A New Day by mimi81797

Reviewed By: puffy73

Title: (4/5)

The title was short, eye-catching, and gets the reader interested which is good. It also goes very well with your zombies theme. However, it might seem a bit clichéd. Overall, it was a pretty good title.

Description/Foreword: (5/10)

You don't actually have a description for your story. I would recommend putting one in to help attract readers. However, the snippet of your story that you have in your description box initiates interest in the readers and makes them want to read on, so good job on that. Also, character descriptions and author notes should be in the foreword.

Plot: (23/25)

I really like your plot!! I have never read a zombie story on this site before, so you did an excellent job of impressing me. ;) However, I have seen a few zombie apocalypse movies before and I have to say that I can find a few similarities between them and your story. But you did add your own twists, so I won’t take away too many points for that. I also like how you explained the cause of the infection through flashbacks.  

Grammar: (19/20)

Your grammar was very good! I’m seriously the biggest grammar Nazi ever and I could find very few faults. I’ve never given such high marks on this section before, so good job!!

Characters: (13/15)

Your story is just beginning, but readers can already start to differentiate between the personalities of your characters. However, I couldn’t seem to connect to your characters very well. But, that could just be because you haven’t really gone into depth in describing them yet. Also, I know he’s dead, but I was having a little trouble visualising Jae. I couldn’t figure out how old he was supposed to be or really get a firm grasp on his personality.

Flow: (7/10)

Your flow is relatively good, but a little fast. It could be just that your writing style is a bit blunt, though. I will explain this in the writing style section. However, the sequence of events in your story has been spaced out relatively well, so it wasn’t too bad.

Writing Style: (3/5)

Your writing style is okay, but the way you write seems a bit blunt and choppy. Maybe use more commas instead of periods and using more transition words.

Ex: Original: "Okay. I will," Miyoung and I answered at the same time. We giggled and I continued helping her with the building blocks.

Should be:"Okay, I will," Miyoung and I answered at the same time. We giggled and I continued helping her with the building blocks.

Original: She looked out the window and she seemed a little freaked out. It looked like there was a homeless man lurking on our lawn. He slowly made his way up the steps and started banging on the door. "Jae, take your sisters upstairs. Tell your father to call the police." Jae took us upstairs and into his room.

Should be: She looked out the window and she seemed a little freaked out; it looked like there was a homeless man lurking on our lawn. He slowly made his way up the steps and started banging on the door. "Jae, take your sisters upstairs and tell your father to call the police." Jae took us upstairs and into his room.

It’s really not that big of a problem, but it helps your story to flow better.

Overall Enjoyment: (10/10)

I have to say, this is a very good story and I really enjoyed reading it!! :)

Total: (84/100)

 

Bonus: (4/5)

I didn’t know about C-Clown before I read your story, and now that I do, I love them!!

New Total: (88/100)

Thank you for requesting at Baby Doll Review Café!!

Please credit us and comment on how we did :)

Please come again!!