CHAPTER 37: FOOLISH

"I'll come back the day after tomorrow to collect your files, ok?" You nodded and hummed a silent agreement. Your manager waved you and Baekhyun a goodbye before leaving.

 

"Thank you, hyung! See you again!" Baekhyun shut the door and leaned his back on it once it was closed. He looked at your troubled and problematic expression before approaching you and squeezing your shoulders, "Hey, Arwen?”

 

You looked up and met eyes with him. You saw how softly his eyes gazed on you and you softened a little bit. "Yeah?"

 

"Are you okay?" He asked and removed his hands from your shoulders.

 

You nodded and turned your attention back to the books and files, "Just a bit troubled about that."

 

Baekhyun chuckled and patted your head, "I'll help you."

 

Your eyes widened at the sudden offer, "Really?!"

 

"Yeah, but let's talk first." You hesitated for a bit at his offer. Yeah sure you want to talk to him but at the same time there are your studies and home works waiting for you to finish.

 

You tilted your head to the side, "Can't we do my home works first?”

Your face fell when Baekhyun shook his head as an answer, "I refuse to help you if that's the case." He gave you a small smile before patting your head; he muttered a good night to you before heading to the stairs. "Hope you have fun doing your home works.”

 

What a jerk.

 

"Fine," you started which made Baekhyun halt before reaching the final step. "We'll talk."

 

He turned his head to you and raised a brow, "Don't fool me."

 

You scoffed, "I'm not like you."

 

This time, by curiosity and disbelief, he turned his body fully at you now leaning on the side railings of the stairs. He was shocked by what you just said. Him? Byun Baekhyun? Fooling someone? Sure he makes fun of other people and sometimes fools around with them but he will never make someone look stupid in front of him - that is too immature. "How can you say that? You don't even know me."

 

Both of you were shocked by the sudden statement. For once, Baekhyun forgot to whom he was talking to, he forgot where he was standing, he forgot the situation he was in, and he forgot you.

 

All because of the adjective fool. He knows she didn't fully described him as someone who will fool people like it was their habit, but to him it sounded like that. Hyun Jae is not a fool, Hyun Ji is not a fool, EXO is not a fool, his manager, everyone... he didn't fool them. Or maybe that's what he thinks.

 

"Ha," you walked to your right side, then to your left side, as if thinking about something. Baekhyun was shock though when you stopped abruptly and snapped at him. "And do you think you know me?!”

 

He didn't even get to reply when you continued, "Do you think you know what I've been through? Do you think you know what was going on in my mind when you left me? When you fooled me? Telling me you'll never leave but where were you?" Your eyes glistened in the light, your tears starting form. "You told me you love me but where were you?”

 

You held back your tears, not wanting to look weak in front of Baekhyun. On the other side, he suddenly felt guilt, concern, and curiosity wash over him. He didn't know what to say so he just followed what his heart told him to speak.

 

"I still love you though."

 

It came out as a whisper, almost inaudible but Arwen heard, Hyun Jae heard and you were on the verge of breaking down not until you remembered to what he led you to. So instead of crying, you swallowed the lump on and wiped your eyes. "Maybe you should've shown that instead of telling me about it."

 

Baekhyun shook his head, "You haven't heard my side." He didn't wait for your reply - because he knows you wouldn't, he knows that you'll wait, he knows that you'll try to be tough, he knows you, at least somehow.

 

He wanted to run to your side and give you a hug but he couldn't bring his self to do it. The distance between the two of you, from the stairs he was standing to the living room you are pacing in - it was like the distance between you two that is held by the untold stories, the un given hugs, the unshared kisses, the forgotten forgiveness, and the love which held them and still made them understood that this distance is unbreakable,

 

If only the love is stronger.

 

"When I left you, I thought that I'll be able to come back sooner. I thought that it was the best for the both of us," Baekhyun shook his head while looking deep in your eyes, either one of you breaking the contact. "It never was. I was jailed. I never get to come back, I thought I'll never find you again but not until I found out whom you were."

 

When you didn't reply after a minute of silence, he continued, "I was devastated to know that I have to find out about it from another person. But he told me it was best if I knew soon, he told me not to make the same mistakes again," he hung his head low, trying to control his emotions. When he felt hot beads of water rolling down his cheeks he stared at you and continued, "I had to find out from another person. I was stupid! How can I not know that it was you all this time? Maybe I really didn't know you."

 

 You didn't know if you should agree or not. If he really was stupid, you didn't know. If who is at fault you didn't know.

 

"Why did you think it was best that you leave me at that time?" You shook your head uncontrollably trying to fight the urge to cry. Baekhyun is crying and you don't want to weaken him even more. "It was never the best."

 

"I was casted and when my father found out, I was forced to leave, but I partly agreed with it. My father didn't allow me to say goodbye to you because he told me that we'll come back soon," he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration that was long kept in his heart, "He told me that when we come back, I'll be a successful idol who'll be able to give you everything that you need. He told me we'll be together happily. Lies!”

 

Baekhyun met your eyes which are now glistening with tears forming, "We never became happy." On that you agreed.

 

"You were foolish." It was instinct for you to say that. Maybe it'll lessen the mystery if he knows that he was foolish - foolish to believe his father and his words. "You weren't thinking of your actions. He fooled you, you were a fo--"

 

"I was only a fool because I loved you!" He snapped and started walking down the stairs while ruffling his hair. When he was in front of you, he didn't break the eye contact and stayed till. "And look, I still am a fool because I still love you!"

