You Promised. You promised me that no matter what happens, we would always be friends. Best friends in fact. But ever since that day, we’ve been distant from each other... I can’t stand it... So if you wanna be distant, I understand exactly what it is you want.... Goodbye Kyu...

 

~Message Sent~

~Four Years Earlier~
I was walking down the long sidewalk, heading to my favorite place to hang out. The Rose Cafe. It was starting to rain a little, so I sped up my walking. By the time I reached The Rose Cafe, I immediately ran inside.
“Ah! Min Hee!”
I turned my head in the direction of the voice. It was the boss of the place, Young Jae. I’ve known Young Jae ever since I was ten. My mom always brought me here, but after awhile, she stopped bringing me here, so I decided to start coming on my own. I’ve come here every day.
“Annyeong Young Jae~” I smiled.
“The usual?” He asked.
I nodded as I placed the exact amount of change on the counter, “Please.”
I sat on one of the stools as Young Jae went to fulfill my order. Today the shop was a little more empty than usual... I wonder why... Young Jae came back with my order, a latte, and sat across from me at the counter.
“So, how has your mother been?” He asked me.
“Good.” I replied while stirring my latte.
Young Jae nodded.

*Ding*

The bells near the door chimed.
Young Jae looked toward the person coming into the shop, “Kyuhyun-ah! You’re here earlier today...”
I turned my stool around to see the person that walked in...

*Boom-Boom-Boom*

My heartbeat suddenly speed up.... Is it for this boy that suddenly walked in? I sat and stared at him. He is pretty cute... I’ve never seen him around before though...
The boy walked toward the counter and placed his money on the table, then sat in the stool next to me. That was when he finally turned his head and gave me a soft smile. I could not only hear my heartbeat getting louder, but faster too... I smiled back and quickly looked back down at my latte.
“Kyuhyun, have you met Min Hee yet?” Young Jae asked the boy.
So his name is Kyuhyun? Wow.... He’s amazing...
“No I haven’t.” Kyuhyun replied.
Young Jae pointed at me, “Well, now you have... I think you two would make good friends.”
Kyuhyun turned to me and held out his hand. I just stared at him.
“Hi...” He started, “I’m Kyuhyun.”
I took his hand and shook it, “M-Min Hee...”
He let go of my hand, then looked back at Young Jae. Wow... This boy is so handsome... I would love to be his friend, but we only just met.... Young Jae brought Kyuhyun his drink, then snuck off into the back, leaving Kyuhyun and I alone...
“So, you come here a lot?” Kyuhyun asked.
I slowly nodded, “Y-Yeah... My m-mother is g-good friends with Y-Young Jae...”
Aish, why am I stuttering so much!?!!?
“That’s cool! I come here a lot too... Though I don’t usually come this early....” He replied.
“Oh... I come here every day at this time!” I said happily.
“I see, well maybe I’ll start coming here at this time, everyday, that way we can meet up?”
I stared at him for a moment and he smiled at me. He wants to meet up again here? Everyday?? Am I dreaming or is this heaven!? I slowly nodded as a response. Kyuhyun smiled once more before standing up.
“Well, I should be getting home now... I’ll see you tomorrow at this time?” He asked.
I nodded vigorously, “Definitely!”
I watched as he walked out the front doors to the cafe. I sighed, thinking that I must be lucky...
“Ah, so I see you have a new crush?” Young Jae asked coming out from the back of the cafe.
I blushed, “Do not!!”
“You can’t hide it. It’s plastered right on your face!” Young Jae teased.
“B-Be quiet!!” I shouted.
Young Jae laughed, then began to wash off the countertop.
I looked down at my watch, “Yah! I have to get home!!”
I headed toward the front door of the cafe, but glared back when Young Jae said, “If you hurry, you can catch up to Kyuhyun!”




