It was on the 28^th of December when two ambulances and several police cars surrounded the shelter. It was on that same day when Myungsoo cried uncontrollably and Suzy could only squeeze his hand to remind him about their presence.

   It was on the 28^th of December when they visited Ai, who was wearing the pink hairclip at that time. The two friends frolicked outside, playing with the thick snow while the rest stayed in the house, watching the two children play with glee.

   They turned their eyes away for a second and that was when everything happened and ended all at the same time. They heard the piercing shriek of the horn, followed by the screeching of the tires and a loud thud. Ai began screaming and crying. All of them ran out of the house, only to see Daehyun’s limp and bloody body several meters away from the backyard. The white BMW hit the concrete wall on the side of the road, resulting to its front exterior getting completely wrecked.

   The seconds seemed to stop for Myungsoo. His eyes widened, and everything stood still. His ears were ringing, and the mad beating of his heart drumming against his ribs was all he could feel at that moment. He couldn’t hear his screams and pleads. He couldn’t feel the hands trying to drag him away from Daehyun’s body. He couldn’t taste his salty tears. All he could see was his bloody hands alongside Daehyun’s, and that was when he noticed the pink hairclip resting on his younger brother’s left palm, cracked and broken.

   Damn it it’s happening again what the hell Myungsoo you really can’t be happy for once can you what the freaking hell everything’s happening again what’s the point of trying you shouldn’t have damn it you’re so stupid how could you believe that you won’t receive any more crap Myungsoo how could you now what’s left of you nothing that’s what absolutely nothing where’s your God now—

   “Get a hold of yourself!” Suzy begged, her eyes swollen with tears. Her nails were digging against the back of Myungsoo’s palm and her teeth were clenched. “Myungsoo, hold on, okay? The ambulance is on its way so hold on don’t think of anything brash. You’ll be okay. He’ll be okay. Everything will be—”

   “It’s happening again,” he choked out dryly. “People keep on dying on me.”

   “Myungsoo, please…”

   His eyes were opaque when he stared at her. “Please what?”

   She embraced him tightly. “Please have faith.”

   Myungsoo’s view slowly became clearer. He could see Ai being comforted by her grandfather, and Mrs. Bae was in Mr. Bae’s arms. Sang Moon, on the other hand, was anxiously pacing around, with his phone in his hand.

   “Suzy, things were too good to be true,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have let myself go like that. I shouldn’t have let myself become so happy.”

   She squeezed him tighter. “I learned that…when you suffer, something in you is changing. And it’s for the better. Myungsoo, listen to me: you will overcome this.”

   Where is your God now, Myungsoo? Where is He now?

<:>

   Daehyun was already in the ICU. Myungsoo wanted to be left alone, and so the Bae family headed home to take extra clothes for Myungsoo. They didn’t return right away. Instead, they gathered in the living room. All of their eyes were red and none of them spoke. It was Mr. Bae who led the family.

   “Let’s form a circle and hold hands,” he said quietly. “Daehyun’s condition is quite critical, but we should not let go just yet. Let’s pray.”

   And pray they did. It was Mrs. Bae who spoke, and despite her shaky voice, she spilled her heart out. She said she was angry because of what had happened. She said it was difficult for Myungsoo to go through the same experience twice. She said it was painful for her as a mother. She admitted she was weak—that they were all weak. And so, she prayed for strength and for their hearts to not get callused. She pleaded for Daehyun’s life. She pleaded for Myungsoo’s understanding. Mrs. Bae said even if their hearts were broken, they will still praise Him in this storm. They will hold on to His promises. They prayed, and asked everything in Christ’s name.

   “It’s okay to be sad,” Mrs. Bae reassured afterwards. “But no matter what happens, we should rejoice in the end, because we know where Daehyun’s going.”

<:>

   “Myungsoo,” a familiar voice called out.

   He looked up, and his eyes widened in surprise. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him I—”

   Daehyun’s mother locked Myungsoo up in her tight embrace. “It’s okay, Myungsoo. It’s okay.”

