So here it is, my entry for the one-shot contest! All of them are really talking me into angst, so here it is. Hope you guys enjoy~ ^^

-0-

Himchan sat in his dark apartment. He wouldn’t have been able to see anything if it weren’t for the moon shining weakly through his windows, but he couldn’t find it in himself to turn the light on.

It would have been our three year anniversary, he thought, feeling a pang in his chest. His eyes scanned the dark apartment even though he couldn’t see much. He traced the faint outline of the lone picture frame that was still sitting on the coffee table. He should have gotten rid of it months ago, or at least put it away so he wouldn’t have to see it; feel his heart break seeing those happy faces behind the glass.

“Yah, Kim Himchan, it’s not healthy for you to be sitting in the dark like that!”

He buried his face in his hands, practically hearing her lecture if she ever saw him now. This place is a mess, she’d declare before she’d start cleaning up, even though she didn’t need to. He’d try his best to distract her and she’d chide him for it, but secretly she loved it.

Byun Hee Jin. How could he forget her?

Moreover, how had he let her go?

He could still remember the first time they met. That sharp feeling of just knowing you had met that one special person.

And he had let her go.

~*~

Himchan couldn’t really say what it was about that particular girl that had caught his eye.

Logically he knew that she wasn’t particularly outstanding. She was of average height, with an average build. Her clothes weren’t particularly eye catching and her brown hair was up in a messy bun. Despite that, she still managed to hold on to his attention.

“Hyung, are you even listening to me?” Jong Hun whined as he suddenly stopped walking, causing the older male to crash into him. “You’ve been spacing out all afternoon.”

“Don’t even bother,” Yong Guk said, ruffling the teen’s hair affectionately. “He’s had his eye on that girl the whole time we’ve been here.” He turned to Himchan. “If you’re so interested in her, why don’t you just go talk to her?”

“I’m not interested in her,” he protested, although he doubted it was believable. “I just… it’s just… um… what was the question?”

“You’re a horrible liar, hyung,” Dae Hyun declared, sauntering past him. He growled playfully at him, swatting at him.

Distracted or not, it felt nice to walk around like this with his friends. They had all been so busy lately that they hadn’t been meeting often, so it felt nice to take a moment to hang with his friends and just breathe.

He tried his best to pay attention to the conversation going on, but his eyes kept being pulled over to where that girl was. She was playing with her friends and she looked so carefree.

In hindsight, he should have seen it coming since he was already looking in their direction. He was just too distracted by his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed the Frisbee coming towards him until it hit his face.

Pain bloomed across his face and he bent over as he heard surprised exclamations of “hyung!” and “Himchan!” as he tried to see past the stars.

“Oh, god, are you okay?” he heard an unfamiliar voice ask as a pair of sandaled feet came into his vision, displaying brightly painted toenails. “I didn’t mean to throw it that hard! Do we need to take him to a hospital? We should probably take him to a hospital. Oh god, are you bleeding?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Himchan said, waving her hand away as he clutched his throbbing nose. “I’m not bleeding.”

He straightened and couldn’t believe his luck. It was that girl standing in front of him. He started to grin, but hastily hid it behind his hand. She looked much prettier up close. Her hair was slightly messy from all that running around and there was a pink tinge to her cheeks thanks to the heat.

“That’s a strong throw you have there,” he commented, passing her the Frisbee that he had managed to catch. “I’m Himchan.”

She gave him a sheepish grin as she took it from him, their fingers brushing momentarily. He felt the sharp zing of electricity shoot down his arm. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and nibbled on the inside of her lip. “Hee Jin. I’m really sorry about hitting you,” she apologized. “How can I make up for it?”

He removed his hand from his nose, finally revealing his grin. “How about dinner?” he suggested. “I think that should cover the pain my nose just experienced.”

She looked surprised for a moment before a smile appeared on her face. “That’s fine,” she agreed shyly. He handed her his phone and she punched in her number. “Text me or call me. Let me know when we’re meeting.” She shot him one last smile before running back to join her friends.

He stood there for a moment, staring at her retreating back and smiling like an idiot with his phone clutched in his hand. One thought raced through his mind: I got her number.

~*~

He ran a hand over his face, figuring it was late enough for him to go to bed. He stood up and made his way to his cold bed, leaving his half-finished beer on the coffee table. He could always clean up in the morning.

He stumbled into bed after shedding his clothes and dressing into something more suitable for sleeping. He lay there and shut his eyes, waiting for sleep to come.

He desperately wished he wasn’t alone in the bed. The side of the bed she usually slept in was cold. He reached a hand out, caressing the spot she used to sleep. He scooted over and buried his nose in the pillow there, inhaling the scent.

