I always have this dream, of how my wedding day would be like,. I don’t know if I was able to tell you before that I would like to say my vows in the old chapel just beside our school. I wonder if I told you how the old wooden sculpture would be perfect with white roses that I always liked or how I want to walk slowly in the aisle with the piano playing our favorite song, Its perfect. But I can’t help but smile when I realized that everything I wanted doesn’t even matter, as long as the one waiting for me in the end was you.

Our eyes accidentally met and I gave you the best smile that I could give. I didn’t even realize that tears starts to escape from my eyes. With the tingling feeling of the liquid in my cheeks I can’t help but to look back to our memories..

I met you when I was ten, you just turn eleven.

You don’t even know me, yet you gave me a smile… the first one I received since we moved.

“Why are you not playing with the others?” You smiled, I thought that it was adorable.. You’re the first one to approach me.

I smiled a little; it’s hard to be the new kid. “I can’t run.”

“I will sit here with you then” You invited yourself and you grin at me.  “What’s your name?”

“Sooyeon”

“I’m Yuri”

And just like that you began to be a part of my life.

++++++++

We grew up, and we only get closer.

I depend on you more than anyone; you’re my best friend after all..

“KYAAA!!!” I heard a commotion outside the door.

“You’ve got a problem?” I heard your voice

“For goodness sake! It’s the girl’s restroom Kwon!” I hear someone shouted at you.

“So?” I heard your heavy footsteps. Coming closer “Sooyeon!” you yelled my name.

“I-I’m here..” I answered, as I wipe my tears.

“Uh.. Here’s your...” You didn’t continue instead you slid the thing under the door.

“Gomawo Yuri..”

“Aish… don’t ask me to buy that again, the cashier look at me in a funny way”

I burst into tears.

“Wae? You’re crying?!” You asked behind the door.. ?”What’s wrong with you?!” I can hear your concern in your voice.

“My dress is ruined.. How can I go home now??” I cried again.

“Just put that thing on and get out of there we will figure it out”

After a few minutes I went out, I saw your pouting face. “Your dress looks fine.”

“The stain is in the back!!”  I can’t help but to cry again.

“Let me see it” You said as you approach me.

“NO!!” I yelled in embarrassment.

“Aish.. Fine! Don’t cry!” You told me as you brushed my tears.  You sighed as you took of your jacket and wrap it in my waist. “There, no stain. Can we go home now?”

“Thank you Yuri..” I can’t help but smile; I don’t know what to do without you.

“You’re welcome, cry baby” You said with your adorable smile, as you put your arms on my shoulder.

+++++++

Every time we meet.. I just can’t help but to get fonder to you..

Day by day I fall a little. .

“You’re the clumsiest! You’re a klutz!” You scolded me as you gently held my foot.

I winced in pain, but it doesn’t matter cause you’re there..

“Look it’s all swollen now! You babo!”  You hissed again. “Why are you smiling?” you frowned as you look at me, I cannot help but think that you are the cutest.

I can feel my head heat up since you are so close.. “Y-You sounded like Mom”

You pouted at me as you flick my forehead.

“Ouch!” I gave you a fake glare, and at last I saw you smile.

“Aigoo..” You turn your back on me “Hop in; I will bring you to the clinic.”

“I-I don’t want! It’s embarrassing!”

You sighed and took my arms and pulled me in your back. Effortlessly you lifted me like I’m something weightless.

My heart beat fasten as you carried me in your back… I suddenly felt the urge to say my feelings for you. “Yuri..”

“Hmm?”

“I…”

You slightly turned your head to me. “What is it?”

“I.. want to  thank you..”but I can’t say it.

“Don’t mention it, you’re my little Sooyeon after all” Even If I can’t see your face I know that you’re giving me a smile, like you always do.

“Yuri, you are my hero” I whispered..

I never thought you heard me, but of course you do.  Because you nodded and muttered "Yes, I am.”

+++++++++

Maybe it’s my fault not telling you from the start..

When you decided to grow up, It broke my heart..

“Sooyeon!” I heard your familiar voice and everything seems brighter. It’s been a while since I heard it.. It’s the first time you visit after you graduated.

“Omo! Yuri!” I gave you the best smile that I can, but an unfamiliar face in your arms erased it.

“Sooyeon I want you to meet Victoria” You’re eyes are twinkling, and for some reason I got scared.

“A-Anyeong..” I forced a smile for the girl who is shyly smiling at me.  “What are you doing here, Yuri? It’s already past the school hours.”

“Aw! I want to see you!” You give the crooked grin that I really like the most.

“Really?”

“Yes! And to tour my girlfriend to my old school.. She’s just new here” I can sense you pride in your words, you sound so happy… I felt my heart is about to explode.

“Jinjja..”

“You can come with us! Let’s stroll like the old days!” I can see the anticipation in your eyes.. But..

“I can’t..” I was able to smile apologetically.. “Graduation is near; there are a lot of things to do.”

“Is that so?” I know you're disappointed…believe me, me too..

“It’s ok… there’s always next time Yul.” The girl smiled at me and I nodded in return.