______________________________________________________________________________________________________




~Three Years Later~
As time passed, Kyuhyun and I went to the cafe every day at the same time to meet up. We became instant friends... I was already fifteen and couldn’t believe I had a best friend as handsome as him! I thought, I must’ve done something good to have Kyuhyun come into my life.... But one day, Kyuhyun didn’t show up...
“Young Jae, where’s Kyuhyun?” I asked as I walked in.
“He’s not here kiddo...” Young Jae said.
“What? But he’s always here before me...” I replied.
“Well, maybe he’ll show up soon...”
I nodded, ordered my usual latte and waited. I waited for hours and he never came.. Then the hours turned into days, then into months, and before I knew it, one whole year had passed...
I had turned fifteen two weeks ago and it had been so long since I had seen Kyuhyun... I actually started to forget about him even... It was the summer 2012 and I only had about four more weeks left until I started high school... But when I got on my computer that day, I didn’t expect to see a friend request on Facebook, which I hardly get. But this one was special. This one was Cho Kyuhyun. I smiled and clicked accept. A few minutes after accepting, I got a message....

Kyuhyun: Hey Min Hee!~
Me: Hey Kyuhyun... I haven’t seen you in forever...
Kyuhyun: I know, sorry about that... My mother was talking about us moving...
Me: Moving!? So... Does that mean that.....
Kyuhyun: No!! I’m still here in Seoul!! I meant move to another house!

I took a sigh of relief. I would’ve been a little sad if he hadn’t said goodbye to me, you know, us being best friends and all...

Me: Well I’m happy for you!
Kyuhyun: Thanks!... So, we haven’t seen each other in a long time, how about we go to the cafe tomorrow?(:
Me: I’d love too!
Kyuhyun: Great! See you there at one o’clock! Don’t be late(;
Me: I won’t be!

My heart beat faster. It hasn’t beat like this since the last time I saw him...



 

****

The next day, I headed through the doors of the cafe with a huge smile planted on my face... But that smile suddenly faded when I looked around...
“Min Hee! I haven’t seen you around here for awhile...” Young Jae said.
I walked closer, “I-Is Kyuhyun here?”
Young Jae stared at me, “Kyuhyun hasn’t come here since last year, remember?”
I felt like crying... I’ve been stood up by my best friend...
 

I sighed, “O-Oh... Right... Alright, well... I-I’ll be going now...”

I turned around, ready to head out of the cafe when someone in a blue jacket came inside...

I stared at the boy, “Kyuhyun!!!”

He removed his coat and put it on the hanger in the front. I wanted to run into his arms, hug him and never let go, but I knew I couldn’t... First of all, there were other people here... Secondly, We’re just best friends.... But instead of making a scene, I just stood near the counter with a huge smile plastered on my face. Kyuhyun walked closer to me and smiled. He sat down on one of the stools and ordered the same cup of coffee he used to order...

“Kyuhyun.” I said again, with the same smile on my face.

“Hey.” He said with a small smile.

I missed you.... But I can’t possibly tell you that.... I’m too much of a coward...

“H-How have you been?” I asked.

“Pretty tired, with all the moving and such...” He replied.

I nodded, “Oh. I-I’m sorry...”

“It’s cool...”

The small talk ended and Young Jae came back with our drinks. We didn’t talk the whole time I wasn’t sure why.... We haven’t seen each other for a whole year and now that we’re sitting here, we’ve got nothing to say? I’m not complaining completely though... As long as I’m next to him I’m happy. We slowly finished our drinks, then stood up...

“So... Um... You wanna maybe come over?” I suggested.

Kyuhyun looked at his watch, then back at me, “Sure.”

We walked toward my house and once we reached the door, walked in. My mom had a smile on her face.

“Min Hee, you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend...” My mom said.

“Oh Kyuhyun’s not my boyfriend..” I replied, “We’re just friends.”

“Ah~ I see...”

Kyuhyun bowed, “It’s nice to meet you ma’am.”

“Wahh, such nice manners! I’m happy to meet you too!” My mom replied.

My mom kept talking to Kyuhyun like she’d known him for many years. I got bored and started texting...

I guess my mom saw that I was getting bored and said, “Min Hee, why don’t you show your friend the upstairs?”

I nodded and lead Kyuhyun upstairs... We walked into my bedroom and he looked around my walls. I have a bunch of posters covering every inch of my walls.

