The shrilling ring of her phone made her edgy. Seo Hyun picked up on the fourth ring – a full minute passed before he spoke. His voice sounded coarse.

“Hyun…” He whispered. “I don’t think I can take any more of this.”

She opened to speak yet all the words she’d been meaning to say to him seemed suffocating. Silence, she came to understand, was a paradox – sometimes, it is pure and holy and comfortable. Other times, it is awkward, overwhelming, and harsh.

Yong Hwa listened to her sigh twice, like she was chasing after her words before she even let it out. And for this briefest moment, hearing her unresponsive made him realize that silence could be so loud.

They stayed like this for a long time, counting each other’s breath, wondering if there ever had been something as bitter as stale tears.

“Where are you?” Seo Hyun asked, breaking the silence that engulfed them.

“Outside your dorm.”

He heard her sigh again. A moment later, the line went dead. Yong Hwa closed his eyes, his grip tightened on his phone, clasping it hard against his ears as though he might still hear her. But there was no one on the other line anymore. She was gone. Again.

He got out of his car. It was two in the morning, and for all he knows, a paparazzi could be hiding against the lamp post five meters away from him, but who cares? He ran out of damns to give. Leaning against his car, he glanced up at the empty, dark sky where the moon should have been. He remembered as a child how his mother always told him the moon will come back, that no matter how long it took to return, it will. Why, he asked. “Because there’s nowhere else it can go,” his mother replied.

For some time, he believed his mother. But growing older taught him that in order to have faith in something, proof was always needed. He needed to be assured that the moon will be back because waiting, in all its brutality, felt like hell for him.

Maybe Seo Hyun was like him, too. Maybe Seo Hyun had been waiting for too long now that she decided to give up and let go. Maybe she realized that her moon, Yong Hwa, who has kept her bright during her dark times, wasn’t coming back on her sky anymore.

It was his fault anyway. He pushed her away. He taught her that love wasn’t always steady like the fallen dandelion seeds; he told her that some seeds just fall on bad ground and that they never grow into lovely flowers. But now, as he looked up on her window, he wished she never believed him. He wished he never let go of her at all.

They had met at a carefree time – a time full of promises. They compromised. They were reckless. But reality came gnawing at their feet, reminding them of who they are. Idols. Simply put, robots.

Two years and a lifetime of disappointments ago, Seo Hyun tried her best to keep him. It hurt his heart now as he remembered how feverish her eyes looked when she pleaded him to stay. “I love you, Hyun,” he told her. “But I don’t know how to keep you, either.”

That ended everything between them.

This is exactly why he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that he drove all the way to her dorm, out of the blue, on a heartless, cold night. He wasn’t quite sure why, or how, but he wanted to see her, wanted to wrap his arms around her. Impossible, he grimly thought, but always worth the hope.

The first few drops of rain fell on the ground, but Yong Hwa did not go in his car. It was like this when they first met. And as if fate had been playing tricks on them, it rained when they parted, too. He let it soak him; take him to the moment she first smiled at him with those sparkling eyes. With eyes shut close, Yong Hwa drifted away, back to where he longed to be – in the past, with Seo Hyun.

He didn’t notice how the ground beneath him grew soft, the night smelling like sweet wet mud. He didn’t notice the glass door sliding open as a familiar figure went out, alone. He was lost in his thoughts of her. He didn’t notice even when Seo Hyun walked towards him, soaking, and stopping only until she was a breath away from him.

And then he felt it, her breath on his face, and the nostalgic warmth of her nearness. He was grateful for the disguise that the raindrops provided. Tears, unlike the rain, were hot on his face. Yet he didn’t open his eyes, afraid that Seo Hyun would not be there when he did.

When she took him in her arms and held him close, his entire frame shook with the force of his miseries. Over and over again, he whispered ‘Mianhae.’

Seo Hyun refused to let go of him, despite what her mind was telling her to do. Here was the man who left her hanging, hoping. Here was the man who broke her heart into more pieces than it was made of. She couldn’t quite understand how, or why, but she held on to him as if he was going away again. That initial anger she had felt when he called her earlier turned to sadness, and now it had become something else.

Longing.

Her moon came back. Everything narrows down to just that. It’s like for this moment, everything’s okay with her world again.

“I’m not asking you why you’re here,” she spoke, her lips warm against his ear.

“Mianhae.”

“I’m not here to listen to your apologies, either.”

Yong Hwa’s embrace tightened around her. He felt the heat of her body through the wet clothes. “Why?”

She answered him in the only way she knew. “Because I love you.”

The rain fell harder. Yong Hwa broke away first, holding her at close range so that the tip of her nose was touching his. “It scares me a little.”