“I will see you guys.. I really need to go” I gave you a last look before I bid goodbye with a smile. I walked away still with that cheerful face, but after I passed the gate my helpless crying starts..  my heart felt like its being squeezed so hard it really hurts..

+++++++

After few months you are crying...  I figured that you need a friend more than anything.

“How can she do this to me?” you asked me with tears in your eyes, I just shook my head because I don’t know the answer either.

“I love her so much…” You said as you drink the last drop of soju in your glass.

“I know…” I sighed as I took the glass from your hand.

“Then why did she leave me? I’m not good enough?” the sight of you hurting is killing me.

“Of course not… you’re perfect, maybe she’s not the right one for you” Yuri… why can’t you see me?

“She’s the only one I want” 

“Then give her space, maybe she can see you more clearly that way.”

“I don’t know if I can..” you cried again

“Just be the Yuri I know…” I cupped your face with my trembling hands. “Because if she will only know you like I do, she will come running back to you.”

You smiled at me but it doesn’t meet your eyes like it used to..

“Sooyeon…. You will always be my best friend.. I love you” You whispered as you pull me into an embrace, I close my eyes as I hug you back.

“I love you too..” I smiled sadly,.

++++++++

I always say there will be a right time for us.. everytime I see you that's what I'm thinking about..

“Sooyeon..”  I heard you call from behind.

“Yuri..” I acknowledge you but my I can’t remove my eyes on the monitor.

“You’re busy?”

“Yeah… I need to rush this for my thesis defense tomorrow, I need to give my prof a copy before five o’clock and its almost three.” I groaned as I check everything on the fourth time.

“Don’t stress yourself too much.”

I glance at you and smiled. “Easy for you to say.. Smarty pants! You will be graduating next month!” I giggled as I return to the monitor and read it again.

“Yeah..” You just said as you sat on my bed. “Sooyeon..” you called me again.

“Hmm?”

“I have a letter” You sound so serious.

“For who?” I asked curiously.

“For you..”

I smiled “For me? What does is it says?”

“It’s your letter, why are you asking me? I will leave it here okay?”

“Fine.”  I focused back again to my computer. I felt you wrapped your arms around my neck, I absentmindedly smiled. “I hope to see you soon...” I heard you whisper as you kiss my cheek, it’s very unusual of you but still I’m happy.

That day pass with me submitting my papers. I never thought everything will change then, you disappeared.

+++++++

But it seems.. There is no right time for this things..

“Yuri !” After few months you finally showed up. “Hey… where have you been?”

“Why do you care?” Your simple question confused me.

“You’re mad at me? I been trying to call you all summer!” my voice raise d unconsciously.

“Right..” You said without looking at me, and because of that I was bothered.

“What’s happening to you? Why are you acting this way?” I began to tear up with the way you’re treating me.

You gave out a heavy sigh before you look at me “I’'m sorry..” you muttered as you pat my head. I just noticed how sad your eyes were..

“What’s wrong?”

You gave me a forced smile, as you handed me a letter. “It’s for you and your family… I hope you could come”

I looked at the expensive looking letter. “What’s---“

But when I look up, again you were already gone.

+++++++

You are dashing today… I never thought you can pull off a tuxedo?  Yesterday when you gave me the invitation, I heard my mom talk to your mother on the phone. It was so short notice my poor mother needed to rush our gift.

“Sooyeon ah… you cry more than the parents of the bride.” My father tease me..

In between my sobbing I manage to say “I’m just so… happy for our Yuri”

My mother gave me a worried look..

“I need air”

“But the ceremony is not yet finished”

“I will go back immediately...”  I run outside as I hear you say your vows. I weakly drop on grass as I cry my heart out..  As I read your letter for me.

Sooyeon..

            I don’t know how to say this to you.. Without you thinking that I’m weird. I have known you for so long and you became a very important person to me. I don’t know when it happened or how.. I’m in love with you.. I know that you look at me as brother but I hope you feel the same way too…

Meet me in the old park tonight at 7 if you have the slightest feeling for me; just accept my feelings and I promise we will make this work.  if you don’t… I will understand if you can’t return my feelings… I will wait till midnight.  I hope you can meet me there..

I love you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Yuri.

My professor find the time to give me this today when he saw me in the chapel, he said he found it in his office along with the papers I submitted before the end of the school year. I crumpled the paper as if it will lessen my pain.  I wish I never read it, cause now my mind was filled with what could've been.

I barely calmed myself but I decided to go back. All the people huddled around you and your bride. My mother pushed me to where you are.

“Sooyeon is here” She smiled totally clueless of how i feel.

I took a deep breath as I offer you my hand to shake.. “Congratulations” 

You just gave me a sad smile as you pull me into our last embrace. My heart  burst as I hug you back. “I’m happy for you” I lied weakly.

I feel you nodded against my shoulder, you lean into my ears and my tears starts to pour again when you  whisper.  “I still love you” if only you know how I’m dying to tell you how much I love you too.

FIN

Sorry guys… this story was originally planned to be base on an essay that I read years ago back in high school.  But since I’m a messy person I lost it and the concept was gone.

me and my disappointments.. arghh.. writing POV is hard or i just cant do it..It's weird,  I will never do this again.. (-_-)

thank you for reading!

<3 drejin014