“Nice room...” Kyuhyun said as he looked around.

I blushed, “Thanks.”

I sat on my bed while Kyuhyun walked around, looking at every little thing I own... I picked up my laptop and Kyuhyun came to sit next to me.

“Woah, you play Starcraft?” He asked looking at my screen.

“Well, I have it downloaded, I’m not completely sure how to play it...” I replied.

Kyuhyun took my laptop and made a new account. He began playing and he was actually pretty good...

“You’re really good...” I said.

“Thanks.”

“Um... M-Maybe one day you could t-teach me how to play?” I asked with a smile.

Kyuhyun shrugged, “Maybe.”

After a while of watching him play Starcraft, my mom came upstairs and told Kyuhyun that it was time to go home... We both walked downstairs and stood outside for a couple of moments.

“Well, maybe we can do this again?” I suggested.

Kyuhyun just nodded, “Sure.”

I smiled and Kyuhyun gave a small smile back.

“Well, see you later...” He said as he began to walk off.

I waved, “Bye...”

Later that night, Kyuhyun messaged me....

Kyuhyun: I had fun today. I wanted to give you my number before I left, but I forgot, so here(:

Under that was indeed his phone number. I gave him mine and thanked him, then saved his number in my phone... If only he knew that I liked him... If only I could tell him... But I don’t think now is the right time to tell him... I will one day though....

****

As the summer went on, Kyuhyun and I met up at the cafe a couple other times. I was so happy that we were back to being best friends... But I had a feeling that things were about to change..... Kyuhyun and I started high school. I checked over our schedule and saw that we had no classes together, all except for homeroom... We hung out every Monday in homeroom and everyday at lunch.... The more we hung out, the more I fell for him. I felt like he was the only boy in the world and I finally came to the conclusion that I was in love with him. He made me feel different, but a nice kind of different.... About a month into the school year, the Homecoming dance was right around the corner and I was determined to tell Kyuhyun how I felt. I wanted to go with him so badly... I had taken a whole hour to think of how to ask him, then I finally decided to message him on Facebook.... His laptop was taken away for a couple of days, so he wouldn’t see the message for a couple of days, so I thought that I didn’t have to worry about what he will say until he gets his laptop back... I took a deep breath and sent the message....


Me: Hi. I’ve never been one to have much confidence, but... 2012 was the year I chose to take chances... I’ve never done anything like this and not sure how it will turn out... But here goes nothing... Alright, well I like you... Now that I’m saying this, you may not want to talk or hang around me anymore, but it’s true. I do like you.... I know we’ve been best friends for such a long time and you may not want to ruin anything with our friendship. I know how that feels. I thought about that and thought about not posting this, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take... So Kyuhyun.... Will you go to homecoming with me...?


I took another deep breath.... I just confessed to my best friend and now things could either way... He could accept my feelings and say he feels the same, or he could do the complete opposite....



 

****

About two days later, Kyuhyun got his laptop back and got on Facebook... I began panicking, seeing as Facebook told me that he saw the message... He didn’t reply for about thirty minutes and I started to get worried.... What if I like frightened him or something?? So I sent another message, which I really regret now...

Me: S-Sorry.. If I've... You know... Scared you or anything.... I just thought I should put it out there.... Y-You don't have to say yes if u don't want to... Or... If u dont wanna talk to me... T-That's cool too.... I guess...

I still got no response after I sent that... But my other friend, Eun Mi, did call my cell phone about ten minutes after I sent it...

“Yoboseyo?” I answered.
“Yah! What is wrong with you!?” She shouted.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Kyuhyun told me what you sent him... He said that he was thinking about saying yes, but after you sent that last message, he had second thoughts...” Eun Mi replied.
“Aish, chincha!?! I feel so stupid now!!” I said.
“You shouldn’t have sent the second message...” She sighed.
“I-I know...”



 

****

I waited and waited for almost two weeks for Kyuhyun to respond.... He never did... All my friends got mad at him for not giving me an answer... I didn’t know if we were going to Homecoming together or not.... No one knew... But I woke up one morning with a new text on my phone...



