He remembered when they first ran into each other, with joyous feelings and bunch of dreams that they carried inside their chests. His smile almost split his pretty face into half as the realization that they could make it this far hit him -- years ago, he wouldn't dare dreaming about this, standing under the gleaming lights with their fans chanting their names. He knew, he just knew, that they could stay together like this until the end of time with their supportive loved ones, with each other. He believed they could make it big, even bigger than now, just like Leeteuk's dream -- one day the color sapphire blue will roam the Earth and they will make it clear that their group once dominated the world with their famous songs.

"We are Super Junior!" They chorused.

 

 

 

They would laugh at this years from now, when they all saw Leeteuk tripped himself and fell on top of Kangin who just grinned sheepishly. On his right, both Eunhyuk and Donghae were doing things that Leeteuk would not approve -- too much fanservices and showing off bare skin, he scoffed. Sungmin tried to hit on an oblivious Kyuhyun, which almost sent their shippers to the nearest hospital due to the lack of blood (Sungmin would blame those fangirls for nose bleeding too much). Yesung, on the other hand, was contemplating whether to follow his crazy friends' footsteps, but he didn't have much time to think since Ryeowook's hands held his own smaller ones. He hugged Ryeowook in return, obviously.

He, Kim Heechul, only snickered when he faced his bandmates on stage who never failed to amaze him. They weren't gays, for God's sake, but it was that love which united them, their friendship kept them strong on and off stage and he never really blamed them for this. He understood how it feels when you have this special someone, a best friend who really cares for you, even bear living with you and learn your habits for years. He clearly remembered those days when this stage wasn't this spacious, when it had more members on it, including his Chinese man. Everybody had their own soulmates and best friends, but he recalled when he ran across this stage with his own special someone, whose height and handsome features almost made him jealous in many occasions, and they always ended up goofing around with genuine smile and laughter. The way his oriental friend, Hankyung, caught his attention with those mesmerizing eyes made him chuckled before tackling the taller man and bombarded him with playful insults. Hankyung would curse in Chinese then, but that was okay, because Heechul would tell him that it sounded better in Korean and Hankyung would ruffle his red hair in return. Hankyung bursted out in laughter when he heard Heechul shrieking about bad hair day a second later, he himself running to save his dear life. Payback's a , Hankyung grinned.

 

                                                                                             ***

 

Heechul had stopped believing in fairies and mermaids and Cinderella since the age of five, but he believed that his Hankyung will somehow appear in front of him and drowns him into his embrace, just like good old days. He never accepted the fact that Hankyung had gone, had abandoned him and Super Junior with no point of return. He never believed the day when Hankyung told him that he was leaving since he replied him with his witty remarks as usual, but then Hankyung pulled him into his hug like never before and Heechul's tears started to seep into Hankyung's black shirt because what the hell, Hankyung was serious. Hankyung soothed him with "that's okay, don't cry"s in between his muffled sobs, but he knew that nothing was okay, not with Hankyung's back turned against him.

Sometimes he wondered if Hankyung ever regretted his decision of leaving him, one of his closest friends. Or so he used to think.

 

                                                                                              ***

 

He was startled to see an article that Siwon gave him, translated in broken Korean, the next day after he posted cryptic words about Hankyung in his cyworld. Siwon said calmly that maybe he would want to know recent news about Hankyung, although he never mentioned the way Heechul always yearned for one. Heechul's wide eyes scanned throughout the stained paper (possibly Donghae's fault), and he swore he almost got a heartattack the moment he reached a certain sentence.

 

 

Heechul will always be my best friend.

 

 

Well, he gritted his teeth, this. How come, after these years of separation, Hankyung said those words casually, as if nothing ever happened between them? How could he left them here and said those words, that bastard, when Donghae always winced everytime someone mentioned his name and Ryeowook cried helplessly everytime he passed the room he used to share with Heechul? That idiot, after all of this time, sure had guts to spit it out.

 

 

He almost sent the crumpled paper flying to Yesung's face in haste, and a moment later he punched the telephone's buttons, dialing all the way to China. He wouldn't lose it this time, never, even after he heard Hankyung's sleepy voice greeted him across the line. He just wanted to talk, but his shaky voice betrayed him.

 

 

 

He was trying hard, really, to understand Hankyung's reasons, but both his head and heart were declining it. The fact that Hankyung never told anyone about his sorrow and burden somehow irritated Heechul, and he felt his heart ached even more when he remembered the way Hankyung refused to look into his eyes when he bid farewell, a good bye that none of them saw it coming. The last time Hankyung slept beside him and slung his arms around Heechul's slim waist, Heechul swore he almost heard Hankyung mumbling about forgiveness and "never really leave you all", but Heechul just swatted his hands and used his stomach as a footrest instead. That time, he should have known that something wrong had happened to Hankyung, but he was Kim Heechul, and so he shrugged it off and kept snapping as usual. He just never told anyone that deep inside, he couldn't stand the idea that something wrong had really happened to Hankyung. Denial, he had to admit, really got into him.

He was trying hard, really, to tell himself that this drama wasn't his fault; it was entirely Hankyung's, and so he shouldn't be moping like this. But then he never succeeded blocking the creepy thought that said he could have prevented this from happening, because the whole world knew he was the only one who could understand Hankyung at the best of times and he failed at keeping Hankyung beside him just because he was such a coward, a low life who never wanted to hear the truth.

Sometimes he wondered if he had taken the right choice for letting Hankyung go, for his good sake. His inner told him that he chose the worst option.

 

                                                                                               ***

 

He always loved the way Hankyung's gaze softened when it came to him. Other members then would say they both looked like lovestruck fools.

He would never forget the way Hankyung's arms laid on his shoulder everytime he needed comfort. It wasn't long before he would pretend to be clingy and smiled smugly.

He missed the way Hankyung lulled him to sleep at night when sleeping pills and hot chocolate failed to cure his insomnia.

He would always remember the way Hankyung stumbled over his accented Korean everytime Heechul gave him tuition. Heechul always mocked him afterwards, but they both knew it never really had a bite in it.

He loved the way he could boast that he was the only one who understood Hankyung inside and out. Hankyung would blush, but he didn't care since it was an absolute truth.

He liked the way Hankyung told him stories, stories that he knew Hankyung wouldn't tell anyone else. He always trusted Heechul more than anything else and vice versa.

But then, those thoughts only remained as bittersweet memories.

 

 

 

Years had passed after that incident involving broken hearts and pain, but Heechul still wondered why Hankyung left him like this at the first place and if he really knew Hankyung at all. Hankyung seemed like a total stranger nowadays, a stranger that he used to befriend with. The pain still hurt, although he finally learned to cope with it, learned to survive without Hankyung. He had gone through many obstacles without Hankyung by his side, he had struggled against the world alone and faced the nightmare by himself, but he still wondered why the tears kept streaming when he saw a girl waving a banner bearing Hankyung's name. It was ironic, since he had mastered the technique of keeping his emotion for himself long before Hankyung's departure. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand, and suddenly he remembered the day when a bigger, familiar hand did this job better.

But then he supposed these tears were okay, because Hankyung would ruffle his hair again and told him that he was so good at acting, thus he should have hidden those tears better. Crying like that, he could almost hear Hankyung said it beside him now, never fits the almighty Kim Heechul's image.

 

                                                                                         ***