Leaning against the locker, Himchan chuckles with a smirk as he shuffles through the little stack of small papers which contains short love letters.

“So, it was you all along?” He looks up from the papers to Daehyun with that smirk stained to his face.
Daehyun blushed so hard that he could feel his cheeks burning. He tucked his plum lips in and nods with embarrassment.

Daehyun was shy about his feelings towards Himchan so he decided to write short anonymous love letters and slides it into his locker in between lessons or lunch breaks when there aren’t many trainees around.
This has been going on for about almost a month and he never found the courage to tell Himchan personally about his feelings.
But then one day, Daehyun wasn’t careful enough and Himchan caught him off guard.

So, here he is right now, facing the only boy who could make him feel like there are butterflies in his stomach, or probably having the sudden feeling of throwing up when his heart suddenly skips a beat too quickly.
Daehyun is dying of embarrassment right now; He can’t breathe properly because each breath he inhaled seems a little too short.
He wanted to tell Himchan how he really felt but not like this. Not like how he found out. He wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.
Daehyun couldn’t take any of this humiliation anymore.
Himchan still had that smirked on his faced and it was driving Daehyun crazy.

What is he thinking? Why is he looking at me like that?

 Himchan then his pretty bow lips before speaking.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me?” He asked as Daehyun could see Himchan’s eyes full of curiosity.

“I- Um-” He paused and took a deep breath. This is it. It’s now or never. Himchan an eyebrow and Daehyun thought it was the iest thing he’s ever seen of him. Embarrassed; Daehyun immediately turned his face away from him and speaks in a fast pace like a speeding train.

“I liked you for a long time but I was too shy to tell you because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me and because we’re friends I had the fear of losing our friendship if I told you how I feel about you.” Realizing he was almost out of breath, he immediately gasps and inhaled deeply for oxygen.

Phew~ Daehyun spoke in his mind.
Is that everything? Did I told him what I had been wanting him to know? Did I miss out anything?

While Daehyun was busy talking to himself in his head, Daehyun felt a touch on his chin and found his head tilting upwards, unconsciously and suddenly the pressure of warm moist lips were pressed onto his and he could feel the warm breath against his cheek. It only took him a few seconds to realize what was going on.

Himchan was kissing Daehyun.

It took him by surprised but Daehyun went with it anyway. Closing his eyes and letting Himchan’s soft lips onto his. But it only lasted for a few seconds as he parts away not forgetting that they’re still in the building and there would be people watching.

“Is that enough to tell you that I like you too?” Himchan smiles satisfyingly.
Daehyun nodded speechlessly, he was practically screaming in his head and it feels like he could jump a thousand mile.

Himchan and Daehyun then started dating.

Eight months later, Himchan attitude towards Daehyun changed as he started being cold towards him, ignoring Daehyun most of the time, not answering his phone calls or replying the texts and avoiding Daehyun whenever he can.

His sudden change of attitude kept Daehyun thinking and wondering what was his mistake. Daehyun kept recalling every moment they shared together but there was nothing that was amiss. Daehyun was getting frustrated, angry, and sad and he’s getting tired of Himchan’s attitude.
So Daehyun decided to wait for him back at their dorm in their room.
Himchan would be back anytime soon from his photoshoot.

While waiting, Daehyun searched the room looking for clues. He didn’t know what he was looking for, he just wanted some answers. In one of the table drawers, Daehyun found an A4 sized envelope which was from a hospital. Curious, he opened it and took the stapled papers out and read through it.
In a sudden short moment, he felt like his heart stopped beating. Daehyun froze staring at the paper in shock. He didn’t know how to react with the paper in his hand.
Daehyun was shaking. Was this the reason why Himchan had the change of attitude? In a split second, the paper Daehyun was holding flew off from his hand and immediately looked up and sees Himchan glaring at him furiously.

“Were you looking through my stuffs?!” Himchan raged.

