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I found myself struggling in dilemma, standing between 2 choices. Should I leave her for her own goodness, make her stop pretending that she's fine and let her find her own happiness, or should I stay pretend like nothing's happened, pretend that I don't know anything, act like a fool and pathetic husband. It's hard for me to choose the right one. But one thing that I know, every decision that I'm going to make will definitely bring me to the pain.

"Hey dude! It's been a long time." Yongbae said bitterly. Sighed heavily before continued to talk.

"5 years already passed. Yet, it feels like yesterday you was here with me, with us."

"You know, I miss you, bro." Yongbae said then stopped a moment.

"I still can remember our trainee days when we worked really hard to catch our dreams. We were still pure and young back then." Yongbae let out a little smile.

"You remember when we were debuted as the great 5 Big Bang? Man, it was amazing like all the worked hard for years had been paid but no, it was just a started."

"I remember what a good leader you were, stayed all night long in studio just to make good songs for Big Bang. You even forgot to sleep or eat and it was making you skinnier back then. But still, you managed to be a good-looking artist. Even when u got scandals and rumors around you, those weren't making you down instead you became greater than before, our one of a kind Leader the Great GDragon yet you still be the humble Kwon Jiyong for me."

"You know everything that we'd been through together, happiness or sadness, tears or laughed, our memories, still stuck in my head." Yongbae said as he recalled those memories with his best friend back then. He misses him.

"You know, Top hyung now is happily married. He's now a great dad of his son. And you want to know the lucky girl that now being his wife, the mother of his son? You won't believe me but trust me it's Kiko Mizuhara. Yeah the girl that once had shared a scandal with you. But it was good that Top hyung married her, it’s broke the scandal you'd been through with her. Obvious, isn't it?"

"Daesung moved to US. He decided going solo there. You have to see him right now, Ji. He becomes a famous singer. But every Christmas he always comes visits us."

"And Makknae? He's now happily engaged with Chaerin. They're in Japan now. Seungri have so many contracts there. As a good fiancée, Chaerin follow him wherever he goes. They're really a great couple, Ji. Though sometimes Seungri made Chae angry, all the bickering, or fighting, at the end they're always getting back together." Yongbae smiled remembering all things about them. He then frowned after realized that one story left. The story that actually the major story, the story that he supposed to tell him at the first time he came here. The story that actually he didn't want to tell him but he have to, the story of him himself.

"As for me, you know I feel content now. I'm not feeling so happy now, yet I'm not that bad either, it just confusing me." Yongbae said with his tremble voice. Searching for an air to breathe and let out a heavy sighed.

"You did know that I love her so much. Someone you dated, someone you love from the bottom of your heart, someone that you would never see a tear drop from her eyes, someone that you'd always cherish back then, someone that you would give everything for, Park Bom. Though my heart ached back then, when I know you dated her, actually I was happy when I know someone I love dearly dated someone that I know will make her always happy, you." Yongbae stopped after he mentioned her name. He suddenly felt a pain on his heart.

"Yeah, Park Bom." Again, more pain in his heart after he mentioned her name again.

“When she was with you I can see how happy she was. Her smile and those sparkles in her eyes made me glad. It just made feel blissful seeing someone I love happy though it wasn’t because of me."

“And then something was happened, something that brought everyone to the deep pain especially her. You left us too soon, Ji, left her too soon.” A single tear finally roll down his cheek. Before another tears of pain follow, he wiped it off his face.

“After you left, it ain't the same Ji. She wasn't that she used to be. She wasn’t a bubbly girl anymore, she was soulless. Those sparkle in her eyes no longer there. She was skinnier back then." Yongbae furrowed his brows remembered the figure of the woman he love.

"That time, I didn't know that I have to hate you or not. The hatred I had towards you because of leaving her is big as big as the thankful I had because you gave me an extraordinary honor to be by her side, to protect her and to love her the way I want."

"I did all the things you said. I treated her the way you treated her. About love? No doubt. I love her for sure."

"When the time passed and when she finally accepted my proposal. It brought me to heaven. I was dead happy. You have no idea how happy I am in our wedding day; she was so beautiful back then. Everyone congratulated us for our marriage despite their sorry about your accident."

“And here I am now Ji, I’m now her husband. I’m become her husband because of you Ji.”

“She gave birth our first daughter 3 months ago Ji, Dong Ji Eun. She really looks like Bom. She’s pretty like her mother. She has Bom’s eyes and lips.” Yongbae smiled when his little angel’s face crossed his mind.

“I once wished for everything to be on control, to be like what I want. I love her wholeheartedly, unconditionally and irrevocably and she’ll love me as much as I love her, that’s all I wanted but damn it Ji, until now, she’s not over you. She still loves you, even when we finally have Ji Eun.”

“Yeah from the beginning of our marriage, she doesn’t love me. She pretends to love me but she’s not. Everyone can see that Ji, even the blind guy can see that she doesn’t have the feeling for me.”