To: Min Hee

Yes(:

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

Yes!?! Really!? :D

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

 

Yeah haha

From: Kyuhyun



I was so happy!! I got all ready for school and everything, with that big smile on my face. Once I got to school, I showed all my friends what Kyuhyun had said. They were all so happy for me. My smile never faded until I got home... I checked my Facebook and saw that Eun Mi had messaged me...

Eun Mi: Kyuhyun said that he was saying “yes” to something else... Not to going to Homecoming with you...
Me: Really? Did he tell you that?):
Eun Mi: Yeah... I’m sorry..
Me: It’s okay...

When really it wasn’t... I felt so sad... Now I really wondered what his answer was.... Were we going or not?? Everyday, my friends tried to ask him, but he avoided the question... By the day Homecoming came around, I still didn’t know if we were going together or not... But, here’s hoping... I had bought a new dress and was going to wear it, just for Kyuhyun, so I put it on and got all dolled up. I was thinking and hoping that his answer was yes, because if it was no, I didn’t know what I would do....
My mom brought me to the dance and I walked through the doors... I looked around for Kyuhyun, but there were so many people here, I couldn’t find him... I walked up the stairs and finally met up with a couple of my friends.
“Wahh, you looks so pretty!” My friends complimented.
I smiled and thanked them.... After about ten minutes of dancing around and such, I finally saw the one person I was waiting for... Cho Kyuhyun. He smiled and came toward my friends and I...
“Kyuhyun!” Eun Mi exclaimed.
Kyuhyun smiled and waved. I stared at him. He looked really handsome... I decided to stick around him the whole time.... Except for one moment... A couple of my friends and I walked downstairs to get a drink and when we came back upstairs, I began to walk toward Kyuhyun. A slow song began playing and I was gonna ask him to dance... I had a bunch of confidence built up and was approaching him, when some girl stepped in front of me.
“What do you think you’re doing?” The girl asked.
“Um...”
I had never seen this girl before...
“Back off.” She said.
I stared at her, “W-What?”
She said nothing else, but turned toward Kyuhyun, grabbed his hand and dragged him away from me... I stared at them in disbelief... A-Are they d-dating...?
Halfway into the dance, I walked up to the girl when she was away from Kyuhyun.
“A-Are you dating K-Kyuhyun?” I quietly asked.
The girl shrugged, “I don’t know ask him.”
I sighed and walked around looking for Kyuhyun, when I finally found him, I asked him, “Are you dating that girl?”
“Seohyun? I don’t know, ask her.” He replied.
I just stared at him... Really? He doesn’t even know... So to sum everything up, I asked him to Homecoming, but he never answered, so when I got there, he already had a date.... He could’ve at least told me... Small tears fell from my eyes. I went home early because I couldn’t stand it anymore... My mom lost trust in him after I told her what happened... That night I laid on my bed and cried. All my friends continued to ask if I was alright and of course I replied with, “I’m fine(:” Even though I’m really broken...



 

****

About two weeks passed and I finally saw something I never wanted to see... Kyuhyun and that girl, Seohyun were walking around holding hands and hugging and such. Everyday when I saw them, tears formed in my eyes... I held them back at school, when I was around him and anyone else, but once I got home, I cried to my hearts content... I wish he would just see how much I really loved him....
Kyuhyun and Seohyun were dating for about a week, but then I saw something change in his personality... He looked more tired and his eyes were a little puffy... One night I decided to call him...
“Yoboseyo?” Kyuhyun answered.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked.
“Yeah why?”
“Oh, well you seem depressed lately...” I replied.
“Oh um.. Not really...” He responded.
“Is it because of Seohyun?” I questioned.
“Meh...”
I sighed, “I’m sorry... Are you still dating her?”
“I don’t know anymore...”
“Oh... Well... I-I hope things get better... In my opinion, she was never a good person...” I said.
Kyuhyun only hummed in response... After that I told him to get some rest, because he sounded tired... Once we hung up, I stared at my ceiling... I have to get over him...



