It was after midnight when I trudged into my room. I walked to the center of the room and stared at the two beds on either side of me. One was pushed by the window, and the other was pushed against the opposite wall. I reluctantly crawled into the bed near the window. I hated sleeping by windows, but I didn't have much of a choice tonight. 

That other bed was one that I had been sharing with Jongup for the past few months. Jongup and I didn't share anything anymore. I sighed and laid back on the bed, staring at the cieling. There wasn't Jongup and me anymore. There was just Jongup, and there was just me. 

I closed my eyes and tried to force all thoughts of him out of my mind. I had only been failing at that for a few minutes when I heard the door to our room open. He called my name softly, but I didn't respond. I knew he was just checking to see if I was asleep before he came in. I heard his clothes drop to the floor before I heard the bed creaking, telling me that he was going to sleep. 

I stayed in the same spot until I heard his soft snores. I got out of bed and went to the side of his bed, dropping to my knees. His sleeping face was so peaceful. I his hair and he unconsciously leaned into my touch. I couldn't help smiling at that. 

I kissed his cheek gently before making my way back to the other bed. I leaned back against the window and watched him sleep. After a while, I checked my phone for the time. It was just after two in the morning. I decided I should try to go to bed now. 

I accidentally hit the back of my head hard on the head board before I made it to the pillow. My vision went dark, but I still saw random flashes of color. I couldn't feel anything except the throbbing pain in my head. However, I turned my body in the direction that I knew Jongup was in and closed my eyes. It was colder tonight; I needed his warmth.

I was surprised when I heard him get out of bed and leave the room. I opened my eyes and saw that it was 5:30 AM. I hadn't slept at all. I waited for him to come back for 30 minutes. When he didn't, I assumed he had already left the dorm. I saw that it was still dark outside and I made my way outside. 

I stood in silence watching the sun rise. Jongup and I had always stayed up until the early hours of the morning. I sighed as I remembered how he would wrap his arms around me and whisper sweet things into my ears. They always brought a smile to my face because he wasn't very good with words. 

I realized after a while that there weren't any birds chirping. There was just my thoughts and me. It was actually kind of peaceful. I began playing with my hands. I frowned at them when I remembered Jongup's fingers intertwined with mine. Tears escaped my eyes at the thought of how perfectly we fit together. 

I was still in my pajama bottoms with a t-shirt, but I decided to leave. There was too much here that reminded me of him. I made my way down the sidewalk and into the city. I made myself think about my surroundings and not my ex. I didn't realize how hollow I felt when I wasn't thinking about him. 

I walked past a bakery and smiled. Jongup had taken me there for my last birthday. My eyes burned with tears, and I didn't try to fight them. If the only way I could have him was through my memories, then I wouldn't stop thinking about him. A sharp pain shot through my chest, but I didn't stop. I would do this no matter how much it hurt. 

I wandered through the city all day, stopping at places where he had taken me. The memories all brought me joy; the pain spread to my entire body and only got worse as I went on. I didn't understand why he'd left me when he made me so happy. I breathed in really deep, but winced at the pain in my ribs when I did it. 

I leaned against the window of a shop to steady myself. I didn't think I would be able to go on suffering like this; it was too much for me. I noticed it had started getting dark and I automatically reached for my phone. I cursed when I realized I must've left it at the dorm. 

I also noticed that storms clouds were gathering. I decided to head back to where the others were before I got caught in the rain. I looked into the window that I was leaning against and my heart stopped. It was the jeweler.

I had been planning to propose to Jongup soon and bought an engagement ring from here a short while back. I realized I couldn't do it now. I began to hyperventilate in front of the store and fell to my knees. The store owner rushed out to help me up, but I refused his aid. I wanted him to leave me there to die; I didn't have Jongup anymore. 

He said he would call someone for me and ran back into the store. I managed to get up after he left and distanced myself from the store. I hadn't gotten far before I heard him calling my name. Despite the pain I was in, I took off running. 

Thunder roared and soon after, rained poured down on my head. It was completely dark now and people rushed to get out of the rain. I stood on the sidewalk, unmoving. When it was just me in the heavy rain, I screamed in agony. 

I couldn't function like this. I needed him. He had promised me that he wouldn't hurt me, that he wouldn't leave me like others before him. He had lied to me. He was a liar. Was I just a fool for believing him?

I doubled over in pain and screamed again. I crossed one arm over my ribs and brought my other to rub my chest. Would I die like this? I began to shake uncontrollably, but forced myself not to fall.

I laughed at my stupidity. Here I was breaking over him when he didn't give a damn. I remembered how emotionless he looked when he broke up with me. I remembered how he had just rolled his eyes and scoffed while I begged for another chance. How could he have been so cold?

I vomited on the sidewalk and stood up shakily. I ripped off the chain he had given me and just dropped it. Rage burned inside of me and I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to do it soon because I wouldn't be able to stay mad at Jongup for long. 

This was the first time I hadn't felt so numb since he left me. 

I noticed the park across the street from me and stopped. The anger in me died down and was replaced by sorrow. That had been our special place. I was about to step into the street but didn't. I stood there contemplating. 

Did I really want to be reminded of us again? Did I really just want to remember those happy times and then realize my current situation just to hurt some more? I shook my head. I couldn't do that to myself. He had harmed me enough for the both of us. 

What would I do now? What was left for me to do? I had nothing. Quite frankly, I was just tired. I saw headlights out of the corner of my eye and made my decision right then. I couldn't go on without him; this ended now. 

I waited until the car got closer before I stepped into the street. I closed my eyes and waited for impact. The brakes screeched, but I thought it would be too late for the driver to stop. I was wrong. The front of the car barely touched me. 

I yelled furiously and began to pound the front of the car until my fists bled. All I had to do was stand there and get hit. I couldn't do anything right. I rested my body on the car and began to cough. 

I hadn't eaten or slept in two days. I had been letting myself get soaked in the rain for a while. This misery and pain was now unbearable. Maybe something good was going to happen. 

The driver got out of the car and came to my side. He was yelling for someone to come help me. I laughed a little. He sounded a lot like Jongup. Before I could register what was happening, I was being picked up and put into the backseat. 

The person in the passenger's seat climbed over to the driver's side and the other person got into the back with me. My head rested on his lap. I turned to look at the face of this "hero". I was shocked to see my Jongup. His wet brown hair hung limply around his face; his eyes were bloodshot and full of worry. 

"I'm so sorry, Daehyun," he apologized to me. 

"Don't," I told him. "I can't handle your lies right now."

Was I really saying this? I had been waiting for him to realize the torture I'd gone through since he left me. I rolled my eyes. I always let my attitude take over, but I hoped it wouldn't ruin things for me right now. I didn't want him to stop holding me. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. 

I closed my eyes and started to doze off in his lap. 

"I won't ever leave you again. I promise," he sobbed.

I felt his tears fall onto my face and wondered if this was just another empty promise. Another lie. I decided not to think about it too much. I finally had my Jongup back.