Luhan whimpered and kept his head down when Yixing tried to get him to get up and help clear the table. Yixing paused. "Hannie?" He asked when Luhan started sniffling."I-I didn't mean to! I'm sorry! Don't be mad, please!" He simultaneously lifted his hands and eyes from his lap. Yixing sighed when he saw the revealed wet patch on Luhan's jeans, before looking into his tear filled eyes. "Come on, it's okay, I'll help you wash up." He helped Luhan out of the chair, grimacing at the small puddle that was starting to smell. "Minseok? Can you come clean up Luhan's chair?"

*

They had fallen into a depressing routine. Ever since the car accident, Luhan had been unable to do many things for himself. They all still bore scars from crash, but Luhan had by far the worst. His physical scarring was not bad – although he would never again be considered the visual of the group – but his mental scarring was horrific. His mind had basically been reduced to that of a 5 year old. He could barely read or write, he was never quite in control of himself, and he’d lost all the Korean he'd known. That had to have been the hardest on the members. The Korean Exo-M members – although both groups quickly disbanded after the accident – were forced to rely solely on their Mandarin, and many of the Exo-K members could barely string together a sentence, let alone hold a conversation in Mandarin. The fact that they could no longer communicate with Luhan made what had happened even harder for the Korean members to come to terms with. But the doctors said that Luhan's mind would never age past five, and the knowledge he could accumulate in a 5-year-old's mind was limited. There was therapy that could help, but they were never getting the old Luhan back. Because Luhan probably wouldn't be able to relearn Korean, the other members had taken it upon themselves to become fluent in Mandarin. Then, at least, they could talk to Luhan, and he would hopefully feel comfortable with them.

*

Contrary to what some of their fans (were they still fans even after the disbandment?) thought, Luhan had been smart. Really smart. Yes, he had been ditzy and airheaded, but he had also been intelligent. After all, it takes intelligence to survive going to college in a completely foreign country. But now, those fans were right. Luhan wasn’t smart. Sure, for a five year old, he was very bright, but Luhan was not physically five. And so, with shaking hands and sobs that threatened to overpower them, the (former) band un-enrolled Luhan from college.

But by far the worst part was the fact that Luhan could still remember things. He remembered faces, relationships, and visiting places, but he couldn't remember conversations or things like someone's birthday or favorite color. He knew he was friends with the Korean members, but he had no way to communicate with them, and he struggled to express his feelings toward them, making him awkward and untrusting towards them. The other members hated to see him struggle so obviously.

*

The first time Luhan was confronted with a Rubik's Cube, he giggled and began twisting it around. The other members had shared a look of hope. Maybe he was getting better? It was nearly impossible, but perhaps, by some miracle, he was regaining some memories and motor functions. But when Luhan offered to them, with a wide smile, clearly proud of himself, the cube with the colors arranged in what he called a "pwetty pattern,” their hope was crushed.

*

It was odd. Luhan hated having people with him on his bed, but when he was scared he would immediately crawl into someone else's bed, and make them hold him for the rest of the night. He'd done it to all of the Exo-M members, but the Exo-K members were left out of this strange night-time ritual. Luhan never seemed very comfortable with them, probably because he couldn't understand what they were saying. Luhan was slowly changing, evolving into an unrecognizable person.  

*

"I just-I just- I just wish people would ack-ack-acknowledge that I was hurt, that I did-did-didn't come out of this accident uh-uh-unscathed. I'm not jealous of L-luhan, but can't someone n-notice me?" Jongdae let out a small sob. He and Luhan had been sitting together in the middle row when a drunk driver who ran a stop slammed head on into the side of the van. Because Yifan was in the passenger’s seat and Minseok, Yixing, and Zitao were in the back, they were not in the direct course of the car. But Jongdae and Luhan were right in the middle, and they both had a tendency to forgo seatbelts. When the car and van collided, Jongdae and Luhan were flung from their seats and experienced head trauma, Luhan’s being much more significant than Jongdae’s. But still, Jongdae sometimes wished his hyungs geges (he had to keep reminding himself to translate Korean into Mandarin for Luhan’s sake) would baby him and ask him how he was holding up after the accident.

*

"Damn it Luhan! Can't you do anything right?!" Screamed Yifan, attempting to avoid the glass Luhan had shattered. Luhan bit his lip and looked down, sniffling. "," whispered Yifan. "Hannie, I'm so sorry. Please, I didn't mean it! It wasn't your fault..." He trailed off, pulling Luhan into a hug. Luhan was stiff in his arms, and Yifan felt like a pile of for yelling at him. He always harbored guilt over the accident, and seeing Luhan so weak afterwards was terrifying and heartbreaking all at the same time. And now, just when Luhan was showing a little bit of progress, here he was, ruining it like he ruined everything.

*

“Ow ow ow!" "Shush Lu. It would be over quicker if you stopped squirming! Plus it's your fault, I told you not to mess around and climb that tree!" Yifan shook his head and kept cleaning Luhan's scraped palms. As former leader, he had taken over the primary care of Luhan, although the others also took care of him a lot. It was just that Yifan felt guilty, because the only reason they had been in the car for the accident was because he had declared that he was hungry and they were going out to eat. He wrapped bandages around Luhan's hands and gave him a smile. "Next time, listen to me. You could've been seriously hurt, and that would have really upset me." Luhan pouted and pulled Yifan into a hug. "Don't be sad! I pwomise I won’t get hurt!”