 

****

Another week passed and I had gotten myself a boyfriend named Donghae. I thought that he could help get Kyuhyun off my mind, which he sorta did... Although, Donghae didn’t act much like we were a couple... Kyuhyun kept telling me that Donghae and I had a better relationship than him and Seohyun... But everyone was still confused on whether or not Kyuhyun and Seohyun were still dating, only because they didn’t act like they were.... So I asked Kyuhyun once more through Facebook message...

Me: Are you and Seohyun still dating?? Jw...
Kyuhyun: YOU AND OTHERS ASK THAT WAYYYY TOO MUCH..... Yes. Yes we are, and until I say otherwise, keep suspecting that.
Me: Alright. Calm down sir, it was just a question... Haha oh and when you said that me and Donghae's relationship is better than yours.... I think you could take that back.
Kyuhyun: Sorry? What’s wrong?
Me: Well, he tells everyone that we're dating and that he likes me, but he just doesn't show it.... And we haven't talked in 3 days....
Kyuhyun: Ouch
Me: Yeah... I don’t know what to do...

Kyuhyun never responded, but it was nice to know that he still cared...



 

****

More time passed and Kyuhyun and Seohyun started to drift away from each other... And Kyuhyun started to go back to his happy self... I could tell from when I messaged him....

Me: Why so happy?
Kyuhyun: Why so not?
Me: Who said I wasn't?
Kyuhyun: Who said you were?
Me: I did!
Kyuhyun: No you didn’t! “Why so happy?” Is all you said!
Me: Well I was asking you why you were happy, how does that say that I am not happy or am happy?
Kyuhyun: Who said I was happy?
Me: I don’t know, you just seem happy...
Kyuhyun: HOW... Are.. You outside my window...?
Me: YES O_O
Kyuhyun: NOOOOOO... STALKERRRR
Me: YOU LEIK IT!!!!
Kyuhyun: I AM CREEEEEPED OUT NAO. Btw, you wouldn’t be able to see inside from my window so...
Me: Well that’s impossible because I’m doing it....
Kyuhyun: I have impossible to see through curtains called eclipse blinds... Light cannot get through them. YOU CANNOT SEE... WHAT ARE YOU!!!!...Processing thought... You must be Asian. All the Asians get the best super-powers.
Me: No duh stupid! I am Korean! OwO
Kyuhyun: Asian... That includes Korea!
Me: I know that!!! But If I’m Korean, then you’re an evil maknae!
Kyuhyun: Imma cut you.
Me: You ain't gonna touch this!
Kyuhyun: Nope, I’m not! Hehe(: Well, go get some sleep! It’s like eleven o’clock!
Me: Okay! You too!(:

I was happy to know that I got the old Kyuhyun back.... He actually was doing a lot better without Seohyun... Seeing him all happy and stuff made me happy too... It wasn’t until Donghae texted me that I figured out that I still wasn’t over him...

Donghae: What is Kyuhyun to you?
Me: I-I don’t know...
Donghae: Do you still like him?
Me: I think so...

Donghae and I broke up the next day... I kinda saw it coming, but I wasn’t really sad... I had Kyuhyun back in my life, so I was happy...



 

****

Two weeks passed and it was getting close to Halloween... Kyuhyun, Eun Mi and I had decided to go trick or treating together. We went to many houses and stopped to ask for candy. I felt like a little kid again... But soon, I was getting a little tired and my mom yelled at me, that it was too late and I needed to come home... I needed a ride, so Kyuhyun told me that his mom would pick us up... Eun Mi’s brother came to get her, so she left Kyuhyun and I alone... Once his mother came, she picked us up and brought me home... I got on Facebook and Kyuhyun messaged me once I got on....

