“Hey my dear, today’s the day again; 25th of December, Christmas Day. The day you loved the most; the day which you said is the day of giving and the day to love everyone (apart from Valentines’ Day). I missed you more as compared to last year of today. Just like the past few years, I have been staring at the door, waiting for you to enter; waiting for your smile, your warmth & your beautiful face. I miss you dearly. Just like previous years, I’m going to wait. To wait for you to come so that you’ll be in my embrace again. I miss you, I hope you’re doing fine & I love you. 

 

Love,

Me.”

 

The letter that was written last year. 

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I stepped into the hospital ward, to see that pretty smile of yours widening on your face. I missed that smile, so, so, much. You looked at me, stretched your hands out towards me, as though wanting to embrace me into a hug. I took a step back, knowing you would not remember this just one minute later. It pains me to be so near, yet so far… in your mind. It feels as though I am a part of your memory ever since Alzheimer’s caught up with you. Oh, how I miss you. 

 

“Min ah…” There, you called my name again. But baby, I’m right in front of you, can you see me? I held your hand for a second, hoping you will recall the warmth of my hands. Instead, I got a confused and scared look in return. I had to let go of your hands. It pains me too much. And then you stared into the space again, at the door, as though longing for someone to appear. 

 

“I’m here, Hyun ah…” I whispered, as tears begun to fill my eyes. You saw the tears, and you reached out to wipe those tears away. For a moment I thought I saw those beautiful eyes staring into mine, like how you always did when I was feeling down. Then the pity came in, as though you were sympathizing with a stranger. Baby, I miss how you hold me in your embrace, and how you would kiss everything away. 

 

“Min ah…” You called out again. This time round, I can hold back no longer. After two years… Two years of these heart-wrenching moments. You have to know… you ought to know that I am in front of you. And that you are so important to me.

 

“Hyun, it’s me. It’s me, Changmin. It’s me! I’m here now. I’ve always been here for the past two years. Can you see me? Can you hear me? Do you remember?” I blabbered out at once, tears rolling down my cheeks. These heartbreaks so real it feels as though it was pulling me apart. I cried, hard, as I buried my head next to yours.

 

Instead of feeling the fear and confusion from your trembling body, I felt a familiar warmth – a sudden embrace, and then a hand my hair. “Min ah… What happened? I’m here… I love you.” A soft and gentle voice flowed and it was followed by a peck on my forehead. I cried harder. Knowing this is temporary. 

 

After a few minutes, I got up and strike a new conversation with you. Your eyes that are filled with the usual curiousity are shining so bright. It seems as though you can recognize me, until you spoke of those words. “I’m waiting for the love of my life. My Changmin, Min ah… To come and bring me home.” You said. 

 

I nodded, “I know how that feels. I hope he’ll come soon.” I said in reply and stood up. I bid you goodbye. And I saw the same longing eyes staring at the door again. I stood by the door, and blew you a gentle kiss. I miss you so much. I hope you would know… that it hurts me that we are so near yet so far.