*

Luhan giggled. "You look like a panda!" He smiled largely at the younger man. Zitao grinned back, tickling Luhan’s sides.  "Gege, you say that to me all the time!" It was the truth. Every time the older man saw the maknae, he brought up his panda-ness. It had been strange at first for Zitao, getting used to the fact that he wasn't the youngest of the group anymore, and that instead Luhan, one of the oldest geges, had taken his place. Well, kind of. Mentally, at least. But slowly Zitao had accepted it, and now they were partners in crime.

*

"Pwease? Pweeeeaaaassse?" Luhan stuck out his lip and widened his eyes, pouting. "No." "But gege! Pwease?" Minseok shook his head. "Luhan, no, you're way too old to play on the playground!" The pouted lip started trembling, and the wide eyes began to fill with tears. Minseok let out a sigh and turned his head to gaze at the playground. There was a group of children playing on the equipment, their parents sitting on benches around the perimeter. "Fine. But only for a couple minutes, and then we have to get going." He sighed and sat down on an empty bench. He knew what would happen. While the children wouldn't shy away, their parents would become suspicious of this man-child playing with their kids, and immediately take them away, although not before shooting Luhan a dirty look. It broke Minseok's heart every time it happened, but Luhan still insisted on playing. Sure enough, the parents had started to herd their kids back to the car, leaving Luhan alone on the swings. "Gege! Come play on the swings with me!" Luhan giggled and let out a squeal when Minseok began to push his swing. "Higher, gege, higher!"

*

Occasionally other bands and people they had known from their days as idols would stop by to see Luhan. Most of them were not fluent in Mandarin, so they used the Exo-M members to translate for them, and give Luhan their well-wishes. But Luhan wasn’t always accepting of them, and the Exo members were saddened to see Luhan, the friendliest Exo member, shy away and actually get mad at people for trying to talk to him or touch him.

It was just one of the ways Luhan had changed.

*

 Luhan hated crowds. And airports, because of the crowds. There was so much happening, people yelling and talking and touching him and calling his name and screaming and taking his picture and holding signs and trying to get his attention and throwing plushies at him and he didn’t like it. But sometimes it was necessary to go out into the airport. Or, at least, that’s what Yifan says. He trusts Yifan. Yifan is so nice to him and would never hurt him. Except when he gets angry. But he doesn’t get angry a lot. When he does, though, it’s because of Luhan. It wasn’t always Luhan’s fault, a lot of times it’s because of something someone says or does to Luhan. But he knows that if he were to refuse to go into another airport, Yifan would get angry.

Luhan doesn’t like when Yifan gets angry

*

Yixing picked up the sleeping Luhan and carried him into his bedroom. They had been watching Luhan’s favorite movie, Bambi (with subtitles, of course), and Luhan had fallen asleep. He had looked so adorable curled up on the couch that Yixing had been tempted to leave him there, but he knew Yifan would throw a fit if he left ‘little Lu-baby’ (as Yifan called him) to sleep on the couch. So, with a small sigh, he picked up the sleeping boy and tucked him into bed, making sure he was holding his Stitch plushie. Luhan would start having a screaming fit if he woke up and couldn’t find his precious Stitch. Yixing grimaced as he thought of the last time that had happened. It had been 3am, and they were all forced to search the dorm for Stitch, until Luhan realized that the plushie had simply fallen under his bed.

*

Sometimes the days passed like they used to (sort of). Luhan would get up and help Minseok cook breakfast, laugh at Jongdae and Yixing’s antics, clear the table with Zitao (even though Zitao insisted he could do it himself), and then settle on the couch with Yifan to watch cartoons and variety shows (Yifan no longer let him watch most animes and dramas, they were too ‘mature’ for him). Then they’d scrounge around for lunch, eventually eating left-overs from breakfast, and then Yifan would get all leader-like and force them to clean up and do chores. Afterwards they’d all gather for a movie and dinner in their living room.

Other days, however, they were not as lucky. Luhan would wake up in a screaming fit, or having wet the bed, then refuse to eat anything except junk food for breakfast. Yifan, of course, wouldn’t let him watch TV until he ate something healthy, and the resulting argument would end in a yelling match, with one of them (usually Luhan) storming out. To ‘get back’ at Yifan, Luhan would refuse to clean, and naturally he would be banished to his room because he hadn’t completed his chores.

Those days were hard on everyone.

*

They all still held hope that maybe Luhan would get better. Maybe one day he would relearn Korean and socialize with the Exo-K members. Maybe he’d let strangers talking to him and touch him. Maybe he’d stop wetting himself. Maybe the screaming fits would stop. Maybe they’d be able to get the band back together. Maybe he’d be able to re-enroll in college. Maybe he’d be okay with crowds and their fans. Maybe he’d be able to help Yifan and Jongdae get over the accident themselves. Maybe he’d be okay.

Maybe.

***

Done! My fastest update ever!

Hope you like it

edited on 12/29/14