Kyuhyun: I am sorry that you didn’t have too fun of a night =/ yeesh, prolly having a tough time with your mom too...
Me: Haha, she was a little mad, but she calmed down, and what are you talking about!! I had such a fun time tonight!! So... Thanx(:
Kyuhyun: ....... YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T..... >_< Lol No problem though.
Me: Haha no, I was just a little tired.... Did you have fun?
Kyuhyun: Yeah.
Me: That’s good!(:
Kyuhyun: Yeah, well I’ll let you go if you’re tired. G’night!
Me: Goodnight(:



 

****

November was right around the corner, but before October ended, Kyuhyun was having a Halloween party. He invited me to come and I happily accepted.... The party was a week away. And within those days, Kyuhyun acted much closer to me. He acted like he liked me a lot and found myself falling for him again... But my biggest question was, how does he feel about me?? I took that opportunity to ask him...

To: Kyuhyun

Hey, I have a question...

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

Okay, ask it.

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

Do you like me as much as I like you, or am I just dreaming?

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

At first I was scared to accept my feelings, but yes I do like you and more than I should. :P But we wouldn’t be able to be together...

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

Why not? I know you’re probably scared of losing me as your friend... I thought about that too... I thought that we would never be friends again, but realizing how good of friends we are, I now know that that won’t happen and I’m willing to at least try(:

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

Hmm...

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

At least think about it?

From: Min Hee



I got no reply, but still went to sleep happily that night. I was happy knowing that he finally accepts my feelings and feels the same way I do!



 

****

The day of Kyuhyun’s Halloween party came. His mother picked me up and suggested that I spend the night too. Spending the night was actually Kyuhyun’s idea... This would also be the first time I was going to Kyuhyun’s house... So I was kinda nervous... When I got to his house, he had two of his friends already there... Kyuhyun introduced them...
“This is Heechul and Yesung.” He said pointing to one boy with red hair and another boy with black hair.
I smiled at the two... We spent the whole night playing video games and such... Then after awhile, I got bored. I told them all that I needed some fresh air and that I would be back in a few minutes. I walked outside and sat down in front of Kyuhyun’s house. It was night time, so it was dark and the stars were shining bright. I pulled out my IPod and listened to one song. About halfway into the song, I felt something warm around my arms. I looked and saw a familiar jacket around my arms.... It’s Kyuhyun’s jacket... I looked back and Kyuhyun smiled before going back inside. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I was smiling a bunch, but calmed myself before turning off my IPod and going back inside. I handed Kyuhyun his jacket... Then Heechul decided that we should play Truth or Dare... We asked a bunch of random questions, but every time Heechul’s turn came around, he asked Kyuhyun or I a question about the other... Questions like, “Who do you like?” and more.... When it came his turn at one point, I picked Dare and he said, “I dare you to kiss the person to your left.” To my left was indeed Kyuhyun... My heart was racing, but before anything happened, he backed out... I took a deep breath.
“What? Were you getting nervous?” Heechul asked smirking.
“W-What? N-No...” I replied.
“Why don’t we do something else? This is boring...” Yesung said.
“Wanna watch a movie?” Kyuhyun suggested.
Heechul and Yesung nodded. I didn’t care what we did.... Kyuhyun started the movie and halfway into it, Heechul and Yesung fell asleep. Kyuhyun and I were the only ones left awake. Kyuhyun was playing Starcraft and I was getting tired. I laid my head on my hands and tried to fall asleep, but Kyuhyun wouldn’t let me sleep until he got me a pillow. I tried to tell him that I didn’t need a pillow, but he insisted. He even asked if I wanted to sleep in his bed, but I declined. I laid on one half of the couch while Kyuhyun laid on the other half. I was so happy laying like this next to him and I couldn’t believe that he felt the same way I did. All our moments began to play in my mind like a movie and I couldn’t help but smile.



 

****

The next day I woke up and went home at about two o’clock. When I got home I immediately got on Facebook and messaged Kyuhyun...

Me: I had fun yesterday. Thanx....
Kyuhyun: No Problem..

