She knows that she is one of the best actresses in the group, so she’d used that in her benefit the day their manager told her about the newest job (or rather task) that she’s had to take.

So she cried.

Everyone thought the cry was for her beautiful hair, the one that she’d grown with and be part of her life since she didn’t know when.

She did cry for that, too. A little bit.

Because most of the tears was for the other that she still do not know even today is one of the most treasured part of her young life.

The tears for him.

For a ‘them’ that she thought she was holding a little part in her hand.

At least until fate (and fame) interrupted and she could feel the change in him.

She still remember that one day when she called him for their (sometimes when times allowed) movie night, just because she knew he would come anyway.  For any reason, because that’s what he wanted and what she was confident with.

Was. Everything was past tense.

Even that night was a past, because indeed he came but his eyes were sad, and his hands were never catch hers like they were always.

She knew that he knew what was she wanted to say, and he behaved exactly like what she worried yet expected him would do.

He was hidden behind his maknae’s persona. Sweet, tame, and smiling. Even when his eyes blurred with hidden tears. “Great, you’re finally having the chance to shrine as yourself, dongsaeng.”

She hated herself that night. She still hates herself today.

Since the day they became close, albeit all the schedules and rules, one thing that she promised herself was to never make him sad. Because after all, he was always her savior, her sense when her childish nature took over whenever she remembered that she was only 14.

But he was also only 15, and he already had the warmest hug that she ever had.

Until today, she thinks their “relationship” (or whatever it was) is like a buttonhole. It is small and unnoticed, but it is always there to pass the button that will fasten their hearts together.

Because even when he tries to limit their interaction after the painful scenes of those (fake) lips locking and a smiling roommate, she could still trace the warmth that only she had have on those faint memories on the quick glances he stole here and there.

She wishes that he is not someone that accommodated, though.

She once wonders if he is not he, and she is not she, will he come to her and tell her to reject the role. But that will be a fantasy, and she knows that it will be impossible because on the contrary of his exterior, her Oppa is a rationale man.

Her Oppa.

Her heart flinches when she tries to remember the last time she calls that to him in person. Heck, she can even remember when she saw him in person.

She plays with her mobile once again, before regains her bravery and types the numbers to send the message. She can’t even punches the speed-dial anymore because she muted it the night after he visited her on set and did not even stay to talk to her in private like he used to.

“Message delivered”.   She chuckles at the sound of her phone and wonders why she let her roommate changed that to the stupid talking alarm.

And waits.

With chapped lips and freezing hands on the open roof of their practice building.

And waits.

Until God knows how long before a soft yet hurry and worry voice wakes her from her dreaming.

“What’s wrong with you, Jinri-ah? Don’t you know that winter wind can make you sick?”

She smiles and turns her body around to seek warmth in his eyes. “It’s almost twelve o’clock and some says that it will be the end of the world, Taeminnie Oppa. Is it wrong for me to wish to wait for it with someone that means the most to me?”

She waits again for him to comprehend the cryptic message she has been delivered. She waits for months anyway for a good buttonhole moment before today. So some more minutes would be fine.

She still ponders on what she should do if he rejects her, since she has no plan B, when suddenly she feels warm and literally shoved into a thick layer of wool.

“Silly girl, you can choose a warm couch on the dorm if you want to, but no, you choose the roof.” His voice cracks but she can hear a smile in between.

“But you may not…” She tries her best to reason with stuffs with wool because to be honest she has never been hugging this tight before.

“Do you really think I am that ignorant?” He does chuckles this time.

So she pulls away and seeks his eyes again. “But I thought….”

His index finger trails softly from her forehead, nose, lingers a little on her lips and she shivers, before stops at her chin to lift it up so their eyes are at the same level.

He’s taller than her, but in a good height differences. She doesn’t have to use heels to look at him. “I am waiting for you to call me again like the old times.”

“Oppa….”

He shakes his head, silently pledges her to let him continue, so she does. “I thought once that you liked it, with Hyung. So I backed up.”

He stops a little and breathing. “But then I see you outside the café that we used to come when we wanted our caffeine, and you looked so thoughtful. So my hope was back and I wait.”

“But why don’t you…”

He suddenly laughs yet a little unsure. “Maybe because you meant a lot to me too that I afraid to take a wrong turn?”

She blinks and suddenly her eyes are wet.

“Hey, why with the crying?”

She punches him on the shoulder before launches herself back to the warmth that is only him. “I fall for an idiot.”

He laughs again but this time with confident, before lifting her chin again and tentatively kisses her lips.

It takes sometimes for her to be able to use the uniqueness of today’s date as a buttonhole. But it is worth in the end anyway.

“Oppa, this is December 12, 2012. My history teacher told us few months ago that some believes it will be the end of the world. I am at the roof today waiting for it if that is really happened. Do you know that we should be with someone that meant a lot when the world is ended?”

Buttonhole  - (n) a slit through where a button is passed to fasten two pieces of material together or (v) to compel somebody to listen, allowing no avenue of escape.

TAELLI , because they are beautiful together even when it is subtle and childish