It's summer.

I exhale the air which is mixed with salty sea smell almost too familiar and the sand shinning under the sun almost making it look like it's gold. I would have believed its gold if i didn't know what it was only.

I close my eyes, i hear the sound of the waves from my window all though it's closed, I can hear the kids playing and shouting, friends talking and laughing, parents complaining and speaking. I can hear everything. I can see everything.

I open my eyes and wondered if you ever heard this. I hope you did.I try to reach out to the window, to touch but for some reason .... I can't.

 

It's Spring.

I sit at the balcony after the rain had stopped, it's been raining for the whole week and the weather looks beautiful. i look down, people are coming and going in the busy street,The rain doesn't stop them.. it never did. 

I have a book in my hand i found on my study desk but i can't remember it but i still feel like i read it before,I opened it and a piece of paper was inside. A poem was written in it. I started reading the first verses:

 

 The end is coming and I welcome it as one might.

 A familiar friend, long absents.

This is a slow death.

Silence.

 

It's Autumn.

It's cold, a sign winter is near but i can't help but just stare from my balcony at The city's colours because It's pretty. Trees leaves turning red and yellow and filling the street. The beach looked breathtaking. People are still coming and going, i wonder if they ever stop and take a look at the scenery.

I guess they don't.. they never did.

I think remembered you... a little. I heard your voice in my dream. 

I cried. i cried in my sleep. i missed you, please take me to you, i hate it here.

This is hell.

 

 

It's Winter.

Today snowed for the first time. It's cold. very cold, I think i can't get out from my bed because it's cold. Stuck between 4 walls. I can't feel my feet anymore, i think it's because of the cold too. For some reason i just stare at the ceiling for the whole day.

I look to my right, a sticky notepaper is stuck on the wall.

 

you have cancer. you are going to die soon.

 

I looked at it. i read it and i felt nothing. 

This is not the first time i felt this emptiness. I felt numb. My body ached. My heart hurts. I thought of you at this unusual moment... I thought of you. I couldn't take this.

I closed my eyes.

Never opening it again.

 

.........................................

 I hear talking. where am I? Am I dreaming again? 

'Kyungsoo' someone calls me. .......'Kyungsoo' he calls me again. I try to get who's voice is this and what does he want from me. 

'Kyungsoo listen to me' now I remember who this voice belongs to.

Kai.

'Kyungsoo, please live.' he said standing in front of me. I couldn't answer, i was stoned. a tear slipped from my eye by hearing his voice.

He was standing in front of me. a guy. a very beautiful guy

he had short black hair. cold yet warm eyes. beautiful lips. prefect face structure for a human being.

He stood in front of me. i just stood there too. Memorizing his face. i didn't want to lose this precious time. I wanted to remember this. Even if it's a dream or reality. I want to remember him.

I want to remember Kai. I want to remember everything about him.

He took his hand and cupped my cheeks. I just stared back at the warm eyes that were Looking at me.

'Kyungsoo, please live' he said. words coming out from his mouth like a melody. 

I didn't understand. 

'What if you disappear again?' i said. not knowing where i got the courage to even speak. I was afraid he will vanish if i talk, move or touch him. I was afraid.

Another tear slipped from my eyes. He wiped it with his finger gently 'kyungsoo, live and live a Healthy life. that's the only way we can meet' He said again.

That warm feeling that engulfs me whenever he talks made me feel safe. I touched his Hand that is on my cheeks. 

'You are warm' i said smiling. he smiled back and everything stopped. i couldn't Hear anything neither my breaths.

 

"......can i ask you one last favor?" i said. He nodded

"Please come meet me another time again" I said. He didn't speak. I doubted myself.

"Sure" He said while smiling. and i smiled back.

 

 

This is how i Ended up getting my second chance to live.

from kai.