That was all the small talk that Kyuhyun and I had for about one week... Over that week, I was now questioning if he still liked me... All my friends kept asking him and I could tell that he was getting annoyed... At one point, Eun Mi and I were on the phone and she asked him if he liked me.
“I said, do you like Min Hee?” Eun Mi told me.
“Okay...” I replied, “Tell me what he says...”
A couple of minutes passed before Eun Mi spoke again, “Do you really want to know what he said?”
“Yeah! Tell me!!” I said anxious to know his answer.
Eun Mi sighed, “He said that he never really liked you. He just said that to make you feel better.”
I felt something inside me break... But I kept my cool and kept smiling...
“Oh... Um... E-Eun Mi... I have to go... I-I’ll call you later...” I said, then hung up before she replied.
I pulled up Kyuhyun and I’s messages on Facebook, then messaged him...



Me: Sorry that I'm such a pain to you. Sorry that I believed you. But, I'll back off so you can live better.... Sorry Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun: "Pain" is imaginary, you have caused me none. You can "back off" on the asking if I like you thing, I have told you this before. You can also not cause me to live better by doing anything. Believe me.



I didn’t know how to respond... He’s basically telling me that no matter what I do, he’ll never feel anything for me... After he told me that he liked me... He lied.



Kyuhyun: And by the way. You don't need to be depressed, you can just buck up and get over something that harms you emotionally or physically. This shouldn't have harmed you at all. I have repeated this over and over and over too many people. MANY. I have tried to tell you that I don't feel like dating you, I have told you that I don't want to lose you as a friend. Now calm down, get over it and stay my damned friend!



That’s when something inside me snapped. I just couldn’t take it anymore...



Me: No! God damn it Kyuhyun! What don't you get about this!?!? You lied to me!!! I would have felt better if you had told me the truth. But you lied! No I can't 'buck up and get over it' You try it! It's harder than it sounds. Try falling for your best friend for five goddamn years, then try to 'buck up and get over it' It just doesn't happen! And believe me, backing off will help you live better. If I stay around you any longer, i'm just gonna end up getting hurt more and more each day. Believe me, it will help. Sorry. But I.. I just can't be your friend anymore...



I closed my laptop, ran upstairs and cried my eyes out. I lost my best friend, my love, the only one I ever really cared about...



 

****

I know I told him that I thought we should stop being friends, but something about him made me come back.... It was maybe one month after all that happened and I found myself still talking to him... I just couldn’t leave him alone... I tried to stay strong and be cool, and I was doing pretty good for the most part... But I felt like something about us was different... We were becoming more distant from each other... I mean we still talked a little, but not as much as we used too... I wondered why, so one day I went home and messaged him on Facebook, like always...


Me: *Pokes* Yah! You've been ignoring me lately.... >.<
Kyuhyun: ...
Me: Exactly...
Kyuhyun: "Lately" being the past week.
Me: "Lately" being almost a month.
Kyuhyun: Then why was our last conversation a week ago.
Me: Well, we have small conversations, but then you just walk off and leave like nothing ever happened... And you usually avoid me...
Kyuhyun: If I avoided you, you wouldn't even see my face. You can rest assured that if you want my attention, tell me. That is all. Don't be shy, don't just stand there and wait for me to say something to you. Get involved in my conversations. Do you see where I'm headed with this?
Me: Well I don't wanna be the only one trying to get your attention... I'll seem desperate to everyone around us and... Idk...
Kyuhyun: Act like a normal person, Min Hee. Just talk. That is all.
Me: I do! You walk away! You're never around me anymore... I've noticed that I'll walk in the room in the mornings and you'll walk out. Also at lunch, we don't ever sit together anymore...
Kyuhyun: I’m around you every day. I don't walk out just when you walk in, I have my own reasons for that, I sit with you at lunch. Again, if I were avoiding you, I wouldn't be seen by you, any of your friends. No one.
Me: It still feels like I'm being avoided... >n< Oh well... Just never mind... I'll get over it.
Kyuhyun: Okay then.


I hate how he denies everything... He doesn’t do any of those things... We don’t hang out like we used to either.... I’m on the verge of giving up hope, but not quite yet...



 

****

The next week, we still never talked or hung out like usual. He still left the room when I walked in and completely ignored me... I missed the old Kyuhyun, but I knew he was never coming back and it was all because I confessed......
On Monday, homeroom came and I walked in, then sat in my usual chair which is in front of Kyuhyun. I was going to lay my head down and sleep, but before I could, I got a new text on my phone... I pulled my phone out of my pocket...