He could almost catch the sweet scent of lilacs and raspberries. He thought he could even feel a pair of arms sliding around his waist and squeezed his eyes shut, not willing to break the illusion.

“Goodnight, Himchan oppa,” he could hear her whisper in his ear. “Sweet dreams.”

For a second there as he drifted off to sleep, he could almost believe she was with him again.

~*~

He waited outside Hee Jin’s apartment complex. Himchan could barely contain his excitement. He couldn’t believe he was finally going out with the girl that had distracted him enough to get a Frisbee in the face. Admittedly the pain was worth getting her number, but he was hardly going to admit that out loud.

He checked his watch, seeing it was almost time for them to meet. He could hardly remember the last time he had arrived early for a date, but he had been so excited and jumpy that Yong Guk had kicked him out of their apartment for distracting him from his game.

He heard the doors open and turned, barely keeping his jaw from hitting the ground. His last memory of Hee Jin had done her no justice. He had planned for a simple date at the park, so she had dressed casually. She was wearing a colorful spaghetti strapped blouse that suited the summer weather over a pair of worn skinny jeans. Contrary to the first time they met her hair was down and flowing down in waves across her back. Half of her hair was up in a loose bun and her makeup was light; almost non-existent. It was refreshing for him to go out with a girl who didn’t cake her face in makeup. She topped off the whole outfit with a pair of open-toed flats, showing off her painted toenails and a small bag swung from her shoulder.

“You look beautiful,” he complimented, handing her a sprig of forget-me-not that he had plucked from a flower bed before the old lady watching him could hit him. “A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl.”

She shot him a small grin as she plucked from his hand and twirled it between her fingers for a moment before asking, “Does that usually work on all the other girls you ask out?”

He was stunned for a moment before shooting her a grin that usually melted the hearts of other girls. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never tried it before,” he replied honestly. He usually never put in much effort when it came to other girls. She made him want to put in effort to impress her.

“Well, thank you. It’s lovely.” She tucked it behind her ear and grabbed the arm he held out towards her. “So, what are we doing?”

“We are going to have fun today! Let’s go!”

He didn’t really expect to have that much fun since he hadn’t planned much, but he couldn’t stop smiling the whole day. There was something about Hee Jin that made things livelier. By the end of the day, he was addicted to her cheerfulness. He didn’t want to part as they stood in front of her apartment and it looked like she didn’t want to either.

“This is my apartment,” she pointed out although she didn’t make a move to go inside. She hesitated for one more moment before saying, “I had a nice time.”

“Yeah… so did I. Is there a chance you’d want to do it again sometime?” he suggested hopefully. He hoped it wasn’t the last time he’d see her. It may have made him sound desperate but he had really enjoyed spending time with her. She made him feel things he had never felt before.

“I’d like that,” she replied, biting her lip. “You should probably go now. It’s getting late.” She leaned up and brushed a kiss against his cheeks, slipping into her apartment before he had a chance to react.

~*~

He woke up to the loud beeping of his alarm and groaned, rolling over to stop the beeping. He lay on his back for a moment, blinking at the ceiling. He felt a little confused, since he had remembered falling asleep with Hee Jin’s arms around his waist. Why had he woken up alone?

It took a moment for reality to sink in, but when it did, it would have brought him to his knees if he had been standing. They weren’t together anymore.

He wanted to cry, but he was all out of tears. A part of him knew that there were other women out there; she wasn’t the only woman in the world.

She was just the only one who made him feel whole.

He dragged himself upright, sitting at the edge of his bed and resting his feet on the cold ground. He braced his forearms against his knees and sat there motionlessly for a few minutes before getting up and making his way to the kitchen for breakfast. A late breakfast, he amended, stealing a glimpse of his alarm clock and seeing it was nearly noon.

He padded silently to the kitchen, his ears ringing from the silence. It never used to be this silent when Hee Jin used to live with him. There was always the radio playing or the banging of pots and pans while she cooked in the kitchen or even just her quiet humming as she read a book while they were sitting together in the living room. Now, it was quiet. Too quiet.

He poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the island, switching on the coffee machine. He ate in the silence, swirling the cereal around occasionally and listening to the spoon clink against the side of the bowl when it got too quiet. He looked up, his gaze suddenly fixed on the hallway leading to his bedroom. Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he had managed to glimpse Hee Jin leaning against the wall, watching him for a moment. He shook his head, his black hair falling into his eyes. He was just being delusional again. It was just another memory from a while ago.

