yixing. It had been ages since they went out to play and the duo had dragged me along to the mall.

The sun was out, birds were chirping and leaves danced with the wind. It wasn’t too hot, or too cold. The weather was, if it even existed, perfect. The three of us didn’t bother to don a pair of shades or a beanie to disguise ourselves. No one would recognize us, we were still trainees anyway.

I don’t know whether it was because I haven’t been doing anything else but train, or because I was just in a really good mood. But it just felt like a beautiful day.

“Hyung, you’re smiling a lot today,” Yixing had pointed out.

If that kid hadn’t point out, I probably would not even notice it. Was I really smiling a lot today? The feeling that lingers on my face felt foreign. How long has it been since I’ve smiled like this? The last time I had felt so happy was probably when I learnt that I was casted into SM Entertainment. Thinking about it, I realized that ever since I came to Korea I have been too occupied with trainings that I don’t even have time to process everything that happened.

When I was given time off to visit home a few months ago, my friends had asked me how I managed to tolerate the intense trainings. This is my dream, I had told them. I believe that this would always be the answer to this question, even in the future. This is indeed my dream. I worked hard for this, and I’m not going to look back. I’m going to keep going forward until I reach it, no matter what it takes.

Now that I think about it, I am glad that somewhere along the way, someone had changed my perspective on life. I am glad that someone had managed to cut the strings that were beginning to tighten around my neck. I would have become another lifeless puppet in the entertainment industry, if I hadn’t met her.

She, someone I hadn’t been expecting, had created such a huge impact in my life in just a short period of time.

She changed me.

-

“This is my dream,” I repeated for what seemed like the millionth time in my life. “You don’t care where the future leads you. You don’t care what you’ll become in the future. You, out of all people, wouldn’t understand.”

There I go again, speaking without thinking. I felt a pang of regret as soon as I saw her eyes flicker. I’ve seen that look before, it’s always there whenever I retorted back about her views on her own life. But as quick as a blink of an eye, it was replaced with the usual tenderness in her eyes. Those soft and gentle eyes that she always had on, it would make even the coldest hearts melt.

I watched in silence as the ocean breeze picked up the loose strands of her brown locks and played with them. I pursed my lips together in a tight line even though I wanted to apologize for my outburst. I could tell she was deep in her thoughts, probably thinking of the right words to say. Sometimes, I wonder how she does it. Saying all of the right things at the right time. She was honest, a trait that I really liked about her.

“I know that this is your dream, Yifan,” she finally spoke. Her voice was gentle, mirroring her big hazel eyes. “You’re on the road right now, driving a car. Of course, the safest thing to do is to drive ahead and look back at times to see what’s behind you. But sometimes, you just got to stop for a minute. Take a look outside of the window; look at what’s around you. Embrace that moment.”

I blinked at what she just said.

“Embrace the present, you mean?” I asked, picking up on what she was trying to tell me.

“Smart,” she smiled.

The corners of my lips tugged up into a smile at her response. Embrace the present. Haven’t I been doing it though? I know that I have been working hard to reach my goals. But all along I had believed that I was doing well, between working towards my dream and maintaining my current relationship with my family and friends. Although I do have to admit that our relationships are getting strained.

“Is it not possible for someone to drive straight ahead and at the same time, look at what’s around them?” I asked. Somehow, she has become the person that I could confide in. She has become someone that I know will have the answers to my doubts. She speaks in riddles, Xiumin would tell me sometimes. But that’s just because he doesn’t give much thoughts to her words. If you really listen, it’s not so hard to understand what she’s saying. Her words are simple, yet have a deeper meaning behind them.

 “You could do that,” she replied, before looking up at me with that beautiful Cheshire grin of hers that would always makes my heart skip a beat. “You could look straight ahead, but your surroundings would only be blurred, wouldn’t it?”

-

 “Why are you always so happy?” I blurted out without thinking. There was never a moment when I would see her frown. There were the occasional distant look in her eyes, but that was all. I would always ask what she was thinking about when I saw that look. Life, she would answer as her lips curl up into a smile.

I arched my eyebrow when she laughed in response. Her laughter was like of a five year old girl, full of life. At the same time, it was the laughter of a 70 year old when they’re reminiscing on a good memory. How can something as simple as laughter feels so complex?

“We’re alive,” she finally answered when she calmed down. “Isn’t that something worth to be happy about?”