Seo Hyun took a deep breath, preparing herself for the onslaught. “You don’t have to say it back. It’s not the reason why I said I love…”

“You don’t understand, Hyun. I’m not scared because you love me. I’m scared because I still love you, probably even more than anyone ever did. Hell, I never stopped loving you, not even for a second! But the last time I wanted to protect you, I ended up breaking you apart. I’m scared because I can’t promise it won’t happen again.”

She broke away from him, this time, returning to her senses. Did he come to leave her again? Seo Hyun drew in a deep breath. “Let me guess. You’re going to tell me, again, that you’re staying away from me to protect me. You’re going to act like none of this ever happened and we’ll bump into each other like strangers who had some memories?”

Yong Hwa was rendered speechless.

“Tell me, Jung Yong Hwa, what would you do to me this time?”

There were no words left between them. Yong Hwa did the only thing he could. He grabbed Seo Hyun by the waist and slammed her rough against him.

“This,” Yong Hwa said.

And then he kissed her. Kissed her, there, in the middle of the street, as the world around them was sleeping. A thousand moments of desire coalesced into that single kiss that exploded like tiny sparks all over her body. It wasn’t the kind of kiss she saw in movies, but it was wonderful in its own way. It was slow, and consuming, and yearning.

She opened up to him, let him trail his tongue on hers. She felt him pull her closer and for once in her life, she let herself go. There was something liberating about letting him take her anywhere he wanted. For once, she wanted to be lost with him.

If you were in it together, could you still really say you were lost?

Seo Hyun tasted his tears, and it is at moments like this that she knew he was hurting as much as she was. As hard as it was, as terrible and unfair as the hell that he had put her through, she wouldn’t have traded this moment with him for anything.

Yong Hwa broke away first. He stared at her eyes, its softness pulling him close even more. He’d seen beautiful women before but none could stand in comparison to the beauty that was right before his eyes. Seo Hyun, with her wet hair and bare face, looked mesmerizing. How did he ever miss out that she was a woman now whose beauty is so captivating?

“The truth is, I don’t know how to fix us, Hyun.”

“You only fix things that are broken, Yong,” she said, her eyes never leaving his. “We never were broken.”

Yong Hwa buried his face on the curve of her neck. “I can’t promise you anything. I wish I could tell you that it’s going to be easy from now on, but it’s gonna get harder. And I know I don’t have the right to ask for a second chance, but I’m begging you, Hyun. Let’s try to work this out. Again.”

Seo Hyun could imagine her sisters’ disappointment at her decision, but she had already made a decision a long time ago. “Assure me one thing, Yong.”

“What is it?”

“That no matter how far you go, or whatever path you choose to take, you’ll come back for me like you did tonight.”

There was too much at risk for what she was asking of him. But right now, he knew that he could do anything for her. Everything. “I promise you.”

A puzzle in place, like an empty part of her heart was filled. Seo Hyun pulled him closer, her fingers raking at the wetness of his hair. “I believe you,” she whispered.

For a moment, Yong Hwa wondered what would have happened if he turned in the opposite direction of her dorm, if he let his rationality take over instead of his emotions. He has done it a lot of times before – he had slept with her name on his lips, he had stayed away from her for as far as he could because he thought he was doing them both a favor. But now, as he held her in his arms, he realized that nothing in his life had ever been this perfect.

If he could choose how he would like to spend forever, he would choose this moment, him and Seo Hyun, together, under the pouring rain.

“Hyun…”

“Hmm?”

“How many?” His hands s dangerously around her waist.

Seo Hyun squirmed at his touch. “How many what?”

“Gogumas…”

“Hmm… Would it be okay if you start with nothing again?”

He laughed, for the first time that night. In fact, for the first time in a long time. “I’ll work hard for your gogumas, Hyun.”

“Ya! It sounds weird if you put it that way.”

“Ya? Did you just say ‘Ya?!’ I’m older than you. I can’t allow you to speak to me in Banm…”

Seo Hyun cut him off with a kiss, then smiled. “Aigoo… When did you get to be such a nagger?”

Yong Hwa held her hands up and kissed them. He looked at her sternly. “I want you to know, that if ever it all went wrong and messy, I will protect you. You trust me on that, do you?”

If he told her that before, she wouldn’t have believed her. But now as she gazed at his eyes, she knew he would risk everything for her in a heartbeat. “Yes.”

Seo Hyun kissed him one last time, on the lips, before she pulled away. “I have to go.”

Yong Hwa grabbed her by the wrist, her whole body crashing against him. “Did you really think I’d let you go that easily?”

“Yong, if any of the members woke up and found me missing…”

He gestured at her wet clothes. “What would you tell them about your wet clothes? That you decided to bathe in the rain at 2 o’clock in the morning?”

Seo Hyun’s nose crinkled; Yong Hwa melted at the sight.

“Get in the car. I’ll take you some place.”