~*~

“You’re up early,” she whispered into his ear, her breath brushing his ear as her hands slid around his waist.

“I’m surprised you’re up early,” he countered, turning around so he was facing her. “You were up pretty late last night.” His eyes took in her state of dress and a grin crept onto his face. “What are you wearing?”

She was wearing his t-shirt. It was long enough that it covered her almost completely, although it only stopped at mid-thigh. Her hair was still messy from the bed and her eyes were still heavy-lidded from sleep. A coy smile curved her lips.

“It was the only thing I could find,” she said airily, blinking up at him almost innocently. “It’s a mess in your room. You should really clean up.”

“Maybe later,” he said lazily, leaning in for a kiss. She leaned up to meet him halfway even though she was almost tiptoeing since he was much taller than her. The kiss started off sweet but quickly gained heat. He broke the kiss, breathing heavily. “How about we finish this in the bedroom?” he didn’t wait for her to reply as he scooped her up in his arms.

~*~

He was broken out of his reverie by his phone ringing. He shook his head to clear it before answering, barely stopping to check the caller ID.

“Youngjae, what do you want?” he bit out as soon as he hit the answer button.

“Good morning to you too,” the younger man answered drily. “Good, you’re up. I was just calling to make sure you didn’t forget about tonight.”

Himchan blinked once. Twice. “Tonight?”

He heard a sigh. “I can’t believe you forgot,” Youngjae muttered. “It’s Jun Hong’s graduation party. You know how long he’s been looking forward to it.”

“Right,” Himchan said, rubbing his forehead. He couldn’t believe he had forgotten about the teen’s graduation party. He knew how excited he was to finally be out of high school. It was important to him for all of his hyungs to be there. He was glad Youngjae had reminded him or he wouldn’t have shown up at all and he’d spoil the whole night. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there. I’ll see you tonight then.”

He hung up before Youngjae could get another word in. it was likely that he’d start on a rant about how he should have remembered and it was really about time he got out of his slump, seeing as it was his own fault that she left anyway.

~*~

He let himself into the house, trying his best to be as quiet as possible. It was late and he knew Hee Jin was most likely asleep. The last thing he wanted to do was wake his girlfriend up.

It turned out that he didn’t have to keep quiet because she was already up. The light , blinding Himchan and making him freeze in place as his eyes adjusted to the sudden change. He blinked away the black spots, his eyes resting on his girlfriend who was waiting up for him.

“Hee Jin,” he said casually, trying his best not to sound guilty or panicked. “What are you doing up?”

She fixed with a hard stare that made him nervous. It wasn’t a glare, but it certainly wasn’t the soft and playful gaze she was used to. It made him feel like she could see right through him.

“Why didn’t you answer my calls?”

He deflated slightly. He thought he would give her a hard question or worse, start nagging at him again about coming home late. “My phone died.” The lie was familiar. It was routine. It was habit. His phone hadn’t died. He had just switched it off when he got irritated with its constant ringing while he was with Eun Sae. Her expression hardened.

“Where have you been?” she asked, a hard edge in her voice.

“Out with the guys,” he replied, the lie rolling easily off his tongue. He had told it so many times that it was second nature. He was just glad that Hee Jin trusted him when it came to –

“That's a load of bull, Kim Himchan,” she scoffed, walking up towards him. “I know you weren’t with the guys.”

He blinked at her, not believing his ears. How had she found out? He had been so careful too. He floundered for an excuse, another reason, but his mind was whirling. He had never expected he would be caught. Had the guys told on him?

“Can you, for once in your life, tell the truth?” she asked angrily, her eyes suspiciously bright. “Tell me, who is she? That girl you’ve been sleeping with behind my back.”

He stared at her, not knowing how to answer. His mouth was working ahead of his brain however as he heard himself say, “How did you know?”

Hurt flashed briefly across her face, but it was so brief that he thought he imagined it. “I saw you with her. I followed you. You’ve been acting so suspicious these past few weeks and I thought I’ve been smelling perfume on you. It wasn’t mine, so I thought…” she trailed off, looking away from him before returning her glare to him. “You were getting home later and later and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you’ve been up to. I know I overlook most of your flaws, but this… I thought I could trust you! Then I find out you’ve been sleeping around behind my back! Why?”

He opened his mouth to say something – an answer, an excuse, a reason, anything – but before he could make a single sound, her hand clamped over his mouth.

“Don’t,” she said sharply, her voice trembling slightly. “Just… don’t. I change my mind. I don’t want to know anything. I’m leaving.” It was then that he noticed the pile of bags in the middle of the living room.

“Where are you going?” he demanded to know as she turned away from him and picked her bags up.