   “How can it be okay?” he fought, more tears beginning to emerge from his eyes. “I was with him and I let him out of my sight now he’s here—”

   “Myungsoo, listen to me,” she cut in. She let go of him, and smiled even if her lips were already trembling. Pain was evident in her eyes. “I do not know if you will understand this or not, but if things don’t go our way, he will be in a better place. So do not worry.”

   “But I’m angry.”

   “It’s normal to be angry.”

   “I feel like it’s my fault. I know that it’s my fault.”

   “It isn’t.”

   “What if Daehyun dies?!” he shot back.

   “It’s his body that died, and not his soul.”

   Something exploded inside Myungsoo. He knew he was tired. He was at his limit. In the first place, he shouldn’t have loosened up. He shouldn’t have opened up his heart.

   “So are we going to revolve around God again?” he fired at her. “I’m angry—especially at Him. It’s as if once isn’t enough to torment me! And what right do you have? You played fire with a married man and judging from the gap in our age the both of you had Daehyun when I was only fourteen! My mother was still freaking alive back then. What right do you have to tell me about God when you, yourself, committed adultery? Tell me, what freaking right do you have?”

   Myungsoo was already panting hard when he realized that he took it too far. Tears were already streaming down across her cheeks.

   “I’m s-sorry,” he stuttered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me it’s just I—I’m sorry.”

   She stepped forward to touch his cheeks tenderly. “One day, Myungsoo, I know you’ll understand. And you’ll see. You should go home now. I’ll stay here.”

   “Where’s your husband?” he blurted out. “Why isn’t he with you?”

   He received no response from her, and he figured that it was for the better. They sat in silence for a while, when suddenly, she received a call. Myungsoo listened to the voice carefully, and judging from its pace, it was pretty urgent.

   “Go if you have to,” he whispered. “I understand.”

   “You’re more important,” was all she said.

<:>

   The news reached Sunggyu a few hours later. He and Woohyun had just arrived in their apartment.

   “Daehyun is what?” he asked, pacing nervously around the living room. Woohyun could only watch in concern. “Suzy, you have to speak up. Daehyun is what?”

   “Daehyun,” she attempted once again. “He got hit by a car earlier. Now…now he’s in the ICU.”

   “And Myungsoo?” he followed up. “What about Myungsoo?”

   She sobbed, and choked out, “It feels like I can’t reach him.”

   “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

   “They’re in the hospital. Sang Moon and I stayed in the house. Myungsoo’s in there, too.”

   Sunggyu rubbed his temple with his free hand. “Okay, okay, I understand.”

   He dropped the call, and without saying a word, he barged into his room and took out a duffel bag. He filled it with the appropriate toiletries and several change of clothes.

   “Hyung,” Woohyun said, while entering the room. “What are you doing now?”

   “I need to go home,” he rapidly folded his shirts. “I need to be there.”

   “But why?”

   Sunggyu paused to look at his friend. “Myungsoo is someone I care about.”

   “What about your ticket?” he fired. “It’s the holidays. Cheap flights will be rare. How sure are you that you won’t get stranded because of the weather?”

   “I won’t,” he said firmly. He took out his phone to contact the airport, but Woohyun swiped it away from him.

   “Usually when duty calls I would be sent to a different country on the spot,” he explained. “I have connections. And since my present to you this Christmas was pretty lame, consider this as a bonus.”

<:>

   An hour later, Sunggyu was booked to take the first flight home.

   “You’re going to fly nonstop,” Woohyun explained, as he drove the older one to the airport. “You’ll arrive there in eleven hours.”

   At that time, everything Sunggyu felt for Suzy was completely forgotten. He simply wanted to comfort Myungsoo, and he knew that insipid phone calls wouldn’t cut it. He needed to be there in the flesh.

   “Woohyun,” he began. “Thank you.”

   The younger one smiled. “What are brothers for, right? You owe me a girlfriend.”

   Sunggyu managed to smirk.

   “Don’t be anxious,” he said. “Eleven hours is quite a short time.”

   And eleven hours was all it took for Daehyun to die.

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
- John 16:33