And when there’s no, no storm,

 

Jongin can feel his lips trembling as he glides his calloused fingertips across fluttering eyelids,and they part with the unspoken words stuck on the roof of his mouth. The body stirs beneath him and his movement stops short with a shuddering breath. 

 

I love you.

 

 Then how can I feel the calm?

 

Kyungsoo lives in a world of black and white and Jongin can only watch from the sidelines. He can only watch as the illumination fades from his lover's eyes, a hazy film replacing the life in his irises. His heart is covered with hairline fractures and he feels it slowly coming undone.

 

I love you.

 

If there’s nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose

 

He drags his feet, warm breaths curling like smoke in the frosty air. Hitching his messenger bag up a bony shoulder, he opens the door and enters his dingy aparment. 

 

"Kyungsoo?" his raspy voice echoes through the empty room and he starts to worry.

 

Dropping his pack on the floor, he hesitantly makes his way towards his lover's- no, they're not lovers. he doesn't even know who jongin is anymore. - room and pushes the door open. 

 

Jongin falls to his knees and empties his stomach on the carpet.

 

I miss you.

 

Then what is this feeling,

 

Jongin attends Kyungsoo's funeral in a red- Kyungsoo's favorite color. "The color of my heart."- and throws his favorite photo of them into the grave. 

 

I miss you.

 

That keeps on bringing me back to you

 

Jongin has a boyfriend now. He's happy with the content kisses in the morning and their toes curling under the covers. 

 

But sometimes, he sees the past in his own reflection and he can almost hear the cracks in his heart opening again. He clutches his chest, having to use the sink as support or he would crumple to the floor. 

 

"Babe?" A vague voice calls from the next room and he slowly untangles the hand from his shirt. Slipping on a smile that hurt his cheeks, he paces into their shared room and is met with warm arms wrapping around his center.

 

He breathes in the scent of home and feels the pent up tears roll down his cheeks. 

 

Please come back.