“Away from you,” she answered stiffly, turning around and brushing past him to the door. His hand wrapped around the bag strap, instantly stopping her.

“You can’t go.”

“Why the hell not?” She tugged her bag away. “You obviously don’t want me anymore, so I’m removing myself from your life. We’re over, Himchan.”

She continued walking and Himchan didn’t move. He knew he should do something – anything – to make her stay, but he just couldn’t move. He could only watch as the door slammed shut behind her.

~*~

He straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his hair again before knocking on the door. He was later than he was supposed to be, but all could do was hope that the teen wasn’t angry with him. He had too many people pissed at him as it was without needing the baby of the group angry at him too. The door swung open, revealing Jun Hong.

“Hyung, you’re here!” he exclaimed, immediately tackling the older man in a hug. “I thought you wouldn’t show up since…” Since Hee Jin noona left. “Well, I’m glad you’re here!”

Himchan forced a smile, his eyes drawn to the teen’s wild mess of hair sitting on his head. “That’s a… very interesting colour.” Interesting was putting it mildly. His hair was bright pink and Himchan thought his eyes would ache if he stared at it for too long.

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” he said excitedly, ignoring the tone of his voice. “I got it done after…” Once again, he stopped in the middle of the sentence, turning somber for a moment before becoming hyper once again. “I think it fits my image, don’t you?”

“Yeah, it does,” Himchan agreed, ruffling his hair. He had to admit that although the colour was almost too bright, it suited the hyper teen. “Where are the others?”

“Around,” he answered, waving vaguely around the relatively crowded room. “Dae Hyun hyung isn’t here yet though but the others are. I’m sure you can find them yourself. Or they’ll find you.” He walked off, leaving Himchan before he could utter another word.

“Aish, that kid,” he muttered, looking around awkwardly. It had been a while since he had been out. He hadn’t actually gone out at all ever since Hee Jin broke up with him. He was too busy wallowing in self-pity. He couldn’t help but feel that it was different now that he didn’t have Hee Jin with him. He felt emptier somehow.

“Hyung, you made it.”

He scowled slightly, turning to greet Youngjae. “You don’t have to sound so surprised,” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “You know I would have made it for Jun Hong. I don’t want to make the kid cry.”

“Whatever you say. It’s good to see you out and about. Ever since you and Hee Jin noona… well, anyways, I’m glad you came.” He hated how everyone skirted the topic of him and Hee Jin. It was months ago. They should let it go. Then again, if Himchan himself couldn’t let it go, how could he expect others to?

“I heard Dae Hyun’s late,” he grunted, taking a drink from the blonde. “That’s not like him.”

Youngjae carefully avoided his eye. “Yeah, well you know how he is. He’ll be really early one day and late the next.” He waved a hand dismissively, as if to say ‘you know how it is’. He didn’t know how it was, but he nodded anyway. His focus wasn’t really on the conversation anymore as the door was opened once more by Jun Hong and a familiar head of dark brown hair was seen. It felt like the world around him stopped for a moment as Jin Hee greeted the teen with a hug and a smile that he had missed seeing after all those months without even a glance of her. It was the first time he’d see her since their breakup.

As if she had known he was watching her, she looked up and their gazes locked for a brief moment. The moment was lost as Dae Hyun made his entrance, causing her to break the gaze to look at him. Himchan wanted to curse the boy, but it wasn’t his fault. It was Himchan’s fault that he let her go in the first place.

His eyes widened when Dae Hyun put an arm around her shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek. He… hadn’t thought she would have moved on already, least of all with one of his best friends. He hadn’t even had a word of warning about those two getting together.

He wanted to pull her away from him and claim her as his, but she wasn’t his anymore. He was the one who had let the best thing in his life walk away from him and he deserved to suffer just as much as she had when she had discovered his infidelity. He didn't think it would hurt this much though. It felt like a white hot poker was being inserted into his chest and twisted slowly.

“They’ve been together for a couple of months now,” Youngjae said, his gaze following his hyung’s. “We didn’t want to tell you because… well, you know.”

No, he didn’t know, but he didn’t want to dwell on it. His eyes were glued onto the new couple. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was just another one of his illusions that was torturing him. The lines between reality and his own illusions were beginning to blur in his mind. Half the time he could hardly notice if he what he was seeing was real of just another one of his sick twisted illusions.

“She looks happy,” he heard himself say distantly.

“She is,” Youngjae answered, looking at the older male. “Dae Hyun hyung makes her happy.” Happier than you ever made her. It went unsaid, but he could still hear it.