 

You didn't answer him. What is there to answer? You weren't even sure if he is certain about his feelings because once again, Baekhyun is foolish and he tends to do actions without thinking of the consequences. So instead of an answer you talked back with a question,

 

"Do you remember what had taken place the day before you left me?" Your question made him wonder. Does he remember anything? Sure he does. He was sober at least for half of the day until he started drinking and boom, he suddenly wants you! And guess what, you gave in because, even though you don't want to accept it, you were also a fool.

 

"Aside from being street casted I remember telling my father about it and then I got mad and frustrated at his demand so I drank that night, I was sober until what? My 4th or 5th drink I think." When he explained, his tears that were no longer falling stained his cheek and you wanted to wipe it, but you can't. What snapped you back to reality was his statement, "I drank at least 10 drinks of that alcohol that made me forget."

 

So that's why he was really, really tipsy. And what? He was sober until his 4th drink and he drank at least 10? And then he likes your dress today and then you go home and then you take care of him and then what? Hyun Ji was suddenly in you on your freaking first night. How can something so impossible and unexpected happen to you?

 

Oh right, because you were foolish. And you know what makes you even more foolish? Is that you made a son with Baekhyun but you haven't told him yet. Was it the right time though? That you didn't know.

 

"Why? Is there anything else that happened? Mom told me you drove me home and took care of me and she said you were feeling sick the next morning?" He sniffed and scratched his eyebrows, "Was I smelly?”

 

You are to laugh if it wasn't a serious case you are talking about here. "No, you know what?"

 

"What?"

 

"There is someone even more foolish than you back at that time." You were foolish, you hated to admit it but at least you did. You were sober, he wasn't but still you didn't fight him when he tried to like, make love with you? Is it even called making love? Because it definitely isn't when the other is drunk and unaware.

 

He scoffed and raised a brow, "Who can be even more foolish than me back then?" Your answer though, was definitely not what he expected.

 

"Me."

 

"How can you say so?" His shock made him raise his voice a little and you were somehow shocked by it. How can you say so though he asks? Can you really tell him right now? Are you ready for what his reaction will be?

 

"Well you see that night," the answer is yes. You are ready to tell him, to let him know, and to let him in. But no, not let him in like let him in, no not that of course. To let him in, like let him in your life, with Hyun Ji. Because partly the child can’t grow up without the emotional support of a father and partly because you want to give him another chance.

 

You weren't able to finish when Baekhyun's eyes widened and his mouth fell open, "Wait don't tell me we...”

 

You can only laugh at his expression, but he didn't found it funny though he found it shocking. "What we?"

 

"We like... you and me...” He coughed and straightened his back only to have his hands held on the sofa support him from not fainting. "You and me... we...”

 

"You and me... Uh-huh... what about it?"

 

 "We kind of made...”

 

"What gingerbread cookies?"

 

"No! Even more unbelievable than that! Like...”

 

"Uhh, dinosaur and ogre cookies?"

 

"No! A baby! Or worst babies! Oh my gosh, did I really just...” He covered his mouth with his hand and faced the other side not wanting to look at your eyes. One moment he is over-confident, the other moment he is embarrassed.

 

When he finally controlled his breathing, he let out a shaky voice, asking questions but still not looking at you. "Did we make one? Is he alive? Where is he? Or maybe he is a she?" You pursed your lips into a thin firm line and dragged him to the sofa you can talk more comfortably but he didn't sat on the couch when you did, he just stood there, normally breathing but still in shock.

 

"You have to sit so we can talk properly, Baekhyun." You ordered firmly but not rudely and patted the space next to you. When he still didn’t move you had no choice but to drag him and he almost fell on top of you, if it wasn’t for your fast reflexes the situation would’ve been awkward.

 

“You have to look at me.” This time he complied with your request and looked straight into your eyes. You managed to grasp some emotions that filled him – regret, curiosity, and a tint of guilt. You can read through him. You know him – at least that’s what you thought.

 

“No,” he shook his head while looking deep in your eyes. “Don’t tell me where he is, I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

 

What a coward.

 

You wanted to say but you can’t. You felt really bad for Baekhyun; the information must be too much on him that’s why he can’t process anything anymore. But if he doesn’t want to know now, when will you tell him?

 

“First,” he held your hand and you didn’t move or pushed him away. “Is our child a he or a she?”

 

“He’s a boy.”

 

 He sighed, “I’m so happy.” Tears were starting to form in his eyes again and it wasn’t long before it started dropping in his cheeks. “Super happy.”

 

You nodded and gave his hand a squeeze before grazing your thumb in his wrist. “So was I.”

 

“Let me make it up to you first. Then I’ll make it up to him.” He wiped his tears with his other hand before holding your cheeks with it, trying to dig deep in your soul with his stare. “Can you give me another chance?”

 

This is it.

 

“Yes.” You nodded and he did too before grinning at you widely and brushing his nose against yours. You are ready to trust him again, after days of thinking about it you finally are. It doesn’t take a long time to think about something, you heard his side and it was enough. But you still don’t know, if soon you will be called foolish again, foolish for believing him, for giving him another chance. But with Baekhyun, you can never be sure of anything all you know is that you are safe in his arms, in his touch – he is your safe haven and that was enough for you to believe in him.

 

“I love you, Arwen and I will never make you regret your decision.”         

 

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Dearests,

I have received a lot of subscribers for the past weeks that I haven't updated and I feel really, really thankful for all of you - for being patient with me and still waiting for updates. I am grateful for everyone. I hope that you like this chapter and that it makes up the time that I haven't updated, haha. It's not much but still, belated merry christmas and happy new year. You guys made my 2013 happy and joyful and I hope you'll still be there with me on 2014. Fighting!

Leave me comments, suggestions, requests, guesses, opinions, and encouraging words in the comment box and I'll be glad to read them. Thank you and have a lovely year ahead! 

LOVE, 
L. ♥