I moan weakly trying to find a place to lay my body. I can’t stand on my feet any longer.

My waist…my neck… all my body….it hurts so badly! I did not expect our first night would become painful that much…he could be gentler….he knows that I’m a weak man….

- Ah….

I sigh…He did not even try to relieve me after that.In the morning we took a shower separately, ate our breakfast in an awkward atmosphere without saying anything and came here…again separately!I remember the last conversation we had.

- I cannot come with you hye sung a…you go first…ok?

- Why?
- I need to do something!

- Then…ok…bye…

- Wait wait…

- Huh?

- Can we keep last night incident as a secret….between us?

- Yes…don’t worry about it! I won’t tell anyone.

- Then…bye…

- Bye…

And that was all…

What does that mean? All those passionate kisses …lustful touches of last night and all these cold behaviors   of today!Last night quenched his thirst? His desire? All his love. His affections?towards me?Ah I don’t know…I need to talk to him…to ask him the reason of all these cold treatments!

I’m still thinking sadly about those incidents that I feel some one is coming in to the room which I have found to rest.

- Eric? I say happily.Does he come to talk to me…to relieve me?

The man comes to the room and I can see his face."I knew….he doesn’t come"I mutter sadly when I see jun jin coming to sit beside me on the sofa.

- Hye sung a….. He says kindly

- Why don’t you come to sit with other members… to be with us?

- Sorry…..today I prefer to be alone

- Why?he looks at my face

- Hyung are you sick?he puts his hand on my forehead.

- ah...so hot….What has happened to my dear hye sungie? do you want me to take you to hospital?

I try to sit

- No- nothing has happened Jina…

He stops me in the middle of my way and pushes me backward

- Don’t stand up hyung…lie on the coach.

- You are worry about me too much…I say this sentence although I look at him thankfully

I feel his fingers touching my hot cheeks.

- You don’t want to tell me what has happened to you?

- Nothing….I answer shortly and we don’t talk with each other for few minutes…

He stares at me and keeps caressing my cheek.I think Eric should do all these things to me….but where is he? In the other room…chatting with other members without paying any attention to the one he confessed his love last night….Ah that’s unbearable…I cannot hold myself any longer… I need somebody to comfort me…!

I grab jun jin’s cloth and bring him in to my embrace and burst in to tears into his arms. He doesn’t say anything! Still shocked with my sudden action. he just let me cry as much as I want

After a while he murmurs in to my ears

- You don’t want to share your secret with your best friend?

I say nothing

- I’m worry hyung…tell me who made you become like this…He hugs me tighter

- That’s enough hyung…Don’t cry more than this …or else I will cry with you!

- Sorry Jun jin a...I can’t stop it…I cannot control it…I need it…!

We stay in that position for a while and I decide to release the hug when I feel a little better, but he doesn’t go away and  leans against my chest patting my cheek kindly and looking in to my wet eyes.

I look at those pair of sparkling eyes in front of me.He looks at me strangely.

What kind of look it is? I cannot understand it…. they are filled with love…...love?for me….?????

I close my eyes and convince myself that it is just a love between brothers.Suddenly he shakes me and I open my eyes looking at him frightened.

- What’s this hyung?He points to my neck, then touches my bruised skin..

- Ah…nothing…I try to hide it although I know it’s too late

He holds my hand and lowers my collar down  to watch my neck better.He looks at me in bewilderment.

- Who has done this to you?

- n-no one….I stammer

- I say who has done this to you? he  shouts at me and again shakes me.

I say nothing.my heart beats so fast….Oh god…help me! what if he find out that Eric has done this to me?

He stares in to my eyes and within a second he shouts:

- Is it eric? Huh? Am I right?

I bow my head trying to escape his gaze

- Ah….that bastard! what did he do last night?with you….my precious hye sung!

- n-nothing jun jin a….don’t be mad at him!

- I will kill him! jun jin stands up and rushes toward the door. I run behind him and hug him from the back

- Stop it Jun jina….chebal…

I try to hold him but he is stronger than me. he releases himself easily and goes to the room which  the boys are eating. I follow him….hold his hand…try to stop him….but that’s useless!

- How could he do such a thing to my dear hye sung?how could he hurt him so bad? I will punch him until he dies…

- Jun jin a…

He ignores me and continues to talk with himself…

- Why didn’t I understand this sooner….???why???what a useless friend I am…

- Jun jin…

- How could he force hye sung to do….

- Jun jina…I did it willingly! I interrupt him

My sentence makes him become frozen in front of the door with the knob in his hand….the door is half opened

- What did you say?

- I say I did it willingly….he didn’t force me to have with him! I myself wanted to be with him! I myself accepted his offer….that is not his fault.

- You are not telling the truth! you want to save him!

- I’m honest…I love him Jun jina….

- y…you…you love…him????

- Yes…I love him! more than 6 years…..I adore him!

We stand still looking at each other in silence…I’ve never seen my dear jun jin this much sad and gloomy!

He does not move an inch….still stare at my face.He wants to digest the words I told him few seconds ago and I give him the time

few minutes later when we hear dong wan’s scream we come to ourselves .

- Ah Eric a…I can’t believe what I see…no…it’s fake!

- Don’t talk nonsense dong wan a… you know better than me that’s real.

- What’s going on there inside the room?I ask jinnie when I hear the sound of strange conversation coming from  the room.He does not answer he is looking in to the room through the half opened door.

- Let’s go inside…I say.

Jun jin stops me

- Wait hyung

- Why? I say curiously

- Come and take a look

I go beside him and watch inside the room.The members are watching something in Eric’s cellphone.It should be very interesting because they are all looking at it in agitation.

- Ya…stop playing! I accept….we loosed! You won! Andy says angrily

- It seems he really loves you…although he pretends he doesn’t! Dong wan says sadly

I still cannot understand what they are talking about…!!!!

- If I were you I would definitely accept his love. dongwan continues.

"They are talking about me?" i ask myself

Eric takes a look at dong wan and answers

- But I can’t….I don’t want to be a gay…I don’t want to love a boy..I don’t love him.

I don’t love him...

The voice echoes in to my ears over and over and I cannot take it any longer I collapse in to junjin arms and sink down in to the darkness.