He placed his drink on the table, not caring that it had fallen over and was currently staining the tablecloth. He made his way to the new couple, ignoring Youngjae’s surprised yell and striding single-mindedly towards his target.

“Himchan hyung,” Dae Hyun greeted, but he ignored him, grabbing Hee Jin’s wrist and pulling her out of the crowded room and out the window to the fire escape.

“Himchan, what are you doing?” she gasped, tugging her wrist out of his grip as she leaned against the railing. He shut the glass door and turned to her, an intense expression on his face. “Have you gone crazy?”

“Does he make you happy?” he asked suddenly.

She blinked those beautiful, beautiful hazel eyes at him. “Huh?” He still found her confusion adorable.

“Does he make you happy?” he repeated slowly, crossing his arms and waiting for her answer.

“I – well, yeah. He makes me happy.”

“How happy?” Happier than I ever made you?

“He’s…” she looked in his eyes before looking away again. He took a moment to take in her appearance. She was wearing jeans and a sweater, but she had never looked more beautiful to him. There was a healthy glow to her face and the worry that he used to see in her eyes when they were together was gone. “He makes me feel like I’m the only woman that really matters. Other than his mom, of course.” He makes me much happier than you could ever make me.

His shoulders slumped slightly. He had expected that. After the way he had treated her, she deserved complete happiness, and it looked like his dongsaeng was the man who could do that.

“Do you love him?” He didn’t need to ask if Dae Hyun loved her. It was obvious; it showed in his smile, his eyes and the way he treated her.

Her eyes softened as a small breathtaking smile took over her face. Wistfully, Himchan wished he had been the one to put it there. “Yeah. I love him,” she breathed, her eyes looking beyond him. No doubt resting on Dae Hyun.

“Ah, it looks like my dongsaeng managed to pull one over me,” he joked weakly, determinedly ignoring his broken heart and the hope that they could get back together – that he could plead with her to come back to him, his pride be damned.

She looked at him kindly. “I loved you too, you know,” she told him, a tint of sadness in her voice.

“I know.”

“But I love him more. He… he’s everything I need.”

“… I know.”

She reached a hand out towards him, caressing his cheek lightly. He leaned into her touch that he had been craving for months. In his reality, she wouldn’t be spoken for. She could be his again.

He felt the phantom whisper of her lips against his and willed it to be real, but when he opened his eyes, her hand was no longer on his cheek and the gap between them was far too wide for his liking. He sighed. I lost.

“You should get back to your boyfriend,” he said, stepping aside so she could leave. She paused as she was next to him and lightly gripped his wrist, pulling her in with her.

“Come on, I want to introduce you to my boyfriend.”

He didn’t protest. For a moment, he could pretend that they were still together and she was dragging him to meet with a friend of hers. Then they stood in front of Dae Hyun and the illusion was shattered once more.

“Hyung, jagiya, did you have a nice talk?” he asked, an amiable smile on his face although his eyes darted worriedly between the two exes.

Hee Jin let go of his wrist and moved forward to hug her boyfriend. Dae Hyun melted against her as he pulled her close, the tension easing out of his shoulders. “It was… enlightening,” she replied, snuggling into his side.

“Hey man, congrats,” he said, clapping the younger man’s shoulder. “You’ve got yourself a fine girl.”

“I know,” he answered, gazing at Hee Jin as he planted a kiss on her lips. “I’m one lucky guy.”

I used to be that lucky man, Himchan thought bitterly, but he couldn’t really say anything. He was the one who let her go.

He waited until she had gone off before he had a proper talk with his dongsaeng.

“She’s special,” he began, looking Dae Hyun seriously in the eye. “You’re never going to find another girl like her. Don’t… don’t make the same mistake I did, okay?” Don't let go of the best thing in your life like I did.

The brunette stared hard at his hyung. “I won’t,” he promised. “I’ll take good care of her. I’ll cherish her and I’ll make her feel good. She – she makes me a better man, you know?”

“Good,” he murmured. “That’s good.” He watched as she talked with the other guests. Yes, he did know. She had made him a better man once too. His eyes slid to Dae Hyun, who was watching Hee Jin with the same expression she looked at him. The same expression he used to get from her. It was a pity it took her leaving for him to realise how much he loved her.

He watched as Dae Hyun crept up behind her and gave her a hug, his arms easily sliding around his waist as she leaned against him, a small smile quirked on her perfect lips that he wanted to kiss. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, imagining a different day when it had been him who was sliding up behind her and interrupting her conversations.

For a moment, he let himself believe that him and Hee Jin were real and not a thing of the past.

At least before reality kicked in and pushed her away from him once more.