To: Min Hee

You need to be less depressed...

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

You caused this.

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

I caused nothing. But if you want, I can disappear...

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

You just don’t get it. I was up until 2AM last night crying my eyes out because of you.

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

You’re crying for no reason. You’ve completely changed... I need to either have the normal you back or, I don't know.

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

I am the same old Min Hee... but ever since I confessed to you and you lied to me, like... What three months ago? We've been distant from each other! You promised that we'd always be best friends no matter what, but that hasn't been happening lately... I can't take it anymore!! I knew I was stupid to say it to you. I should've just kept everything a secret.... But I thought everything would be alright, because you told me it would be... But it's not... The saddest part about it all is that you never even bothered to give me a chance.

From: Min Hee



To: Min Hee

I never thought of you in such a way. That means there was NO chance to be given. You were always a friend and that is that.

From: Kyuhyun



To: Kyuhyun

But to me, you were always more than that and I thought I at least stood a chance... But I guess everything I think is wrong. Remember when I said that we should just forget everything and you said, no be my friend? I tried... I told you it wouldn't work... And it's not... Maybe we should just stop... Being friends and everything. I'm serious this time.

From: Min Hee



I cried for the next classes I had... Once I finally got home, I had had enough with everything. I was done crying over him, believing him, I was just completely finished....



*Kyuhyun POV*

To: Kyuhyun

You Promised. You promised me that no matter what happens, we would always be friends. Best friends in fact. But ever since that day, we’ve been distant from each other... I can’t stand it... So if you wanna be distant, I understand exactly what it is you want.... Goodbye Kyu...

From: Min Hee



Did I really hurt her that much? We haven’t been distant! I’ve been trying to stay friends with her since forever! And what does she mean “Goodbye Kyu...”? Hmm probably just means that she’s done talking to me. I know that’s not true... We’ll end up talking again in a few days....
But as that next day rolled by, I never saw any sign of Min Hee... She didn’t come to school that next day... I took the initiative to call her to see if she was alright... The phone rung a few times, but no one answered... I messaged her on Facebook, but got no response, I texted her continuously, but still got no response... Finally I decided to call Eun Mi to see if Min Hee is with her...
“Yoboseyo?” Eun Mi answered.
“Yah, is Min Hee with you?” I asked.
“No I haven’t seen her all day and it’s not like her to not show up to school... She won’t even answer my calls or anything...”
I thought about things that could’ve happened to her.... I dropped the phone in disbelief.... She couldn’t have... S-She wouldn’t... I didn’t believe myself, until I rushed to her house... I knocked on her front door, but no one answered... So immediately, without hesitation, I ran inside and looked around.
“Min Hee!?!?” I called repeatedly.
There was no answer at all... I ran through the house, but the whole thing seemed to be empty... I finally ran back downstairs and outside. I ran toward their shed and when I opened it, I stepped back in disbelief.... My best friend.... Hanging from the ceiling of the shed.... She killed herself... I quickly called the cops... They came immediately... I burst into tears... My best friend... Gone... I couldn’t believe it......

Min Hee’s dead.

And it’s all my fault...

That text message she sent me....

 

You Promised. You promised me that no matter what happens, we would always be friends. Best friends in fact. But ever since that day, we’ve been distant from each other... I can’t stand it... So if you wanna be distant, I understand exactly what it is you want.... Goodbye Kyu...

When she was saying goodbye, she meant.... Forever....

I should’ve treated her better... I should’ve stayed by her side like a good best friend... I should’ve been nicer to her instead of fighting all the time.... Min Hee.... I’m sorry.




 

****

The funeral for Min Hee was held two days after her death. All her friends and family members came to say goodbye. But I stayed longer than everyone else... I wanted to say something to her grave... Anything.... But I just couldn’t..... I didn’t know what to say... I was speechless....
With tears slowly flowing down my cheeks I placed the multi-colored flowers above her grave and in the most faint, broken and weary voice I spoke out three words....


 

I miss you.