“I always caught her crying while watching your video or looking at your pictures. Yet I still managed to pretend that I never see that. I still pretend to trust her when she said that her eyes were swollen because of dust not because of the tears she shed before.”

“She still keeps your stuffs or something you gave her. Your clothes, your phone, even your engaged ring. She still keep all of them Ji. Yet I still pretend that I don’t know where the hell she hides them all while I know the baby’s room the place is.”

“Every times I said those love words to her, tell her that she’s beautiful, and tell her that I miss her so much. She do replied an ‘I Love you’, ‘I miss u’ and ‘I need you’ to me but I can see that those beautiful words didn’t come from her heart. She lies and always gives me her fake smile”

“Every times we making love, in her case maybe just having , she always moaned your name. Yet I still pretend to be a pathetic deaf guy that didn’t heard anything but my name.”

“Every night she always says your name in her sleep yet I still pretend to sleep and didn’t hear anything.”

“And do you want to know what’s more ridiculous, Ji? I kept going through this even I know the truth. How pathetic I am still keep her with me even I know that she doesn’t love me back.” Words after words came from Yongbae’s mouth made him burst into tears, tears that he kept from the beginning, tears for the one he loves.

“Yesterday I caught her talking to your picture. I’m right. She said that she still love you, she’s not over you a bit. 5 years doesn’t make her stop loving you. She loves our daughter, something we share but not me. When I heard all of that, I felt pain all over my chest. I’m hurt Ji. But then she said that all these times, she’s trying to love me. She learned how to love. I’m so touched by her confession but then she burst into tears again. Then I realized that how hard she tried to love me, it always come into nothing. She will never love me, It always you all along.” Yongbae said sobbing.

“So now, tell me what should I do Ji? Should I divorce her? No I can’t. What will I say to my daughter in the future when she asks me about her mother? Will I brave enough to tell her that her mother leaves her because her mother doesn’t love me? Then she will think that she was made with no love. I don’t have the courage to tell my daughter the truth, the truth that she’s really here in this world with no love from his mother towards me. And what would I become when I live my life without her? I can’t stand it Ji. But then keep her with me would always bring the pain in my chest remember that she will never love me. I’m dead confused right now. I don’t even know how to act in front of her later.”

“What should I do? Tell me Ji.” Yongbae said.

Suddenly his phone vibrated. He saw the caller ID ‘Lovely Wifey’ along with her photo on the screen. Wiped his tears with his palm, he picked up the phone.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He answered the phone with her lovingly voice.

“Honey, where are you? You should come home now.” Bom said with her nice voice in the other line.

“Wae? Something’s up? Does my Ji Eun doing fine?” Yongbae said worriedly. Bo never did that before, she never called him just to ask him to coming home early. So, listen Bom urged him to come home all of sudden make him felt something’s wrong.

“No honey, we have guests. We’re going to spend our dinner with them so you should come home now.” let out a relieved sigh he continued.

“Okay sweetie, I’ll be there about half an hour………. I Love you.” Those 3 words he said sincere to her, those 3 words that always come from the bottom of his heart. Though he knows the truth, he still waiting for the same answer he always got.

”I Love you too.” Bom said as she hung up the phone. Put his phone in his pocket, he let out a bitter smile. Another lie, he said in his heart.

Back again to the object he was talked to before; he put the sun flower on her tombstone. Yeah, for the past an hour he talked to his best friend’s tombstone. He smiled when he realized there’s so many white roses on his tombstone, the others were old and the others were fresh, probably someone visited his best friend before him, and he knew that someone.

“See, she’s really not over you Ji. She comes here every day, right? I should know before but I was too blind.” He let out a heavy breath. Yeah, that someone he knew is his own wife, Park Bom.

So what now? What should I do? I don’t know what to do. When I got home, what should I act towards her? Should I tell her the truth? The truth that I know she doesn’t love me all this time. Then it will end with I divorce her and I’m no near to hurt myself along with my daughter. But then again, if I keep her like before then she will trap in pain because she can’t love me it’s even hurt me more knowing that it will last forever.

Those choices stuck in his Yongbae’s head. Reached their house, he set his face to be like as normal as usual he got home. But he can’t set his heart and his mind down. Before he knocks the door, the woman means everything to him already opened the door for him.

“You’re here.” Bom said smiled follow with the warm hug towards Yongbae. See Ji, Fake smile and hug as usual. He said in his heart.

“So, who are the guests?” Yongbae pulled from the hug and asked her.

“Dara and Minzy. They’re now playing with Ji Eun in her room.” Bom answered holding his hand lead him in. Yet, she still this warm to me, Ji.

“Appa!!!!” 4 years old boys run towards them. Yongbae lifted up the boy in his arms. The boy chuckled as Yongbae kiss his head.

“Ji Hyun, your appa is tired. Come on, omma will carry you.” Bom said to her son.

