SONG: Don't Go-DongHae

So, there I am, thinking about everything that just happened to me. What did really happen to me? I don't know. I don't know. Why don't I know? I was fully there. Ok, lets start from the beginning

So there I was, standing there in the cafeteria, talking to some friends of mine. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, they were introducing me to one of their friends. I was just teling their friend how much I loved his hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw my other friend talking to him. Kyuhyun. She started making giant hand gestures to him and laughing and then keeps telling something to him. She yells "GO!", and he turns around towards me. I knew what was happening before it did. I just was too stupid to believe that it was actually happening. Kyuhyun was going to ask me out. 

I know he liked me ever since he started to. But I never knew that he would actually gather the guts to actually come up to me and ask me out. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. Walk away? Say bye to my friends and run out? I don't know. I told myself to get out of there before it happens but I just didn't know where to go. I felt like I was in a horror movie and I didn't know where to do, much less move out of the place I was in. I had no where to go and I couldnt move.

SONG: Only U-Super Junior

I tried to turn around and show him that I was leaving, or that I didn't want to talk, but it didn't work. I just wanted to take the knife on the table and stab myself with it. I wanted to be anywhere BUT here. I wanted to just melt into the ground and stay there till he was gone. But I couldn't. What was happening? I can't believe this is happening. GET OUT. GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. NOW! 

"Hey Jess." Dammit. Too late. I turned around.

"Hey.." I smiled slightly. Just to be nice. Nothing else. I didn't want him to believe that I actually wanted to date him.

SONG: Perfect-Hedley

"So.. I know this is going to be awkward but.." Oh , it was coming. No. NO NO NO NO NO. PLEASE NO. THIS CAN'T HAPPEN. IT JUST CAN'T. I cant even gather the guts to say no to him. I can't do this. Not now. Please. Don't do this. Just say no Jessica, you can do it. I told myself that I could say no to him. But I just didn't believe me.

"You're really beautiful, and I really like you so will you go out with me?" . Now I can't run. Its way too late to run away now. Can I tell him taht we can just be friends? No, he'll take it the wrong way. He'll think that I do like him, I just can't say yes. God, WHAT DO I SAY? HELP ME. PLEASE. SOMEONE. But no one came. I tried to give him the expression that I didn't want to. But he never got the message. He just stood there waiting for me to say yes. I had no choice to say no. 

SONG: Can't Let You Go Even If I Die-2AM

"Um.." I can't even be confident enough to say no to him. I nodded. 

"So.." 

I mumbled something that I didn't even know.

"Is that a yes?" He was pushing me. I hate being pressured like this. 

"Sure.." I tried as hard as possible to show him that I really DID not want to date him. But he just liked me too much to notice that. All he wanted was for me to say yes. And even if I said no, he wouldn't take it. He could only take yes as an answer. 

A/N; I'm writing this later on, because I wasn't suppose to be on the computer in the first place. But I just started listening to the previous song again, so yeah. 

SONG: Can't Let You Go Even If I Die-2AM 

"Oh!" He smiled as hard as he could. "Then," He spread his arms. "Do I get a hug?"

He's really pushing it isn't he? I acted out like I liked him and gave him a hug. 

Then without saying anything else, I walked out.

The rest of the day, I just thought about what had just happened. I'm dating Cho Kyuhyun. And the thing was I didn't even like him. If I had just stuck to my ex from camp, this would have never happened. I shouldn't have broken up with him. He was probably the best boyfriend I ever had. I can't believe I lose that chance. He was funny, hot, he had abs that he flashed at me all the time just to joke around, and he was the most protective person I ever saw. He was perfect. I hate myself for dumping him. Me and him had so many good times together.

SONG: Fallout-Marianas Trench

I remember when I was going to get my blanket from him, he walked out of his tent shirtless and said that he couldn't give it to me right now and that he was sorry. I was so stunned for a second to even think that he had to guts to come out shirtless just to see me. I walked back to my tent and started spazzing with my friends. He was the greatest boyfriend I ever had and I miss him. I really do. 

I wish I could relive EVERYTHING so I could just take back everything I said and just tell him everything. 

That night, I went home and just didn't do anything. I just thought and thought and thought. It was one of those moments where I just had to think about what was happening. Then at night, when I checked Facebook, I saw that Kyuhyun had changed his relationship status to "In A Relationship". He went over the line. I didn't even want to make it public. Then, when I turned my phone off and closed my eyes I finally realised everything that was happening to me. 

I made the biggest and stupidest mistake yet. 

I'm dating a guy I don't even like, and I was stupid enough to give away the guy I had dreamed of and wanted and even had the whole time. 

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A/N: So there it is. I have these emotional moments where I just lock myself in my room and just think. Do nothing but think. (And maybe play sad meaningful songs that mean 1000 things to me because they played at just the right time. And those songs have so much to do with everything that's happened in my life. Not just with that one person, but with multiple people.) This makes me realise what has happened. And just typing everything out, just makes me think about how I feel about it, and how much I just want to relive my whole life. Because I made my whole life into a mess. 

I just want to fix everything. Please. 

 

Thanks for reading. 

 

P.S NONE of this is made up. NONE.