Daehyun opened his mouth to speak but tears poured out from his eyes instead and soon, he was choking in his own sobs.

“H-hyung…” Daehyun managed to crack a soft whisper.

Himchan sighed in frustration.

Daehyun was crying silently still in a state of shock.

“I told you not to touch my stuffs didn’t I?” Himchan spoke with irritation.

Daehyun couldn’t do anything but to stare at him with the condition he’s in.

“Why… Why didn’t you tell me?” Daehyun finally voiced.

Himchan looked elsewhere not wanting to meet Daehyun’s eyes.

“It’s none of your business.” Himchan spoke icily still looking elsewhere in the room.

Daehyun stepped towards Himchan and touched his head lightly.

“Hyung… Are you… Sick?” Daehyun spoke carefully. Himchan sighed again and turns to meet Daehyun’s eyes.

“Look, I’ll be fine, alright? All I need is just to undergo surgery and start doing chemotherapy and I’ll be fine.” Himchan then smiles warmly at Daehyun.
Surgery? Daehyun is even more afraid now. He wanted to believe that everything will be fine. He wanted to trust Himchan but he just can’t help feeling a slight uneasiness. Daehyun took a deep breath and nods his head slowly.

“Is this why you have been avoiding me lately?” Daehyun picked up his courage to ask when he knew what the answer was.

“I didn’t mean to Dae-ah~” Himchan placed a hand at Daehyun’s cheek gently. “I was just… I mean… I didn’t want you to find out… So I thought maybe if I treated you badly, you would hate me and leave me, because it’s easier that way.” Himchan eyes started tearing.

“Hyung… I can never hate you… I love you hyung, no matter what happens, I’ll always stay by your side. I’m here for you. Channie hyung.”

Daehyun held Himchan’s hand tightly that was on his cheek and leans his face close to Himchan’s face and kissed his lips deeply wanting Himchan to know that he’s here and he’s not going anywhere.

The day of the surgery, Daehyun was with Himchan in the hospital.

“Hyung, be brave, you’ll make it. Just believe it, and when you wake up, I’ll be here. I promise.” Daehyun was holding on to Himchan’s hand tightly. All Himchan could do was smile nervously at the lovely pair of eyes that he’s looking at. Himchan was nervous but he was prepared.

“I love you, Daehyun.”

“I love you too Channie hyung.”

Himchan was then being pushed on the trolley bed by the nurses into the surgery room.
Daehyun watched as Himchan and the nurses disappeared into the hallway leading into another room. He sat quietly at a chair with his heart beating loudly till he could feel it in his ear drums. Daehyun was scared and worried but he told himself that things will be okay and Himchan will be out in no time.

“Excuse me, sir?” It was the nurse.

“Oh, yes?” Daehyun stands up immediately wondering if the surgery is over because it was only mere seconds that Himchan went in.

“He wanted me to give you this.” The nurse pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper.
Frowning slightly, Daehyun took the paper from the nurse politely.

“The surgeons will be starting the surgery soon and don’t worry, I’m sure it will be smooth sailing.” The nurse smiles widely at Daehyun and proceed her way off.
Daehyun felt slightly better knowing that there’s reassurance. He sat back down on the chair and opened up the folded paper.

Himchan Wrote:

This time, I won’t be so shy and tell you that I love you triple times the amount.
I watched you woke up, fearing that you will not make it through the day.
I watched as your smile never again reached your eyes.
I watched as you shuffle through your life without really living it.
I watched as the tears you shed could not erase the desolation you felt.
I am still here, don’t cry. I will never leave. I promise.
Though we may be apart, I am here. I will always be here.
I love you just the same.

Your Channie hyung ♥

A/N: This is a true story that happened to me. It was really hard for me because i was tearing up most of the time and it takes me a lot of courage to write, but i needed to let out my feelings so i decided to put it down.
I hope you'll enjoy reading this, thank you (:

~In Memory of a dear friend~