“No. I miss appa. I want to carry by him omma.” The boy said innocently.

“That’s okay honey. There’s no word called tired for the one of my angels." Yongbae said patted Ji Hyun’s head. Ji, this is my son, your son actually. When you left, Bom was pregnant with your baby. Look, he really looks like you. Despite his eyes, all of him resembles you. You'll never watch him grow up, I blame you Ji, I blame you fot gone too soon.

“Yongbae oppa!!” A girl’s voice suddenly heard from the upstairs, it’s Minzy. Yongbae smiled.

“Minzy, call Dara. Let’s have a dinner. The foods can’t wait for us.” Bom said as Yongbae chuckled hearing his wife.

Later they were on the dining table ready for dinner, Sandara, Minzy, Yongbae and Bom with the little Ji Eun in her arms along with the boy Ji Hyun. They talked about their own life during dinner. Minzy is continued her study in France while Sandara live with her brother in Philippine. After dinner Minzy helped to do the dishes while Bom get the kids to sleep leaving Yongbae and Sandara talking in the living room.

“So, you have no plan to start over? I mean, you’re a woman yet you live with your own brother. Common, you should start to think about your love life.” Yongbae said jokingly.

“You know I can’t Bae.” Dara said but her face indicated that she was dead serious. Yongbae in the other side stopped from his chuckled by hearing the serious tone came from the woman in front of him. He was about to say something then suddenly Sandara spoke.

“I can’t move on from someone. You know who.” She said with her sad voice. Yongbae knew exactly what she was talked about. She was talked about him. Yeah, Sandara loves Yongbae from the beginning of the story. But sad that He only loves Bom who doesn’t love him back. Kinda complicated love story but that’s real. When Yongbae married Bom, Sandara was falling to pieces and decided to run from the source of her brokenhearted. But now she managed her heart to face the truth remembered the one that he married was her bestfriend. Felt guilty for Yongbae because talked about the past, Sandara changed the topic.

“So, how’s life?”

“Normal as usual.” Yongbae said let out a bitter smile,

“No. Let me correct that, you mean pathetic as usual, right?” Yeah, Sandara knew all the truth, the truth that Bom doesn’t love him back, the truth that all these times Bom pretend to be happy with this marriage.

“I’m happy.” Yongbae said. No he lied.

“We’re now having a little Ji Eun, I hope that she will bring the miracle so Bom will love me like I do.” He lied again to make his heart calm, at least. But he did know that though they have a little Ji Eun, Bom won’t love him like he want.

“Good then.” Sandara gave him a smile.

They talked with Bom and Minzy joined them after. They talked until late night. And the time when the 2 have to going home. Yongbae and Bom sent them to the door. And bid a goodbye for them.

Now they were in their bed, prepared to sleep after giving the goodnight kiss for their son and daughter.

“Bom?” Yongbae called her wife.

“Hm?”

“What did you doing today?”

“After you left for work I played with Ji Hyun and Ji Eun and then helped Mrs. Hana prepared dinner.” Bom answered nonchalantly. Another lie, you didn’t tell me you went to Ji.

“Why you asked that?” Bom asked curiously.

“No, just want to know.” Yongbae answered and pulled Bom closer to him. Her head rested on his chest. He then kissed her head then her forehead. Pulled her face towards his face, he kissed the tip of her nose then continued until he met her lips. They kissed until Yongbae pulled out from the kiss.

“I Love you.” Yongbae said, didn’t want her to reply the words or any lies, he continued kissed her passionately and started to making love with his wife. Here we go Ji, the other of her heart aching words. True, between their make out session, Jiyong’s name always filled Yongbae’s ears. The beautiful of ‘I Love you’ was truly out from for Jiyong.  Yet Yongbae still managed to touch her gently with love. See Ji, this is what I told you.

Maybe I have my decision now. Yeah, I will keep her by my side. I don’t care the pain, I don’t care the aches. As long as she with me, I’m okay. I can take the pain, I can take the aches, and something that I can’t take is when she’s not with me. I can still pretend that I don’t know. I can stand being fool as long as she with me though she herself pretends that she loves me. I can, I can. I don’t care. I Love her and will keep her by my side, no matter what. Ji, forgive me if I can’t make her happy by loving me, because as you can see, it’s you she loves, it’s you all along. Please don’t mad at me, you do know how hard I try.

Looking at the bare body of his beautiful wife sleeping beside him, he adored her. He leaned over and kissed her bare shoulder before put the blanket all over their body. He pulled her closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He prepared his heart from something that will hurt his heart again, though it always happened every night its still bring the pain to his heart.

“Jiyong, I Love you.”

The words suddenly came from , the words that he heard every night and probably for the entire of his life. He must be fool but as he said, he doesn’t care about that. Pulled closer her body to him, he kissed her head and let out a bitter smile.

“I Love you too, Bom.”